private messages

tom
hey did you know i've got my ion you

mel
whither away you piece of dirty lint

tom
sorry but even if there was no gravity on earth i would still fall for you

mel
stop it you dried out sharpie

tom
but mel you're the higgs boson of my life

tom
without you my universe wouldn't matter

mel
wow never mind tom i'm swooning i'm so attracted to you take me now

tom
well according to newton's law of universal gravitation you actually are attracted to me

mel
did you do research for this

tom
haha what no

mel

tom
i've never been on the internet in my whole life??

tom

mel
i wonder how much plane tickets to london cost

mel
and also where i could buy a spiked mace online

mel
unrelated questions of course

tom

mel
you remind me of a software update

mel
every time i see you i think 'not now'

tom

tom
btw i'm not in london

tom
i'm actually in LA for the next 4 months

tom
and a little birdie told me you're going to be here too in 3 months for decathlon

mel
was this little birdie ian

tom
uh no?

mel

tom
don't hurt him he was just being nice

mel
fine

mel
but only because he owes me $14

tom
you're not as mean as everyone thinks you are you know

mel
yes i am

mel
i've cultivated that reputation over the years don't ruin my hard work

tom
okay sorry

tom
you inspire fear into my heart every day

mel
that's sweet of you tom

tom
yeah i do what i can to keep from being destroyed by you

mel
you know i think this could be the beginning of a mutual tolerance

mel
god look how soft i've become

tom

tom
so what color do you want for your friendship bracelet

mel
whatever color will match the flowers at your funeral

tom
i'm not afraid of you anymore

tom
you would never hurt a friend

mel
let's test out that theory shall we

tom
i'll make your friendship bracelet black then

tom
like your heart

mel
make yours white

mel
like your privilege

tom

mel
i have to go now there's linear algebra hw waiting for me

mel
talk to you later or something

mel
hopefully not though

tom
bye friend

mel
don't call me that

tom
bye associate

mel
nope

tom
bye distant relation with no emotional connection whatsoever

mel
there you go

AUTHOR'S NOTE: wow i wish tom holland and camila mendes didn't own my entire existence