Chapter 5

"I'm gonna die alone, am I?" The Proposal was ending with Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock kissing in the middle of the office. All eyes were on them; some men were hollering at him and the women were watching the kiss with love in their eyes, wishing it was them involved in a romantic moment.

That was me. I was wishing that I had my happy ending with the love of my life and when I pictured that ending, it was with Kayden. However, that dream had been flushed down the toilet.

"For heaven's sake, you're not gonna die alone!"

"I have no one, Olive! No one! I'm destined to die in a hole never having experienced what love felt like. I'm gonna die and the only ones that show up to my funeral are my cats that I adopted after I become a crazy cat lady. I don't even like cats, but–"

"Bella! You're spiraling. None of that is gonna happen to you. You're beautiful, kind, thoughtful, your dream is to save lives in the hospital and you're smart enough to graduate college and become a registered nurse. Who wouldn't want to be with someone like that?"

Olive perched her hand on top of mine and lightly held it in hers. "You're a catch. Anyone you end up with would be lucky to have you."

Maybe she was right. I tend to be overdramatic. Like the first time I got sick, mom said that I declared I was dying. I inhaled a deep breath and repeated that step until I was more calm. "Thank you for saying that. I... I guess I was being overdramatic. I just wish–"

"I know. I know." Olive pulled me in for a warm embrace. We stayed like that for what felt like hours; she was tracing circles on my back and speaking encouraging words in my ear.

Her hands abruptly stopped rubbing my back when she pulled away, her lips were in the shape of a mischievous smirk. That was never good. Nothing good could come from one of her mischievous smirks. Either I could die of humiliation or... actually, that was the only path it led to.

"Whatever you're thinking about doing, I would murder you if you do it. And I would murder you hard."

"You know, my sister met her husband online."

A fake smile that reached my eyes made an appearance on my face. Already knowing what this was going to lead to, Olive rolled her head back and groaned. "You know who you could also meet online?"

"I already know where this is going, but who?"

"Serial killers. Like, full-on Ted Bundy, sawing your head off with a hacksaw, dismembering your body serial killers. That's who. My dad made me promise to never even consider downloading an online dating app."

"Of course he said that. My dad told me to never underage drink, but I did anyway at the party. What girl actually listens to their father?"

"I do and thanks to that advice, I'm still alive."

Without asking, she snatched the phone from my lap and immediately began looking for a dating app. After what felt like hours of looking for a good app, one that had close to five stars and good reviews written by a happy couple who used it, she finally found the 'perfect one'.

The whole time, I was wondering who I would want to write my eulogy. Zach and Kayden would just tell embarrassing stories about me. Olive was the best bet. "Which profile pic should we use? This selfie you took before the party or... the one we took at the beach? You look smoking hot in both of these."

"How about neither? The psycho girls who force dating apps on their best friends end up getting them killed."

"Girl, you watch way too many Lifetime movies."

"To prepare me for what could happen. Those movies are based on actual situations that could actually happen. Like being murdered."

"Well, if you're murdered, I'll plan you a flashy funeral."

"I'm serious, Olive. I don't want to meet anyone online."

Olive paused, her teeth nibbling on her bottom lip as though she was deep in thought. She tossed my phone back on my lap as she let out a deep sigh.

"You're right. I shouldn't be forcing you to do something that you don't wanna do. But I want you to know that you will find someone. It doesn't have to be now or any time soon. Somewhere down the road, you'll find someone who loves you." Olive reached for my hand and held it with both of hers, a warm smile touching her face.

"Thank you, Olly." My voice dropped to a whisper, the corners of my lips twitched upward into a matching smile. Our moment was interrupted when my phone pinged.

Unknown:

Do you miss me?

What the—?

-

This was not how I wanted to start my morning. All I wanted to do was go to class and forget that the whole thing with Kayden never happened. He had a girlfriend and I had to accept that. Classes hadn't even started and that plan was already out the window.

I was at my locker gathering my books and packing them into my backpack when I heard a cat call behind me. I spun on my heels and froze at what I saw. Zach was approaching me with Kayden and Angela trailing behind holding hands. Angela flipped her hair and giggled at the guy who whistled at her and Kayden played around with him saying that she was his.

Shit!

I thought that I was over it. After Olive said that I would find a guy that appreciated me, I was starting to feel better. I was starting to have hope that, even if it wasn't Kayden, I'd find someone else who would sweep me off my feet.

