nerd nation
[10+ participants]

ian
hello mel

ian
welcome to your intervention

mel
what?

sajan
we're going to fix your problems through the power of community spirit and love!

scott
we're here for you

nina
we know the past few weeks have been rough for you

hitomi
but we're starting to worry

remy
don't take this the wrong way but you're kind of falling apart

mel
what are you talking about i'm fine

hitomi
you're not

hitomi
all you do is study

scott
yeah you were in the library for 8 entire hours on sunday

remy
scott and i timed it

remy
you didn't even take a single snack break it was kind of impressive

scott
remy

scott
stay on topic please

ian
you don't sleep

nina
you don't speak to people anymore

mel
that's not true

nina
the librarian doesn't count

mel
that's slightly more true then

ian
you've cut us all out of your life

hitomi
you're supposed to be our captain and you haven't spoken to anyone or scheduled any meetings

mel
i'm sorry i've been busy

sajan
no you've been hiding

sajan
what's going on with you mel?

nina
you can talk to us

nina
i mean not reyna obviously

scott
yeah she'll definitely sell your secrets to the government

remy
but the rest of us are here for you

mel
guys i'm really fine

mel
i just have a lot going on right now

ian
is this about tom

mel
no it's not about tom ian

mel
would you stop bringing him up

nina
what happened with tom?

sajan
i thought you guys were like best friends

mel
we're taking a break

hitomi
from what

mel
speaking to each other

hector
wait you guys broke up??

mel
we were never dating you hardboiled egg

mel
dating requires romance, potential longevity, and actual physical attraction

remy
uh have you had an eye exam lately

mel
my vision is 20/20

remy
yeah and tom is 20/20 too

mel
whatever

mel
i'm perfectly fine without tom

hitomi
are you sure

hitomi
no offense but you've kind of been spiraling

nina
you come to class in your bathrobe every day

mel
well what's the point of putting on clothes if you're just going to take them off again

mel
it's inefficient

scott
also your most played playlist consists solely of sad songs from homeless puppy commercials and a 7 minute version of the wah wah trombone sound effect

sajan
plus all you eat is soup

sajan
like for every meal

sajan
which is a real cry for help

mel
have you been watching me eat in the dining hall??

sajan
yeah kara and i have been filming you for our film project

mel
kara told me you were supposed to do a tragedy

sajan
exactly

scott
listen it's time to take your life in a new direction

remy
preferably forward

mel
i am moving forward

mel
look this is all part of the plan

ian
god not the plan again

nina
what's the plan?

mel
my ten year plan

ian
and where exactly in your ten year plan does it say don't shower for a week?

mel
i'm saving water

mel
what are you doing for the environment ian

mel
anyway none of that matters

mel
i need to get good grades and if that means i have to turn into a robe wearing recluse who talks to herself then fine

sajan
no one said anything about talking to yourself but okay

nina
yeah but you're not just trying to get good grades mel

nina
you're trying to get perfect grades

ian
and you're trying to get a perfect gpa and perfect extracurriculars and a perfect transcript

mel
well what's wrong with wanting to succeed

ian
you're putting yourself under a ridiculous amount of pressure

mel
who cares

mel
i said i'm fine

ian
kara texted me

ian
i know you cry after you think she's asleep

mel
that's absurd

mel
everyone knows i don't cry

mel
i didn't even cry when i was born they thought i was dead

scott
turns out they were right

scott
it was just on the inside

mel
shut up scott

mel
crying is a waste of time and resources anyway literally all you're doing is dehydrating your body

nina
okay you seem really sad and none of this is convincing me otherwise

mel
oh sorry am i not bursting into song and clicking my heels together enough for you?

nina
just saying you seem a little down

mel
i am fucking joyous and full of life

sajan
you know what you're like a coral

sajan
they die of stress

mel
compare me to sea life again sajan and you'll never see life again

ian
mel this is what we mean

ian
you're putting yourself under all this pressure and all you do is deflect when people try to help you

ian
things would be so much easier for you if you stop being such a perfectionist

mel
i'm not a perfectionist i just want everything to be right all the time

ian
that's exactly what i'm talking about

mel
well that was dangling preposition

ian
you're impossible

mel
i can't be impossible

mel
i exist

mel
i think what you meant to say is i'm improbable

ian
i give up

mel
good

mel
we'll be meeting tomorrow at 5 pm

mel
if anyone mentions my wellbeing, tom, or soup i will remove them from the team

hector
haha okay

mel
strike one

hector
wait no

AUTHOR'S NOTE: are you enjoying this light hearted nerd nation chapter? remember this. it will be the last happy memory you have for a long time