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Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
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Mar 9, 2023
Amy's POV

"Yeah Jay...this looks good," I confirmed the position of the couch in the living room.

I was done shifting and settling down in the new apartment.

I bought this apartment for me and the baby to live in. It isn't luxurious, but it is more than enough for the two of us. It has two bedrooms and a living room, a balcony and a kitchen. It is a new apartment and very close to the hospital too. I am happy to have invested in this property.

"Babe...give him to me and shower up. Allan will be here soon. We can eat together" Jay said and took the baby with her to the playroom.

I could have continued living with Jay, but she and Allan needed their space. Till I was alone, I could give them their privacy, but after the baby's arrival, I felt I might be a hindrance to them. Jay and Allan wanted to live together. So, I decided to move out, and I finally managed to do it now. It was what was best for all of us.

I showered and got dressed and joined Jay and the baby in the playroom.

From the time I had the baby, and he turned two months old, I have been carrying him along with me to work every day. I used to wear him all the time when he was too little. I mastered the skill of doing everything with one hand. After he turned seven months, I let him play in the day care center at the hospital and checked on him every now and then.

Being a single parent has been harder than I imagined. It is only bound to get harder. Twice the love but also twice the responsibilities. He is still tiny and hasn't yet started talking anything more than a few words at a time...leave alone asking questions about his dad. I am clueless how to handle that phase.

Allan arrived with the food, and we all ate together. Jay and Allan left after some time. I bathed the baby and got him dressed for bed. While he flipped his tiny board books with his cute and pudgy fingers, I lay down beside him on the floor and scrolled through my Twitter feed.

Ever since Taehyung and I broke up, we haven't spoken to each other or texted each other. Not even once.

I still have the same phone numbers, but I don't know if he uses the same or not. I don't post anything on my Twitter feed anymore, but I still follow his official and personal accounts. Although my mind hates him for doing this to us, my heart still loves Taehyung. I can never hate him. But what he did to us is beyond my understanding.

After a while, the books were thrown on the floor, and he crawled over, trampled over them and came to me and lay down on top of me.

I smiled and put my phone aside and caressed his silky black hair.
"Minjun ah...are you ready to sleep?"

He hummed sleepily.

I named him Kim MinJun... the name Taehyung wanted to give our son. MinJun reminds me of Taehyung in every single thing he does. He looks like a mini version of Kim Taehyung. He smiles exactly like Taehyung. His eyes and hair are just like Taehyung's. I love him exactly like how I loved Taehyung. In fact, a little bit more. Did Taehyung ever miss me? Did he ever think about me or our son? He probably doesn't even know if I had the baby or not.

I got up, turned off the lights in the playroom and carried Minjun to bed with me.

Countless days I stared into thin air and drifted to oblivion and countless nights I cried alone staring into the ceiling, rewinding through all the beautiful moments we shared together and the love that I trusted so much on. I truly believed that Taehyung was the one. I loved him with all of me. We made a life out of love. And he just ditched me? I wonder why life has been so cruel to me. Taehyung just did not trust me. But why? Why am I not worthy of his trust?

The only times I ever saw Taehyung in these past two years were on the billboards, on TV ads, in his official videos, social media posts and YouTube live streams. He hardly did any YouTube live broadcasts since our breakup; only once a year on his birthday, and I watched every second of those relays. I got to see only that much of him that every fan around the globe saw, despite having shared my life with him, despite having a part of him in my arms.

My tears fell.

Every memory we shared seems to come crashing at my heart and consuming me like tsunami waves. As my mind replayed the memories of us for the billionth time, I smiled and cried through it all...alone. The laughter we shared, the little love notes we wrote for each other, the way he spoke and sang to the baby each night, the deep love we had for each other...I will always cherish all of that.

For a while, our love story was truly magical, and I really felt like we would be together forever. I thought I saw my forever in him. But that's not how it went.

Everywhere I go, something reminds me of him. A song, a TV show, the restaurants we dined at...every single thing seems to trigger my thoughts and feelings for him. The wounds in my heart are still fresh, and it still hurts. I'm trying hard to move on, but I keep failing miserably.

