these violent delights
ellie williams x fem!oc
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

**REMINDER: if you haven't played the last of us GAME 2 or watched the gameplay, this book from **THIS** chapter onwards will contain MAJOR spoilers if you're waiting for the second season of the show. this story follows the entire GAME PLAY STORYLINE not the show. ITS NOT AU. im only warning you this once. if u don't care then enjoy, thank you for reading.**

We didn't do it.

It as in completely give our bodies to each other in this weed infested basement.

I stopped it before our clothes could come off. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I wouldn't have been able to look at her.

When she started unbuttoning my flannel, I panicked and pushed her away. She was stunned but backed away without hesitation. I apologized repeatedly and told her it wasn't her fault. Her touches and kisses were perfect — she was perfect.

Each single kiss that was put on my neck and my shoulders had me wanting to sink away into oblivion.

Whenever I tried to take control, she would put me back into submission to continue her assault on my skin with her mouth. It was like she wanted to make me feel good and it made me feel even more guilty.

So for now we laid side by side, curled up next to one another to keep each other warm. She told me a story for each scar she had — I told her about my parents and what it was like for me before they died.

"This one," she raised her arm and pointed at the large scar beneath her tattoo, "the chemical burn — I did it myself."

I rolled over on my side, my head practically resting on her shoulder from how close we were squished together. I ran my finger along the scar, "why did you do it?"

I felt her stare linger on my face. "To cover a bite mark," she muttered softly while I lifted my chin to gaze up at her. "I got jumped by an infected when I was fourteen. And turns out I'm — immune, so it healed with a ring of fucked up teeth marks and cysts and —- "

I punched her shoulder and pushed myself up on my elbow. She hissed with pain then shot her eyes wide open. "Ow!? What was that for!"

"You can't say shit like that!" I scolded her before rolling off the couch and standing up. "If you go around telling people that — they'll start treating you like some kind of joke or worse. So it's not funny."

"Pyper," she shifted around on the couch and sat up. "It's not a joke, I'm — I'm serious."

I could hear the panic in her voice. As if she just told me her deepest most darkest secret — it made me reflect on our friendship and all the times she nearly had a heart attack when I was in trouble.

"Pyper, please say something."

Truthfully I wasn't sure what to say. How does one even begin to acknowledge the information that their best friend was immune? Thousands of questions started running through my mind.

"I don't know what to say," I muttered while taking a seat beside her on the couch. "I have questions — tons of them, but I wouldn't even know where to start." I looked down at her arm, eyeing the scar carefully, which was perfectly hidden beneath her fern tattoo. It was purposely intended to hide the bite mark — something I would've never had realized until she told me.

"Uhm, well," Ellie laughed nervously, reaching up to scratch the back of her neck. "I'm still me. If you're worried about getting sick, you can't, it doesn't pass through saliva or anything — "

"Ellie," I murmured, dropping my head into my hands. "This was a mistake." The words came out of my mouth before I could even fully register what I was about to say.

I felt the couch shift, as if Ellie had gotten up and the air around us grew deadly still. I was terrified to look at her — afraid to witness the heartbreak I was about to unleash on her.

I heard her footsteps somewhere in front of me — indicating that she was pacing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean — this, us." I bit down roughly on my lower lip while rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand. "If this has to do with the bite — " Ellie started rambling nervously and all I could do was shake my head in protest before finally meeting her saddened gaze. "No, El — it has nothing to do with that. I mean yes it's concerning but no. I mean — fuck." I stood up abruptly from the couch and started nervously putting my jacket back on.

"You're saying what we just did was a mistake?" Her voice started to fall off like a whisper. "The other night?"

I forced myself to look at her, as much as it pained me to see the frustration etched across her face. "I'm—I'm sorry. We have our own shit going on a-and I can't handle a relationship right now. I can't drag you along with my own problems, in which im still trying to sort out — you don't deserve it. You clearly have more important matters to focus on — " I guested towards her arm and she quickly held it behind her back.

