Jenny

When Kim finds me, I'm busy throwing darts in the basement. Some girls enjoy painting their nails or doing their hair when they're stressed, but I find comfort in throwing sharp objects at the wall.

We all have our quirks.

I'm doing a great job hitting the center of a picture of a donkey at the moment. Earlier, when I was trying to remember what it was called I spit out everything but the word donkey; ass, mule, horse, pony. Donkey was stuck in my brain like bubblegum to your shoe on a hot summer day. By the time I figured out that the word I wanted to say was "donkey", I had pinned it to our dartboard, sacrificing it to my anger. Since my injury, my right hand has remained slightly weaker than my left. I rationalize that throwing darts is a good way for me to rehab the strength in my arm, while mutilating my picture cards helps rehabilitate my attitude.

As a side bonus, I can now come up with the word I needed just fine; donkey. Donkey, donkey, donkey.

As Kim reaches the bottom of the steps she takes one look at the dartboard, and then one look at me, plus the mess of cards that have fallen on the floor. She knows better than to say anything.

She plops down on the bottom step and looks at me.

"Donkey," I say, waving my hand towards the board right before throwing a dart straight at the tail end of the beast.

"Obviously," Kim laughs. "Hard day at work in therapy-land?"

"Y...yeah" I shrug, blowing my hair out of my eyes before letting another dart fly. "Word stuck," I say, knocking my finger on my temple. "Not want come out."

"I hate it when that happens."

I just laugh at her. Just because I have aphasia doesn't mean I'm the only one who suffers over a loss of words from time to time. I try to remember that other folks struggle too, if only that they just forgot something, not as if they have aphasia.

"Sucks," I say.

"Yeah."

"Well, on a better note, I want to show you something" Kim says, perking up like a kettle about to blow.

I stop throwing my darts and turned to look at her. "What's up?"

Kim bursts into a radiant smile and whips out a small stack of photographs. "Look what we got today!" she exclaims, showing me a black and white photo of their baby. "We found out the baby's sex today; it's a boy!" she squeals enthusiastically. "I'm going to have a son!"

I cry out with exclamations of joy and we both hug and jump up and down together. A son! Deaglán and Kim are going to have a son.

"Oh! S...s...orry. Baby. Not...jump." I didn't want to hurt the baby jumping around in all our excitement. I reach down to rub her belly in delicate support. "Sooo excited!" and I am. I'm so happy for my cousins. Kim will make an excellent mom and Deaglán will be a devoted father. Their baby will be well-loved and cared for. They're both so lucky to have each another, and now this new one is coming.

"I...happy...you...Deaglán, K...im!" I say again, hugging her one more time, and rubbing her little baby bump.

"Me, too, Jenny!" She shrieks. "Oh, Jenny, we have to go shopping together! I know the perfect little boutique we can go to. They have the most precious little onesies and this great little bassinet set I saw. I'm so excited!"

Kim's enthusiasm is contagious. Before I know it, we're running up the steps and out the door to celebrate over lunch, and then shop the day away. I may love darts, but shopping for my future cousin is going to be the most fun I've had in ages.

I only hope Uncle Artair and Aunt Ciara don't mind the mess I've left with my therapy cards. I make a promise to myself to pick up Uncle Artair a box of his favorite M&Ms, and Aunt Ciara some coconut slices on our way home later tonight. I text them on my way out to let them know I'll clean up the basement when I get back. For a brief second, as I lock the front door behind me and jump down our front steps, I feel a twinge of jealousy at Kim's happiness; part of me knows I might never have that. I close my eyes and let the thrill of a new cousin to love wash over me. I do my best to refocus on their joy. I'm going to spoil this little one like crazy. 

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