Jenny

I breathe in the banana scent of her favorite shampoo and it feels like home. After two long years, Siofra and I finally get to hang out again.

"Miss...you...so...much," I say, letting her go.

Siofra wipes a tear from her left eye and steps back.

"Me, too, Jenny," she sniffles. "It's been so long. So much has happened."

We both sit down on her front porch. The rockers creak as we sit back on them. I can hear Siofra's mom banging around in the kitchen, shutting the oven door as she takes a pan out of it. Oh man, that pie smells good.

"How've you been? Is everything ok? Are you doing alright now?" Siofra asks.

I nod. "I am."

"I was going to stop by when you arrived, but I haven't had the chance to yet," she rambles. "Did you start to unpack? How are your grandparents? Do they like the assisted living home?"

"Good...yes. They like," I reply. "I...no, have not unpacked.

I have......still have...call Caoi...Caoilainn, too...I will...later."

Siofra is quiet. "Yeah, I know she misses you," she says.

Rocking back and forth, I look at Siofra and wonder if, or how much, Cian has filled her in on my current drama.

"So, um, you and Walker..." she asks tentatively, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. She keeps rocking on the chair, but has slowed down.

I look at her and away again. I let out a long breath. I twist my lip. "Walker..." I roll my eyes and blow my hair out of my eyes. I look back over at her and she's quiet. Then I notice a twitch. She looks away but I see her start to smile.

She looks back and we both laugh.

"Jenny, some things never change!" she laughs. "Damn, you two are impossible."

I crack up. "I...know." I say, shaking my head.

Suddenly, Siofra stops rocking and reaches for the awen on my necklace. "What's that?"

I take off the awen and give it Siofra. Then I reach into my purse and pull out the poem I have folded there. I always carry it with me. Siofra squints as she takes the worn paper from me. She carefully opens it up and her eyes widen. When she's done reading the poem, she folds it back up. She hands it and the awen back to me.

"Wow," she whispers.

"Yeah...wow," I reply.

A few minutes later, Siofra's mom comes out onto the porch. She hands each of us a mug of hot cocoa from her tray.

"How're you doing, Jenny?" She asks. "You girls alright, Siofra?"

"We're good, Mama," she responds. "Thanks. This is perfect.

I use my spoon to twirl the mini-marshmallows around in my mug. Her mom remembered; I love marshmallows. Siofra, on the other hand, does not. When I was around, Siofra's mom always kept two canisters of hot cocoa in the house; one with and one without marshmallows. That way, we could both enjoy what we like. I can't believe she remembered.

"Thank you!" I smile up at her over the rim of the mug.

"My pleasure, Jenny. So good to have you back," she says, putting the tray down to come over and give me a hug. "We've missed you so much," she says in my ear.

"Missed...you, too," I say.

"Well, I'll leave you two to catch up," she says. "Siofra, call me if you need me. When the pie cools, I'll bring some out to both of you."

"Ok, mom. Thank you. No worries. We're fine," she says as her mom retreats inside.

Siofra looks at me and I notice her eyes watering up.

"What...wrong...Siofra?" I ask her, suddenly alarmed.

"Oh, Jenny. I'm so sorry!" she responds, collapsing in on herself. "It was all my fault."

"What?" I ask, incredulously. "What...talk...about...Siofra? What...your fault?"

"This. You. Oh my goodness. The whole thing. The accident. Everything," she cries.

I'm shaking my head before she even finishes.

"Oh, no, Siofra!" I tell her, kneeling before her. "NOT you. Not. Was...accident."

"It IS my fault. If I hadn't suggested we play that stupid game," she sniffles. "You wouldn't have taken that dare and that rope wouldn't have broken. You would never have gotten hurt...."

I grab a hold of Siofra's hands. "NO, Siofra, no. Was just accident. An accident. Not your fault.Anyone...could...have...happened...anyone. Just bad luck."

Siofra shakes her head in disagreement. "But you tried to tell me not to play the game. You did. If I would have just listened," she says wringing her hands. "I'm so stubborn, and that night I just wanted to see you two get together."

"Siofra. Ok. Not your fault...is ok. Was accident. Ok. I ok, now," I tell her, leaning up to wrap my arms around her in support. "Love you, Siofra. My best...est friend."

