"Baby we have to go..." I softly say to Dani who has been crying all morning.

"I can't, Hobi, this makes it real," she sniffles out.

"I know, but we need to be there for Kook and my little ray of sunshine," I say helping her up off the bed.

Dani breaks into a fresh set of tears as I help her slip on her flats. I can't stop my own tears knowing this will be the last day I ever see my sunshine. I've tried to be strong for Dani, all this stress wasn't good for our daughter.

I've tried everything to keep her spirits up. I've gone out of my way to find her favorite foods, hoping she would eat just a little, but she doesn't.

This has really taken a toll on both of us. Dani would sob about how our daughter would never meet her aunty. How they wouldn't be able to take their girls on spa days. How she had lost her best friend.

I understood. I did. I knew my wife was breaking, so I held myself together despite the ache I felt.

I would never be able to step into our favorite bar again without Jelly. I would never be able to drink vodka again without remembering how she would mix it with 7up and cherries. I wouldn't be able to watch the street performers without remembering my first comeback to Hope on the Streets with her.

So I stay strong, for my wife. For my family. I tried to not let my emotions get the better of me and provide my family with the strength they needed.

But today... I couldn't be strong. Today all I could do was wrap my arms around the love of my life and hold her as we said goodbye to one of our best friends.

When we stepped out of the house, the sky matched my feelings. There was no sun, only dark grey clouds filled the skies. They were the promise that the heavens would be mourning with all of us today.

Because...

she took the sun with her when she left.

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In order to fall asleep, I have to imagine your body tucked into mine in the quietest hours of the night. I have to imagine your soft breaths hitting my chest and your hair tickling my chin before I can drift off into sleep.

And it's the earliest moments in the morning before my body is fully awake that I live for. That moment when I first wake up and I'm still half asleep. I reach for you hoping it's all been a nightmare, only for it to all start over again.

The panting, the crying, and then the grief of remembering you're gone.

It's this morning that it happens again, I reach for you only to be greeted with thin air. Your smell no longer lingers on our sheets and your half of the bed has grown cold.

I roll onto my back and glance at the clock only to see it's barely turned 5 am. Our daughter is still asleep in her crib that I pulled into the room.

I pull my weak body out of the bed and watch as she sleeps flat on her back, her little yellow muslin blanket clutched tightly in her hand pulled to her face.

I lean down moving it away from her face making sure she can breathe, and press a soft kiss to her forehead. I need to get ready for today. I quietly slip into our bathroom and stand under the shower. My tears quietly roll down my face as I try to shampoo my hair.

This can't be real...you had promised to never take a road I can't follow. But here I am crying in the shower and you have taken a path I can not.

When I step back into the room, it's our daughter's babbles that catches my ears. I walk up to her crib to see her rolling and tugging on her feet happily, oblivious to the significance of today. Scooping her up into my arms, I press a kiss to her tiny lips, change her diaper and head out of the room.

I go downstairs with her resting against my chest and open the freezer to grab a bag of milk. Part of my heart breaks off like a petal falling off a dead flower when I realize this is the last bag. This is the last time our daughter will be nourished by you.

She is so intuitive, as soon as my tears threaten to fall she grabs onto my face and babbles. I give her a weak smile as I bounce her waiting for the milk to warm. We sit in the living room quietly, the only sounds are Bell's soft grunts as she drinks the last of the milk.

I take her up and give her a quick bath before pulling out both our outfits for the day. I stare down at the tiny all-black dress, and I can feel another chunk of my heart fall off as I slip it over our daughter's head.

It was extremely hard to find an outfit for Bell's, they don't just sell funeral clothes at the nearest Walmart. I frown as I give her a little side ponytail attaching a small black bow to it. She was not meant to be in this all-black garment, she was meant to be in her bright, vibrant clothes.

She's back to sleep by the time I'm dressed and ready to go. I load her and her bag up into the car and make my way to the cemetery. The others agreed they would meet me there, giving me and Bells an hour before everyone arrived to say our goodbye privately.

I take Bells into my arms and rock her gently so she stays asleep. My heart is slowly beating against my sternum, making my chest hurt as we walk into the viewing area and I see you.

The love of my life. My wife. The mother of my child. My forever and always. You look beautiful, you have always been beautiful. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You had gone through so much and survived. You never gave up on me. You worked hard and loved hard.

And now you could finally rest. You wouldn't be haunted by your past anymore, the shadows would no longer loom over you, and your body wouldn't be causing you pain anymore.

"What will we do without you?" I can't help but choke out.

Bells stirs in my arms again, her eyes fluttering open. I turn her to rest on my hip as she leans against my side. I stand there clutching her, she's the only one keeping me grounded right now. I hear her soft babbles and watch as she reaches out for you.

"Mmmamma, maamaaa"

It's then I feel the last part of my heart breaking off. My soul goes numb listening to our daughter calling out for you. When you don't make a move for her, Bells gets increasingly upset until she's full-on crying.

I sink down to my knees holding her close to my chest, my tears roll down my face as I rock the two of us.

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