Vernon stomped in. Allison and I looked up and noticed that the door was closed. Clearly the work of my beloved cousin. Once again, we were getting prison with a show, although one not up to Bender's usual standards. There was a little back and forth about who closed the door, Vernon threatening to find the door's screw by giving Bender a good shake, etc. Then, finally Vernon recruited Andy to block the door with the magazine rack.

"How come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, and it'll be anarchy," Bender shouted. I actually couldn't help but laugh at that.

Vernon shot me a look. "Morris," he snapped. "Is this entertaining to you? Is your boyfriend amusing you?"

Bender wrinkled his nose and glared at Vernon. "She's my cousin," he said. "Pervert."

"You two related," he asked me.

I nodded. "Our moms are sisters," I explained. "In case you didn't know how cousins work."

Vernon glared hard at me. He probably would have threatened me too, but that's where my reputation was an advantage. Even though Adam Morris had been dethroned as CEO, it would still be a major controversy if Vernon even mentioned slapping his heiress daughter across the face. He and Andrew pushed the cart away as I smirked to myself. For once, I had won this round without violence, screeching, or hiding. It felt like an actual accomplishment. As soon as Vernon came back, he and Bender got right back into it. Vernon gave him a quick threat about the door, and started to leave, when Bender uttered those fateful words: "Eat my shorts."

"That's another one," Vernon snapped.

"Oh, Christ!"

"Another one, right there!"

He earned himself seven or eight more Saturdays. Brian was trying to keep count, but it just pissed Vernon off even more. As soon as Vernon left, I went back to one of my old habits: staring at Brian. I gazed upon his light blond hair and his blue eyes. I could get caught up in him so easily. I spent about five (more like fifteen) minutes on his Adam's apple alone. I watched it bob up and down with rapt interest. Then, my eyes traveled back up to his face, and I saw he was staring at me too. Or more likely, staring at how I was staring at him. To my surprise, he gestured at the seat next to him.

I rose up slowly, walked over to his table, and sat down. "Hi," I whispered.

"I liked that book," Brian said. "Firestarter, I mean."

"It's gonna be a movie," I blurted. "This May."

"I heard," Brian said.

"There've been a lot of cool movies lately," I rambled on. "I saw The Children of the Corn last weekend and I thought it was real good. I went by myself, though, so it seemed scarier. Sometimes, when you go to the movies with a date or something, it's less scary. But I like to be scared, sort of. I mean, I like scary movies a lot. I like other types of movies too. Like Rumble Fish. I thought that was great. And I loved Splash. I saw that last weekend, too."

Finally, I bit my tongue to stop myself, which seemed like a bright idea at the time, but was actually pretty stupid, because then I started tearing up from the pain. "Is something wrong," Brian asked, looking sort of scared and timid.

I shook my head. "Just bit my tongue," I murmured. "Talking too fast."

Great, I thought. The minute I finally get to talk to Brian, I turn into a teary-eyed motormouth. So we sort of just sat there, twiddling our thumbs. "Uh, I liked some of those movies," Brian muttered.

I nodded. "Yeah, well, I mean, now you know how I feel about them. The movies, I mean."

All was silent for a few more minutes. Then, finally, as an official statement to the whole group, I blurted, "I'm not a slut, you know. I'm a virgin."

Bender started cackling wildly. "That's rich," he snarked.

Andrew sort of shrunk into his hoodie and looked ashamed.

Claire looked mildly disgusted, and Allison was grinning.

And finally, Brian, who was right next to me, looked even more terrified than he had before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were in a circle on the floor. Confessing our sins, I suppose. And I was given leeway to start. "I went on three dates with Adam Baker," I began. "The summer before ninth grade."

"Well, she was just four-or-teen, if you know what I mean," Bender sang with a grin, mimicking the Beatles classic.

I glared at him, and continued. "The first date, we went to get pizza with Angela and this other guy, Cain. And then he walked me home, gave me a hug, and that was it. Next time, we went to the movies, held hands, kiss on the cheek at my doorstep. We had a few casual meeting where we had kissed at the playground. Then, on our last date, we finally kissed on my doorstep, he grabbed my rear end, I pretend to enjoy it, and that was it. He never even touched me over my shirt."

