I find that I am numb after band practice the following afternoon, and fought tooth and nail not to make eye contact with Humbert. It is now Thursday, and the countdown until the dance has officially begun. I find myself voluntarily staring out the car window and not taking part in Marnie's justified hype about the dance, or Rose's clear and annoying excitement about her first official date with James. Rose turns on the radio, and what comes on sends tears coming out my eyes.
The words enter that bottomless pit that is my stomach, and I cannot stop ingesting them, nor hearing them. They are branded onto my brain now, and I know full well that there is nothing I can do to stop it. The wild dogs cry out in the night, as they grow restless longing for some solitary company...
I hastily lean forward and shut of the radio. I can see Marnie and Rose regarding each other in a moment of mutual confusion. It's almost as if they've never seen a girl with a broken heart before. I want to curl up in a ball on my seat and give in to an anxiety attack, but I find that I am numb, unable to move at all. I sit, mute, for the rest of the journey.
When we arrive at Frederick & Nelson, I get out of the car and follow Marnie and Rose inside the store. We make our way to the dress department and tell the kind-looking salesladies there to serve us what the occasion is and what we will obviously need for it.
I allow a blonde saleswoman, whose name is Mia, take me for a look around. I look and look at all the dresses around me, feeling overwhelmed completely by color and style. I finally see a black dress with what I affectionately like to call fettuccine straps. It has a deep oval neckline that ends in a small point and a skirt that will reach just above my knee. Mia measures me and finds the proper size of the dress.
"Will you be wanting some pantyhose, shoes, and jewelry?" she asks.
I nod, wanting a distraction—any distraction. "Yes. Black pantyhose; I'm a size eight—black heels, please; and maybe a simple gold collar-type thing... Like, Cleopatra," I say, hoping she will understand what I'm talking about.
Mia nods. "I think I have just the thing," she says. She leaves me alone with the dress until she returns with everything that I've asked for. She also has a key to a dressing room in her hand, and we walk to the back of the store together. She lets me in and asks if I would like assistance. I say yes and she shuts the door behind her and advances towards me.
I undress by myself and she hold the dress out. She carefully balls it up slightly and puts it over my head and manages to get it over my wide hips. She is able to straighten the skirt with no problem, and zips up the seemingly low back without incident.

I notice the look on herface as I put on the pantyhose myself and step into the shoes with ease—shedoesn't think I'm pretty either. I brush off the thought and allow her to puton the gold collar. I ask her pointers on hair and makeup, and she issurprised, but delighted to help in any way that she can. She directs me toAnnie, the woman there who is in charge of such things. I nod and dig into mypurse, handing her two hundred dollars, and Mia tells me that she will returnwith my change.
She returns with a twenty and I hand her myclothes to be wrapped in tissue paper and put into a bag. She smiles as we swapmoney for clothes and I follow her out to the check stand. Marnie is there,too, along with Rose. Marnie has a bright green dress—I guess she decidedagainst red—and black heels like mine, and has pearls instead of a gold collar.
Rose also has clothes—all black leather. Shealso has a silver spiked collar. I guess James likes them rebellious andnaughty.
We all head to Annie's after we pay for ourclothes, jewelry, and shoes. We go downstairs and soon are standing in front ofan elaborate makeup counter. I advance forward and ask for Annie. A curvaceouswoman in her mid-thirties comes out and flashes a friendly smile. Sheintroduces herself as Jenny, Annie's daughter, and new owner of the counter.She has beautiful black hair, which is pulled back to show her attractive face,and I suddenly feel at least a little bit happy and more at ease with Jenny.
"What can I do for you lovely ladies thisafternoon?" she asks.
"It's Spring Fling," I tell her with a smile.
"Of course," Jenny says with a smile. "Now,then, what's your name?"
"Lily," I say, so as not to confuse things withRose and me.
"Lily...?"
"Lily Radcliffe," I say quickly.
"And that must be your twin sister, huh?" asksJenny.
I nod. "Yes. That's Rose."
Jenny smiles at her. "And who might you be?"
"I'm Marnie," she replies. "I'm their...friend."
Jenny nods at us. "Lucy! Mary!" she calls, andsuddenly I am reminded of 7th Heavenas two girls come out from the back with bright smiles. "Lucy, why don't yousee to Marnie, and Mary, you take Rose. I'll take Lily."
I give Jenny a smile and she directs me to ablack leather chair nearby. I climb up onto it, and Jenny tucks my otherpurchases into a shelf beside me. I am at ease for just a moment.
"So, do you have a date?" she asks.
I sigh. "My boyfriend is currently MIA," I saysoftly.
Jenny frowns. "I'm sorry; boys really do need tolearn how to behave sometimes," she says in a sincere voice. "So you're goingto the dance solo, then?"
"Somewhat," I say. "I mean, I'm not bringing myparents or anything." She laughs at that turns on the light attached to hermirror. "So what will you be doing at the dance?" she wants to know, her voicepleasant. Jenny gently ties back my hair into a bun so as she is able to get agood look at my face. She gently washes it with a moist towelette and gets allmy mother makeup off of me from earlier that afternoon.
"Singing lead in the band," I reply.
"Very nice," she says. "You sing? So do I."
I nod. "That's nice."
She puts several products on my face and soon Iam smelling like some high quality magazine ad. She dusts my face withfoundation and then paints me with all the colors of her rainbow pallet. I amsoon a vision of makeup delight, and she puts all the products into the bag forme and, after giving her fifty bucks, I am sent on my way with Marnie and Rose.
We decide that, given that we have four hoursafter school the following day, we will get mani-pedi's and our hair done then,so as not to chip or ruin anything in the process of the long day at school tomorrow.We decide to rent a movie that night and order a pizza, and I am suddenlyreminded of my last night at home with Elizabeth.