the golden trio
[3 participants]

plant mom
I'M SO EXCITED YOU'RE COMING HOME

plant mom
WE'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

melton john
yeah i can't wait to get back and see my cherished loved ones

plant mom
awww that's so sweet of you

melton john
yup

plant mom
you're talking about the pudding cups you left behind in the fridge aren't you

melton john
yup

god
it seems like you're having a good time in la though

god
a really really good time

melton john
this feels vaguely like a trap

god

god
look what was on the world wide web this morning

melton john
i don't know where that came from

melton john
i, a good christian woman, have never touched a man in my life

god
well the caption on this photo said you two are "lovers"

god
i mean super weird word choice but still

melton john
you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet

god
you mean i didn't really win a cruise to the bahamas????

melton john
and there aren't actually any hot singles in your area

melton john
sorry buddy

plant mom
aw that's such a cute picture!

plant mom
are you going to miss him?

melton john
yes
[deleted]

melton john
miss who

plant mom
tom

melton john
no why would i

god
oh i don't know

god
maybe because you're in love with him but really who knows

melton john
ian did you know i can make napalm out of common dish soap and diet coke

melton john
don't fuck with me

god

god
there's that holiday spirit

plant mom
speaking of

plant mom
i can't believe we didn't get to spend the holidays together this year😭

god
yeah we missed you

melton john
aw how was chriskwanzmukkah

god
the usual

plant mom
made a some secular cookies

god
decorated the non denominational holiday bush

plant mom
sang a lot of carols

melton john
1D or ke$ha?

god
big time rush

melton john
nice

melton john
sounds like a good time

god
thank god you're coming back though

god
things have been so boring around here

god
i mean there were a couple of fires obviously

plant mom
and we have a dorm rat named travis now

god
i lived in the air vents for three days

plant mom
and maelle lost a toe

god
but yeah it's been pretty dull

melton john
this is why we're on 911's blocked caller list

plant mom
well usually you're there to be the dorm mom and keep us all in check

melton john
i am not the dorm mom

god
you're right that implies she cares about our wellbeing

melton john
plus dorm mom is lame

melton john
i'm cool

melton john
i'm the dorm cool aunt who lets you ride in her motorcycle sidecar and gives you cash and snorts spinach sticks

god
for the last time spinach stick is not a term for weed

melton john
that's what you said about gram cracker too

plant mom
also you don't snort weed you smoke it

melton john
you shouldn't even know that you heathen 

plant mom
see that's the dorm mom in you talking

melton john
ugh how did i even end up babysitting a bunch of twenty one year olds

melton john
i didn't sign up for this

god
yes you did you're one of the RAs

god
you literally signed up for this

melton john
oh right

melton john
but only because i wanted to see if a position of authority would make it easier to turn you guys against one another

god
hah yeah right

melton john
remember when you and remy didn't talk for 3 weeks because you each thought the other person ate the last cheese cracker

melton john
guess who ate the last cheese cracker bitch

god
you monster

plant mom
so mel is a manipulative power hungry war lord

plant mom
what's new

AUTHOR'S NOTE: can you tell that i'm speeding through the holidays as fast as i can so i can get to the real life chapters and the drama i have planned