Walker

I should be in a miserable mood. I haven't been home in a couple of years, I haven't had a decent shower in goodness knows how long, and I'm flying light tonight. I'd give anything for one of my dad's apple turnovers right now, though. He can't cook much of anything, but for some reason he's a beast when it comes to his apple turnovers. The thought of warm cinnamon melting across gooey apples taunts me as I sit in the cold, desolate desert keeping watch.

Like I said, I should be miserable. I'm not, though. For whatever reason, all seems to be right with the world at the moment. I look up to take in the clear night sky. A million stars blaze across the horizon. All the dry heat of day has evaporated and a late November breeze has taken over. It's not cold, exactly, but it has just enough bite to let you know winter's on its way.

I'm perched against a large rock, my feet out in front of me. The way I'm positioned, I'm protected from any approaching patrols. Despite my cover, it isn't uncomfortable. When I hear her fidgeting with her dog tags, I know Candace is close and on her way up to join me. She only gets them out when she's nervous, but since we're safe from any possible intruders, I'm wondering what's on her mind.

"What's up, Candace?" I ask.

"Not much, Walker. I just needed to get away," she answers, settling her rifle down next to where she sits.

"Yeah, I get that." I reply, looking back across the sand.

"Long day," she comments, brushing the dust from her pant legs.

"Hmmm."

I frown, noticing a small light blinking off in the distance. It goes out and I try to relax, hoping it was nothing to worry about. I call it in to my team below, though, just in case. It might be something we'll have to follow up on later.

Afterwards I sign off and it's quiet again. I'm enjoying the solace the cover of night provides.

"You're not much for talking, are you Walker?"

"Nah, I guess not."

"A penny for your thoughts?"

"Thinking of home, I guess. Not having a bad night here, but just missing home all the same. Looking forward to going stateside this month."

"Yeah, I get that," she replies kicking a pebble with her boot.

"Here's the thing. My tour is done in about 2 weeks. Since we won't be working together anymore, what do you say you and I meet up for a drink sometime, Walker? We could get together when you're stateside, see how things play out.

I look at her dumb-founded.

I never saw that one coming.

I glance back down the cliff, making sure no one is approaching.

"I don't know, Candace," I tell her, turning back to look at her.

"It'll just be for a drink. Maybe a night cap if all is going well. No strings attached," she says casually. "It'd be fun. No commitments. No expectations. Just a good time between friends."

"Friends, huh?" A lot of the guys in our company have these types of 'friends'. They know they won't go anywhere permanent so they never get themselves tangled up in anything long-term. I didn't know how I feel about that kind of arrangement; 'friends with benefits' they call it.

I think about Jenny back home and wince. I haven't heard from her in a long time. My mom mentioned that she tried to write. I still don't know why her letter didn't reach me. I wonder what it said.

Does she miss me? Did she like the Awen? Was the poem too cheesy? It wasn't much, but.....Does she miss me as much as I miss her?

Or, has Jenny has moved on? Is that why I haven't heard from her? Was she writing to return the Awen? To tell me thank you, but no thank you.

The not knowing is killing me.

I wonder how long Jenny plans to live out of state. My stomach drops as I think about the fact that she might never come back; that she might settle down near her aunt and uncle and never return.

I wonder if her therapy is going well. Does she have a boyfriend back home? Is she with someone else now?

My mood begins to tank as I think of these things. I miss Jenny. A lot. I have for a long time.

The thought of going home to the cabin alone, or running into Jenny and her new man when I arrive, doesn't sit well. I can't expect Jenny to have waited for me, can I? Two years is a long time to ask anyone to wait.

Still.

A part of me has kept some hope alive that maybe, just maybe, she might still be there for me when I return.

"Earth to Walker. Hello? Anybody in there?" Candace says, waving her hand in front of me.

I blink, smiling some, though it doesn't reach my eyes.

"Here's the thing, Candace. I like you. You know I do. You're a good girl, tough but still gentle. But, I'm not sure if it'd be fair to you to start something like that."

"Someone back home?" she asks knowingly.

"Yeah. I mean, I hope so. I don't know, but yeah, maybe" I reply.

"Well look, like I said, I'm not looking for something serious. Just a little fun. Why don't we start there and see where it leads? If it doesn't work out, whatever. No hard feelings. But, Walker, we're not getting any younger out here. I don't know about you, but this damn dessert can feel mighty lonely at times. Might be good to have someone to meet up with every now and then back home, don't you think?"

I take my cap off and worry the brim. I need to do something with my hands.

The fact is, I am lonely. I have a number of long months on tour ahead of me after my upcoming leave is over. When I go back to visit this time it might be good to have someone to hang out with, especially if Jenny isn't there.

And if I get home and Jenny has someone in her life, then what?

I put my cap back on my head and sneak a look at Candace. I think about the bullet she spent on my behalf. What if she hadn't of been there? Would that guy have shot me? Would I be home by now, buried in a box, if she hadn't of shot him?

Do I owe it to Candace to try this thing out?

Damn.

I don't know what to do. I wish I'd heard from Jenny since this tour started, even if just once. That would've been enough. I'd know and that'd be it. I haven't, though, not a word.

"Ok. Only when I'm stateside, though." I tell her. "Not here. Not like this. It's just too..."

"No, no. Definitely, not here." Candace agrees, cutting me off. "Just when you're out on leave and need someone to hang out with. Whatever. But, yeah, not here."

"And Candace, listen. I don't know if I'm going to be any good at this. I...there is someone at home. Or, at least, there was. Anyway, I don't know if there is still hope there, but I can't lie to you and say that I won't run back to her if given the chance. I don't want to lead you on like that."

"Who says you're leading me on, player? Maybe I'm leading you on. Ever think of that? Maybe I'll get me my own man once I go back at home." She teases, punching my arm.

"Ok." I reply, still a little uneasy about the whole thing. "We'll just take it slow. See where things end up."

"Yeah. Sounds like a plan, Walker. Sounds like a plan."

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Photograph Copyright 2018 A. E. F.

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