|feelings|

* * *

"No way... You slept with him again?" Jo asked in utter but a bit of an excited shock.

"In his car.." Camila added, taking a seat on her kitchen countertop.

"NO!" I exclaimed. "C'mon guys, I made that mistake once." I walked over to the countertop, resting my backside on the edge of it. "What kind of a girl do you think I am?"

"I mean.. It's not like you haven't done it before? Might as well do it again?" Jo shrugged.

I playfully grunted, throwing her way a small towel by the kitchen sink. She gasped, catching the towel as it slapped over her chest. Small giggles filled the room.

Jo and Camila, my two best friends in the world are the few people I trust with anything and everything. We tell each other everything.. Once they noticed me with a smile on my face when I came over this morning, it was clear they'd be asking questions.

"So what did happen?" Cami asked, crossing her legs over the countertop in which she sat on.

My eyes glanced at the steaming cup of tea I held in my hands, trying to hide the growing smirk on my face.

"SPILL!" Jo exclaimed with laughter.

"There was kissing... Lots of it.." I smiled. "And touching.." I tried to hide my face.

"AH!" My friends both exclaimed. Smiling and laughing in the process of it.

"But that's it!" I exclaimed. "That's all I'm spilling." I warned.

"This wild side of yours.." Jo continued. "I'm loving it!" She smiled, moving over to one of the kitchen cabinets and pulled out a glass mug.

"So, does this mean you like him?" Camila asked. "As in... You're over Sebastian?"

I thought to myself for a second. Oh Sebastian. The one boy I never thought I'd ever get over. The thought of finally feeling like I'm able to breathe again, that I'm able to smile again... It was something I didn't see in a near future for me.

Allowing the hot smoke of the warm tea in the mug I held below my lips to devour my senses, I slowly inhaled. "I believe I'm happy.." I nodded. "He makes me happy.."

"Aw!" Jo gushed.

"It's only been a few days! Relax!" I played around.

"Still!" Jo smiled, "Seeing you finally smile after everything you've been through..." She paused, raising her hand the next instant. "I wanna meet this kid."

"Can we at least have a name?" Cami asked, softly smiling.

My head raised, glancing from each of my two friends. A smile effortlessly approached my lips.

"His name is Andrew."

* * *

After an entire Saturday afternoon spent together, my friends and I were finally preparing to part our ways. The late afternoon was now gloom, dark skies rose above the area.

"It appears it's going to be a rainy weekend here in South Florida, Folks.. With a 90% chance of rain clouding over the city of Miami, it's safe to say that fellow citizens should take cover soon. I suppose that means no surfing this weekend Henry, am I right?" The weather man continued to joke with the news anchor on Cami's living room TV.

"Well, that's nothing new." Cami shut off the TV, removing the fuzzy blanket that she laid under in the living room couch.

Being that it's always raining in "The Sunshine State", it was so surprise to us that this weekend would be raining. There goes my weekend plans... A trip to the beach, one I was deeply craving.

"Ooh.. It looks bad out there.." Jo commented. Her voice sounded from the back of the room.

Cami and I turned our heads from the couch's headboard. We noticed Jo, still in her high waisted shorts and bikini top staring out the window.

"We should get going.." She turned her head back to us. "Before it starts to rain.."

I nodded my head, slipping onto my sandals beneath my feet.

"I'll walk you out." Cami responded.

Standing up before me, Cami continued to walk over to the front of the house. I had just grabbed my sweater in my hands before I soon felt my phone begin to vibrate in my seat besides me. I furrowed my eyebrows, reaching out to grab it. I turned it over to see the screen, reading the caller ID that was displayed in it.

I stared at it in confusion..

Thea Steel

"Thea?" I quietly spoke.

Maybe it was a misdialed phone call? A million of thoughts came through my head staring at the one single name.

Why would she call me?

Is she okay?

Is Sebastian okay?