I winced at the thought of her hiding anything from me. It wasn't who we were — it wasn't what defined our friendship because we told each other everything. "Fuck, I'm so sorry." I muttered, dropping my gaze to the ground. "I never wanted to hurt you or lead you on. But it's just the way it has to be."

What I really wanted to say was that she was perfect for me — but I would destroy everything in her wake. I've never had a single stable relationship. I've slept around with countless of guys to try and bury the pain I've been harboring for years. I missed my parents but I've never allowed myself to cry about it. All I know is how to crush those feelings into a tiny ball and tuck them away into the deepest corner of my brain. I wouldn't know how to rewire or change my course of thinking even if I tried. The way I survive is by not feeling at all — or else it comes out in waves of hot burning lava.

I can't take care of Ellie if I can't even take care of myself, and she deserved a partner that could give her everything.

Silence fell upon us again and neither of us could find our voices. Ellie didn't bother challenging my choice to keep us just as friends — which told me she felt the same way and I didn't know what hurt the most.

"Hey! Anyone down there?!" Jesse shouted from the floor above us, followed by Dina. "Guys!"

Neither of us moved until the happy couple finally descended down to the basement. Jesse grabbed my shoulder firmly but I refused to meet his burning glare. "Are you kidding me? You guys are supposed to be on patrol, what the hell are you doing?!"

I pushed Jesse's hand off my shoulder, "fuck off. It's none of your business."

"You're fucking around while on patrol — it's not cool, Pyper!"

My hands balled into tight fists and I forced myself to choke down the rising anger burning in my chest. "I said fuck off, Jesse! There was a blizzard and we had nowhere else to go!"

"No! People are counting on you! You get that? What we do matters!" He responded sternly.

"Guys!" Dina spoke with a sudden panic

I spun around and jabbed a finger in his chest, anger coursing through my bloodstream like my other identity was trying to make an appearance. "Then why the fuck aren't you at the lookout, dickhead?!"

"Tommy and Joel didn't show up," Dina blurted, causing all three of us to spin around.

Ellie's head whipped up while taking a step forward. "What do you mean?"

Jesse managed to calm his breathing, turning away from me and focusing his attention on Ellie. "We waited for them for an hour. I was looking for their horses when I saw lights."

Dina anxiously rubbed her hands together, "maybe they went back to town — "

"Without being replaced?" Ellie shook her head as she feverishly tied the laces of her boots. "No way. How much of their region have you covered?"

"Not much," Jesse responded.

"Then we split up. Go at it from different sides. We can cover the whole thing in a few hours." I watched as Ellie grabbed her winter jacket and shrugged it over her gray hoodie.

I nervously stepped towards her direction, "I'm not comfortable with you riding by yourself. We don't know what's out there."

"Exactly!" Her eyebrows furrowed with frustration. My chest tightened and all I wanted to do was pull her close and swear that everything was going to be okay. "What if they need help?" She continued, turning back to Jesse and Dina.

He nodded once. "Okay, I'll head west, Pyper goes north, Dina can take south, and you come from the east. But be smart about it, yeah?"

"Yeah. " Ellie nervously grabbed her gear and began walking towards the basement doors.

I reached out for her in an attempt to wish her good luck, to get one last glimpse at her God forbid something happens — anything, but her gaze never met mine as she swept right past me.

My stomach was trying to warn me that something was wrong.

I was currently riding through a blizzard trying to search for any sign of life out of Joel or Tommy. I wasn't entirely sure how far I was from the outpost — but I felt it in my heart that I was going to come in late.

Joel and Tommy never missed their assignments.

When Jesse and Dina mentioned neither of them were at their assigned outpost, I immediately felt sick for Ellie. But as I ride through this storm I begin to feel unsettled at the thought of something happening to Tommy.

He wasn't my father. I loved mine with everything in me — there was no doubt I was my fathers child and we were thick as thieves. But the thought of anything happening to Tommy made me want to ride straight off the nearest cliff.

