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Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I really need it.
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I had my gaze fixed on the road as Taehyung turned on the radio, and the music interrupted my thoughts.

One of my favourite k-pop artist's solo song was playing on the radio, and he was about to switch channels when I stopped him.
"No, please don't... I like this song."

He looked at me, raising his eyebrows.
"So, you listen to k-pop?"

What does he mean? The whole world does, right?

"Yeah, I do. A lot, actually," I replied proudly.

He laughed and asked me, "And do you watch dramas too?"

"Yeah, and I've watched a lot of yours, to be honest," I smiled sheepishly, looking at him briefly.

"What do you think about my work? Good? Bad? Needs improvement?" He tilted his head from side to side and questioned me curiously.

Is that even a question? Tell him now that you've been drooling over him and his screen characters for ages!

"You're very talented. I like your acting a lot..." I stopped at that, knowing that if I spoke anymore, I would begin fangirling and embarrass the crap out of myself.

"So can I assume that you're a fan?" He asked with a cute grin, his eyes literally sparkling inside the darkness of his car.

"You don't have to assume. I am a fan, Taehyung," I declared and chuckled.

OMG! Act your age now!

He laughed excitedly.
"Wow, really? So, this will be the first time I'm going to have dinner with a fan. I'm so thrilled."

I was growing a little nervous, and I just smiled back at him.

Thankfully, he changed the topic.
"What would you like for dinner? Anything you pick will be okay with me."

"I'm a bit hungry, so anything will be fine. Uhm... Korean food?" I actually started to love Korean food more than I thought I would, and I felt he would be more comfortable with Korean food more than with any other kind of food.

"Alright. We'll have Korean food," he smiled at me.

"Taehyung, would you mind if I make a phone call to my friend?" I asked him before pulling out my phone from inside my bag.

"Please feel free," he said as he muted the radio and kept driving.

"Thank you," I smiled, taking out my personal phone and calling Jay.

"Jay, can you hear me?" I was trying my best not to speak too loudly, but Jay's voice was too low.

She said something, and it was almost inaudible. I muted her for a second and asked Taehyung if I could place the call on speaker. He told me to go ahead.

"Jay can you hear me? I put you on speaker," I informed her just so she wouldn't ask something embarrassing, unaware of Taehyung's presence.

"Yeah, babe," she replied.

"Are you back home?"

"Just came in. What do we eat tonight?" Jay sounded tired.

"Jay, I would be eating out tonight. I called to tell you that," I informed her, feeling bad for leaving her out.

"Oh, eating out with who?" She sounded curious.

Taehyung and I exchanged glances.

"Uhm... with my team," I lied in the blink of an eye.

"Oh, okay, Amy. Take care. They might get drunk," she said seriously, and it made Taehyung bite down on his lips, trying hard to hold back his laughter.

"Don't worry about me. You know I don't drink anyway," I reassured her.

"Yeah, yeah... be safe. How will you come back?" She was curious again.

"I'll take a taxi. Don't worry. I won't be late," I said, and Jay hummed in response.

"Yeah, good. Don't be late, okay? We still have a couple of episodes left to watch in 'Her private life'," she gave that out almost like a warning.

I chuckled.
"I won't be late. But you don't wait for me. You start watching it, and eat and sleep. Or do you want me to pick up something for you?"

"No, no. You enjoy your dinner. I will cook something simple for myself," she was quick to reply, and before I could respond, she continued,
"Babe, I have something important to tell you. Am I still on speaker? Is there anyone around you?" She asked in a lower tone.

Taehyung and I exchanged glances once again.

"Uhm...Jay, stay up until I come back. We will talk once I'm home, okay?" I was rushing to end the call.

"Okay, got it. I'll wait for you," she said, and we both ended the call.

I turned to look at Taehyung.
"Sorry about that. We were a bit loud." I apologized.

"No, not at all. I'm used to being around louder people. You were not so loud" he chuckled.

"So, this is the friend you stay with?" He asked, his eyes briefly shifting to look at me before returning to the road ahead of us once again.

"Yeah, she's my friend for more than 16 years now. We studied together," I proudly flexed our friendship.

"Wow! That's amazing!" He exclaimed.

Taehyung soon pulled over at a Korean restaurant. It seemed like the posh-type, rich folks' restaurant, and I guessed he came here since he needed privacy.

When I was about to open the door and climb out, Taehyung called me,
"Doctor, I want to tell you something."

"Yes, Taehyung?" I turned to face him, looking a little puzzled.

"You asked me if I have developed any habits hoping to feel better. I wasn't comfortable talking about it the other day. But now, I feel as if I should tell you about it," he shyly scratched the back of his neck.

I turned around fully to face him and looked into his eyes.

He looked away and spoke without making eye contact,
"I-I don't know. I'm kind of embarrassed to talk about this," his voice got softer.

"Relax. You can tell me when you're ready. There's no pressure," I comforted him.

He let out a long breath and spoke,
"I've been too much into video gaming for quite a while now. I thought it would help me feel better and get me out of my thoughts. I started it as a distraction, and now it has become a kind of an obsession. I've always played games since young, but now it is just consuming me. I am addicted to playing games. I don't have any other habits like alcohol or smoking, and I have been doing this in a desperate attempt to feel better."

