private messages

smelly
TIME TO WAKE

smelly
YOU TRAITOROUS SNAKE

smelly
Ha HA HooHOO

smelly
WE ARE HAVING WORDS

junebug
are you on cocaine

junebug
it's 5:34 am

smelly
i know i slept in super late this morning

smelly
i'm exhausted from last night

junebug
just recharge your batteries or plug yourself back in the wall or whatever you it is you do

smelly
implying i'm a robot how clever

smelly
i can hardly breathe for laughing

smelly
you, june berthilde harmon, are a true comedian

junebug
not my middle name

smelly
be quiet june berthilde

smelly
HANG ON HOW DARE YOU???

smelly
STOP DISTRACTING ME

junebug
from what?

smelly
i don't remember now you soggy paper towel

smelly
ugh my head feels like a blender

smelly
this is why i always go to bed at 8:30 pm

smelly
AHOAHO WAIT

smelly sent an audio message!

junebug
it's too early for your threatening laugh

smelly
that's my normal laugh

smelly
anyways i don't give a hoot and a half

smelly
we're talking about last night NOW

junebug
yeah that's a good idea

junebug
why don't we start off with the fact that you ADOPTED A TURTLE WITH TOM

smelly
nice try judas

smelly
why don't we start off with the fact that

smelly
you

smelly
kissed

smelly
seb

junebug
concerned for my safety

smelly
WHAYSIOY HWI YOUS GONA DO THAT ANDNWOW TELL ME

junebug
concerned for your safety now

junebug
was that a stroke

junebug
should i call an ambulance or a funeral home

smelly
JUNE

junebug
listen it's not a big deal

junebug
he was drunk and we kissed once and now we're going to forget it ever happened

smelly
THE FUCK WE WILL

smelly
YOU'RE IN LOVE

smelly
HE'S IN LOVE

junebug
come on mel

junebug
it was just one kiss it's not like we're going to grow old together and die in each other's arms

smelly
sorry i could hear you over the sound of me booking a quaint outdoors venue for your wedding

junebug
my perfect wedding

junebug
which will never happen

smelly
june just take a second and think about this

smelly
you're stupidly in love with this man and he obviously feels the same

junebug
or he drank too many tequila shots last night

smelly
seb didn't drink anything last night

junebug
what?

smelly
he kissed you completely sober

junebug
how do you know that you were drunk too

smelly
well i kind of wasn't

junebug
you mean you hung out with tom and let him hug you and bought that reptile with him completely sober??

smelly
don't talk about my son that way

junebug
??? ???? ?????

smelly
tom and i have joint custody

junebug
you're not really going to send that turtle back and forth from london to sf

smelly
he's a tortoise

junebug
they're the same thing

smelly

junebug
i was starting to worry about the lack of memes in this conversation

smelly

junebug
nic is going to need so much counseling

junebug
good thing you have such a supportive wife

smelly
tom is not my wife

junebug
oh yeah?

junebug
then how come you assumed i was talking about tom

smelly

junebug
you text constantly

junebug
you've hung out almost every day in la

junebug
you literally adopted a pet together

smelly

junebug
memes can't save you now

junebug
we're all staying in the same apartment i know he slept over

smelly
kind of like how seb slept in your room last night?

junebug
on the FLOOR

junebug
plus aren't you seeing tom again tomorrow??

smelly
i'm just going to the set

junebug
tom hasn't even brought harrison to the set mel

junebug
this is a relationship milestone

smelly

smelly
i always forget what a great sense of humor you have

smelly
he's only taking me because i don't care enough about the mcu to leak spoilers

junebug
you DonT carE abouT the McU

junebug
remind me why we're friends

smelly
self preservation

smelly
each of your limbs would be on separate continents if you didn't stay on my good side

junebug
right

junebug is typing...

junebug
can you just admit you like tom

smelly

junebug
mel

smelly

smelly
howbow nah

junebug
that meme is dead

smelly
and soon you will be too

junebug
does admitting you like spending time with tom not compute with your programming or something

smelly
i don't know what you're talking about

smelly
tom drives me crazy

junebug
yeah he does

smelly
not that way i mean he makes me insane

smelly
all he does is smile and pet dogs and cook me pudding

smelly
i'm always expecting him to break into song or something

junebug
god that sounds awful someone take him away and save you

smelly
he's too nice june

smelly
what is he hiding

junebug
what

smelly
what kind of person has no flaws

smelly
who is he really

junebug
has anyone every told you you can be kind of paranoid

smelly
no

smelly
who said that

smelly
what did they say specifically

junebug
mel

smelly
what do you want me to say?

smelly
that i don't hate tom?

smelly
because fine i don't hate tom

smelly
i don't hate him or his scrapbooking or his little crooked nose

junebug

[deleted]

junebug
gee mel that's practically a declaration of undying love

smelly
i know i'm getting soft

smelly
this is why i hate making new friends

junebug
"friends"

junebug
you're a terrible liar mel

smelly
so are you

smelly
$56 says you're out with seb right now

junebug
why $56

smelly
that's all i have

junebug is typing...

junebug
fine we're technically out for lunch

junebug
hypothetically

junebug
in theory

smelly
WHAT

junebug
bye!! i have to go on a date with my ex boyfriend!!

smelly

read 1:23 pm

smelly
JUNE BERTHILDE HARMON YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT
read 1:23 pm

smelly
you limp banana peel
read 1:23 pm

AUTHOR'S NOTE: vroom vroom bitch i'm hitting the accelerator on every relationship in this fic. prepare for everyone to fall in love at an unrealistic rate