I won't lie to you and tell you that in life all things beautiful is kind. Because truly it is almost never always that things beautiful are. In Fact beauty almost if not always disguises itself on the faces of the darkest souls. I will only speak to you the truth and mention the fact that all things truly are beautiful. But I'll also tell you something you've probably never been told before. Beauty is not always what it seems to be. Beauty does not exist on the surface but beyond what is. Beauty exist on the inside where it can not be seen because true beauty is shy it has no desire to be recognized. True beauty will never be seen as hideous because those who think it to be hideous are infact hideous themselves. Because they are one of those dark souls where you'll only find beauty to  exists on the surface and no where else. I'll tell you something that probably has yet to come to your knowledge.

Beauty I tell you, is almost never beautiful.
                           *. *. *.*

   It happened when my mother asked me to go to the bank with her.

  Beep!

Daddy and her had just had a fight.

I don't think she needed the money and I don't think she really wanted to go to the bank.

I think she just wanted to get out of the house, too many memories were reminisced there.

Beep. Beep.

Too much of the noise and not enough silence.

Too many of the nasty words yelled, and not enough silence.

Beep.

Silence to me meant peace.

Peace is hardly ever loud, it resembles itself quietly.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Home was no longer home. Nothing but a house now.

It was only home because of the quiet, the quiet always seemed present.

Now am not so sure what quiet is anymore. Whatever it was it had vacated itself from my home, leaving an empty hole and welcoming in the loudness, the noise.

Beep.

The sound that should have belonged elsewhere because the sound wasn't the faint ringing of silence.

It was unsettlement, turmoil, disharmony.

The opposite of what it used to be, what it should have been.

A huge part of the whole scenario was a mystery to me.

I didn't get it, I couldn't get it. Perhaps I just refused to understand. Or perhaps I was still too young to.

Because the understanding took knowledge.

I told you before my vision of the world was still blurred, did you forget that I was still eight?

Still just merely a kid.

A child, an adolescent mind?

Did you forget?

Did it seem like I had grown to you?

Because I hadn't.

I only stopped believing in unrealness.
And I began to see the world for what it truly is and not for what I want it to be.

Am not telling you to stop believing in fairytales. Or to stop checking under your bed for the nonexistent monsters.

Now and then its good to have false hope its at least better than having no hope at all.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I was once told that "one day I would be old enough to start believing in fairytales again." (Not my quote.)

But with a life so short when do we ever get to be old enough?

The most of us die before we get old, the most of us don't survive the life of this world.

I wonder what it would be like to become old.

To have white hair like grandpa did.

To be wise.

I wonder what it would be like to be wise.

Beep!

Would it be miserable? Because I would then know too much? Or would it be thrilling because I would know so much.

To have no worries, to have no tomorrow to wait on because you had already lived today and the future to you would come when it decided to.

Beep.

Because if we were old then tomorrow to us wouldn't be another day where we only wanted to start over because we screwed up today.

We're allowed to screw up when we're old, I think?....right?

Because if we're old then we already know we've lived up the most of our days. And we aren't bothered on what to do with the rest of them.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

We aren't worried because we've already spent the most of our days stressing ourselves enough.

Every tomorrow is just another tomorrow to us because we don't need another shot at today. Old people are too old to screw up. And there too old to bother themselves about fixing their screw ups from yesterday.

They haven't got the time to dwell on the past, neither of us do. Because yesterday was such a long time ago, thus yesterday no longer matters.

Its a way I would want to live.

Worriless.

Not caring for tomorrow and only dwelling in the moment, on the day.

I look forward to getting old.

Beep! Beeeeep! Beep! Beeep!

I look forward to a lot of things.

At the bank my mother held my hand, tightly, there was a guy.

And he didn't look like he was looking to make many friends.

He was only there for his own selfish reasons.

He was only there to break the peace.

I knew this the minute I laid eyes on him. He was disharmonious, a peace breaker.

   Beep!

He only wanted to break the silence, he only seeked for turmoil against the peace because he knew the peace wouldn't win.

Silence isn't louder than noise. It can't be.

He was wearing all black.

Black was beautiful in its own way of dark.

I didn't deem it to resemble evil or darkness.

I saw it as emotion.

Beeeep!

The deep and true kind.

I saw it as pain. The kind that was so raw in its emotions that it could only be shown and not told. Cause words could hardly describe the feeling of it.

Black I think is the most expressive color there is.

It could be beautiful and mysterious, left said but unsaid.

Beeeep! Beep.

It is poetry, it is mood.

But although beautiful and expressive it isn't always that.

Black at times is bad.

Beep!

Not because the color itself is bad, but the meaning at times placed beside it is.

