LOGAN

Two weeks later the buzz about Maisy had all but died down. Everyone knew the fucked up details by then-- that her mom was found in the kitchen, that she had had slit her wrists and then her own throat. But no one had heard from Maisy.

There were all sorts of rumors filling the halls at school. Some of the more naïve kids thought she had left for Berkley early, or that she went to live with her grandparents. And then there were the more outlandish rumors, the rumors that I sometimes feared were true, like when Scott Mason said that he'd seen her in a porn video online, or when Stacey Chu said that she heard Maisy had run off with some older guy. I even drove two hours out of town to Huntersville when the gossip started circulating that Masiy was stripping at the Blue Triangle. I don't know if I was more relieved or disappointed when I didn't find here there.

The cops had declared her a runaway and interviewed all of her friends in hopes of finding her. They didn't speak to me, even though I was one of the last people to see Maisy, but no one knew that and I never volunteered the information. It wasn't important anyways. Maisy had left of her own free will. She wanted to go. Deep down in my heart I had to believe that she knew what she was doing, but that didn't make it any easier to digest.

I never turned in the assignment that Maisy and I were supposed to do together. Despite being given several opportunities, I opted to take the F. I wanted the reminder, a permanent mark of what never was.

A dark cloud settled over me and I felt myself shutting down. I still went through the motions. I went to class. I studied. I went to work. I played ball. But something had changed. Maisy wasn't there anymore and I felt her absence every day.

Will tried snapping me out of it. I had broken down a few weeks after Maisy left and drunkenly told him about our night together. But he refused to allow me to wallow in it.

"Maisy is just one girl, man. I know you've been creeping on her forever but she's gone Logan, and I don't think she's coming back. You can't just sit around and waste the end of senior year. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You've got to move on!"

He forced me out to parties and tried to help me forget, but it wasn't that easy. Every night when I'd look up at the stars I'd try to imagine where she was and wonder if she was safe. I always pictured the worst. That was the part that was almost impossible to live with-- the not knowing.

The days dragged on and by the time graduation rolled around I'd given up all hope that Maisy would ever be returning. She disappeared from my life and left me reeling in her wake. I got wasted with Will on graduation night and woke up the next day with that sophomore I'd been flirting with the night Maisy and I hooked up. It had come full circle and the thought made me sick.

That summer I went on a little bender. I partied every night, didn't remember most of it, and usually woke up with a different girl in my bed each morning. It was a fool's remedy for a broken heart, but I didn't care. My dad started to get concerned around the end of July. He busted in my room one morning and found me and some girl in my bed together and flipped out on me.

The girl went scrambling. She was off the mattress and grabbing her things before I'd even fully woken up. As she darted out the door, I sneered over at my dad. "Nice one," I remarked sarcastically.

"Logan this bullshit's gotta stop. I don't know what's going on with you, but you're not acting like the son I raised." My dad fumed from the doorway.

I grimaced as I looked back at him but he wasn't finished yet. He grabbed my jeans from the floor and tossed them at me. I didn't bother moving and the material smacked against my bare chest. "Get up," he ordered. "You're coming to work with me today."

"It's my day off!" I balked back at him.

"I don't give a shit. You're living under my roof, eating my food, and accepting my pay checks, I don't know what the fuck's happened to you, but I'm not letting you throw away your life. Now get dressed," he warned, pointing at my jeans. "You're coming to the shop and you're working every day from opening to closing until I say otherwise. You need something to take your mind off things Logan-- channel it in the right direction." He turned and started out of my room.

"We leave in fifteen minutes," he hollered over his shoulder.

My head was pounding and my mouth was dry. I was hung-over, I was tired, and I was pissed as hell. I wanted to tell my dad to go fuck himself. I wanted to slam my door and throw myself back under my covers. I wanted it all to disappear-- the memories, the sound of her voice, her laugh. But nothing had been working.

I looked at the door, knowing that in about another ten minutes my dad would be shouting at me that it was time to go. Begrudgingly I stood up and yanked on my jeans. If he wanted me to work, I'd work, but he was delusional if he thought it'd take my mind of things. That'd be impossible. I knew that; I'd tried.

I went to work with my father that morning and he threw me in with some guys working on piecing together the engine of '77 Barracuda. I threw myself into the monotony of the work, keeping my head down and not joining in in the raucous conversation around me. I did the same thing for the next eight days, until one day I realized that I made it through a whole shift without thinking about Maisy once. It was a bittersweet moment. I knew I had to let her go, knew it wasn't healthy to keep going on like this, but I still didn't want to.

As the weeks shifted to months and the months shifted to years, I slowly began piecing myself back together. I still thought of Maisy from time to time. She hadn't disappeared from my thoughts altogether; it was hard when I was left with so many unanswered questions, but I did my best to push her memory aside.

Between the loans and the money I saved from work, I was able to enroll in USCB. The day I left town I told myself I was never coming back; this place held too many memories, but a part of me knew I was lying. I still had my dad there and the shop, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, the memories of Maisy just wouldn't let go. I knew our sleepy little beach town was where they were the strongest, and like any addict, I knew it wouldn't be long before I was back, needing another fix.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well, that was "then" and I hope you're ready for "now" coming next week! We're switching over to Maisy's POV. Please remember to vote and comment!

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