The man that begged the outside guards not to shoot me when I appeared on the perimeter of Jackson. Who threatened to shoot someone in the neck if they didn't allow me in. Who invited me into their home without pestering me for information, demanding I change out of my dirty clothes — because if there was any chance I got blood or mud on their clean decor rugs I would've been beaten most likely — but instead, sat me at his dining room table and offered the hottest bowl of soup I've ever had.

He isn't my father, but it was the bare minimum moment's — actions so selfless, that made him remind me of my real father. That's when I knew I cared about him and Miara. How much I've grown to love them because although we were strangers, they took me in without any form of hesitation, and raised me as their own.

"Please." The word fell from my lips before I could stop myself. I spoke straight into the void when no one could hear me and begged for the God's not to take Tommy away from me. "Please!"

A brown picket fence sat before me and awaited my welcoming with its front gates open wide. The lights in the cabin were on but there was no sound except the howling wind and a ringing sound threading between my ears.

I jumped off Lilith and allowed the reign to collapse at her side — for once not tying her up where she wouldn't accidentally walk away. My legs were no longer my legs but were dragging me towards the cabin. The magnetic force in my soul was luring me forward like a siren. But my heart was screaming for me to stop.

My footing reached the front door and suddenly I was in the foyer waiting to hear something than the endless ringing.

"Ellie?" Her voice echoed and left a white noise in my ears. Nothing moved inside the house — not even the wind could be heard as I tried to focus all my attention on the one response I anticipated.

A sharp cry pierced my left ear and I sprinted into the next room. Ellie's cries continued to lead me around the house and facing the basement door that was keeping my best friend and I separated.

My breathing became erratic and my finger tips grew numb with prickles.

"No," I whispered in panic, shaking my head like I was trying to avoid the dangerous thoughts swimming through my mind.

She's dead. He's dead. Joels dead — they're all dead.

I gripped the door handle and swung it open — 15 steps going downwards staring back at me; leading me to the one place I don't want to go.

"Ellie?" My foot hit the last step and I pushed the door open.

Blood was sprayed over the windows, deep crimson squirts dripping slowly over the glass. The smell of blood curled the inside of my stomach and burned the hairs inside my nose. A single golf club on the ground marked with red.

The image of my father being torn apart in our living room suddenly flooded my brain. My mother told me to stay in my room while she went to try and save my father from dying. I was a little girl feeling protected by a locked door believing my parents were going to be okay. Forcing myself to feel that everything was fine. Until I decided to walk out of that room and watch my parents be eaten at the top of the stairs. Having to force myself to leave the house as calmly as I could so I wouldn't startle the infected.

My parents were dead and I could feel every single emotion I had that night course through my body once again.

Joel was dead. He was dead. They took Joel away from Ellie.

Hot anger burned against my flesh, seethed into my skin, and the color red overtook my vision.

"Oh God!" I winced at the scene before me — as if it was repeatedly hitting me in the face and all I could do was jump back in fear. "Ellie!" Her name came out of me in a wail. I dropped to my knees in front of her in attempt to shield her from seeing Joel.

"Ellie — look at me!" I held her face in my hands as carefully as I could. She was sobbing — hysterically crying as I used whatever strength I had in me to pull her up into my arms. "Look at me, just look at me — please!"

I watched my own tears drop onto her cheeks and collide into her very own. Joel was dead behind me and I was trying to shield her from having to save a traumatic memory. We both began to cry in sync and all I could do was rock her back and forth.

"Ellie? Ellie." Dina's voice breathed with worry right beside me and I felt her hands grip my shoulders with her fingertips piercing my skin. "Ellie, I'm sorry." She jumped up and ran back to the stairs. "Jesse, they're down here!"

"No, no, no," Ellie chanted between cries.

The white noise came back and all I could feel was blistering anger.

They were going to pay. I was going to make them pay. They're all going to die.