private messages

junebug
hey

smelly
i didn't steal the bean sprouts

junebug
huh?

smelly
oh i just automatically assumed i was in trouble

junebug
you're not

junebug
but i do think it's time for a chat

smelly
i think the fuck not

junebug
mel

smelly
what

junebug
you don't think i've noticed what's been going on??

smelly
oh so you know about the bean sprout thief then

junebug
number one: you already exposed yourself as the bean sprout thief in your very first text

junebug
number two: bean sprouts? really?

junebug
number three: that's not what i'm talking about and you know it

smelly

junebug
oh no no we're not meming

junebug
not today mel

smelly

junebug
i'm serious

smelly

junebug
i'm here to help you mel but there's two parts to play here

junebug
i don't know what happened between you and tom because you won't tell me but i know it hurt you

junebug
so whenever you're ready i'm here

smelly
i hate it when you do that

junebug
do what

smelly
be mature and caring it's infuriating

smelly
i just wanted to fuck around and send some memes

junebug
so you're ready to talk?

smelly is typing...

smelly
you know what

smelly
why not

smelly
every time i keep this shit inside and all it does is eat me up

smelly
and this time hurt more than most

smelly
so yeah maybe it would be good to talk for once

junebug
thank god

junebug is typing...

junebug
mel what even happened?

junebug
you and tom were so close and then the next thing i knew you weren't even speaking

smelly
we got in a fight

smelly
a big one

smelly
i don't know if i can ever take back what i said june

junebug
what were you even fighting about

smelly
he kissed another girl

junebug
on one hand tom is dead to me forever and i'm going to feed his ashes to bucky the cat

junebug
on the other hand

junebug
you know you can't technically get mad at him for that if you claim you don't like him

smelly
don't be logical june you sound ridiculous

junebug
maybe you would feel better if you tried being the bigger person and just moving past it

smelly
i'm 5'1 and bitter

smelly
tom can be the bigger person

junebug
you can't really hold a grudge against him if you say you don't feel anything for him

smelly
i'm not holding a grudge against him

smelly
i don't even hold grudges

smelly
my father held grudges

smelly
i'll always resent him for that

junebug
is that even what you were really fighting about

smelly
i'm not really sure

smelly
i mean that part really hurt june

smelly
and i wasn't expecting it to

smelly
i didn't think i would care so much but i did

smelly
but i don't think that's what we were fighting about

smelly is typing...

smelly
i don't know how to describe it

smelly
i wasn't even mad

smelly
i was just scared

smelly
i don't know

smelly
didn't it scare you when you were friends with seb and you just woke up one day and realized he knew you better than anyone else

smelly
maybe more than you did yourself

junebug
yes

junebug
but i was in love with seb

junebug
oh my god

smelly
no

junebug
oh my god

smelly
no

smelly
that's not the same thing

junebug
OH MY GOD

smelly
june

junebug
YOU TOTALLY WANT TO PUT IT IN TOM

smelly
june no

junebug
YOU LIKE TOM

smelly
i don't

smelly
i just want to be his friend again

smelly
please

smelly
i'm serious

junebug
if you think i haven't picked out the color of the napkins for your wedding reception (pale yellow) you're wrong but fine

junebug
why don't you apologize

smelly
how am i supposed to apologize after everything i said and did

junebug
listen i always say when one door closes another door opens

smelly
no it doesn't

smelly
not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved or if the first door closing created a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door

junebug
mel with all due respect one of these days i'm going break your toes with a walnut cracker

smelly
well i feel respected

junebug
as i was saying

junebug
not all hope is lost

junebug
you still have a chance

junebug
we just need a plan

smelly
ooo are we planning

smelly
hang on i need to get ready

junebug
what are you going to do

smelly
grab my supplies and eat some pudding

junebug
pudding solves nothing

smelly
no june

smelly
yogurt solves nothing

smelly
pudding can do it all

junebug
i mean okay

junebug
anyway how are you going to win back tom's heart

smelly is typing...

smelly
i think i might have a plan

smelly
it's not a great plan but it is a mel plan

junebug
well if you're happy with it i'm happy with it

smelly is typing...

smelly
hey june?

junebug
yeah?

smelly
thank you

junebug
what are doing

junebug
are you showing me gratitude and affection

junebug
is someone holding you at gunpoint

smelly
no i'm fine

smelly
just

smelly
i love you

smelly
a lot

junebug
mel

junebug
you're my best friend in the whole world i don't know what i would do without you

smelly
okay that's enough i'm starting to have to make weekly visits to my dermatologists for my hives

junebug
okay

junebug
and remember mel

junebug
you will machete your way through this

junebug
*make

junebug
fuck please don't machete your way through this

smelly
too late

AUTHOR'S NOTE: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME IT FUCKING SNOWS IN LONDON I ONLY OWN FLIP FLOPS AND I LEAVE IN 2 DAYS AHHHHHHH