Latley I haven't been wondering.

It's been weird, I mean wondering is kinda what I do, but its not what I've been doing.

I've been sad, busy, thinking too much.

And I know what your gonna say, isn't wondering basically thinking??

Well yes person it is. But it isn't the kind of thinking that makes you realize the truth of things so quick and suddenly that your realizations unfortunately bothered you and seem to drive you over the edge of insanity. So much that you found yourself beginning to believe that someway somehow it was ok to go mad.

And now am not so sure if it is or not.
Am not sure about a lot of things.

I think I lost myself inside my head, and I had become so lost that I was losing myself too.

Perhaps I were still lost, or maybe I've always been lost, I don't really know.

I don't think I minded being lost inside the abysses of my peculiar mind. To tell you the truth I think I actually enjoyed it. I'm not so sure why, inside my mind existed another world entirely, but I think this was just something I compelled myself to believe.

That was one of the perps of being a mere child. Children are gullible, naive. We would believe anything we've been told, even the unrealistic lies we told ourselves.

I was inside the cages of my world. My thoughts wouldn't let me get out of my mind. And I think on some level of a peculiar truth I didn't want to be allowed. For some reason I think this time I didn't mind the fact of being trapped because this time it was my reality, my prison, my cages I had built for myself.

Why I had built my cages I do not know. Perhaps I really am mad after all.

But being trapped inside my own world that only existed in the thing they call imagination wasn't something I think was normal.

I was living in your world, but for a long while I wasn't really here, I was there somewhere I can't tell you about because I don't think it was somewhere at all.

I think the whole time I was merely just inside my head, living in the horrid truth of my thoughts. I think realizing the truth had made me sad.

This time it wasn't the fairytales that had made me know, I had come to know myself. I don't know why so suddenly, or why so soon.

Am merely just a kid after all.

But in a way I wasn't just a kid, not anymore. Not all things had become clear to me, the invisible glass I saw the world through was still stained. But I was no longer living in a world of blurred lines, and false truth.

Some truths to me were no longer false, they had revealed themselves to me. Although I don't recall asking them to reveal themselves. But I suppose realization was something that didn't need permission, it just had to come in.

I hadn't been ready, and merely too much had been revealed, seen.

So no am not merely just a kid, in a way I was like them now, burdened.

I was perfectly fine being naive, when I didn't know. When I saw the world for what it wasn't and not for what it was.

Now I knew, and I really wish I didn't. It was easier being just a kid.

Am still a child, still gullible, naive, new. There were some things I just couldn't bring myself to understand, no matter how much I thought about it, I didn't even come up with any theories!!

I suppose somethings just didn't want to be known.

I wonder why that is?

Did somethings simply hide their knowledge afraid of burdening me? Were some truths good and not all bad?

I don't know.

I don't think the truth was entirely all bad and no good. No, it were the lies that were bad because eventually the truth always demanded to be known and when it finally did float to the surface we were disappointed only because we had known a better truth, which hadn't really been a truth at all.

We were never unhappy with the truth, I think we were unhappy with the lies.

Because lies are like fairytales.

Eventually realization would come knocking at the door, or perhaps forgetting to knock and simply just barging in.

The realization only disappointed because we as people are always naive, wether we are grown or young or merely just kids. We always believed the lies because a lie is always more pleasant than the truth, always.

I think we disliked the lies without realizing. Because on some level I think we always knew the lies for what they really were.

But our minds we believed anyway, why?

Why believe something when you know the truth will surface at one time or another?

I just think us as people merely just preferred the easier route. Lies where easier to accept than heartbreaking truths.

I think we wanted to avoid being broken, thats why we preferred the lies.

But either way we end up hurt because lies aren't something that stay a false truth forever.

We always came to know the truth, and then we were hurt anyway.

But the truth wasn't the reason we were hurt, the reason was because of all the lies.

If we always began with the truth then we wouldn't be hurt, just... disappointed.

But if we always began with a lie we would be content, for a moment too short and then we would see the truth. And the realization brought both disappointment and hurt.

But I only speak truth when I tell you that that dealing with disappointment is less complex than dealing with hurt. Because whiles hurting it is hard to deal at all.

I won't lie and tell you that between the truth and a lie the truth is more pleasant because I certain you know as well as I that it isn't.

The truth isn't something that is desired. But unlike a lie it is something that needs to be heard.

Will you promise me something??

I read your mind and you told me yes. And no I am not like that creepy vegetarian vampire that exist inside the tv. Forgive me I lied, lol. I'm sure you know that I really hadn't read your mind and I was just hoping you'd say yes.

But I'm serious!!!!!!

Promise me that you'll fulfill my promise. Well...after I tell you what that promise is.

Promise me that you'll never lose yourself to the infinite thoughts that exist in you mind. Promise me you won't find yourself lost within the cages of your own world. Promise me, because being locked inside your head is as lethal as being locked inside this world.

Promise you won't go mad. Attempting to be freed from realties lethal grip. Because I strongly believe that escaping this reality will only lead you to meet another reality. Because truly I think reality itself is something inevitable. Even in your world. You may have been king, but reality takes no orders from you.

In your world may not exist a reality like ours. But in your world exist's a reality.

Wether its a reality you want to love or hate is your choice. Wether its a good or bad one is your choice. Your still king if I remember correctly, it's your world. The things that exist in it is all up to you.

Yes, Reality is a thing inescapable. But just because it cannot be eluded does not mean it cannot be changed. Because reality can be changed. And not just in your own world but here.

Reality always has to be. It has to exist because if it didn't then everything would be as real as a lie. And lies cannot be lies forever. Eventually there comes a time when they have to make way for the truth.

Reality is the truth. It's real.

But just because it is real does not mean it has to be the cage that it is. We don't have to be prisoners and our reality doesn't have to be a cage.

We as humans made it that way. We made our reality what it already was and didn't need to be more of, inescapable.

Because truth is we're trapped. But we trapped ourselves so therefore we own the key. We own the key to change, to the door, our way out.

Our society doesn't have to be the way it is, the world doesn't have to be so sick. Because I think we're it. I think as corrupt as we are, we humans are the key to saving what is left of this afflicted world.

I've got a theory, I think we're the cure.

If we made our reality the way it is then we can unmake it. We no longer have to be prisoners. There doesn't have to be so much pain and hurt. There could be just healing and nothing else, if we really want it to be that way.

We no longer have to be trapped, there could be true happiness. The world could have true beauty. Humans beyond what is the surface can truly be  beautiful.

Reality could be beautiful. Reality could be changed however way we want  it to change. Because it our world remember???

We're the kings after all.