Flashbacks run through my mind
My hands find their way to my hair
They grab, pull, scratch
"STOP IT!" I try to scream
The flashbacks keep coming back
The razor
The blood
The madness...
"You deserve it"
I know
"I have to remind you, that you are a mess"
I know, I'm sorry
"Smile, do not let them see you broken"
I smile, I know you're right Ana
You control my life
Not only you control what I eat, but what I do, what I feel
"You are worthless"
I feel worthless
"Purge those calories that you eat, you do not need more food in that fat body"
I purge, loving and hating the sensation
I try to sleep, but the flashbacks would not let me
Leave me alone!
Please...
"No, you deserve all of this"
I HATE YOU, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
"Never, you need me, you want me, you love me"
I do, I know
I go to bed and prepare myself for my same routine tomorrow