these violent delights
ellie williams x fem!oc
© WANDARYEN ──── 2024

"I'm going after the ones that did this." Tommy paced back and forth — leaving a trail of smoke across the living room rug. "I'll fucking kill them all — I'll — "

Maria had her arms secured tightly around me after throwing a blanket over my shoulders. It's been five minutes since we returned home from the cabin. Joel's body was being transported from the lookout to our town so he could be properly buried in the cemetery.

"Tommy, you're not going anywhere," his wife scolded.

Silent tears started running down my face but I did nothing to stop them when my body felt completely frozen in time. All I did was stare at the fireplace behind Tommy — watching the flames dance side by side as if they were purposely matching the energy he was producing.

"God damn it, Maria! They killed my brother!"

"I know, and I'm so fucking sorry, but you can't just leave — "

"Of course I can! Why are you fighting with me on this?!"

"Because if you go out there to find them and you die — then what!? It's not going to bring Joel back — it's not going to change what happened!"

"Pyper?"

The white noise in looping through my ears came to a sudden halt when I met Tommys worried stare. He looked — broken. Disheveled, tired, and overall dispirited. Someone took the light from him and I wanted to make them pay for it.

"She's your best friend, we have to make sure she's okay. She doesn't have anyone else."

The sound of my fathers cries of pain flickered through my mind in a flash.

Memories of my suicidal thoughts while wondering through the open road without having anyone to look after me, clouded my mind. I was in Ellie's headspace not too long ago. I was frightened to open the front door and find her hanging from the ceiling.

Tommy decided to take the first step by knocking on her front door.

I count my own heartbeats as the seconds that went by — a small sigh of relief coming out when the garage lights flickered on and the front door slowly opened.

Tommy, a warm dinner in his grasp, waved awkwardly. "Hey."

Ellie's eyes flickered from Tommy, down to the casserole dish, to my burning stare. I couldn't find my voice to speak but I hoped she heard me screaming — I'm so sorry.

"May we come in?" He followed up and she nodded.

The garage door shut behind us and Tommy took a seat on Ellie's couch. He held the heavy dish firmly in his grasp before gently placing it on the table in front of him. "Maria wants to make sure you're eating."

Ellie decided to sit beside Tommy on the couch but I lingered in front of them while nervously picking at my nails. The skin surrounding my cuticles became red and sore from the constant chewing I've done since we returned home.

"She can't stop us," Ellie demanded.

Tommy slowly nodded, releasing a strong puff of air like he was mentally battling how he was going to tell Ellie that we couldn't avenge Joel. "To have the guys that we would need...to do this smart —- we'd be leaving Jackson vulnerable."

My gaze flickered to Ellie. Her eyebrows creased together with disbelief as she turned to him. "So they just get to get away with this?"

"Nobody wants that."

"Yeah, but that's what's happening!"

He shook his head. "What if we get hit by hunters again?"

Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose with a loud scoff. "Is this you talking or is this her?"

"It's a valid point!"

I watched them go back and forth like a tennis match. I could feel the tears making their return but all I could do was stand there and silently cry to myself while unmoving. Tommy wanted to go — but Maria almost managed to talk him out of it.

Ellie gestured her finger down to the ground, her eyes wide and bloodshot from endless crying. "If it were you or me, Joel would be halfway to Seattle already."

"No, he wouldn't."

"Yes, he would." I responded under my breath the same moment Ellie shouted, "He absolutely fucking would be!" Her gaze shot up and met mine with silence. I could feel Tommys gaze burning in mine so I decided to finally look at him and silently nod my head.

Ellie knew it, I knew it — and Tommy sure as fuck knew deep down that Joel would've left the moment he woke up after getting knocked out.

Tommy held both of his hands out, now shifting his focus between both Ellie and I. "We don't know for certain that they're from Seattle."

""Washington Liberation Front". That's what you said was on those patches!"

"What if they stole those jackets?" He shrugged. "What if the WLF moved?"

Ellie jumped up from the couch and brought both of her hands to her face. "What are you doing?" She stood beside me, turning to Tommy with disbelief in her voice. "You know what? I'm leaving tomorrow. And if you want to come with me, great."

"I'm going too," I blurted before I could even stop myself.

Both Ellie and Tommy turned to me. "What?"

He started shaking his head aggressively. "You're not fucking going anywhere, Pyper. It's too dangerous."

"Okay!"I dropped my arms from my chest and gestured towards my best friend. "And I'm sure as fuck not letting Ellie go by herself, are you nuts?!"

"You have no idea what you're walking into. You don't know how large that group is, how armed — "

Ellie shook her head, "I don't care. You can't talk me out of this."

