I trailed Jax's tattoos with my fingers, following the intricate lines and swirls, and this time he let me. He lay on the bed, both of his hands behind his head, and stared at me.

I couldn't quite read his expression; his jaw was clenched, but his eyes calm and peaceful, like he enjoyed looking at me. Every now and then, he'd touch my hair and tuck the loose strands behind my ear. His fingers would trail the curve of my body then, sending shivers down my spine.

As the night devoured the world, my concerns soaked up in bliss, until they disappeared under the surface and melted.

I wondered if I liked him more because he was human.

Ever since I was born, I've known I'd end up with a vampire. My father made it clear from the start. He's also made it clear that it wouldn't be entirely my decision.

Being with Jax made me feel free to an extant I've never thought possible. I thought I'd always be bound by rules and expectations, but I've broken every single one of them and I was still alive. And happy. Content. For the first time in two years.

"What does this one mean?" I touched the spider web tattoo hugging his elbow, and was surprised when he laughed.

"I got that one when I was fifteen or sixteen." He shook his head, as if embarrassed. "Convicted felons tattoo spider webs sometimes, to emphasize how long they've been imprisoned."

I raised my eyebrow, "Are you telling me you were in jail?"

"No." Jax laughed. "My friends and I thought it would be cool if someone thought we were in jail. I was a bit edgy back then."

"I can tell." I grinned, then touched the female names tattooed on his other arm, on the bicep. "I hope these are not names of lovers."

Jax chuckled, "It's my mom, grandma, sister and my niece. In that order."

Valeria, Camilla, Carmen, Lilly.

"You must really love them." I murmured, warmth flooding my insides.

"Everything I do, I do for them." Jax shrugged, like it was something one simply did. "To make this world better for them."

Jealousy stung my veins. Not the bitter, malicious kind, but the sad and soft, disappointed kind. The kind that made me wish my family cared enough about me to tattoo my name on their body.

But my family was different. Every man for himself, my father used to say. Homo homini lupus. If you couldn't survive on your own, you didn't deserve to live.

"I wish I had a family like that." I said, "Someone who'd tattoo my name on their body."

"I'll tattoo your name on my body."

I looked up, my mouth falling open. I gathered myself, and forced a chuckle, shaking my head playfully, but Jax stared at me without a hint of humour in his eyes.

"Why not?" He shrugged, "You intend to stay in my life long enough to deserve a tattoo, don't you?"

My chuckle died out.

"Are you always this direct?"

"Honesty is my policy." Jax tucked his hands underneath his head again and looked up at the ceiling. "I hate liars."

I tried with all I had not to show pain on my face. Of course, he hated liars. Everyone hated liars. There was nothing strange or wrong about it. I was the one who was wrong, for thinking I could use this man without consequences, for thinking I had any right to use him in the first place.

"Tell me honestly then." I leaned against my elbow. "What do you do for a living?"

Jax still stared at the ceiling.

"I'm afraid you'll run away if I tell you."

The answer took me by surprise and made me feel warm all over at the same time.

"I've considered everything." I traced the rose tattoo surrounding the names on his bicep. "Drugs, gangs, mafia."

This made him look at me, something unrecognizable glinting in his eye.

"And I'm still here."

The moment I finished the sentence, I knew I'd stay, no matter how dangerous it might be. Perhaps I've been so desperate too feel any sort of love and affection, I'd literally put my life on the line just to enjoy this bliss for a moment longer.

Jax looked away again, and I watched his black eyelashes and the shadow they cast on his cheeks. Under the yellow table-lamp light, the black ink stood out against his skin.

He let out a slow sigh, "There are things you don't know about me."

Welcome to the club, Jax.

"Remember when I told you I got kicked out of the military for having issues with impulse control?" He glanced at me. "Those issues are more serious than I let on."

"I once punched a customer in the face."

All seriousness disappeared from Jax's expression, and for a moment he looked completely dumbfounded.

"What?"

"With a fist." I nodded. "Broke the guy's nose."

Jax laughed – sincerely laughed – at my misery.

"Why? What did he do?"

"Touched my butt." I shrugged. "While I served his drink."

"Oh, God." Jax covered his chuckle with his hand. "He deserved it."

"Maybe." I sighed and tucked my legs underneath me on the bed, "But nothing happened to him, except for a visit to the ER. I, on the other hand, suffered all the consequences."

Jax's laugh died out, "They fired you."

"Fired me and made sure no one else would ever hire me." I looked down at my lap. "The word spread faster than the plague. No bar or restaurant would even consider me. And since I lack any employable skills, I've been without a job ever since."

Jax took my hand in his and squeezed. I needed nothing more, just someone who'd listen and understand. Lucia kept saying how I had to put my ego in check, but it was easier said than done.

"I broke my Sergeant's jaw."

I looked up, surprised he actually told me.

"Wow." I murmured, pretending this was my first time hearing about it. "Can I ask why?"

Jax's jaw tensed, and he looked back up, his eyes darting across the ceiling. I wondered if he thought he was oversharing, if this was a big deal for him. Some other girl might run away, and she would be missing out on something great, something I didn't deserve.

Not with all the lies I told.

"They're hiding them."

All thoughts evaporated from my head. With my heart in my mouth, I glanced up at him. His eyes glued to me, anger shining inside. Anger and honesty.

"Whom?"

"Them." Jax repeated. "The military is hiding them. And they're shipping them humans to eat from third world countries."