Siofra puts her hands around my arms and hugs me back. "I love you, too, Jenny. I love you, too." She sits back in her chair, and I go back to mine. Siofra grabs the napkin from under her mug to wipe her eyes dry.

"You're really ok, then?" she asks me. "Really, Jenny? You're not mad at me?"

"No. I...not mad. I...never mad...you, Siofra." I tell her slowly, determined that she understand.

"Then...then, why haven't you been in touch, Jenny? It's been so long and no word. Why, Jenny? I've missed you so much," Siofra pleads, holding my hand. She rubs her cheeks to wipe away another tear. "All this time, all this time I thought you hated me. I've felt so guilty over this whole thing." When Siofra starts to cry again, my own waterworks run.

"I...I...know. I sorry, Siofra. Not...it was not you....it was...my speech...I...I...embarrassed, and I not write well..." I stammer.

"Jenny! I don't care about all that!" Siofra says. "What kind of friend would that make me? It hurts that you would even worry about what I would think...I'm missed you so much!"

"I...sorry," I interject, hanging my head. I realize how wrong I've been to shut her out of my life. I didn't mean to, but I didn't try not to either. It hurts to see the pain in Siofra's eyes; to know I put it there. I should have tried harder. I should have been a better friend to her. And, oh, if I've hurt Siofra this badly, how must Walker feel not having heard from me all this time? My stomach churns. No wonder Candace tried to follow him home. And when he gets here, who does he see? Deaglán; not knowing who he is or what he means to me. He'd have had no way of knowing Deaglán was my cousin. I feel sick. All this time apart. What have I done?

I urgently turn back towards Siofra.

"I'm sorry, Siofra. I...wrong...not...keep in touch. I SO sorry," I cry with her.

"Jeez, Jenny," Siofra responds, reaching out to hug me once more. "I love you, girl. Don't do that to me again. I need you."

"I love...too, Siofra" I hug her back, tightening my arms around her back.

"Ok, wait," Siofra laughs, moving back. "I can't breathe."

We break apart and smile.

"So, I know you've missed me, but I'm wondering if that is the only reason why you are here," Siofra comments. "What's up? I know that look. What's going on?"

I blow my hair out of my eyes and roll them. Then I look at Siofra and laugh nervously.

"Need help," I tell her sighing. "Will...you...help...me...Walker?" I look at her pleadingly, hoping she's up for it. I don't deserve her easy forgiveness or help, not after falling off the face of the earth and deserting her, but I hope for it anyway. After all this time, I won't blame Siofra if she turns me down.

Siofra looks up at me in surprise. I see her grown quiet, but the wheels are starting to spin. "Cian filled me in on a few things. So, Walker really hit Deaglán?"

I bite my lip and nod.

"And you really pushed Walker away?" she asks.

"Mmmm-hmmm."

"Oh, Jenny!" she pouts.

I hang my head in shame. "I...know."

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you pull him in and kiss him? Why would you push him towards her?"

"I was...was SO mad!" I burst out, frustrated. "Damn Can...Candace."

Siofra looks at me and laughs, then grows serious. "She left, though, right? Walker told her to leave, didn't he?" I nod my head again. "And nothing happened between them?"

"No," I reply.

"What?" I ask her, when she doesn't say anything more.

"What do you want to do now?" she responds.

"Well, I...you..."

"Me?" Siofra asks, turning her head to look at me.

"Help...will you help me? You and Kim? Shop...look good...dance...for Walker."

A grin turns up the corner of her mouth and I feel the old Siofra return.

"You want my help? With shopping? To get something hot to wear for Walker?" she asks, taking my hands in hers, smiling devilishly. I nod my head again as the mood lightens. "Oh, this should be fun. What's Kim's cell number? Let me call her," she says excitedly looking around and finding her cell.

"I'll text Caoilainn as well. I don't know if she's going to the dance. Tadhg hasn't been feeling his best lately, but I know she'll want to join us for a few hours of shopping and girl time."

She shakes her cell with enthusiasm before dialing.

"I know just where we'll go, too. Wait until Walker sees you at the dance."