the golden trio
[3 participants]

plant mom
guys do you hear that rustling in the kitchen

plant mom
it's 5am what are they doing

god
oh my god the raccoons are back

plant mom
it's not the raccoons ian

god
you don't understand what those slippery bastards took from me

plant mom
what did they take

god
physically? 4 banana peels a hot pocket wrapper and half of my flip flop

god
emotionally? everything

melton john
guys chill it's just me

plant mom
mel what the heck are you doing

melton john
making taffy

god
what the fuck

plant mom
mel it's 5am

melton john
no it's taffy time

god
oh my god is this like the lemon bars

melton john
that was different

plant mom
you made 64 lemon bars in an hour then cried for 2 days and napped through the third

plant mom
if you're making desserts in excess you're teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown

melton john
guys i'm fine!

god
you're making taffy at 5am

melton john
because i love candy!

god
you hate candy

god
you said it "causes cavities"

melton john
yeah ian it does

god
false accusations

god
i won't tolerate your slander of a delicious and beloved treat

melton john
well i eat tons of candy so

god
you take multivitamins

melton john
they're gummy multivitamins

god
something doesn't add up here

god
taffy is fun

god
mel is not

melton john
i'm fun

melton john
i watched a documentary about tax returns the other day

melton john
pretty wild

plant mom
how much taffy did you make

melton john
like a lot

god
hell yeah

plant mom
no ian

plant mom
mel is clearly going through an emotional breakdown

plant mom
we are not going to enable her and eat her candy

melton john
i'm fine

melton john
i only made 9 different flavors

plant mom
oh my god

plant mom
do we call someone

god
what flavors

plant mom
ian focus

god
i am focused

god
on the massive amounts of free candy next door

plant mom
mel why don't you back away from the taffy and tell us what's wrong

melton john
i'm totally fine

melton john
i think

melton john
maybe

god
do you hear that??

god
the raccoons ARE back

god
i can hear them yowling

melton john
still me

plant mom
oh no she's moved into the crying phase

melton john
there's so much taffy

melton john
what have i done

melton john
i just wanted to take my mind off things

plant mom
what things

melton john
i don't know

melton john
MIT decisions come out tomorrow and i think i'm in love with tom and getting in means i don't get to be with him but getting in is my dream

melton john
wait do you hear that

plant mom
ian is choking violently

plant mom
let me go deliver the heimlich

plant mom
continue

god
WHAT THE FUCK

god
YOU

god
I

god
WHAT

god
FUCK

melton john
you both seem very calm

plant mom
i can't say i'm surprised

plant mom
my inner eye told me you were

plant mom
also i hid under the bed and listened in on your call with june

melton john
you what

plant mom
so back to emotional turmoil

plant mom
why can't you be with tom?

melton john
if i get into MIT i have to move across the entire country

melton john
he'll be in los angeles

god
but what about long distance???

melton john
i don't think i could do that to him

melton john
he deserves someone who can be there for him

god
how do i yell bullshit at the top of my lungs but in a nice way

melton john
it's not bullshit

god
yes it is that boy has been hopelessly in love with you for years

melton john
and he should be with someone who can love him like that too

melton john
if i get into MIT my career is going to be the most important thing in my life

melton john
i won't have time for anything or anyone else

plant mom
wait guys not to interrupt but i really hear something this time

melton john
THE RACCOONS

melton john
THEY'RE HERE

melton john
THEY CAME FOR THE TAFFY AND REVENGE

AUTHOR'S NOTE: i can't believe there's only 3 chapters of this fic left. (ps: if i do another social media fic who do you guys want to see?)