private messages

my tiny son
hey june

my tiny son
can i ask you a question

mama june
here it comes

mama june
i knew this day would arrive

mama june
you want to know how babies are made don't you

my tiny son
i am an ADULT

mama june
sure sweetie

mama june
well when a man and a woman love each other very much...

my tiny son
STOP

my tiny son
i don't deserve this i am a full grown man

mama june
you still watch dora the explorer

my tiny son
it's educational

mama june
i watched you eat baby food out of a jar on set

my tiny son
for protein

mama june
you use johnson and johnson's baby shampoo

my tiny son
yeah no more tears june

my tiny son
now if you'll excuse me i have to exercise my LEGAL RIGHT to drink until i forget this conversation

mama june
aw did i hurt your feelings tommy

my tiny son
i mean a little bit

my tiny son
but i only shed like twelve tears in my trailer and wrote one page in my journal about it

mama june
sorry sweetie pie

mama june
what did you want to ask me

my tiny son is typing...

my tiny son
how did you know you liked seb

mama june
what do you mean

my tiny son
i mean when did you realize that you wanted to be with him

mama june
i think it was when we were sitting on lizzie's roof together and there was a shooting star

mama june
and i remember i wished for that one moment in time to never end

mama june
right then that was all i wanted, more than anything else in the world i could've wished for

my tiny son
you seem sappier than usual

mama june
just been thinking about a lot of things

my tiny son
like seb?

mama june
like whether avril lavigne was replaced by a clone in 2001

mama june is typing...

mama june
and also seb a little bit i guess

my tiny son

mama june
what's with the questions anyway

mama june
is this about mel

my tiny son
haha what

my tiny son
no

my tiny son
idk

my tiny son
maybe a little bit

mama june
MY SON IS IN LOVE

my tiny son
stop

mama june
fret not you may have mel's hand in marriage

mama june
although there is a dowry

mama june
14 cows delivered to my doorstep by tuesday

my tiny son
who made you this way

mama june
god bitch

mama june
sorry i called you bitch i got excited

mama june
back to your love life

my tiny son
it's nothing

mama june
it's not nothing

my tiny son
no that's the problem it really is nothing

my tiny son
mel hates me

mama june
she doesn't hate you

my tiny son
she called me a devious clump of overpriced fabric and hair gel

mama june
i know mel can be prickly

my tiny son
if by prickly you mean murderous yes

mama june
listen tom as much as she acts like she hates the world and everything in it she doesn't actually

mama june
you've seen how she feels about physics

mama june
the truth is mel feels that way about a lot of things

my tiny son
yeah but i'm not one of those things

mama june
why do you say that

my tiny son
we never talk about real stuff you know

my tiny son
it's mostly just me using bad science pickup lines and mel coming up with creative ways to hurt me

my tiny son
we've been talking for months and i still feel like mel is a stranger sometimes

mama june
M O N T H S

mama june
sorry this is a really exciting time in my life

mama june
back to our regularly scheduled suffering and uncertainty

my tiny son
i just don't know what to do with myself

my tiny son
mel's made it clear there's no space for me in her life

mama june
mel doesn't mean to be that way you know

mama june
she's just so focused on her future she forgets the world is actually still spinning around her in the present

mama june
her life is all organized and black and white and i don't think we were ever part of her plan

my tiny son
why is mel that way about academics anyways

mama june
i think she's just always felt she had something to prove

mama june
she's the first in her family to graduate high school and her parents didn't even want her to go to college

mama june
they wanted her to go back to brazil with them and settle down or something

mama june
i think that's where she'd be right now if she hadn't gotten a full ride scholarship to berkley

my tiny son
mel's destined for so much more than just being someone's wife

mama june
i know

mama june is typing...

mama june
did mel ever tell you how we met

my tiny son
no

mama june
don't tell her i told you this because she'll flay me alive

mama june
i met mel for the first time working as a receptionist in a therapist's office

my tiny son
mel was voluntarily in therapy?

mama june
the school counselor forced mel to go to a session because she was working herself to death and she didn't even care

mama june
we started talking and we just never really stopped

mama june
see mel is insanely smart but she's the kind of smart that comes from years of hard work not the kind you're born with

mama june
she wrecked herself in high school trying to be president of everything and be in every club and team and get perfect grades

mama june
so when she acts like she doesn't care she's really just trying to cover up the fact that she cares too much about everything

my tiny son
i never knew any of that stuff

mama june
mel's not a big sharer

mama june
she'll tell you she's fine until she's halfway in a grave

my tiny son
wow

my tiny son
i always thought she was incredible

my tiny son
now i know she's incredible

mama june
she's a good kid

my tiny son
she's so smart june and she makes me laugh so hard and i know she's kind no matter how hard she tried to hide it

my tiny son
all this makes her just that more unattainable

my tiny son
how is someone like that ever going to want to be with someone like me

mama june
oh my god

mama june
you're so in love with her it's not even funny

my tiny son
am not

mama june
right and the moon landing was real

mama june
why else would you ask me all these questions

my tiny son
fine

my tiny son
i have a big pathetic crush on a girl way too good for me i've only spent six days with

mama june

my tiny son
june please don't tell her

mama june
don't worry your secret's safe with me kiddo

mama june
but i can't promise i won't do everything in my power to make you two fall in love and live happily ever after

my tiny son
i think i could live with that

my tiny son
thanks for telling me that stuff june

my tiny son
i like mel but i feel like i only know pieces of her

my tiny son
i want her for everything she is

mama june
forget the 14 cows you can marry her right this instant

my tiny son
well i'll bring you a nice chicken at least

my tiny son
i'm not stingy

mama june
you're a good egg tom

mama june
mel will see that too eventually i'm sure of it

my tiny son
well i'll be here waiting for her if she does

mama june
honestly who even are you

mama june
no man would ever

my tiny son
seb would

mama june
speaking of i actually have to go

mama june
i have a date :)

my tiny son

my tiny son
YOU'RE ON ANOTHER DATE

my tiny son
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED

my tiny son
AND I DIDN'T EVEN NEED MY CARABINERS

mama june
wait what worked

my tiny son
uh nothing

mama june
tom

my tiny son
the locusts are back! my crops! i must go!

mama june
hang on

my tiny son
MY CROPS

my tiny son
GOODBYE

AUTHOR'S NOTE: i always like to sprinkle in a tiny bit of angst around chapter 30. nothing like some forced backstory and painfully placed character development (i'm trying guys)