private messages

junebug
i have a problem

smelly
you'll have to be more specific

smelly
you have a lot of problems

junebug
it concerns my health

smelly
once again the mole on your back is perfectly normal

junebug
that little bastard is skin cancer i know it

junebug
but that's not my problem

smelly
fine don't make me regret asking

smelly
what's your problem?

junebug

junebug

junebug

junebug

smelly
i thought you said this concerned your health

junebug
IT DOES CONCERN MY HEALTH LOOK AT HIM

junebug
I WANT TO PUT MY FACE ON HIS FACE

smelly
idk seems like a personal problem

junebug
MEL

smelly
what

smelly
i can't feel bad for you when there's nothing stopping you from putting your face on his face

junebug
my head knows we broke up for solid and logical reasons

junebug
unfortunately my body hasn't gotten the message

smelly
so hop back on that horse and ride it off into the sunset

junebug
but there's about a million things stopping me

smelly
haven't we had this conversation

smelly
didn't you agree that overcoming those million little things was worth it to be with seb

junebug
why do you always have to be so wise

junebug
you're like master shifu

smelly
master shifu is one foot tall and some species of rodent

junebug
again you're just like him

smelly
how dare you

smelly
you dirty old flip flop

smelly
you can deal with your sexual frustration and pining alone

junebug
wait no i'm sorry

junebug
i love you

junebug
come back to me

smelly
fine what do you want

junebug
i have no idea

junebug
you usually don't accept my apologies so quickly without bribery

smelly
you make me sound so heartless

junebug
probably because i implied you were heartless

smelly
um i'm nice i don't even know what you're talking about

junebug
remember that viola player from my symphony i introduced you to that you knocked unconscious

smelly
he fainted from fear actually

junebug
or that target employee that cried when you were buying cheese crackers

smelly
all i did was threaten him with a little bit of limb ripping for not giving me 20% off

junebug
remember when you volunteered to be a crossing guard at school so you could lure megan w. into traffic

smelly
doesn't count i was seven

junebug
that's so much worse

smelly
listen you're not exactly on the right track to winning back my affections here

junebug
okay i'm sorry

junebug
tell me what to do about seb

smelly
how about you date him again

junebug
mel i can't

junebug
it didn't work out last time and it won't work out again

smelly
why not

junebug
we live hundreds of miles away from each other

junebug
i can't handle the rumors and drama that came with having an actor for a boyfriend again

junebug
our careers are headed in total opposite directions and there's no space for him in my life now

smelly
sometimes you find space in places you didn't think were possible

junebug
it's just that things are so crazy

junebug
i thought they would die down but my life's still a mess

smelly
you're right your life is crazy

smelly
what you need is calm

smelly
and seb gives you that

junebug
i hate it when you say stuff like that

smelly
why

junebug
because you're right

junebug
god mel i'm not over him

smelly

[deleted]

smelly
well maybe there's a reason for that

junebug
maybe

junebug
i'm worried about seeing him in la in two months

smelly
what

junebug
oh right i have news

junebug
they thought i did a good job with civil war and since the season with the sf symphony just ended they're having me come back to compose the score for infinity war

smelly

smelly
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS

smelly
YOU DID THIS LAST TIME TOO YOU LITERAL CHUNK OF UNCOOKED TOFU

smelly
I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND

junebug
i'm obligated by contract not to tell anyone!

smelly

smelly
i've set fire to our friendship contract and i never want to hear from you again

junebug
mel don't be like that

smelly
don't be like what

smelly
wronged???

junebug
listen i know you feel betrayed

smelly
yes it's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal

junebug
i'm sorry

smelly

junebug
i'll knit you something to make up for it

smelly
no amount of sweater vests will heal our friendship

smelly
nothing can repair the damage you've done

junebug
i'll give you $5

smelly
and we're back

smelly
what's up best friend

junebug
bribery?? really?? that's all it takes??

smelly
i'm a student

smelly
that $5 will feed me and keep me warm for a week if i play my cards right

junebug
speaking of school how much time do you get off for winter break

smelly
4 weeks why

junebug
i was thinking maybe you could come down to la

smelly
i'm already going down for decathlon

junebug
yeah but i meant like stay here for the rest of break and hang out with me and the cast

smelly
what's your ulterior motive

junebug
i don't know what you're talking i love you and never get to see you because you spend so much time doing school stuff

junebug
plus it would help make things less awkward between me and seb

junebug
and the whole cast really wants to see you

smelly

junebug
and i want you to meet tom

smelly
there it is

junebug
i know you want to put it in him

smelly
i what now

smelly
that's not

smelly
that's not even anatomically correct

junebug
whatever i know you want to meet him too you guys have been texting for like 3 months

smelly
by texting you mean tom sends me messages about what a beautiful day it is and the cute bird he saw and how rebecca deserves to find love on bachelor in paradise and i ignore him

junebug
idk sounds like love to me

smelly
sometimes i think god sent him to earth to punish me

smelly
he talks about his dog all the time june

smelly
and he scrapbooks

smelly
who does that

junebug
a wonderful storable man

junebug
i meant adorable

junebug
but also he's storable

junebug
in your pants

smelly
sorry ian got his arm stuck in a bear trap i have to go

junebug
a likely story

smelly
sorry sajan set kara on fire by accident i have to go

junebug
nice try

smelly
no i'm not kidding she's actually on fire

smelly
i have to go put her out again

junebug
wait what

AUTHOR'S NOTE: hope y'all enjoyed this update of jeb the sequel