All that vanished when I saw them walking the halls hand in hand and heard him refer to her as his. I didn't realize that I was tearing up until Zach started to look blurry. My palms harshly wiped my eyes and walked away in the opposite direction.

Zach called out my name, but I pretended like I didn't hear him as I stepped inside my first class. After the first bell rang, Mrs. Kippler came in to begin her lecture.

"Good morning, class!"

The students erupted in groans at the sight of her writing a reminder about an upcoming test that was scheduled for next week on the white board. I put my phone on silent and forced myself to pay attention to the teacher, no matter how boring she was talking about The Cold War.

Throughout the class, my phone lit up with text messages from Zach wondering what was wrong. When Mrs. Kippler released the class to go over their notes to study, I took that as an opportunity to check the texts.

Zach:

Didn't I see you tear up in the hall?

Zach:

Is everything okay?

Zach:

I'm not gonna stop texting you until I know what's wrong.

Zach:

I'm your best friend. I can tell when something's bothering you.

Zach:

Hello?

Zach:

You are such a goody-two-shoes. Just send me one text letting me know you're okay and I'll stop.

Zach:

For heaven's sake, Isabella Price! Answer my texts!

It was inevitable that I had to tell him why I avoided him, but how could I do that without telling him about my feelings for his best friend? He couldn't know because he'd think I kept being friends with him only to get closer to Kayden. That was far from the truth. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin our eighteen-year-long friendship.

-

Chocolate fudge ice cream had become my new best friend as I laid in bed watching Disney movies. Focusing my emotions toward nostalgia would get my mind off the whole Kayden situation, but that wasn't working.

Eventually, I switched to watching lighthearted Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel, but all that did was remind me that I had no one. After that, I tried to tune out the TV and listened to music through my airpods. All I was thinking about was Kayden.

There was no point in even trying to cheer myself up. The doorbell echoed throughout the house, but I knew who was on the other side of that door and I wasn't in any mood to talk to him.

Mom knocked on my door and invited herself in without bothering waiting for a response. She and dad must've just gotten home. She still had her pink scrubs on, there were bags under her eyes and she still smelled like hospital.

"Hey, my love. Zach's here. He wants to see you."

"I don't want to see him right now. Can you tell him that I'm tired and that I'll see him at school in the morning?"

She answered with a tired nod and left. I finished off the rest of my ice cream and turned off the show, surfing through the other channels. Mom came in again with a worried look etched into her features.

Dammit.

Did Zach have to tell her?

I mean, was he really that concerned?

I told him I was fine.

I'm fine!

"You're not just tired. Something's wrong." She invited herself to take a seat beside me on my bed and turned the TV off so I could give her my undivided attention. "Come on. Talk to mama about it."

It was cringey at how she referred to herself as 'mama', but I shrugged it off and slammed the tub of ice cream on my nightstand. "Nothing's wrong. I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled to myself that I wish Zach would just believe me.

"Well, you can't blame him for not believing because I call bullshit. You may get away with not telling Zach, but you're not gonna get away with not telling me, so uncross your arms..." She paused to uncross my arms for me and held my hand with both of hers. "and calmly tell me what happened."

I wasn't left with a choice. It might feel good to talk about everything with my mom anyway. We never have mother and daughter moments like this so this could be my one chance. "You know that I have a crush on Kayden, right?"

Mom nodded.

"He has a girlfriend now."

She closed her eyes and cursed to herself. "I'm so sorry, my love. I know how much you like him."

Shit!

Here comes more tears.

My quivering lips were pressed together and I squeezed my eyes shut to release more tears. I tried to take deep breaths before I kept talking. "Olive and I talked about it last night and I thought I was feeling better about it, but then, this morning at school, I saw them walking hand in hand and he referred to her as his. And... and..."

"Deep breaths, baby. Take deep breaths." Mom was ready to wrap her arms around me and traced circles on my back the same way Olive did.

"I just can't stand seeing them together, mama. I've loved him for thirteen years. My feelings for him aren't just gonna go away after a heart to heart with my best friend. It feels like..."

I took a break to sniffle and take as many more deep breaths as I could to calm myself down. "It feels like a bullet pierced right through my heart and the... the... the bleeding won't stop."

That was when I completely broke down in my mother's arms. My sobs were muffled against her shoulder as she rocked me back and forth, like what a mom would do for their baby to help them stop crying.

My fingernails dug into her arm as I gasped for air and tolerated the awful ache in my throat. No woman should ever feel this much emotional pain, but yet, here I was wanting to rip my heart out so I could never feel anything again.