virginity war
[10+ participants]

tommy h
why is mel so mean to me

scar jo
since when do you talk to mel santiago??

tommy h
i don't

tommy h
yet

tommy h
she keeps denying my follow requests on instagram

mack the knife
mel denies everyone you ain't special hoe

chubby dumpling
it's because mel exists in a state of constant rage

chubby dumpling
she's like a coral

lizzie
that's not even close to right seb

robert frowney jr
yeah that's not a scientific fact at all

chubby dumpling
it is i read it in national geographic

tommy h
well you also think the moon landing was faked so

chubby dumpling
yeah because it was

chubby dumpling
there's no atmosphere how did the flag fly in the wind

crisp evans
seb no not again

crisp evans
ever since he moved back in with me all he can talk about is conspiracy theories

tic tac
You Know Who rubbed off on him

chubby dumpling
june isn't voldemort

chubby dumpling
we broke up 1 year 4 months and 12 days ago you can say her name

hemsworthy
but who's counting right

ruffalo wild wings
wait who's mel santiago

lizzie
june's best friend

scar jo
my bitter sarcastic hero

tommy h
uc berkeley theoretical physics major

chad danforth
an angel who was cast from heaven

ruffalo wild wings
aw she sounds sweet!

chad danforth
i meant that she's lucifer

robert frowney jr
remember when she threw a cabbage at your head chadwick

tommy h
how come i'm the only one who hasn't met mel

hemsworthy
we've never met mel either

ruffalo wild wings
yeah we basically missed seb and june's entire relationship

hemworthy
because no one put put us in the gc hem hem

scar jo
i can't tell if he's coughing for emphasis or making a pun out of his own name

ruffalo wild wings
but we're not bitter

tommy h
well i am

tommy h
you guys never invite me to do fun stuff like produce punting

lizzie
because you're always too busy

mack the knife
and because you're a little bitch

tommy h
status update: feeling attacked

tic tac
idk all i'm hearing is tom is definitely in love with mel

tommy h
what

chubby dumpling

chubby dumpling
YES

chubby dumpling
THIS IS MY DREAM

scar jo
you guys would be so cute together

chad danforth
assuming mel has human emotions and isn't hopelessly out of his league

lizzie
i have to text june she'll be so excited!!

tommy h
whoa whoa stop

tommy h
i'm not in love with mel

tommy h
i don't even know anything about her

squawk eye
You've googled her multiple times, Tom.

ruffalo wild wings
i forgot renner texts like it's the 1800s

tic tac
we can't all be as young and hip as me

squawk eye
*As I. Grammar matters!

tic tac
shut up you grackle

robert frowney jr
why are we ignoring the fact that our boy literally looked up mel santiago using the google search engine

mack the knife
i'm not saying that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard someone do to get a girl

mack the knife
but that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard someone do to get a girl

tommy h
so what if i googled her!

tommy h
i'm sure everyone here has googled her before

tic tac
no

crisp evans
no

scar jo
i haven't

hemsworthy
um no

ruffalo wild wings
no

robert frowney jr
nope

lizzie
never

chubby dumpling
no

squawk eye
No.

chad danforth
once to see if she had a criminal record

tommy h
well this is awkward

AUTHOR'S NOTE: i missed the old mcu groupchat so here's a new version with chris #2 and ruffalo. i didn't put in boondoggle cumshot or chris pratt because it's just too many people fam i can't do it. i miss having june in there though. maybe i'll just add her in since theory is already turning into sonata: the sequel