Will:Guys,Get Ready to Get Bloody And I Mean BLOODY!....Kids,Playroom!

Kids:Aw......

They all left to the Playroom and Everyone else looked towards the Screen as (T/n) Brought Something Up.

(T/n):I wonder How bloody This Will get.

The scene starts with Monkey D. Luffy and Roranoa Zoro riding through the East Blue in their dinghy.

Narrator: This is the story about a world of adventure, a sea full of excitement and a man full of dreams and a passion that seeks to drive him to the top.

(T/n):This is it?!

(Y/n):Yeah,I Agree with (T/n),This ain't Bloody.

Will:Wait for it....

Monkey D. Luffy: My name is Monkey D. Luffy and I'm gonna be king of the...

The screen flickers with static to reveal a room full of bloody corpses and two vampires appearing to be cuddling.

Katsuki:WHAT THE FUCK!?

Asia:Oh My God!

Subaru:Now,THIS Is Bloody...Gory Too!

Female Vampire:Oh, uh,oh yes!I love you,Edward.

Edward:And I...love you...Bella.

(Y/n):NOT THAT DAMN MOVIE!!

Everyone(Who doesn't Know):What?

Will Zapped The Knowledge of Every Twilight Movie From Beginning To end Into their Minds and....they all Puked...Some Figuratively and Some Literally.

They both hear Knocking At that the Door and Edward Goes to check it.

Edward:Hold on...Who is it?

??:Oh,You Know......

The Mystery Person Shoots through the door And kills Edward After Unloading What looks Like ALL Of His Bullets And then,He withdraws his gun as the Mystery Person Turns Out To be......The One And Only (Y/n).

(Y/n):It's Me!

Will:And In This World,You're Alucard Aka The Crimson Fucker!

(Y/n):Do I Also Call Myself Alucard?

Will:Yes.

(Y/n):...A real fuckin' vampire!

Cue the Theme Song!

Gasper Looked Down Because In A Way,He Wasn't A Real Vampire As He was A Half-Breed.

The Screen Now Shows Asia With A Rifle And A Bigger Bust As You Speak To her with Telepathy And the Conversation Goes Like this.

Asia:Hey,It's Me and My Breasts are Bigger!

Issei(Pervy):I Can See and don't Mind!

You knock Him Out To not Listen to that crap at all.

(Y/n)[Through Telepathy]:Hey,Police Girl,Do you have the target?

Asia:OK,Master,My name is Asia And Yes,I have the target in sight.

(Y/n)[through Telepathy, still!]:Well, better take the shot,You're letting her get away.

(Y/n):Yep,That's The Crimson Fucker.

(Bf/n):Hey,Don't Deny As That's Exactly How The YOU You Would Act.

Asia:If you just give me a second to concentrate,I could-

You Appear behind Her and Agitate Her More As you kept Speaking On about it! 

(Y/n):She's getting away!She's running!

Asia:I GET IT!SHUT THE HELL UP!

Asia realized What she said and covers her Mouth and Blushes.

As She Got angrier,Her eyes Started to glowed red as she Spoke

Asia:I get it, I'm lining up the-

(Y/n):Going to miss it!Going to miss it!

Akko:Jerk. 

Asia:Just be quiet and let me--

(Y/n):Hey, Police Girl!Hey!Hey, Police Girl!

She Fires the Rifle and kills the Vampire As Blood Splatters Everywhere.

Kirishima:Jesus,Dude.

(Y/n):I know,I Know!My Family Has Issues!

Rem:Nephew,I Am RIGHT Here.

Asia:There!I took the fucking shot! She's dead, there's blood everywhere!

Rias:I Don't Think I ever heard Asia Drop the F-Bomb before.

Issei:Same here

Asia:I never Once have or needed to say It.

(Y/n):......Oh,You are Just a Treat.

(Y/n) Narrator:Now, I know what you're thinking: "How did all this come about?" Well, it all started on a midnight stroll through the woods. The air was clear, the moon was full. I was dying to sink my teeth into something. Get it? Because I'm a vampire. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... It's funny.

(B/n):Boooooo!

He reaches a field full of ghouls and a homicidal vampire priest holding Asia hostage

Homicidal Priest:So,you came But Too bad you're far too late.

(Y/n):...What?

Homicidal Priest: Everyone else is already dead Except this little tart. But trust me,I still plan to kill her.

(Y/n):Mm-hmm.

You nod as you didn't Care.

Issei:YOU BASTARD!

(Y/n):You wanna Throw Down,Man?Because I Can Use The Destoryer Hakai.

Issei:No.

Homicidal Priest:But first, I'm going to rape her! 

(Y/n):Neat.

Rias:AT LEAST SHOW SOME CONCERN!

Homicidal Priest:But before I can do any of that...I'm going to kill you!

(Y/n):Oh?See That would be intimidating,if you were...Well, intimidating.