Tommy glared at me from across the room. I shrugged way too casually but suddenly I was back to my normal state, ready to cause chaos against the very people that brought harm to my best friend. "Where she goes — I go, Tommy. I'm not letting her do this on her own — whether you come or not, I'm going with her."

He dropped his head suddenly into his hands. Pinching the bridge of his nose before lifting his gaze with plead. "Give me a day to talk to Maria. Okay? Gotta be some folk she can spare."

Ellie raised her chin. "And if she won't budge?"

He finally got up from the couch, his lips pressing together in a firm line. "Well, I'll figure something out. Just one day — please."

"Fine," she whispered.

He took a step closer and pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. I stepped backwards and allowed them a moment to grieve in silence before Tommy pulled away abruptly, inhaled a sharp breath of air, and nodded. "Okay — okay."

His gaze met mine as he shuffled towards the garage door. "Give me a minute," I whispered and he did just that.

I was officially alone with Ellie and I wasn't exactly sure what to say until I heard her silently crying behind me.

"I can't get that sound out of my head," she whispered.

Nervously turning around, I could feel the tears threatening to spill once again, and when I saw her standing there staring at me — begging me to fix it, I felt like crumbling knowing I couldn't take any of her pain away.

"The sound of his skull breaking in half just keeps playing over and over and over — " she choked on a sob and I watched her body visibly grow weak until I caught her in my arms. "It won't go away — make it stop."

I tucked her head into my neck and purposely wrapped my arms around her shoulders so she could lean into my body for support. I tried to shield her from the pain — block it front entering her lost soul but nothing was ever going to subdue the heartbreak she was experiencing in real time.

Both of our knees buckled and I allowed our bodies to shrink onto the floor. She continued to cry on my shoulder and I managed to pull a blanket from off her bed and cover our bodies. My grip on her never faltered when my body became the big spoon and I whispered reassurance into her ear.

Things that my father used to tell me whenever I was scared. Promises that I would always be by her side and never too far — then I told her a Native American story about the moon and her lover Kuekuatsu.

Ellie finally fell asleep after two hours of silently crying and her body violently shaking with anxiety. Not once did I ever let her go.

I was going to make them hurt. Every last one of them — no matter who was standing in my way.

I opened my eyes and found Ellie's sleeping figure nestled in my arms. Her face was just a few inches away from mine and a single strand of hair had fallen past her eyebrows. I carefully reached up and tucked the strand behind her ear.

Someone knocked on Ellie's door and my expression shifted from peacefulness to irritation. If she were to wake up after taking hours to finally fall asleep — I was going to murder somebody.

Gently pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, I carefully maneuvered myself out of our tangled limbs and quietly brought myself to my feet. Whoever it was outside waited patiently for the door to open.

I was immediately met with a concerned Dina, who anxiously rubbed her hands together from the cold. "Hey," she whispered.

I carefully shut the door behind me and crossed my arms over my chest. "What's up?"

"I couldn't get to the horses — Tommy took one and now Maria's got the stables locked down."

My eyes fluttered closed momentarily. I'm assuming his conversation with his wife didn't exact;y go well during the second round — it almost made me wish I went home last night to keep them from killing each other. But there was no way I was going to leave Ellie in a vulnerable state.

"What's going on?"

I spun around quickly at the sound of Ellie's voice. With furrowed eyebrows, I was ready to apologize for waking her but she held up her hand to dismiss it. "Couldn't sleep."

Slowly nodding, I sighed softly. "Tommy took off and Maria is keeping the horses locked down."

Ellie's gaze faltered towards the ground with a mutter. "Fucking Tommy." She shook her head and brought her gaze back towards mine. "We'll figure something else out on the way. A car or a horse or — something."

I nodded in agreement. Dina shifted beside me, "you're really going?"

"Yes." Ellie responded. "I want to stop at the cemetery, just for a moment then I'll come to... Joel's house before we leave. Have to pick something up."

"Okay," I sighed softly and followed her towards the front of Joel's house. Dina appeared at my side and we both watched our friend disappear into the sea of headstones.

"I'll go ahead and grab your pack, sneak it out of the house. I know I don't have to say it," Dina muttered before placing a hand on my shoulder and drawing my attention onto her. "But please be safe — take good care of each other."

"I will," I promised.

Her hand dropped from my shoulder and I walked up to Joel's front porch — pausing on his door mat. I couldn't bring myself to go into his house without Ellie. It didn't feel right.

So I waited.

After a good five or ten minutes of sitting on the front porch steps, Ellie finally appeared and looked at me with curiosity. "What are you doing out here?"

Quickly getting to my feet, I reached for her hand and offered a gentle smile. "Waiting for you." She took my hand in hers, thankfully, and I squeezed it reassuringly. "Ellie, I — "

She turned to me, "I'm okay."