The man wearing all black didn't wear black because he thought the color beautiful.

He wore it because he was telling the unsaid.

He was telling you to steer clear.

Telling you that he was about to rob the very bank my mother and I were standing in at the very moment.

He seemed to look at me.

Seemed to read my mind and seemed to want to prove me accurate of what I deemed him to be.

Destruction.

I deemed him destruction.

I deemed him a monster.
  
Beep!

But weren't we all monsters?

I wonder what is it that separates us from the real monsters, the killers.

Beep. Beep. Beep!

Like him.

"Everybody get down!!!'" He yelled before pulling put a gun, a semi automatic.

I remember it all like it were yesterday.

Thats because it was.

Beep!

"Luis get down!!" My mother yelled in a voice of panic pulling me down to lay on the ground with her.

She did her best attempting to protect me. To shield me from the monster. But who would attempt to protect her? Who would shield her?

I knew someone was bound to get hurt.

I whimpered as I heard the heavy footsteps of the monster. But soon breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped over us. His black shadow wondering around the bank in search of something.

Perhaps it were the money he had come to kill for.

It even sounds ridiculous as I say it now.

You would kill for something as dumb as paper?

You would kill to satisfy your own greediness?

Beep!

You would kill to be labeled a killer and only that. To only be deemed one thing and nothing else?

They wouldn't even call you by your name, they would call you by what you've done. Label you a murderer.

They'd rename you and call you killer, killer, killer.

Is that all he wanted to be known as?

A killer?

I got the difference now between him and I.

Yes indeed we were both monsters because we were human but the difference was he allowed for the demons to take over.

He allowed for the ugliness on the inside to reveal itself and stain the surface.

His monsters didn't hide inside of him.

His monsters didn't hide at all, they walked in plain sight.

They made know that they were there.

He hardly seemed to care, he hardly seemed to realize that if he didn't at least attempt to make friends and stop pushing people away that he would end up locked up and alone.

With only one thing left in his possession, his label. His name,

Killer.

Beeeeep! Beeep!

He wouldn't even have possession of his heart anymore or his being.

The demons had robbed him blind of the wild thing.

Stripped him of every existing good that had been inside him. 

He was monstrous inside and out now. There was nothing beautiful about him.

He was utterly corrupt.

It shown in his eyes.

The coldness of them so cold you couldn't look directly at them, It'd shake something in you.

It'd freeze you cold.

"Wheres the money?!!! Get me all the money now!!!!"  He said yelling at the bank manager.

"O-ok, we'll get you the money sir just calm down."

"Calm down? Amma bouta get arrested out here for this and you want me to calm down?!!!! Stop stalling tryna make conversation and get me the money...NOW!!!!"

The man the monster was yelling at hurried to the back where I was assuming the money was and did as the monster said.

The monster began to move as he waited, he seemed on edge.

Agitated.

Frightened?

What was he afraid of?

Beep!!!

"Hey pick up the pace!!!" He yelled at the man that was collecting the money for him.

When the man didn't answer the monster went to the back of the bank where the man had been. When the monster found the place empty he raged out in anger, screaming as he pinched the nearby wall.

"Where did he go huh?!" He yelled us, as if we would know.

"Where did he go?!!!!"

Up your butt and around the corner I thought humorously.

Oh! stop shaking your head at me, am eight remember?!!

Am allowed to be immature.

I softly giggle at my dumb thoughts, "Luis please be quiet." My mother whispered to me.

I do as she says but its already too late.

The monster heard us.

And he didn't find humor in the situation like I did.

He was paranoid of the police coming to cage him. He was afraid of being imprisoned but did he not know?

It was where he truly belonged.

I felt my mother clutch me closer as the monster headed toward our direction.

The monster had an angry look in his eyes, he wanted to hurt me, I knew he did.

Beep! Beep! Beep!!!

I would let him hurt me.

Allow for myself to get hurt as long as he didn't hurt my mother. He wasn't allowed to hurt her, I wouldn't let him.

We both knew the man that had been collecting the money for him was only missing because he had gone to call the police.

I already could hear the fait echo of the sirens, I knew he heard it too.

And it scared him because he knew nothing of what would become of him.

I did.

They were going to put him where they kept the wild things.

I had a feeling he was to wear orange pretty soon.

And part of the reason was because of this.

What he was about to do to me.

I freed myself from my mothers grasp. Raising myself from the ground.

I ignored her protests. Her demands for me to do as the monster had said and lay back down.

I pretended I couldn't hear her. I didn't want to hear her. I didn't want to hear the world, I wanted to be deaf to this moment.

Because this moment wasn't one of peace. It wasn't quiet and I couldn't hear the soft ringing of the silence singing.