Why? Why me? I haven't heard a word from The Steel Family in months? So why now?

It must be a mistake..

Pushing away all my thoughts, I reacted quickly and answered the call.

The phone was pressed to my ear. Immediately, my heart began to beat loudly.

"Hello?" I asked.

The person on the other line began to sob. I instantly reacted and stood up in my seat.

"Thea? Are you okay?" I asked, a worried tone clear in my voice.

"E-Elena?" She asked, sniffing. "I-I don't mean to bother you... But—"

"Thea.. Are you crying? What happened?" My heart began to beat out of my chest. I became stiff, hand pressed over my beating heart. I imagined the worst.. Though Thea is a sweet girl, she never cries. Her family would shame her for doing so...

"Elena.. It's my brother.." She cried out. "H-He is not well..."

Oh God.. Oh God..

My hand ran frustratedly through my hair, fisting it gently as my nerves began to build up. I noticed my friends walk into the living room, their eyes filled with concerned with what I was hearing in the other line.

"What's wrong? What happened? Is he okay?" I quickly asked.

Intrigued, my friends stepped closer into the room, glancing at each other before looking back at me with concern.

"No.. We," I noticed she found it difficult to find the right words. "There was an accident...Amelia.. She passed away..."

My heart stopped—Allowing for the shocking news to beginning to soak in.

My lips mumbled words, but none that ever came out. My body felt heavy.. I had to take a seat.

My friends rushed to my side, taking a seat on either side of my body to place their hands over my legs for comfort.

I felt the tears beginning to rush upon my eyes.. Amelia... Oh God no..

"Amelia.. Passed away?" I spoke, uncertain on my words.

My friends gasped, looking at each other with their hands over their mouths. Mouthing the words What and Oh My God they turned to look back at me.

Thea was heard continuously crying on the other line. "Bash.. He.. He isn't taking it too well.." She sobbed. "I-I'm scared.."

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

"They're in Chicago on business, They're on their way here but the storm delayed their flight..." She replied. "Please, Elena.. I don't know what else to do?"

"Okay.. I'll be there as soon as I can." I responded. "What is Sebastian doing?"

The sound of glass breaking and furniture falling was heard in the background. I looked at my friends and they looked back at me with worry.

"He-He's breaking stuff.. I-I can't get him to stop." She cried.

"Okay, Thea.. Please listen to me." I spoke grabbing my bag and keys which stood on the coffee table in front of me. "Don't try to stop him. Let him be. If you see he's going to do something that could potentially hurt him, call the cops. Are you alone?"

"It's just us, I sent the house staff home.." She explained.

"Alright. Stay calm.. I'll be there soon."

"Please hurry, Elena.. I fear he might do something he'll later regret."

My heart sunk with the words of Thea. Knowing Sebastian and his love for his older sister, Amelia, I knew it was a possibility.

After hanging up the phone call with Thea, I stood up from my seat and began to get ready to leave.

"Whoa, where are you going?" Jo asked, standing up after me.

"You're not seriously thinking about going to the Steel Mansion?" Cami's eyes widened.

I turned around, my car keys in my hand. "You guys heard the phone call! I can't just stay here and do nothing?"

"He's not your responsibility anymore, El." Jo shook her head.

"He broke your heart." Cami added.

I looked at my friends both hurt and angered. I understand they are looking out for me.. I put myself in a place where I was unrecognizable. They just didn't want me to go through that again. But Sebastian was there during my darkest times, regardless of the argument we had that day.

"I know you guys are only watching out for me." I looked at them. "But I can promise you, I'll be okay." I nodded. "Bash was there when my mother got sick. He sat and watched through the whole thing by my side. Tonight... He lost a sister. I need to go."

I was just about to step out forward when a hand stopped me. Grabbing me by my arm, Cami's dark brown orbs stared into my own.

"Elena.. Please be careful." She warned.

