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I focused so much on what I wanted. I lost sight of what I deserved.
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Nov 22, 2020
Taehyung's POV

For the past few days, I've been busy with shoots, and I've hardly been able to talk well with Amy. She seems sad and stressed. Last night I got high on wine and hoped to have a blast in bed to make her forget things for a while, but she openly turned me down for the first time—unlike the other times when it was subtle or when neither of us was in the mood. I was upset, but I know how hard it must be for her. The anxiety about the test results is just killing it for us.

Last night, we slept very late, even though we did nothing, and today I woke up rather late and saw that Amy was in the kitchen already. I joined her, and we cooked a simple meal together seasoned with a lot of romance that seemed forced, as if we were both just trying to make up for last night more than wanting to feel each other's love.

I wanted to talk to her and listen to her and comfort her over our meal, but just as we were about to sit down for lunch, my phone rang.

Clicking my tongue in frustration, I shook my head.
"Aaargh... I wonder how people know the exact moment to disturb," I picked up the phone, grumbling and cursing.

It was a call from manager hyung.

"Hyung?" I answered casually.

"Taehyung, there's a short meeting today. We need you to come in," he informed me in all seriousness, the tone of his voice a bit stirred.

"Oh, and what is this about?" I raised my eyebrows, my fingers combing through my locks, pushing them away from my forehead.

I glanced over at Amy, waiting for me at the dining table to join her.

"It's something important, and it's about you," he said, sounding solemn.

What about me?

My eyebrows knitted in confusion, my heart starting to beat a little faster.
"What? When is the meeting?" I was confused.

"At 7 pm today. Oh, and none of the others know. So, don't tell anyone for now," he added, fueling the confusion brewing within my mind.

A secret meeting? About me? What could it be?

"Alright, I'll come," I replied vaguely, and we ended the call.

"Honey, is everything okay?" Amy walked up to me, her voice sounding concerned.

I stood puzzled, my face struggling to form an expression that could appropriately reflect the small pandemonium within my mind.

"You look confused. What happened?" She asked me, her eyes searching mine for an answer as she held my hand in hers.

"Manager hyung called now. There's a meeting at the company today at 7 pm. I have to attend it," I informed her, and she tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay, that's nothing unusual, right?" She was confused now.

"But this meeting is a secret one for just me, and it's about me, apparently," I looked at her puzzled, my eyebrows lifting, and my eyes riveted to her face, yet I wasn't looking into her eyes, my thoughts were distracted.

Her eyes widened.
"What? What's that supposed to mean, Tae?"

"I don't know," I shrugged weakly.

"Okay, let's not overthink. Just attend it casually. It won't be anything serious. Don't worry, okay, baby?" She held my face in her soft palms, and I touched her hands with mine, giving her a tired smile.

We ate together, and my mind was dragging in confusing thoughts, not letting me relax and do the much-needed talking that I originally planned on doing over lunch.

After the meal, we did the dishes and took a short nap, and I woke up Amy once I was dressed and ready to leave for the meeting. I usually wouldn't wake her up if she's sleeping when I leave—I would write a little note instead. But today, I felt as if I needed a warm hug from her more than anything else.

I sat on the bed beside her.
"Amy, baby..." I called out, softly stroking her head.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked at me.
"Tae, you're ready? I'm sorry I overslept," she mumbled sleepily and tried to get up.

"Baby, you don't have to get up. I'll leave now, and I'll call you once I'm done. We'll eat together, okay? Don't cook anything elaborate. Keep it simple, or we could just order delivery, that'll be easier," I said as I brushed some strands of hair away from her beautiful face.

"It's okay, Tae. You get going now, and call me when it's over. Be calm, okay?" She spoke positively and gave me a warm bear hug that encouraged me and reassured me as always. I felt a lot better, I really needed that hug.

"I will, baby. I love you," I bent and kissed her, and she caressed my jaw as she kissed me.

"I love you lots," Amy mumbled, pulling away slowly.

She saw me off at the door, and I drove off straight to the company, trying my best to stay cool all the while.

*At the company building*

I parked my car and called manager hyung.
"Hyung, where's the meeting?" I asked as I walked towards the elevator.

"Taehyung ah, come to CEO nim's room," he informed me.

"Okay," I ended the call and took the elevator straight to the CEO's room.

Knocking the door, I entered his room when he permitted me to do so. Inside, only CEO Park and manager hyung were present in the room, and I bowed to them.