As the years pass by, I wish and hope that my memories of Taehyung would fade. Did he move on in life? Is he happy? I truly want him to be happy even if that means him staying away from me. That was the reason I accepted to breakup with him when he wanted to.

Words were spoken and promises were broken. How could I forgive and forget those strong words so easily? I haven't forgotten any of it. But have I forgiven? Maybe I can...it is because I have always considered him to be my first child. No one can really hold grudges against their children, can they? I keep convincing myself by telling that he never truly meant to break my heart. He did it in a fit of rage. It is supposed to be a phase, but a long phase, apparently. I know that I am lying to myself, and that I have to let go. At some point I probably will, but not until my heart is done grieving.

Am I ready to accept him if we have a chance in life once again? Of course, I would. My head tells me that I have to stop loving the man who didn't trust me and start living only for me and our son. But my heart tells me that there's still more chapters left in our story and not to give up. I would like to say that I'm trying not to listen to my heart, but that would be a blatant lie. And it's impossible to fall asleep when the heart and mind are at war.

I wiped my tears and nursed MinJun to sleep. He suckled on my dwindling milk supply, not for feeling full but only for comfort and warmth. He fell asleep holding me tight. I gently unlatched him, kissed him, laid him down, lay down beside him and struggled for an hour before falling asleep.

Taehyung's POV

"Appa...I am at the lounge now. Boarding starts in thirty minutes. I'll call you once I land at Incheon," I said and ended the call.

Today, I would be flying back to Korea after a month of hectic shoots at various locations within America.

Life has been extremely busy. I have been busy with Hollywood projects as well as movies and other related work here. Back in Seoul, my parents and Tannie now live with me. I have been traveling like never before, and I am at work almost every day.

I feel tired and exhausted. I'm overworking to make sure I don't have any free time. Despite the hectic lifestyle that doesn't spare much time for myself, I still feel a void within me. I feel empty.

I am still unable to move on from Amy.

Her words still echo in my mind every night and haunt me.

'What will you do about our memories, Tae? How will you get rid of them?'

I still can't get any of those memories out of my head. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of her. Everything reminds me of her; my own body reminds me of her every time I look at myself in the mirror.

As I waited in the VIP lounge at the airport, I put on my airpods, and started the playlist. Leaning back on the recliner, I closed my eyes.

Countless nights, I have woken up with tremors when I heard her whispers and sobs in my dreams.

It has been over two years already, and though I look like I am all good on the outside, I know that I am still stuck in life. She was the reality in my life, and now she's not a part of it anymore. I feel so fake.

I don't want to find another woman to fill in her place. I truly gave her all of my love, and it was she who did it ugly. The first few months after the breakup were the hardest. The months that followed haven't been any better.

Unknowingly, my tears fell from my closed eyes and trickled down towards the back of my neck.

I have been crying in loneliness for so long. Images of her keep flashing through my mind. I have been dreaming of her all the time. How could I still be so foolish? I picked up my phone countless times to text her and then dropped the idea. I removed all of her photos from my phone except the one selfie that we took at Jeju. It is somehow very precious to me. Right now it is the only tangible memory of us.

Us??

Does she ever think of me? Did she have the baby? How and why did she even cheat on me? Was I not good enough? She sure melted in front of me. But why would she do it with someone else?

My fists clenched, and my head throbbed at those disturbing thoughts. I quickly popped in a pain reliever and turned off the music, which was seemingly aggravating the dull throb inside my skull.

Last year, I was almost on the verge of slipping into depression when Jimin sensed it and suggested that I live with my parents.

I continue to live my life like a robot, just doing what is expected of me. No. I'm not living. I'm existing. That's it. I still act and sing and paint and click photos. Work is my only escape, and I use it to fill in my otherwise purposeless life. I feel totally empty within. The dilemma of whether I should talk to her or not is eating me from the inside.

What's there to talk about? She will only deny the obvious.

I shouldn't be alone and thinking about these things. I have signed up for my military enlistment starting next month, and I will make sure that I don't sit around thinking and overthinking.

»»-----　⚜　-----««

Two years apart
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Be prepared for more time leaps, and have some tissues handy, just in case. 🤧🤧🤧