November

15 | Mediation Part One

Sunday, November 5, 2017

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Insanity:

The level of emotions my roommates had over completely meaningless things.

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            "I think he finally got the message." (1)

            I rolled my eyes as Ashley and I sat on the couch after church on Sunday afternoon, scrolling through our phones. "This is the first time since last Saturday that I haven't gotten a text from him asking to hang out."

            "You've officially ghosted someone." Ashley laughed, "I'm proud of you, girl. The fact that he didn't get the message a week ago just shows how dense he is."

            I nodded. I felt slightly guilty for ghosting the guy—I had never intended on doing so, but after making excuses as to why I couldn't hang out for three days in a row, I didn't know what else to say after that. (2) So, I simply stopped replying. I had heard all of the jokes about college girls being terrible and just ghosting every guy in sight, so I felt bad about it...but remembering how awful last Saturday had been made me feel a bit less guilty.

            "What time is Rebecca coming?" Ashley asked idly, "I'm not prepared to deal with them right now."

            "3:00." I replied, "And trust me, same here."

            Rebecca Ender, our RA, had been requested in our apartment by Samantha and Madison. They had informed Ashley and I about the fact that she would be coming by to hold a mediation with the four of us, despite the fact that they wouldn't tell either of us why they wanted a mediation.

            "I don't understand why they can't just talk to us." I muttered, glancing towards the kitchen to make sure they hadn't walked in, "Like...we're not children, we're capable of solving our problems by ourselves."

            "I have no idea." Ashley shook her head, "Although we do live with children, Morgan."

            I shrugged.

            "Yeah, you're right."

            We sat in silence for a few more minutes before a knock sounded on the apartment door.

            "I'll get it!" A voice cried from the other hallway as Madison came barreling out of our room and into the front of the apartment. She swung the door open and met Rebecca with a huge hug before letting her into the apartment.

            "Getting that bias on early, I see." I whispered to Ashley as we both stood up to say hello to Rebecca. Samantha walked into the room a few seconds later and nodded her hello before sitting down next to Madison on the couch opposite Ashley and I. Rebecca pulled one of the chairs out from our kitchen table and set it down between the two couches, forming a sort of skewed circle around the coffee table that Ashley and Paige had stolen for my birthday and never returned.

            "So, ladies, do we all know why this mediation was called today?"

            Samantha and Madison exchanged looks while Ashley and I shook our heads.

            "We have no idea, honestly." I said, "We weren't informed of anything other than the time." (3)

            "I see." Rebecca nodded, "Well, if it's alright with Madison and Samantha, I'd be more than happy to let you know what's going on here."

            The other two nodded slowly as Rebecca turned back to Ashley and me.

            "Samantha and Madison feel a little left out of things around your apartment." Rebecca began, "I was told about an incident with going up the canyon on Ashley's birthday and refusing to invite either Samantha or Madison while everyone else in the apartment was invited along, including someone who didn't live here at all. There was also the incident at the Halloween party last weekend where Samantha came and found me to talk to because she felt like she couldn't hang out with the two of you.

            "I understand that you two are close and have become quick friends, but do you see how maybe the other two might feel a bit on the outside of all your fun activities?"

            Ashley was silent from beside me as Rebecca stared at us, so I decided to speak for the both of us.

            "I'm not really sure that things have been properly conveyed." I started, "As far as I knew, Samantha and Madison were both invited to drive up the canyon with us, and the person 'who doesn't live here' that was invited was Ashley's sister...so obviously she was going to be coming with us on Ashley's birthday. She was going to be invited over Samantha, Madison, Paige, Christina, or myself, so that's irrelevant."

            Rebecca nodded.

            "Samantha came with us up the canyon, so I don't know why she would be upset about any of that, and it kinda just seems like a way of getting mad at us for nothing. We apologized profusely when Madison said she didn't know about it, so I'm not sure why this is being brought up again." I turned my attention towards Madison now, who was adverting her gaze, "I mean, if you want another apology, I'm not sure how much better we could make it."

            "Alright, alright." Rebecca interrupted, "I wasn't aware that an apology had been made."

            "And at the Halloween party, we were all three together before Samantha left to go find someone else." Ashley piped up, "We turned around and she was gone...we didn't like, ditch her or anything."

