nerd nation
[10+ participants]

mel
i'm leaving for a few days to go to jeb's wedding

mel
i put a fire extinguisher in the hallway, notified all local emergency centers, and left grilled cheese sandwiches and juice boxes for everyone in the common room

mel
please try to postpone your regularly scheduled depravity and stay out of jail until i'm back

remy
did you burn the grilled cheese a little bit just how we like

mel
yes

scott
awww mel

scott
that's so sweet

mel
what are you talking about

ian
you looove us

mel
no i don't

hitomi
yes you do you don't want anything bad to happen to us

mel
have you seen how much paperwork i would have to do if one of you died

remy
yeah right

sajan
psa mel santiago has a heart everyone!!

hector
i think you kind of like us

mel
i would sell you for a mint hector your life means nothing to me

hector

scott
nah i still think you love us

mel
need i remind you all that i keep blackmail files on each of you

mel
and i will not hesitate to use them to my advantage if you continue this

ian
keep threatening them mel

ian
this is excellent material for my novel

sajan
ugh not another one

ian
what do you mean

ian
you guys loved the last book i wrote

ian
you said the lord of the forgotten realms was a masterpiece

hitomi
we lied

ian
what

ian
but it had everything you guys like

ian
magic, explosions, talking animals

scott
right and it also has everything we hate

remy
magic, explosions, talking animals

sajan
i for one am actually partial to explosions

ian
hang on did you guys not like a single part of it

mel
i liked the ending

ian
thank you mel

ian
what did you like about it exactly

mel
that it was over

ian

reyna
i wrote a book once

reyna
Do It Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People

reyna
ny times bestseller for four months in a row

ian

mel
y'all better behave while i'm gone

sajan
we'll be perfect angels

mel
well now i know something terrible is going to happen

mel
hitomi do me a favor and hide everything sharp and flammable from him

hitomi
on it

mel
i'm stressed i've never left you guys alone before

mel
i just know something bad is going to happen

mel
i have pre traumatic stress disorder

remy
we'll be fine mel

scott
yeah we'll take care of each other

ian
no decathlon member left behind

scott
wait where's nina

remy
yeah she hasn't said anything this whole time

mel
nina couldn't make it

ian
oh my god did you kill her

mel
what no

sajan
are you sure

mel
she's probably just busy

mel
serving satan is a full-time job

ian
there it is

ian
i was wondering how long you would last

mel
shut up ian

hitomi
wait what's going on

scott
did you remove nina from this convo she doesn't show up as a participant anymore

remy
mel brought grilled cheese AND beef

mel
nothing's going on

ian
then you don't mind if i add her back right

ian added nina to nerd nation!

mel
i like the zoo

mel
there the snakes stay behind the glass

nina
what the hell mel

mel
*what the mel

nina
i'm serious

nina
you can't just kick me out because i do something you don't like

scott
is anyone else confused

remy
sexually? yes

nina
mel is mad at me because i'm going to seb and june's wedding with tom

mel
no i'm not

ian
yes you are

mel
okay cool it ian this isn't a team effort

nina
i thought you didn't care anyways mel

nina
in fact i'm pretty sure you told tom it was totally fine to take me to the wedding as his date

mel
i don't care i just think it's dumb to take someone you don't even like

nina
aren't you taking arjun

mel
i could like arjun

nina
and tom could like me couldn't he?

mel
oh

mel
does he?

nina
of course not mel

nina
no offense but for someone so smart you can be pretty dumb

mel
uh offense taken

mel
a lot of offense taken

nina
i don't like him and he doesn't like me

nina
we're only going together because of you

mel
what do you mean?

nina
jesus

mel
actually i'm mel

mel
it's a common misconception

nina
mel

nina
you two stress me the fuck out

nina
if one of you doesn't say what you're actually feeling i'm going to lose it

mel
what i'm feeling is attacked

nina
MEL

nina
we're just going together to make you jealous!

mel
wait what

mel
really?

nina
yes you fool

nina
he's only going with me because you're going with arjun

nina
tom is nice and all but he's not my type

mel
which is?

nina
not desperately in love with another girl

mel
he said that?

nina
he didn't have to mel

nina
everyone's known for ages

nina
everyone except you

mel
oh

mel
i don't know what to say

nina
don't say anything just go to the wedding and take care of it

mel
okay but how do i make it look like an accident

nina
i'm not saying murder!

nina
just talk to him and maybe save him a dance

mel
okay

mel
okay i think i can do that

AUTHOR'S NOTE: the truth is out (there)