(NOT A CHAPTER)

   Heeyyyyyyy!!!!!😄💁🏾💁🏾💁🏾

So before I start let me just clarify that NO this is not a chapter so u don't have to read it if u don't want to😉 but it would be super nice if you did.

This chapter is basically just a big authors note explaining and clarifying things and also giving reasons to why I wrote the book since "Theories" has like no plot line, or conflict. OR MOST OF THE THINGS A NORMAL BOOK WOULD HAVE!!!!!!!!!

Like Sarah wtf is going on?????😱😱🙃☺️😋😂😂😂🤔❔❓❔❓❔❓

Lol if u haven't notice I am like OBSESSED with emojis and often use them unnecessarily😂😂😂

And yes I took a selfie on snapchat and decided to post it here cause I felt it convenient😂😂😂

Lol.

No I really just felt like you should know how I look like. Cause isn't it weird when your reading a story or something but you don't know how the person who wrote it looks like???? And them you have to visualize🙄😒🤔

I don't know, I suppose its just me but I prefer knowing how the author looks like😬😬😬😂😂😂😂

By the way I know, that picture is not my best. But then again my pictures never are🤓🤓🤓 but I was not about to waste time having a personal photoshoot of myself just so I can have the 'perfect' picture💁🏾 my pictures are never perfect.

Ok let me get to what I wanted to say🤗

Honestly I am sorry the last chapter was so long I didn't mean for it to be that long but it was.😬 Hope u still enjoyed though.😉

And yes Luis died😭😭

In truth it wasn't really all that hard for me to kill him off.

I mean it kinda was hard writing about somebodies last moments before they die because obviously I don't have experience in death because I am not typing from the grave. 🙃 Also I didn't know what his last words where going to be.

Cause heres the thing.

I knew Luis was going to end up dying by the end of the book.

I just did cause usually when I start a book before I have even deciphered what the plot is going to be about I think of the characters and I already know how the book is going to end. Even though I don't know what is going to happen during the most if it.😅 Is that weird??? I'm pretty sure it is.

Anyway, *claps hands* moving on!!!

I thought Luis should die because for one it was the way I planned it from the start, and also even if I were to change it, I didn't know how else to end the story.

Also I don't think the death of Luis was that hard on readers because I honestly don't think I had enough dialog and stuff like that for you to really get to know who Luis really was.

I mean the whole time you were basically inside his head, trying to decipher what he was telling you about the way he saw things and the way he felt about them.

I honestly suck at writing dialog when it comes to my stories I don't even know why. But I always have trouble making the dialog seem real like a real person would talk.

In Maryland where I live the most of our conversations consist of slang. That is mostly hard to understand if u don't live in the area I live in because most of the time we hardly are making sense at all.

The way I write has no similarities to the way I talk😂😂  just saying.

Anyway...

Also another reason I think the death of Luis wasn't that hard on readers is that honestly I don't think Luis is the kind of character that seems real enough for you to grow attached to like they're a real person you know or something. Like other stories I've read.

I don't think I succeeded in getting readers to really I guess 'love' Luis enough to cry or feel sad when you realized that he was dying or when u read his last words and realized he was dead.

Also his death kinda came out of no where.

Like it was something I just added to the story randomly. So randomly that in a way that it almost seemed like it didn't belong there.

But am trying to work on that. Like trying to make my characters seem more realistic and improve on dialog so that my readers can get to love or perhaps hate them😉

  Honestly I don't even know why I was so bent on Luis dying because truthfully his death was kinda dumb in my opinion.

The whole thing was rushed because although I had thought of him dying before I even began writing the story, I never planned out how it would actually happen😬😂😂

And I forgot to plan it out, I thought about him getting shot.

No actually at first my plan was him getting diagnosed with something and him gradually dying from the illness. 

I thought about it being something dealing with his autism. But I couldn't really find a the particular kind of illness that would have killed him the way I wanted so I just changed my mind.

And decided somebody would just shoot him or something.

I know its really dumb that he would die that way but I was really eager to finish the story. Because for one "Theories" was not even supposed to be this long.

It was supposed to be like less than five chapters but ended up being way longer than that.

And also I've been working on a story titled "Blue Hearts." I haven't published it on Wattpad yet but I will pretty soon😋😋😋

Heres the summary: Something happened that night two years ago. Something so horrendous and appalling that it changed them, all of them. They weren't the same after. They avoid speaking of that night as though it were a plague. They didn't used to be the way they are now. They used to be good, fine, ordinary. Now they're what you call...villains.

They're absolutely despicable, lethal, KILLERS. They tell themselves that that night destroyed them, but perhaps they only destroyed themselves.