I glanced from her hand on my arm back to her eyes. Her expression was full of worry, and Jo wasn't that far off either.

"I'll be okay." I nodded.

* * *

My mind wandered off to the road as I drove down the busy street.

I was on my way to see Sebastian, and I could only image the worst... We've been through so much together... My stomach began to flutter, filling with the nerves of having to see him again. I tried to remember the last time I felt this way towards him..

Despite our differences, I still feel for him. At one point, he was going to be my forever...

———F L A S H B A C K———

— Three Years Ago: March—

5:54pm

"Where are we going?" I laughed, trying my best to hold in my excitement as I sat in the front seat of his Range Rover—Blindfolded.

"It's a surprise.." I heard him tease.

I tried to playfully slap his shoulder, but it backfired on me badly as I was still blindfolded, and he was siting further away from me than I expected.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, rubbing my hand as I had previously slapped it onto the hard leather of his car seat.

I heard his laugh sound around the space.

"C'mon here." He continued to laugh, bringing his touch over to mine so that my small hand was held over his.

I smiled as I felt the touch of his warm lips meet the surface of my hand. Thumb gently rubbing over the spot he just kissed. My heart fluttered with joy, stomach fluttering with butterflies.

Today was a simply ordinary day.. Until he decided he wanted to show me a surprise. Now, blindfolded in the front seat of his car, I have no idea what to expect. Sebastian, though very sweet and romantic with words isn't too great at showing them off mostly because he's usually very serious. This new side of him is a totally new experience for me.

"Alright.."

I felt the car slow down before gently coming to a stop. My hand latched out to his own, waiting for him to do his next move.

"We're here." He chuckled.

I laughed the entire way, asking him repeatedly where we were going. He didn't respond.

Helping me off his monster of a car, I felt his body close to mine as he walked us. There were a few obstacles to go through before we got to the place he initially wanted to be. I recall hearing bells, and elevators, oh, and my heals also made a loud clicking sound which only reassured me we were walking on fancy ground.

I was wearing a dress so I felt the strong air blow across me even harder. We were high above the ground now—Outside. I sensed the sounds of the busy streets crowding below us, which brought my senses to a surprise.

"Bash.. Please.." I chuckled, anxious enough as it is.

"Okay.." He chuckled.

I felt his chest press to my back. Fingers began to fiddle with the tie behind my head. Counting down, the blindfold was released.

I opened my eyes and found that my instincts were right. We were on the roof of a building, a huge building overseeing the entire Bayside area. It was just at the crack of sunset which made the timing up here even more precious.

"Oh my Gosh!" My mouth dropped, looking out besides me where we stood close to the edge of the building.

The sight was beautiful, I was in complete awe. All the shimmering lights below us, the stunning sky above us. I was here in the perfect moment of the day with the perfect man of my dreams.

"Bash, this is.." I smiled, continuing to turn around to look at him when suddenly...

"This is just a glimpse, El, of the world I want to show you." He smiled.

My hand flew over to my chest, feeling my heart pound loudly against my palm. "Bash..."

Sebastian continued, smiling in the process of it all. "Elena Warren... May I just say that you are the most beautiful, energetic, and the most intelligent woman I've ever laid my eyes upon.." He continued to walk closer to me until he was only steps away. Before he could say anything else, I noticed his body slowly get down on one knee.

My mouth fell in a gasp. His eyes never leaving mine. I began to feel an entire train of emotion rush through my body.

Sebastian was proposing...

"I get it, we're young... But I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with you." He smiled, reaching to grab my hands onto his. "You make me a better person, and for that, I desire to do the same for you.. Forever."

The tears began rushing down my face. My smile becoming unable to stop and get serious.

I watched cautiously as Sebastian dug into one of his pocket, slowly releasing a diamond of ring before me..

"Elena Warren.. Would you do me the Honor and be my wife?"