We stared at each other silently. I knew she wasn't okay — I didn't expect her to be. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say at all. I couldn't continuously apologize because it wasn't what she needed to hear. But I also didn't know how to stop the pain corrupting her heart. It was only so long until I finally decided to shut down and stop feeling all together. My only way of surviving was to grow numb.

"Where's your pack?" She looked around for my bag curiously.

"Dina is grabbing mine from my house. I — " I looked down at our intertwined fingers, "I didn't want to leave you."

All she could do was offer me a smile and I was okay with that. She needed to grieve or feel numb or be silent — anything that would keep her from disappearing from me.

Her hand reached for the front door knob and her fingers started shaking with dread. "Do you want me to go get it?" I whispered softly while placing a hand over her lower back.

"I want to do it," Ellie muttered.

Her fingers curled around the golden knob and pushed forward — the front entrance welcoming us both with complete silence.

Out of muscle memory I was hoping to meet the sweet smell of coffee from the kitchen but all I felt was cold.

She hovered silently towards the stairs and I decided to place myself in the dining room to give her space. "I'll wait here — you-you just shout if you need anything, okay?" I tried to offer any courage still left inside me and she nodded before ascending the staircase to the second floor.

I pulled out a chair, the legs scratching against the wood floor and the front door swung open – causing me to jump where I stood.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered while holding my hand over my chest.

Maria stalked towards me while gripping a piece of paper in her hand. "Pyper Vera Miller, you better explain to me what's happening right now."

Her not only using my full name but my adoptive last name almost sent a chill down my spine.

Right as I opened my mouth to respond, she turned away in distress while covering her face with her free hand. "I can't believe this."

"You didn't even let me explain," I muttered with a slight twitch in my eye.

"Well, kid, you better start!"

I firmly crossed my arms over my chest and leaned my hip against the chair. "Christ, Maria. She needs to do this. Truthfully, Tommy leaving without us was not part of the plan. We found out twenty minutes ago."

She spun around. "Without — us? You planned on going too?"

I nodded once. "I'm not letting her leave this town without me."

"Everything okay?" Ellie shouted from the top floor.

I kept my gaze locked on Maria's — completely unmoving as I shouted back to Ellie. "Yeah! Could you come down here, please?"

Not even ten seconds later did I hear her footsteps race down the stairs and she abruptly entered the dining room where Maria and I stood. I looked over at my adoptive mother as she began to finally read off whatever was written on the piece of paper.

"Maria. I'm headed to Seattle. I wish I could let it go, but I can't. I have to bring these people to justice. Ellie's going to try to come after me but stop her. Take her guns. Lock up the horses. Maybe lock her up. Buy me some time so I can end this. Love you always. Tommy."

Her gaze finally met ours and her voice came out like a broken whisper. "He's gonna get himself killed."

"Well, he's stupid for going out there alone," I rolled my eyes. "He could've waited like an hour and all three of us would've headed out together."

"Pyper," Ellie muttered my name with a warning. I exhaled through my nose and shut my mouth. "He should've taken me with him," She continued. "You should've given us a group to go after those fuckers!"

Maria dropped the paper onto the table. "I wish I could." Each symbol was stronger than the next and if it weren't us she was speaking to — I'm sure she would've thrown someone across the entire town.

I watched Ellie cross her own arms over her chest. "You gonna try to lock me up? Lock Pyper up?"

"I prefer that you stay — "

"That's not gonna fucking happen," Ellie spat.

Maria's jaw tightened as she slowly walked around the table to stand in front of Ellie. "I prefer you stay — but I know you better." Her eyes flickered towards the ground before catching my strong gaze. "You're going with her."

I nodded slowly. "One way or another."

She inhaled heavily and began slowly pacing in front of us. "So, you're just gonna sneak outta here? On foot?" Ellie nodded. "I told the stable to let out with your horse. Grab some ammo too."

My shoulders finally slouched from sitting so closely against my ears. Intently waiting for her to say we weren't allowed to go but her response surprised me until she finally took a stance in front of me.

"Bring my dumbass husband home in one piece, please." Her hand settled on my cheek and I felt the tense in my back finally release. "I will," I muttered softly.

"All right then," she inhaled deeply and stepped backwards. "Get going. You're — you're losing light."

Maria walked around the table, not sharing another glance before exiting Joel's house and leaving both alone.

Ellie leaned back against the dining room table with her hands flattened across the wood. I glanced back towards the front door where Maria previously was before turning back to Ellie. "It's me and you," I promised her. "We're going to do this whole thing together."

I moved in front of her and placed my right hand on her cheek. "Every decision you make, every choice you decide — is also mine." My heart swelled against my chest as I watched her visibly relax into my touch. Her eyes threatened to close briefly before nodding silently.