Its why people call them the Blue Hearted. It seems they no longer have the ability to love. Their heartless, cold, vicious. Arantza Taylor and Andrew Harrison have got in their heads that if they build their walls high enough and if they freeze their hearts to be cold enough they can fight heartbreak with emptiness and evil. And if their lucky, numb the pain.

These two are known as the bad girl and bad boy of Ledgewood High. People in the small town of Edgewood fear them, maybe even despise them. But all for the wrong reasons. People think they know these two, but these two don't even know themselves.

All is well in their double life. All their secrets kept hidden, all the monsters put back in the closet. Until a certain someone comes back to town, who is even worse than what Arantza and Andrew are. And trust me when I say he isn't welcomed in with open arms. He's just as bad as them, perhaps even badder. He's the reason why Arantza and Andrew are the way they are. And with him he brings the past, and a fresh load of secrets.

He claims he's back for a certain reason, but is there something else? Wars will be declared, sides will have to be chosen. It is a dangerous world we live in, but perhaps Edgewood just became more DANGEROUS.
~

Ok so that was the summary for "Blue Hearts." It's coming really soon so tune in and whatever😂😂😋😋 if ur interested in reading it. Which I really hope u are, *crosses fingers.*

If ur wondering "Blue Hearts" is nothing like this book and is NOT a sequel or anything like that relating with this story. In fact taking you've read the summary it had nothing to do with this story.

Actually I began writing "Blue Hearts" way before I began writing "Theories." But I got a semi writers block so I decided to begin this story to get over the writers block and also give myself a break from "Blue Hearts."💙

But I got back on track with "Blue Hearts and I felt like this story was pointlessly dragging ok when it didn't need to because for one theres like literally no conflicts in this book its just thoughts basically.

Not that thats a bad thing but if I put myself in your shoes I would think that after a while this book would get a little boring.

And also again I never meant for this story to be this long honestly.

And also by the end of the story I realized that Luis's character had grown to be less childish, carefree, naive and cute to become this sort of bitter character that was just basically chastising everything.

But I also felt like this was inky because Luis had become a bit 'burdened' like he thought the adults to be.

Like by the end of the story he wasn't really as naive or gullible to a lot of things like he had been at the beginning if the book.

And I didn't really realize that this character change with him would happen.

I mean I knew that I was going to make Luis more knowledgeable through out the story. And get him to know more about the real world instead of the theories and unreal interpretations he made inside his head.

But I didn't realize me doing this was kind of making him unhappy and bitter and more unlike what he should have been.

I felt like by the end of the story because of this Luis seemed a bit older than eight years old because of this and during the last chapters I kind of tried to morph him back to the carefree kid he was at the beginning but honestly that was a failed attempt cause I didn't really do much to change him.

In my opinion I starting to sort of not hate but I felt like a preferred Luis's character from the beginning of the book better than the character he was towards the end of it.

And the whole divorce thing with his parents, I don't even know why I brought it up cause I felt if kind of pointless and just an event that didn't really need to be there.

But I always imagined Luis's mother telling him of how love could burn out and how life wasn't a fairytale.

I don't know why but I just really wanted that in the story, I don't know why.

I also wrote Theories because some of Luis's thoughts are some things that I used to think about as a kid.

I mean am still a kid am only thirteen, well technically fourteen because my birthday as of now is seven days from now.

Not that u needed to know that😂😂

Anyway....

Yeah I felt like I am sort of similar to Luis's character because am kinda always just inside my head contemplating life. And am usually not that similar to the characters I create so it was interesting to write about Luis.

But also another reason why I had written this story is that I was really mad about something.

And usually I let out my anger and petty emotions through my writing but this was something that really offended me and took a while for me to get over.

Ok so not to like dumb my problems or whatever on you but I'm kinda going to tell you what happened.

And if u feel like u don't want to know then just skip this part, I wouldn't mind.

Ok so am in eighth grade, yes I know am very young and ur probably all like ew! Teenager.

Because we all know teenagers are overly immature and annoying.🙄

Yes am insulting my own kind but its whatever😂😂😂😂

Ok so am in eighth grade and we had this english assignment. And by the end of it all I wrote a short story.

The story was really good, like literally the best thing I've ever written.😋

I was really motivated when writing it and the plot of the story was like👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

Anyway back to the point.

The story I had written was basically really good, at least good for a person my age.

And I was questioned if I had really written it.

That hoe, shit if I had the time and if I had written this some time ago then I could have filled this whole freaking chapter on how much I hated her for accusing me of such a thing and how much of a bitch she was.

But the situation was like at the beginning of the school year and truly the immense anger I had felt from it has nearly faded.

But still I felt like I should write this because even still after proving her wrong and leaving her feeling dumbfounded and baffled that I really was capable of writing MY OWN WORK.

I still had trouble letting it go. Because in all honesty am that type of person that sees the little things as though they were the big things. And I feel the small emotions strongly.