His bright blue eyes gleamed up at me, taking in every emotional tear that shed from my face. A million thought were rushing through my head as I watched my handsome man down on one knee before me, displaying a gorgeous ring.. Just for me.

It all made sense now. He was my forever. He was my happiness.. He was The One..

"YES!" I exclaimed. "A million times yes!" I smiled, kneeling down towards him.

Bash stood up, raising me in his strong grip with a smile on his face. His arms held me close with either hand on my waist. Our lips met in a passionate kiss, almost like if it was our first. I couldn't stop smiling, not even for the kiss, and Sebastian noticed it.

For the first time in what seemed like ages—Something good was finally happening. Soon enough, this man here would be my husband. I don't know what else to feel right now other than true excitement and pure love...

We were engaged.

— E N D O F F L A S H B A C K —

* * *

I pulled my car up in front of the famous Steel Mansion. God it's been a while...

The place, though a beautiful home, always brought some chill to me. I don't know.. It was just always very.. Lonely.

I pressed the button on my key, locking my white Volkswagen Jetta before racing up the front steps of the house.

My heart began to race. I had no idea what to expect... Last time Sebastian and I had an encounter with each other, it wasn't a good one. He made it clear he couldn't be besides me anymore... That he didn't want to. A year ago, I'd probably never believe it if I saw myself in this position right now.. Terrified of the reaction I'd get for showing up to the man I once was going to marry's door step.

I took a deep breath in and slowly released it out. My hand rose up to knock on the door but I was quickly stopped as soon as I noticed I was beat to it.

"Elena!" A voice cried.

I stood still, shocked by the sudden embrace I felt as Thea, Sebastian's little sister, wrapped herself around me. "Thank you for coming.."

I wasn't rude, nor was I going to be. Thea had nothing to do with her brother's and my relationship. If anything, she was still very sweet towards me and never showed any sign of resentment.

"I'm so sorry about your sister." My eyes squeezed shut over her shoulder, opening soon enough to only look at the ceiling. "She was a good person."

I tried to calm her down as her tears only began to flow faster. She was crushed, in so many ways this girl was crushed. I restrained myself from breaking down besides her.

Once she was calm enough, we pulled away. Now it was time to get down for business.

"How's your brother?" I asked, quickly drying away a small tear. I couldn't help myself, I've known this family for so long... Seeing them hurt like this, it wasn't easy.

Thea looked down, shaking her head in dismay.

"Not himself." She answered.

A loud crashing sound was heard the next second making both Thea and I jolt. Our heads turned over to the massive staircase behind us. That was were the noise was coming from... His room.

"I'm going to go see him." I spoke, beginning to walk towards the staircase.

"Elena, please!" A hand grabbed my own, making my head slowly turn back to see the look of fear in Thea's eyes. "Be careful."

Her warning rang through my ears as I nodded my head and began to turn away from her grip. She stood back with her hands cupping over her mouth. Quietly, she began to cry.

I didn't waste a second. Racing up the staircase, I escorted myself over to the room I grew so familiar with.. Sebastian's room.

The pounding of my heart could be felt in my ears. My stomach dropped another inch every foot I got closer to his door. Finally, I built up enough courage to grab the door knob.

It was locked.

I pressed my ear closer against the wood of his door only to jump back startled as I heard another piece of glass break. I was afraid, madly afraid. But I had to suck it up.

"Sebastian." I called against the wood. "Bash, it's me... Open the door."

There was a moment of complete silence in the room. No movement was heard continuing after my remark. I stood patiently waiting behind the door, praying he'd open up.

And much to my surprise, he did.

Once revealed behind the massive wooden door, I laid my eyes on the boy I once recalled being my forever. He was unrecognizable.. Broken. His eyes were swollen from all the tears he had shed. His face red in anger... He wasn't wearing a shirt, displaying all his toned muscles tensed up. I watched his chest slowly rise and fall again, breaths coming out in continuous puffs.

Seeing him like this broke my heart.

