"Funny when you're dead how people start listening"
If I die young - the band Perry

The Only thing I know is it hurts. I wish it didn't but it does. I am so lost i don't know why i even cared so much. I should have remembered everyone else who has come into my life ended up leaving. But I thought you were different, and it turns out you aren't and I hate that I let my mind keep holding on when I should have left you when you left me the first time.

Why did I just sit there thinking you changed? It turns out you never even cared and I know now you were only feeling sorry and pity for me. I hate that I can say i'm used to it , that I only shouldn't be feeling how I do...Numb,lost,and alone. I honestly don't even care that it happened.....You know what I can't lie to myself I'm broken.

You told me you would be there that you wouldn't leave and yet your gone. You helped me through the worst parts of my suicidal thoughts and actions. But know you're the one causing it to be this way. I may not be suicidal but that doesn't change the fact that i'm afraid of what i'm gonna do.

I don't know what i'm doing i'm by myself again and i'm isolating myself I just want to be left alone. It sucks that I am letting you affect me this way. Since I have seen what you have said I may have only cried once but inside i'm always crying.It's a storm inside me.

You know Honestly I don't even blame you it's my fault this is going on. I should have listened to Curtis. Should have let you go a long time ago. But I kept holding on, I can't blame you when all my issues are my fault I brought this on to myself.

But I need to know did you ever care? When you left the first time, why did you come back? You know what nevermind. I have no fucking idea and it's not like you will even get this. But I had to write my feelings. I needed to let it out in some way and if this worked then this will be the last time I will think about you.

Mellissa Marcotte