"Taehyung, come sit down," said CEO nim, gesturing for me to take a seat facing him.

I sat down and looked at them.
"So, what is this about?" I asked.

CEO nim nodded, letting out a long breath as he leaned back in his seat.
"Taehyung, I don't want to beat around the bush. I'll get straight to the point. You know for a fact that you are the most sought-after young gen Korean actor in the whole world. Almost more than ninety percent of your fans are female fans, and apart from your screen presence and entertainment factors, what keeps the meter running is the fact that you are single. Or at least that's what fans think... I hope you are quite aware of this fact," CEO nim spoke in a serious tone, his face unusually stern.

"Of course, I do," I nodded, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the table.

"But because you're an actor, it doesn't mean you have to be chaste. You can date and live a normal life too. But, without garnering any attention from the media and the public. As you might already know, our agency doesn't have any dating bans for our artists," he elaborated, and I nodded in agreement, still unsure of the meeting agenda.

Manager hyung only looked at us both, not speaking a word.

CEO Park cleared his throat.
"Recently, I have received some pictures from insiders at Dispatch. I had to pay heavily to silence them, that's not a problem. But I wanted to get it clarified from you first," the seriousness in his tone didn't seem to be reducing at all.

"What pictures? I don't get it," I shook my head and shrugged, feeling lost.

"Take a look," he sighed and passed me a bunch of photos, crossing his arms over his stout belly thereafter.

Confused, I grabbed the pictures to take a look at them, and instantly I was stupefied, my jaw hanging open slightly. There were a total of about ten pictures of me crying with an injured Amy laying her head on my lap—from Jeju. There were pictures of us entering and exiting the maternity hospital and a few pictures in which Amy's face was clearly seen.

Media sneaking pictures of celebrities' private lives was not something new or unheard of, yet when I was at the receiving end, it felt like a sharp whack on my face.

My eyes shot up at them as my hands trembled a bit. But I closed my eyes briefly and gathered my thoughts together.

"Any explanations, Taehyung?" CEO nim asked me, looking at me through the top of his glasses.

There was a moment of silence in the room. When the root cause of a confusing situation is unknown, it keeps troubling the mind, but once the cause is known, there is an instant calmness that settles in, which would of course be followed by more confusion and frantic thoughts. Right now, I was experiencing that short-lived moment of calmness.

"I am dating her, and we are expecting our first baby very soon," I replied calmly.

Both their eyebrows shot up, and they exchanged shocked glances, CEO nim almost jostling in his seat.

"What? Baby? Already? How long have you been dating? And are you married yet?" CEO nim questioned me a bit furiously.

I nodded calmly.
"We've been dating for over a year now. We're engaged, and we are getting married soon, I'm thinking January," I answered confidently and casually leaned back in my seat.

CEO Park clicked his tongue in irritation, snatching his glasses off his face and slamming them on the table.
"Tch.. Taehyung, I don't know if you realize how disastrous this could be for your career. But a married artist never sells. And whether you like it or not, your wife will get hatred and threats from furious fans. That's the reason we always choose to keep the artist's private lives unrevealed to the public. It is not safe at all because you never know how the news will go down with fans and anti-fans," he stated angrily.

I let out a long breath to compose my thoughts.
"We could have postponed the marriage, but now that the baby is on its way, we can't delay it. We will keep the wedding really private and low-key though. Don't worry," I reassured him, nodding a few times.

He wasn't convinced as he shook his head and said,
"Dispatch is all about getting into your private zones. They are paid to do that. You know it, don't you? I can't pay them off all the time," the accusatory tone of his words made me a bit nervous.

"I understand, CEO nim. I'm sorry about what has happened. We will be careful from now on, and the wedding will be really private. Please don't worry," I reassured him again, despite feeling a bit paranoid about the direction in which this meeting was headed.

He clicked his tongue.
"Taehyung, you should've been more careful. Having a baby at this stage will be bad for your career. You're not even thirty yet, and your career is at its peak now. How can you risk it all for something that could wait?" His words were strong, and I felt offended at his judgemental remark.

Ignoring the turbulence within my head, I nodded calmly.
"But what has happened has already happened. We can't change it now, and we will be more careful in the future," I said, and he sighed, a long and annoyed breath escaping his lips.

"I would suggest that you put off the wedding for now. And are you living together?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, we are living together now, and no, we can't put off the wedding. I want to get married to her before the baby is born in March," I stated conclusively.