"Elena.." His voice cracked, eyebrows beginning to furrow. "W-What are you..?"

"Your sister called me." I spoke, fingers fiddling with the strap of my bag over my shoulder. "She was scared."

Hearing those words were like a trigger for him. Instantly, he began to cry again and I found myself doing nothing else than giving in..

Dropping my bag on the floor, I latched my arms around him, holding him close to me to cry on.

His hands reluctantly didn't hesitate. Instead, they wrapped themselves around my waist, pulling me closer to him from his immense height. My hand ran over his hair, urging for more comfort as I repeated saying the words "It's okay.." and "You're okay.." over his shoulder. Sebastian Steel was never one to cry. His family would shame him for doing such. Amelia was the heart of the family, mainly because she wasn't part of the household.

She was his sister, yes, but biologically, they were half siblings. She was born by another woman, one rumored to be Sebastian's father's true love. Amelia always tried to show her siblings what their mother never taught them.. How to love, how to care, and how it's okay to show emotion. If it wasn't for Amelia, I fear I would've never been with Sebastian. His parents are heartless, forgive my words, but it's true. Even Sebastian admits it. Amelia was 7 years older than him, so she was always much older and more experienced. He loved his sister.. Seeing him like this... Despite everything, he didn't deserve it.

* * *

After a long moment of crying, and letting it out, Sebastian was finally at ease. I stayed by his side, doing my best to comfort him as he brought himself to calm down.

The room was a mess. Sebastian made sure of it.

We were in his bed. His head resting on my lap. I noticed his breathing become more regular.. His tears begin to come out less frequent. My fingers dig into his hair, a move I was familiar with that calmed him. He quietly sobbed.

"Bash.. Are you sure you don't want to go into the shower?" I quietly spoke. "It'll make you feel better.."

His head softly shook no. "I don't think I'll ever be better.." I watched his eyes squint closed, hand nervously rubbing over his lips.

"Hey.." I whispered, brushing his hair. I leaned in closer to him, lips coming close to his ear. "I know it hurts now... Believe me, I'm well aware of the feeling." I took a pause, the image of my mother appearing in the front of my mind. "Time heals all wounds.."

My words made his blue eyes shot wide open. His crying had stopped and I found him raising up on his elbow. Sebastian stared closely into my eyes, the closest he's ever looked at me all night.

"Why did you come tonight?" He asked me.

I found myself asking the same question. Why did I? My friends were right... He broke my heart. Anyone would think I'm stupid for doing such thing.

I only shrugged. "Your—"

"And don't say it was because of Thea." He interrupted.

Sitting up besides me, Bash looked down at me. My head looked down at my laps, nervous at the feeling. His touch then wandered over to my cheek, urging me to look back at him.

"I'm sorry.." He spoke. "For what I did to you.. You didn't deserve any of it." He looked away.

"Bash.." I continued.

"No." He shuffled in his seat to sit up straight. "Elena, after everything I've done to you... You still showed up in my.." He looked away. "Moment of need."

My mouth fell agape, preparing myself to speak when he suddenly interrupted me again.

"I don't deserve you, El..." He shook his head.

"Shh.." I hush, hand going back to his hair.

His eyes closed, cheek easing to the touch of my hand. I looked at the bigger picture for the moment. He just lost a sister.. He was probably speaking out of guilt, for everything that happened. He didn't need to bring up our past, nor did I want him to. It doesn't define us.

"Come here." I softly smiled, allowing his body to crash into mine.

In all my years of knowing Sebastian, this was the worst I've ever seen him in. He was in pain... Sullen.. At first he was unrecognizable, but now I see him clearly. He's a man whose love for the women in his life got the best of him. He's not a bad guy.. Just, going through some rough patches.

"Can you stay the night?" He mumbled.

"Bash.." I continued to shake my head. I couldn't. What kind of girl would I be if I did such thing.

