I hated that I lost control over my wolf, but what I hated more was that I had to leave Seth behind to get bullied by them all. What surprised me though was how I only could calm down and somewhat control myself when Jacob used his Alpha voice. I think everyone was confused with that as well, but I barely knew anyone here let alone half the pack. The only few people I knew or met so far were Seth, Leah, Sam and now Jacob of course. I don't know why Leah wasn't really open for me to meet them, but at the same time I didn't want to either. I also didn't want to meet Emily she was Leah's cousin, but also Sam's imprint.

I know it's not fair to be upset with them both, but I can't help but take Leah's side on the matter. I mean she meant the world to me as it is, especially after what she's doing for me lately. I didn't like school as it is, but I eventually knew I would have to go back when I was more in control. Maybe Leah will let me do school online, but I don't think that's really an option. I know she might accept that so then I could be safer around other people, but at the same time it wouldn't be beneficial. I mean it wouldn't only because I need to learn how to keep calm around other humans.

I just don't know how to, I mean it's easier for those who have someone to help them. By that I mean an imprint, someone to help keep them calm all the time and connect to their wolf. I hate that I don't have someone, but I also hate the idea of being forced to love someone without choosing on my own. I mean apparently Sam and Jared had imprints already, but I'm not sure about anyone else I don't try too pay attention to our thoughts. Now that they are not private thoughts which absolutely sucks, I try to black them all out.

"Are you listening to me Jellybean?" Leah asked

"No, I'm sorry I was thinking to myself" I said softly

"I'm letting you take two weeks off" she began

"But what about" I began

"According to Sam you went back too early and you need to learn control so, two weeks and you will be back" she said

"Why don't we just have me do online instead, then I can spend more time with you and not worry about hurting someone" I said with hopeful eyes

"I don't think so, nice try" she said

"I think if things don't get better in two weeks, it might be a good idea Leah" Harry said

"But she needs to interact with kids her age dad" Leah said

"You know how Paul was, he and Sam figured it was easier to just finish online instead, if she isn't under control in two weeks I think it's best she does online school" Sue said

I smirked to myself, maybe I have a good chance in this great idea of mine, but I can only try to control myself.

"Wipe that smirk off your face young lady, it's only an option it's not 100% happening" Leah said

"Okay, but it's still an option and an if" I said as I followed after her

"Yeah, but that's a big if" she said

"Yeah, umm, but what if I never learn control Leah?" I asked

She stopped and turned to face me, it was an honest question and a big worry of mine too. What if I didn't find someone to help me, and what if I hurt someone like Sam hurt Emily and Leah hurt me.

"You will, I know you will because you will have me and Seth to help you" she said

"What if I don't find my imprint, or what if they reject me or worse what if I hurt them" I began panicking

"Trinity breath, everyone has a chance to find their imprint, but even if you don't find them the entire pack is here to help you with control, plus they can't reject the bond, it's too strong when it happens you both will feel it even if they won't admit it right away" she said

"Part of me doesn't want one to be honest" I said

"I know Paul feels the same way, but few of us don't feel that way" she said

"Like you" I asked

"I want one so that I can forget about my pain with Sam" she said

"But you don't get to choose who you love" I said

"Yes, but we learn to love them and they learn to love us" she said

"What if I don't want to love anyone, what if they don't want to love me or what if they aren't human or worse are and don't want to be in the supernatural world" I said

"You can't think about the if questions jellybean, you have to think about the present because if you try to look too far ahead you won't like what you find" she said

"But leah what if they don't think I'm good enough, I mean look at me I'm damaged and I look terrible with this stupid scar" I growled

"Oh" she said feeling the emotions of the hurt she caused me

"Wait, I'm sorry It's just hard I hate this life we live and I wish you would find someone to love you but me I don't want anyone" I said and walked away