What have I done?

Watching Arabella have a full-blown panic attack in front of me has to be the scariest moment in my life. It never clicked to me how much this all has been weighing on her.

I've failed her as a father, as her protector. I feel so useless all I can do is hold her close as she sleeps in my arms on the floor. I'm too scared to move her and wake her up.

"Jungkook," Violet says crouching down beside me. "You need to move her to the bed, the floor isn't comfortable and her back will hurt."

My arms tighten around Bells and I shift her so she's laying on my lap. Her breaths are still ragged and I can tell she's not comfortable but she snuggles closer to me. I won't be moving her anytime soon even though I've lost the feeling in my legs long ago.

Violet sighs and sits across from me keeping an eye on the two of us. I have no idea where Crixus has disappeared off to, the house is very quiet and I feel bad for the poor boy. I know how much he loves his mom and how protective he is of her, I also know how much he loves my daughter and how close they have become. I'm sure this wasn't great for him.

"Crixus?" I finally murmur quietly.

"He's upstairs packing some stuff," she whispers back.

She runs her hand through her hair and I finally notice how shaky she is. Her eyes are glossy, her shoulders are drooped and her voice is low, but not because she is whispering.

"I think it would be better if we go stay with my parents for a while," I nod my head understanding her thought process.

"For how long?" I ask and she frowns.

"I think until I find my own place..." her tears start rolling down her face and she takes a deep breath. "I don't think I can do this. I love you but...if the roles were reversed, I'd never force Crixus into this situation. In the long run, it would drive a wedge between you and me or you and her, and I'd never want you to have to choose between us."

"There wouldn't be a choice, Vi. She's my baby...I'm sorry. I wish there was another way, but I think she just needs me right now, I can't be selfish," I say honestly.

She nods and silently gets up to head upstairs. I hear her and Crixus' hushed whispers. I finally tuck my legs underneath me and carefully stand to walk over to the couch and gently try and lay Bells on it. The second she feels me letting go, her fist clutches onto my shirt.

"Please don't leave me, I'm sorry, Daddy," she mumbles half awake.

My heart breaks all over again and I sit on the side as I run my fingers through her hair.

"I'm not going anywhere, Baby," I soothe and she falls right back to sleep, her small hand clasped with mine like she used to do when she was a toddler.

"Can you, uh...can you tell her I'll still see her at school and nothing has changed between us?" Crixus stands beside the couch with a sad smile on his lips.

I stand up and engulf him in my arms. He hugs me back tightly and I hold on until he is ready to let go. He's innocent in all of this, he just wants a father figure.

"I'm always a call away if you need anything and I'll still be at every one of your soccer games, cheering for you and scowling at Vincent," I joke and a real smile graces his face.

"Thanks, Jungkook."

"Ready to go?" Violet says by the door.

Crixus hugs me one more time before grabbing his mom's stuff to put in the car. I walk over to Violet and wipe her tears. When I go to hug her, she stops me, gets up on her tiptoes, and presses her lips to mine in a sweet goodbye kiss.

"If you need anything, please just call. I'll come by next weekend with Dad to get the rest of our stuff," I nod and she stares at me waiting for me to stop her, to ask her to stay, but I can't.

Bells is my priority and I can't risk doing any more damage to her. So I squeeze her hand, open the door and walk her out to the car.

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I walk over to the couch hours later to wake Bells up, but she's nowhere to be found. I make my way upstairs and can hear her on the phone. I pause outside her door waiting for her to finish before I go in to talk to her.

"No Yoongs, please."

"You don't understand!"

"I promise I won't be a brat! I'll help with Alex and clean and whatever you guys need. I promise I won't be a problem."

"No, he doesn't."

"He has them, he doesn't need me here."

"I can't stay here anymore Uncle Yoongi, this isn't my home anymore..."

"Okay okay, I'll pack a bag and see you soon."

I've made it so my daughter doesn't even consider this her home. Hearing her beg Yoongi to let her stay at his house was soul-crushing. She's not a brat, she's never been one. I let the heat of the moment get out of hand and said something to her I never meant.

I take a deep breath and knock on her door before slowly opening it. Her back is to me and she is rushing to shove things into her bag.

"Baby," I call out and she whirls around shocked.

Her face is red and splotchy, her eyes bloodshot from crying and her lips swollen and bleeding a little from where she's been chewing on them, but there's determination in her eyes.

"Where are you going?" I ask hesitantly.

"I think it's best for your family that I go stay with Yoongs for a while," she shrugs turning her back to me again to finish shoving clothes into her little duffle bag.

"Baby, you are my family."

"Ha. I'm not, but don't worry I won't bother you or Violet anymore."

"Violet is gone."

Bells freezes and I turn her to look at me, my serious gaze holding hers.

"Baby, I am so extremely sorry for ignoring the clear signs of your unhappiness. I'm sorry for neglecting you and making you feel like you aren't the most important person in my life."

"But you replaced mom and me," she sighs sitting down on her bed avoiding eye contact with me.

I sit down beside her and take her hand into mine.

"I never wanted anything in my life but your mom, she was the love of my life and I thought I'd never be able to love anyone as much as I loved her.

But then we found out about you and I was so scared cause how could I love anyone else besides her? But also I was so extremely excited. Your mom was terrified. Afraid she'd be a horrible mother, but I knew from the go that she'd be amazing and if you were even a tenth of her, you would be just as amazing.

The day you were born, I knew I'd been wrong the whole time because I loved you just as much as I loved your mom. I didn't need anything else but you two.

When your mom died..." I freeze trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

I've never talked about this in-depth with Bells, never explained how the loss of Jelly almost did me in and how I had let her down once a long time ago. When the guilt comes to haunt me I take a breath. After all this time, it still cuts just as deep, but its visits are less frequent and softer in duration. I remind myself that I can't undo my mistakes. I tell myself that even though I can never forgive myself, that I can do better moving forward.

"When your mom died, Bells, I felt like she took every part of me with her. I couldn't even look at you. You look just like her, even early on with your cute little baby hair, you were her exact mini-me. So I locked myself in our room and let the others take care of you for about a month. Then one day your Uncle Jin came storming into the room yelling at me about how you still needed me.

You had been screaming your head off for hours and they couldn't calm you. It was the push I needed and I went downstairs and sang that dumb rap song your mom used to sing you and you calmed down right away. I had promised then and there I would never get like that again, that I would always put your well-being before anything else, but I failed you."

"You're a good Daddy," she says softly and my head snaps up to look at her. "Most of the time."

"You're not my little baby who's attached to my hip anymore. I got scared about you growing up without a mother figure in your life and then I got scared knowing you would leave me once you are all grown up.

So I tried to force Violet into your life and I'm sorry. I do like Violet, she is a nice lady, but she isn't worth losing you. I never ever wanted her to take your mom's spot, no one ever could, but I just wanted you to have someone who wasn't your aunts, someone who could be here for you like a mom. I didn't respect what I could see right in front of me, I kept hoping it would just click into place magically and I'm sorry. It won't happen anymore.

Violet and I decided it would be better for both of us that we end it. My priority is and will always be you, Bells. I don't have a family if you are not here. it's you and me always, Bells."

She looks like she wants to say something but before she can, her door is being opened again and Yoongi walks in.

"Bean?" he asks concerned but stops when he sees us sitting together on the bed.

"Please stay," I ask her anxiously waiting for her to answer as she looks between the two of us.

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