"Please.. El.." He turned to look back at me. His hand cupping my cheek. "It's pouring outside. Just.." Sebastian nuzzled back into my lap, holding my legs closer to him. "Please.." He began to beg. "Please, stay with me."

My eyes looked up at the high ceiling of his bedroom. I feared for what he'd do if I denied. He's already done so much for tonight...

"Okay.." I quietly spoke. "Okay.."

* * *

As I laid in bed with Sebastian's arm around my waist, I began to think to myself. The pitter patter of the rain drops against the windows of his bedroom soothes me into thinking back to a time in which I also laid in this position... I recall, it was then the second happiest day of my life.

———F L A S H B A C K———

— Three years ago: May—

8:23am

"Bash! Bash!" I exclaimed, racing down the halls of his home. I couldn't help the smile brought upon my face.

Pushing his bedroom door open, I barged into his room. My eyes instantly spotted my fiancé, laying shirtless on his front in the mattress of his king sized bed.

A loud shriek escaped my lips, legs racing over to the spot he laid in. "Bash!" I jumped in his bed, knees on either side of his body. "Wake up!" I shook him.

"Mmm.." He groaned.

Sighing, I moved away from the bed. My feet carried me towards the large glass windows of his bedroom, opening the long curtains to let the light in the room. The skies were grey, much to my disadvantage, it was raining.

I turned back around and noticed Sebastian turning around in his bed. He now laid on his back. The white sheets of his bed now covering his lower extremities.

"El.. What's wrong?" He propped up on his elbows, rubbing his squinting eyes through the dim brightness the opened window now displayed in his room.

I smiled at his sudden awareness, racing back up to his bed, I sat on his front with either leg on his sides. My hands pressed against his cheeks, allowing me to press a kiss into his lips.

Sebastian's smiled with my action, shuffling beneath me with his hands over my legs.

"Mm.. What's with the warm welcome?" He smiled.

"I have news..!" I shrieked.

"What is it, my love?" He softly smiled.

Pulling the strands of my hair behind my ears, I smiled down at him. "I mean.. I wasn't sure at first, but then I was certain, so I took a test.."

"Whoa, Whoa.." He tried to urge me to calm down. "What test?"

The smile grew wider on my face as I dug into the back pocket of my jeans. I pulled out in front of us the pregnancy test I had previously taken.

The previously taken Positive test.

Sebastian's eyes were quick to widen, taking the test in his own hands for uncertainty reasons.

"Y-You're pregnant!?" He sat up.

I smiled, cupping my hands over my excited smile.

"Baby!" He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around my waist only to turn out positions around. He now laid above me, my back pressed firmly to the soft sheets of his mattress.

Our lips touched in a passionate kiss. The smile on Sebastian's face was one hard to fade away. This is everything he's ever wanted. A family of his own.

"We're going to have a baby.." He smiled, blue eyes gleaming with joy.

I nodded my head, smiling as I grabbed his face and pressed another kiss to his lips.

"We're going to have a baby.." I repeated, laughing as he pressed continuous kisses to my cheek and neck.

"I love you, Elena Warren." He smiled. "I love you so much.."

His words brought a smile to face, one even bigger than the one I've replicated on my face ever since I stepped out of that restroom.

"I love you you too, Sebastian."

I love you too.

— E N D O F F L A S H B A C K —

* * *

The loud thunder from outside startled me out of my thoughts. I woke up and noticed I was still wrapped around Sebastian's hold. The bright lights of the lightning illuminated the dark room. I spun in his hold to notice his features still a stiff. I tried to urge him to relax, drawing my touch over to his cheek.

God did I miss this. His hold. Him.

He was like no other I've ever been with, Andrew included. They were different the two, both equally great in their own way. Sebastian was a sense of home. He already knew me so well. But he brought me so much pain. I'd be a fool to fall for his ways again.

The truth is, now I really don't know where I stand..

Am I still not over Sebastian?