I nodded, letting him know that he can keep speaking.

"But I don't think it is really helping me. I don't feel better except when I'm playing, and I have a very hard time cutting off. It's like my hands automatically reach out for the controller as if my brain has no control over my hands. I actually have to force myself to go to bed each night, and I struggle to fall asleep. Sometimes my hands hurt so much that they twitch while I'm sleeping, and then I go wide awake, and I'm back to where I started." Taehyung spilled without making too much eye contact with me, probably embarrassed about his habits.

I was well aware that everyone going through a burnout resorted to some sort of addiction in hopes of feeling better, and that's precisely what I wanted to know from Taehyung on our first meeting.

He continued,
"I want to stop and be normal. But I don't know what to do and how to do it. Please help me..."

He sounded so worried and desperate and in his most vulnerable state. A gaming addiction might sound like a childish thing to others. However, for those experiencing it and unable to break out, but desperately wanting to break out of it, it is definitely something very serious. Just like any other form of addiction, it can totally consume one's mental and physical wellbeing and affect their quality of life adversely.

"Taehyung, calm down." I said softly. "Firstly, if you're blaming yourself for doing it, then stop it. Blaming yourself will only make you sadder. When you decided to do it, you felt it would be right for you. No one does things that they feel are bad for them."

He looked down and ran his long fingers through his fluffy black hair, shuffling it a bit.

I spoke on,
"Although gaming is not a bad thing to do in itself, you didn't start doing it obsessively without a reason. So, accept the fact that you didn't want to harm yourself."

Taehyung nodded, still looking down.

I breathed out and asked him,
"Taehyung, let me explain something to you if you're in the mood for listening now."

"I am totally listening right now," he confirmed; his eyes flickering up to meet mine.

"Now, your burnout is like a child who is being troublesome, throwing tantrums, being problematic and needs a lot of attention. You are the parent. When you see this child, you feel confused and begin to question yourself as to what you did to trigger this behaviour," I explained calmly.

Taehyung listened with his keen eyes fixed on me.

"As the behaviour continues, you get more frustrated and angrier, and after your last drop of patience fades off, the natural human instinct will be to yell, threaten, scold, or worse still, use violence to silence the child. The child might stop the tantrum then. But will it last? Would the child have truly calmed down? Or would it have been just out of fear for the violence and yelling?" I used my hands to orchestrate my words.

He was thinking deeply now.

I continued speaking,
"A child needs love the most when the parent feels like the child least deserves it. When a behaviour like this is shown, instead of using harsher ways, if the parent used softer ways like embracing the child, letting him know it's okay to feel sad or cry and just helping him by doing nothing but just holding him and speaking kind words. This would calm down the child, and with repeated attempts the child will pick up the kindness from the parent and learn not to repeat the bad behavior often."

Taehyung's eyes sparkled in admiration as if I was a genius of some sort.

"As a parent to burnout, you have two choices. You can either choose harsher ways like video gaming to silence the issue and put it in the backburner. Or accept the burnout and try to find happiness and treat the cause of the issue. It is up to you. You can choose only one. If you've been using harsher ways, it might not be possible to leave it at once and shift to calmer ways immediately. It will take time, but what's most important is that you need to choose and try," I nodded my head, and Taehyung too nodded vigorously.

"And if you really want to stop with the gaming overload, I suggest that you get rid of everything related to it. If it is always within reach, it is not possible to keep yourself under control," I noted confidently.

Taehyung nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, so I don't actually feel like playing unless I see the console, which is pretty much whenever I'm at home. You're right. I should get rid of the console and the CDs. It's not even that I enjoy doing it or that I'm good at it. But I am kind of addicted to it, and I really want to stop," he sounded almost desperate.

"Yeah, I can totally understand you, Taehyung. It's not your fault. If you get rid of it, you might actually do a lot better than you think you can. And if you have any games installed on your phone, then uninstall those as well and probably block the gaming sites on your computer," I suggested reassuringly.

Taehyung nodded again and held my hand in both his hands and looked straight into my eyes. His eyes were slightly moist.

My heartbeat quickened in a flash.

"Doctor, you are so kind and compassionate. You truly understood what I felt like inside. Thank you so much. I am so glad I found you. I felt ashamed to admit to anyone that I had a gaming addiction. Everyone would dismiss it as childish, but my struggle is real. Thank you for hearing me out," he said sincerely and his pretty eyes, that I just couldn't look away from, reflected the little lights from the car stereo.

I touched his hands with my other hand and told him,
"Taehyung, life is like a magnet. If you're a good person, good things will happen to you just when you need it the most. You're a good person, and you will soon feel a lot better. I can assure you that. Believe in yourself."

"And I can already see that you will be an amazing mother," Taehyung shook my hands and flashed his big boxy smile making my heart do flips and somersaults.

Afsgdhsj

I returned his smile with my best smile, and after a few seconds of comfortable silence between us, I spoke first,
"Can we eat now?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry we've been in the car for so long. Let's go and eat now," he let out an embarrassed chuckle, put on his mask and got out of the car. I got down too and Taehyung locked the car and walked by my side as we entered the restaurant.

Man... he's so tall and sleek. Just so perfect.

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Gaming addiction is real, and just like any other form of addiction, it is hard to break away from it.
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