My shoulders slumped.

I didn't have to feign surprise or shock.

Vampires working with the military? Old news.

There were plenty of vampires in the highest ranks of the military. Jax possibly even worked with one or two without ever realising it.

But human trafficking?

No, that was against the rules. And the rules have been clear for more than three hundred years. Do not piss off humans more than necessary – their weapons are way too advanced now.

"How do you know?" My voice felt weak and sounded like a lame whisper, which I hoped Jax would attribute to fear.

"I saw it." Jax swallowed, his throat bobbing. "I was in the US base in Al-Tanf, just hanging about, smoking, probably avoiding my duties, when I saw a girl – young, fourteen or fifteen – running away from the base like something chased her. She bumped into me and kept repeating the same phrase. Masasi dima.'"

My body viscerally recognised the word from some long-forgotten collective memory, almost like I've heard it whispered to me throughout generations. A warning? A threat? A heritage.

"It's Arabic for vampires." Jax said.

I heard myself speak before I managed to think about it, "This was before. Before the reveal."

Jax nodded, "I, of course, didn't think much of it back then. Sergeant came to fetch the girl and thanked me for stopping her. I remembered her words, though, and asked a friend who spoke a little Arabic to translate it for me. We laughed our asses off together."

His throat bobbed again, and he blinked a couple of times, then pointed at the face tattooed across his left ribcage, surrounded by flowers.

"This is her." He said. "Or at least how I remember her."

"You never forgave yourself." I whispered.

"No." Jax shook his head. "Not after the reveal in Times Square. Not after I've realised she wasn't speaking nonsense. I could've saved her, you know? I could have listened to my gut and got her out of there, but I followed orders blindly back then."

"You couldn't have known."

"Still."

I grabbed his hand and squeezed, "You couldn't have known. It's not your fault."

"She's probably dead." Jax pressed the bridge of his nose, right between his eyes. "God, she was so young, she was just a girl-"

I leaned forward and wrapped my hands around him. At first, his hands lay by his sides, and he took in a sharp breath. Then, his entire body relaxed and he hugged me back. Pressed against his naked chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, I felt safer than I had in years. Jax's hands slid to my waist and he kissed my head.

No matter how much I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy the moment, there were still things I needed to know.

I glanced up at him, his stubble scratching my forehead, "You confronted your Sergeant, didn't you?"

"Of course." Jax said, and I watched him swallow hard, "I went to him and demanded the truth. He played dumb, and I lost my shit. Got discharged immediately, lost all the connections I had, and had to return here. And nothing good waited here."

My heart ached for him.

He fought for justice, and he found out that justice was an unattainable mistress, a temptress, a dream we chose to believe in because otherwise this world would appear too cruel.

I dropped the pretences, "And now you're hunting them."

Jax pulled away slightly to catch my gaze. We stared at each under in the darkness, and for the first time, I didn't feel the need to bolt. If vampires were trafficking humans from third world countries for their entertainment, they needed to be stopped.

He observed me for the longest time, his eyes darting across my face.

"There are organizations that want to do something." He spoke finally. "They're trying to find them, and find ways to kill them. I'm helping them."

There, I was literally sleeping with a sworn enemy.

Jax wanted to hunt and kill my kind. And no matter how much my brain told me to worry about my own well-being, my heart was irrationally terrified that something would happen to him.

Messing with vampires was a dangerous, deadly game, and humans rarely came up on top.

"You think it's dangerous." Jax murmured, and I realised he was observing my reaction.

"I know it's dangerous." I noted. "But ignoring it is far more dangerous."

I meant it, every word.

Jax stared at me, his eyes unblinking, and for a second, I felt like he could read every little secret I had. Growing self-conscious, I looked away and pulled the sheets over my body, but Jax grabbed my chin and made me look at him again. My breath caught in my throat.

"I think someone injected you in my veins."

He didn't give me time to react. His lips fell on mine and he pulled me against his body. Sheets fell off my body, and instead of feeling cold, warmth flooded me. My heart melted in my chest as he touched me gently, his fingers grazing my skin, sliding between my thighs. Emotions intertwined inside me: fear, anxiousness, guilt.

Jax made love to me again, slowly this time, and I savoured every second of it. My poor lonely heart feared this wouldn't – couldn't – last, and I fought to prolong it as much as possible. When he fell asleep, it was still dark outside.

Sated and satisfied, I truly thought I'd fall asleep. But no matter how hard I closed my eyes, sleep wouldn't come.

Thoughts ran wild in my head. What ifs flashed before my closed eyes until I couldn't take it anymore.

What if he found out I was a vampire?

What if he hated me once he found out?

What if this war he was fighting ended up getting him killed?

What if he was right and I truly was the bad guy?

And finally, not a what if, but a what.

What was I supposed to do now? Now that I couldn't possibly use him like I intended to, now that I cared about him too much to continue lying to him?

Exhausted, I got up right as the first rays of sunshine appeared above the horizon. The air on the terrace was chilly and calming, but it did not soothe the storm in my mind.

There was an answer to all of my questions, one I didn't particularly like.

Everything that's happened: Lucia, the vampire hunters, human trafficking allegations, it was all bigger than me and my petty feelings.

If I wanted to do right by him, I needed to get the hell out of his life.

I was about to ponder over the stupidity of my own life, when Lucia's text message decided my next move for me.

Serge JB address: 11 Idaho Drive, Manchester, NJ.