nerd nation
[10+ participants]

mel
i have good news guys!

ian
it's a trap

ian
mel never uses exclamation marks

mel
no i'm serious

ian
what could you possibly consider good news

mel
what do you mean

ian
you called it "bad news" when i got my casts because my broken legs were finally healed

nina
legs? plural?

ian
i broke both my legs sophomore year

sajan
wasn't my fault that time

remy
doing what?

ian
i jumped off the roof of a frat house

nina
are you serious

ian
i was testing a parachute

hitomi
it was a plastic bag tied around his neck with fruit by the foot

ian
but that was two years ago when i was young and dumb

mel
you did the same thing last week

ian
ah the heartless wench speaks

mel
i am not heartless

mel
i consider certain things good news

mel
it's just that when you got your casts off you lost your handicap permit

mel
which i used to park in the handicap spots

ian
is that why every time we hung out you ran errands

mel
yeah the handicap spot at trader joe's is a+

hitomi
you're definitely going to hell mel

mel
that's why it rhymes

scott
i'm very curious to know what mel considers good news now

ian
did a new office depot open up

nina
did you make someone cry

scott
did carl sagan return from the dead

sajan
*carl sajan

sajan
ha

mel
how dare you disgrace his name sajan

mel
and no my candlelit shrine reminds me of that every day

remy
maybe the good news is that hector quit decathlon

hector
i'm still here bitch

remy
damn

mel
stop being crusty for one second so i can tell you the good news

nina
okay what is it

mel
ready?

mel
we're going to nationals!!!

hitomi
HOLY SHIT

scott
no way!!

scott
we made it??

remy
WE'RE GOING TO CONQUER THE WORLD

remy
THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES WILL BOW AT OUR FEET

nina
oh my god oh my god oh my god

sajan
time for a celebratory bonfire!!!!

mel
sajan no

sajan
you never let me do anything fun

mel
speaking of which

mel
it's time to calm down

ian
mel this is exciting we don't need to calm down

ian
you need to calm UP

mel
i know this is exciting but it's also serious

mel
we need to get down to business

hitomi
aw come on mel

mel
sorry but there's not going to be any fucking around this time

sajan
right because last time was just a three month long party

mel
i'm serious

mel
we're going to meet 4 times a week

mel
every other sunday we'll hold a practice competition

mel
no one is allowed to bring anything flammable

mel
and i'm banning all alcohol and drugs

remy
seriously mel??

mel
i need you sharp and sober if we're going to win

sajan
we would never touch alcohol or satan's vine

nina
you mean the devil's lettuce

mel
exactly no one goes near lucifer's quinoa

reyna
you're right forget that weak shit

reyna
i know where to get the good stuff

ian
uh oh

reyna
no my guy is reputable

reyna
he has all his fingernails and only lives under a bridge part time

mel
yup that's a no

AUTHOR'S NOTE: i never know where to end these things. anyway here's another healthy serving of nerd nation because i would die for each and every one of my messy children