CEO nim flailed his arms in the air, letting out an amused chuckle.
"It makes no sense. I understand that you can't break up now since you're expecting a baby. Taehyung, fame is transient. So capitalize on it. I'm just telling you to stay away until you're mainstream. A few more years maybe? And then you can get married. Most of the young fans will lose interest once you turn thirty. It's only three or four years from now," he spoke clearly, and although I wanted to speak, somehow I suddenly felt that his words made sense. All the words that I was mentally stringing together to give him as a reply suddenly vanished into thin air, and I sat blankly.

He capitalized on my silence and continued speaking,
"I'm telling you again. You don't have to break up with her. Dispatch is taken care of for now. Just stay away and be an actor alone for a few more years, and you can go back to being a boyfriend and a dad and a husband later," he crossed his arms and looked at me.

I glanced at Manager hyung who nodded in agreement.

Dumbfounded, I sat in total silence and thought for a long while after which my head started to hurt, and I decided to leave the place to breathe and think in peace.
"Okay, I will think about it and let you know. I need some time to think. I need to discuss with her," I answered rather softly.

CEO nim hummed in approval.
"Take your time but don't be seen outside with her in the meantime. That's it... this was what I wanted to talk to you about," he declared and leaned back in his seat, cracking the stiffness in his neck and stretching out his arms above his head.

I nodded and got up to leave.

"I hope you decide wisely," he interrupted my thoughts, and I bowed and left the room.

I was confused and felt strangled. I wanted to throw up. I went straight to my car and sat there thinking what to do.

CEO nim makes sense. But what about Amy and our son then? Will she be okay with postponing the wedding? We already had a life only inside the four walls of my house. I always feel guilty for not being able to take her out on dates as a regular guy would. She is missing out on so many things for my sake although she never shows it out. And now putting off the wedding and staying away from her will only make her feel distraught.

What do I do?

I called Jimin first before telling Amy.

"Jimin ah... where are you?" I asked him as I got out of my car.

"At the company. Where are you?" He asked calmly, completely unaware of the quicksand that I had stuck my feet into.

"I'm here too, and I want to meet you. Where can I find you? Are you alone now?" I asked him as I started jogging towards the elevator.

"I'm at the ninth floor rehearsal room with Jungkook. No one else is here, come over," he replied.

"I'll be there in two minutes," I ended the call and rushed to the rehearsal room.

Once inside, I locked the door and went up to Jimin and Jungkook.

"Hyung what happened? Why did you lock the door? You look tense," Jungkook was worried, his eyes rounding in concern.

"Guys, sit down. I have something to tell you," I told them, and the three of us huddled around on the floor.

I told them elaborately about the meeting with CEO nim.

Jimin sighed.
"Taehyung ah... I don't know what to say. But you should discuss it with Amy first. It was you who wanted the wedding right away, right? She was okay with anything you decided," he spoke rationally.

"That's right..." I nodded, the throb within my skull intensifying in magnitude.

"Hyung, CEO nim has a point there. But, it's not that you can't date her anymore. You can still do it, but more privately. He only wants you to put off the wedding for now," Jungkook's words made sense too.

I nodded many times.
"I too felt the same. He made sense, but the only dates we go on these days is to the maternity hospital. I'm really worried about Amy though. She'll be disappointed," I said sadly, letting my head drop.

"Taehyung ah, she's more broad-minded and empathetic than you think she is. She knows what your life is like. She'll understand and accept it, be confident," Jimin comforted me.

I lay down on the floor and massaged my temples. The guys sat beside me for a while and then resumed sword fighting practise for their upcoming period drama.

The situation was sticky, and I had absolutely no idea how to go about it, no matter how hard I thought of various possible solutions.

My career is, of course, a huge priority. And Amy would choose it over anything, any day. But what a dick I would be if I too chose my career over her and the baby?

My choices were few, if not just one at the moment, and I had no other way to go about the situation at hand than to face it. After a while, I got up and texted Amy.

Me:
Meeting is done

Me:
I'm headed home now baby

Amy:
Waiting for you baby 😊

I informed the guys and left the building. My mind was oscillating, and it was a hard decision, but I had to do it. I only hoped that Amy would take it well.

She is already stressing out about the screening test. I really don't want to add to her worries by telling her this. But it is better now than later, right? Should I wait till the results come? What do I do?

Shit! I feel so strangled.

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Trouble... more stress.