            There was silence for a moment before Rebecca spoke.

            "I'm going to ask you four to address each other, now. Samantha and Madison, maybe share how you've been feeling?"

            I hated feelings. I hated talking about feelings, I hated having feelings, I hated other people having feelings. I wasn't an easily offended person, I said what I thought when I thought it, and I was good at owning up to my mistakes. I made a lot of them, and I knew that. (4) But when I felt like I was being wrongfully accused of something, I wasn't about to own up to anything, or apologize, or make someone else feel like they had gotten what they wanted out of me.

            Everything, in my eyes, needed to be fair, reasonable, and necessary.

            So, when Samantha and Madison turned to us with tears in their eyes—which felt neither fair, reasonable, nor necessary—it took absolutely all of my willpower not to start laughing. Or just stand up and walk out.

            "We just feel like you guys are really close." Samantha said, sniffling slightly. "And since we're your roommates, it's hard for us to like...get in on your friendship." (5)

            Madison nodded.

            "You guys always do stuff together and you never invite us. It's not fair."

            I glanced over at Ashley, who also looked like she was biting her tongue. Rebecca was staring at us, waiting for a response, so I went on ahead and gave one.

            "Look, I don't mean this offensively at all, guys. But we're all gonna have different relationships with each other. Ashley and I get along really well, and that's probably because we remind each other of our sisters, who we were close to at home. We both live far away—the furthest away of everyone in the apartment, I think I can fairly say—and so it's nice to have that familiarity."

            "She's right." Ashley nodded, "We're not trying to leave you guys out of anything, but I mean...we're not all going to get along in the exact same way."

            "And we try to invite you to everything." I added, "Maybe we forget when we go to the gym sometimes? But other than that, I can't think of an instance where we didn't invite you both along."

            "Do Paige and Christina have these issues too?" Ashley asked.

            Samantha and Madison shook their heads.

            "No, because you four do a lot together. But you guys kinda like...plan everything, so you just seem like the ones who aren't inclusive." Samantha mumbled.

            "Morgan and Ashley, can you two agree to try harder with including Samantha and Madison in your activities?" Rebecca asked after we had all sat quietly for a few seconds.

            I looked over at Ashley, who shrugged slightly.

            "Yeah, for sure." I nodded, feeling every bone in my body screaming at me to just roll my eyes and leave the room, "We'll invite you guys to the gym and stuff."

            Madison and Samantha nodded, wiping tears away from their cheeks. I was just glad that Samantha hadn't delved into her 'I didn't have any friends in high school' stories, because that was generally what she used to guilt trip us into anything.

            "Wonderful." Rebecca smiled, "Thank you girls for being so understanding! This was a marvelous mediation." (6)

            As she stood to leave, Madison and Samantha joined to walk her out. I turned to Ashley, unsure of whether or not what had just happened had been real at all.

            "What was that?"

            Ashley shook her head.

            "I have absolutely no idea. But just watch—we'll invite them to do things with us and they'll decline every time."

            I swear Ashley Robbins was something of a psychic.

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Theory:

Some people come to college expecting their roommates to be their absolute best friends, and get stupidly offended when that doesn't happen.

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(1) Yeah, until August.

(2) "You could have just told him you weren't interested!" No, I could not have, because I was scared. That is the entire reason. I was nineteen and inexperienced in rejecting guys, so cut me some slack.

(3) I wasn't trying to be snarky per se, but I was hoping Samantha and Madison caught the tone.

(4) My mantra in life was that I didn't want to be someone who would annoy myself. For that reason, I do/don't do a lot of things. I don't know much about sports, but I don't pretend to be all giggly and stupid about them just so a guy can be the man and explain them to me. I don't pretend to be innocent of things I know I did. I apologize when I've offended someone, and that happens a lot. I try to never be a hypocrite, since I absolutely cannot stand hypocrites, but when I am one I own up to it. No one is perfect and I refuse to pretend that I am, even for the sake of keeping up appearances in a book that may or may not be about the author writing it.

(5) This may just be me, but I have never once wanted to 'get in' on someone else's friendship. What kind of friendship would that turn out to be?

(6) Self-compliment, but whatever.