I swallowed and looked down. "Then, he called. Said that since he was a senior, we had to break up or some bullshit. But really, it was because he told so many people so many lies, he gave up when he couldn't get the real thing."

I bit my lip, and continued. "So, I get to school on my first day. I'm a little hurt about Adam, but that wasn't what killed me. Hearing the girls in the locker room call me names didn't do it either."

I stared Claire right in the eyes. "You killed me, Claire. Losing you killed me."

"What a plot twist," Bender put in. "The slut and the princess are really dykes."

"Shut the fuck up," I yelled at Bender, before turning back to Claire. "Claire, you were my best friend. I thought we'd be friends forever. But one rumor, and what was it you said?"

Claire looked down, and mumbled those familiar words.

"Louder," I urged angrily.

She spoke slightly louder, but it wasn't enough for me. "Say it, you bitch," I hissed.

"I'm not friends with whores," she finally yelled, bringing her last words to me back to the surface. "And that's what you are, Fallon. A dirty, VD-infested whore."

She started crying slightly. "I'm sorry," she said. "I-I rehearsed that. A-Angela wrote it for me. And I d-didn't want to say it, Fallon."

"Then why did you?"

She looked at me, chastened. "Like you don't know why," she said. "Come on. You were one of us once. It's what we do. Conform or die. Sink or swim."

"That's sick," I commented.

"Oh, really? Wouldn't you have done if it were me?"

I wanted to yell, "No." But I couldn't. Because when I was fourteen, and maybe even now, I would have done the same thing. I would do whatever it took to fit that mold. To have the most friends. To have everyone like me. Even now, I accepted being an outcast lying down. I hid. I didn't try to make new friends. I didn't stand up for myself. I might have protested mildly at first, but I never advocated for myself. Claire was right. Not right to ditch me, of course. But right to ask me this question. Everyone was staring expectantly at me.

"Well," Claire asked snottily.

I shook my head. "We're both shit friends."

Claire bit her lip. "You weren't. You were a good friend."

"We both were."

"Nah," Bender puts in. "Sounds like you're both pretty shitty."

We were interrupted by Vernon, who came in and sent Allison and Andrew to go get sodas for our lunch. The rest of us hung back. I stayed next to Claire, basically in limbo. We didn't officially hate each other anymore, but we weren't going to be friends again. Not right now, anyway. Bender and Brian stuck together as well. It was like a middle school dance; girls on one side, boys on the other. I began fixing and toying with my hair, while I casually ogled Brian some more. Whenever I thought he was looking my way, I quickly borrowed Claire's compact and pretended to either tend to my bangs or put on some lipstick. It was a game of cat-and-mouse, if the cat wasn't sure what it was looking for, and the cat was unsure of whether to hide or stay within view. He and Bender soon entered a rapt quiet conversation. I chose wisely not to eavesdrop. I say "wisely" because the first thing said aloud by Bender was "you and Claire did it?!"

I turned to her in shock. There was no way that had happened, right? "Is he serious," I asked.

She shook her head, and snapped, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing," Brian stammered. "Just drop it, okay?"

"No, she isn't going to drop it," I snapped.

Claire was still a girl just like me, and there was no way I was letting what happened to me happen to someone else. "What did you say, Brian?"

My heart rate sped up as I glared at him. How could Brian, my Brian, be as bad as the boys who started rumors about me? When he spoke in class or with the clubs that I had listened in on, he seemed so enlightened. So trustworthy. Was it possible that he could just like everyone else?

"Well," Bender put in. "In addition to a number of girls in the Niagara Falls area, Brian says you two have been riding the hobby horse!"

My heart sunk into my stomach. Obviously, Brian having sex with Claire was a lie. But if there really were girls in Niagara Falls, all that I had built up Brian to be had collapsed. I had hoped, prayed that he was a virgin like me. That one day, he would notice me, and we'd start going out, and after a year, we'd go to my old shore house, and lose our virginities there. As cliché as it was, I had built entire short stories around this premise. At the time, I refused to admit I had placed him on a pedestal. Instead, I genuinely believed that all these lies would kill me.

"You pig," Claire snapped angrily, upset by the lies as well.

I couldn't stand to hear another word, so I got up, grabbed a bathroom pass, and rushed to the girls' room. As soon as I got there, I sat up on the windowsill, and looked out at the football field. I sat and thought the Brian I thought I knew.