Everything I feel goes straight to my heart.

Even an offensive and imbecile misunderstanding like this.

I should have gotten over it a while ago, am sure she did, I bet she even forgot about it. But I didn't.

Because I really had been offended.

Do you know how it feels to be deemed something you are not?

To be criticized of your actions just because it is unlike yourself or unlike what they expect you to be.

I wasn't expected to write a fucking bomb ass story for her because when people look at me or at the people I hang out with or at the way I act. They immediately deem me an underachiever.

They label me, categorize me.

"Oh your one of those people." They would basically say.

And I know u probably aren't completely understanding my point or what am saying.

Because most of the time I can't seem to morph my emotions into words.

Its like they're so strong that they only can be expressed in my actions and refuse to merely just be written down, deciphered and read and then forgotten.

Because that is truly the thing about my emotions, even the minor and irrelevant ones. They refuse to be forgotten.

I would tell you how hurt I was by the situation. Even after she had realized she was indeed wrong of what she was accusing me of and after the entire situation had blown over my anger towards her hadn't.

I mean like how dare you question me???

What the hell makes you think you can?!!!!!!

Do I fucking question you?!!!!!! Do I accuse you of things I know you are innocent of?!!!!!!

Have I wronged you?!!!!! Because you sure as hell wronged me!!!!!!!

I knew probably shouldn't have been that pissed about it, but I was.

I told my myself I would forgive and burry the hatchet. But I had found it utterly hard to dig.

Also I think another reason why I felt so emotional amount it was because at the time I was really going through some personal shit and I was already emotionally hurting. And of course she wouldn't have known this. But for her to come and accuse me was some bull and I honestly felt like cussing her out or yelling at her or doing some dumb shit I would regret later on.

I suppose it is why I decided to write this story so I wouldn't find myself doing dumb shit I would regret later on😹😹😹😹

Also although I had already proved her wrong that yes indeed I can write, or at least am ok at it anyway.

I felt like I had to prove to myself of what I was really capable of.

And trust me I know my writing is far from perfect but am working in it. Am thirteen after all I think I've got time😉

Anyway I felt like I had to write "Theories" for her and myself. But mostly for her because although am nearly certain she doesn't own a Wattpad account and am about 99.9 percent sure she'll never get the chance to read this.

I still wrote it.

I still don't completely understand why. Because it wasn't like she would read it and she already knows that she was wrong and I'm aware that am at least some what decent writer for my age.

So truly I don't know who I was proving myself to.

I honestly hated the fact that I thought I had to prove myself to her. Because in all honesty I don't think we need to prove ourselves to anyone.

People to me are just people.

I don't think one to be better or more than I am, despite their level in authority. I think us humans equal, no more, no less. Thus we don't need to prove ourselves to one another.

This is my theory.

But even despite this I felt it necessary to prove myself to a person I compared as an equal.

And it is still a mystery to me why.

And hardly made sense "Theories" isn't a book insulting or discriminating against people like her.

The book has nothing to do with her. So I still don't even know why I wrote it because of her false accusations.

I don't know why it took forever for me to forgive her even after it had all gone with the wind.

The effects of it were still there. Like an old scar that refused to erase.

I don't know why it hurt me so much, perhaps because I was already hurting. I did forgive her eventually, and I was no longer angry.

I told myself I had to let it go.

Because it was making my heart heavy and the longer I held on to the anger the heavier it made my heart and the harder my hands had to work to carry it.

An angry person is not what I want to be.

Expecially when it was over something so petty.

I suppose this is the reason I was also so eager to finish the story now.

Because I had realized that when I thought back on the situation it no longer made me angry or caused me to be enraged and the whole point was letting it go.

I suppose this is how I dig.

So to conclude it all this is my gigantic authors note.

Lol am pretty sure nobody read this far but its whatever😂😂😂😂.

So thanks for reading the short story🤗🤗🤗🤗☺️☺️☺️ it really warms my heart and makes me happy so thanks🙏🏾🙌🏾❤️ a bunch.

Also lastly I just wanted to say thank you so so very much to pumpkinyara. She has like read and voted and her comments really made my day so just want to say thanks to her🤗

And also go read her book, its called "All about Revenge" and its really good🤗 and so read, comment, vote, and stuff. Am pretty sure you'll love it😋🙌🏾

Ok am done.

I suppose this story is really done now😅😪 anyway it was about time😂😂

Ok bye bye🙋🏾🙋🏾🙋🏾🙋🏾

Read "Blue hearts" please if ur interested when I publish it which will be like in a matter of days so. Please stay tuned so u can go check it out.

Ok bye again❤️🙋🏾☺️☺️🤗😂😂😋🏃🏾💨

~Sarah