There was no silence in this moment, only loud.

It was so loud, why was it so loud?

Beeep! Beeep!! BEEEP!!!!!!

"Luis honey come lay back down." She said in a soft voice. Attempting to lure me back to here.

Could she not see that I was trying to draw attention away from her? So that he wouldn't see her, he wouldn't notice her.

If he failed to pay her any attention then he couldn't hurt her because he wouldn't care enough.

Could she not see? I was doing the right thing. For her.

"Luis!" She yelled as I began to step closer to the monster. "Luis stop he's dangerous." I continued to walk, "Luis please!!!!" She yelled louder as she began to sop.

I wanted her to stop crying.

I knew by refusing to listen to her I was wounding her, but the monster would hurt the both of us and wound her in place of me obeying her.

He wouldn't hurt her, I could only promise I only could promise that much.

The monster smiled, he beckoned me over to him and I willingly followed. "Come here little boy. I won't hurt you I promise."

I carried my feet closer until I was right in front of the monster.

"If you let all these people go including my mother then I'll let you hurt me, I promise."

The monsters smile widened to a grin, "aww look at you, aren't you the cutest little thing. You want to be a hero don't you? Save the day." He said pumping a fist in the air in fake enthusiasm.

I shook my head at him. "I don't want to be a hero I just don't want people getting hurt. I know you'll hurt them is you really wanted to, but you don't have to. You don't have to be the way that you are. You could change."

The monster laughed bitterly, "people can't change boy. People are what they are."

"You truly believe that?" I questioned in a soft voice.

A sad look shown in the monsters eyes, a look so sad it made me sad. For some reason odd I didn't want him to be sad. But as soon as the look had come it was gone. But you could still tell something I'd said was bothering him.

Chastise me whatever you want, but I felt sorry.

"Cheer up." I say nudging his left arm. He stares at the arm in curiosity and wonder.

His grin fades and only a faint smile shows itself on his face.

"Your brave. Your a really good kid and for that I am sorry."

I furrow my brows at him, my head cocking to the side in confusion.

He looks at something behind me and panic replaces the coldness in his eyes.

"Sorry for what?" I question.

And that is when he grabs the fabric of my shirt and pulls me toward him.

I yell in surprise.

Beep!

I felt the coldness of something being shoved at my back, I knew it was the semi-automatic he had had before.

I close my eyes ready for the loudness but soon open them again because it was dark and also the loudness didn't come.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

It was then when I saw the police cars and also then when I heard the infamous "FREEZE!"

The monster did freeze but he kept the gun at my back.

All twelve of the officers filed in and I felt the monster tense behind me.

I knew what he was doing.

He was using me as a shield. A shield against them. He knew they wouldn't shoot if he had a victim in his possession, knew they couldn't get to him if he still posed a threat
of hurting me.

He was afraid of being taken where he truly belonged.

"Let go of the boy and lay down your weapon!!" The first police guy yelled.

I could hear my mother sopping in the background, I wanted her to stop. I didn't want to hear, I didn't want to hear, I didn't want to hear.

"Just do as they say." I whisper to the monster.

"Shutup!" He grunts as he shoves the gun deeper into my back.

The pressure of it was beginning to hurt me.

"Can I tell you something?"

He doesn't reply and I hadn't expected him to.

"I didn't walk myself into danger because I wanted to be hero. Or some spider-man wannabe. I don't believe in heroes, because people are never good enough to be good. The world is filled with people like you, monsters. We're all human, yes. But we're all inhumane."

"You don't believe in heroes but you believe in monsters? What makes you think heroes are nonexistent but monsters are real?" He questioned.

"Theres one shoving a gun in my back right now. And as for the heroes do you see spider-man swinging in here on some cobwebs to come and save me from you?"

The monster shook his head.

"Monsters exist inside of us, but heroes do to. We just don't realize they're there most of the time because we fail to acknowledge them, or listen to them. Its easier being a bad man than a good one. But other than the heroes existing inside of us thats about it. Heroes to me are as about real as fairytales are."

"I don't want to kill you kid, I really don't but-..."

He cut himself off as more of the police filed inside the bank. They made a circle, surrounding us.

The monster truly was caged after all, he had no where to run to.

"Surrender your weapon and let the boy go!!!"

"You have to listen to them. They know whats right."

The monster clutched me closer as if his life and freedom depended in it, perhaps it did.

"They've surrounded us can't you see? You've got no where to run."

For a quick moment all was silent, it seemed to happen in slow motion and then fast, and then the noise became loud again, too loud, it was all too loud.

"I know." The monster said, "am sorry."

And that was when the monster shot me.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

I've got a theory, I think am dead.