Homicidal Priest:Gr-r-r,Are you mocking me?!

(Y/n):Oh,no,no,no,no,no...Pfft,Yeah!

You shoots Asia and the Priest through the lung while the fraction "shot through the heart" from Bon Jovi's song "You Give Love a Bad Name" plays.

Kiba:DUDE!

(Y/n):What?It Killed Him.

Ruby:You kinda Killed Asia,Too.

(Y/n):Well, that should about wrap things up here. 

Gasper:But asia Is still dying.

Asia:Guh... gah...

(Y/n):Oh, yeah. Forgot about you. Sorry about that whole "shooting you" thing, but I know if you look deep into your heart, which is currently all over that tree, you'll find a way to forgive me. 

While he is Being an Ass,Asia Is.l Currently Dying.

Asia:Guh...gah...

(Y/n):Awww, geez, you look like a puppy...A blonde, eviscerated puppy.

Asia is Still Dying And Had Shed A tear As her life Wept away.

Asia:Gah...

Alucard:Christ! Fine! I'll help you! But only because you got nice tits. 

Everyone:DUDE!

(Y/n):Don't Judge!

Annabelle:Ya Want me To give you a Kinky Punishment?

(Y/n):OH HELL NAH!

Sam:Good.

Several minutes later, Alucard reports back to Sir Najenda Hellsing at the Hellsing mansion headquarters.

Najenda:So, that's your field report?

Najenda:So,I'm His Boss?

(T/n):I Can See That.

Leone:Yeah,Especially Since she Ain't the type you want to piss off.

(Y/n):Yup. 

Najenda:You went on a walk through the forest at midnight.

(Y/n):Yup.

Najenda:You killed a homicidal vampire priest.

(Y/n):Dead.

Najenda:And then you turned someone into a vampire, who happened to be a big tittied-

(Y/n):Big tittied police girl,Yes!It's like I didn't just get through explaining this!Now if you don't mind,I've got things to do.

Najenda:What "things"? You don't do "things".

(Y/n):Yes,I do,I take enthusiastic walks through the woods.

Najenda:And kill homicidal vampire priests?

(Y/n):Very enthusiastic walks.

(Y/n):Hey,Will!Can You get Me an Alucard Outfit and Some Guns?I want to Go On a Walk.

The black screen Appeared with the caption "One Week Later"

Najenda:So, that's your field report?

(Y/n):Yup.

Najenda:So you broke into the house…

(Y/n):Yup.

Najenda:…and you shot him thirty-six times?

Alucard:Thirty-seven.

Najenda:And took out his partner?

(Y/n):To be fair, that was the police girl…with the big titties.

Asia:Thank You!

Najenda:...You need to stop going on walks.

(Y/n):And you need to hurry up and hook up some god-damned DSL in here! 

Katsuki:The Hell is DSL?

Izuku:Is it like the Phone Thing?

They all turned to will as he looked back and said this.....

Will:What?!

Wendy:Will,Do you know DSL Is.

Will:I do........but I Won't Say it.

Najenda:Ugh!Listen,you have an assignment in Ireland.

Everyone:LEPRECHAUNS!

(Y/n):Ooooh…I've never hunted down a leprechaun before. Do you think if I shoot them with my gun Lucky Charms will explode everywhere?!

(Bf/n):That Would be FUCKING Awesome!

Najenda:Sweet Christ!Just get to Ireland, kill the vampire who's taken over the hospital, and bring the police girl with you.

(Y/n):Awww,come on!I have to bring her everywhere!

Najenda:Ah-ah-ah!None of the sass!

(Y/n):Yes,MOM.

(M/n) Decided to pull On Her Son's Ear For that As He Screams That he sorry or it's His other self Multiple times.

We Enter Ourselves to Italy Where We See Freed and A Father Of the Church.

Freed:So what can I do for you,Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan...ah-who is also Italian?

Ram:My God,That is a Long Name.

(M/n):I agree With My Past Self.

Rem:I also Agree With My Sister.

Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan who is also Italian[speaking in an Italian accent]:Tell-a me,Sellzen,What is your favorite thing to do? 

Issei:It's Probably Being A Murderer! 

Xenovia:It's A Different World,So Maybe he's Different.  

Freed:Spreading the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world,Teaching peace and love for all!  

Kiba:See,Xenovia's Right,That's Different!

Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan who is also Italian:
And-a killing-a vampires?   

A Psychotic Grin Appearing on his Face Replacing his Kind Smile. 

Freed:Oh, just try to fucking stop me!

Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan:And what about…  Protestants?

Freed:Second verse, same as the first. Now put me on a plane, so I can put'em in a hearse! 

Xenovia & Kiba:Nevermind.

Rias:This.......Won't End Well.

(F/n):Yeah But If I Know My Son And Seeing This Universe,I can Tell that He WILL Make Fun of the Church.

Azazel:I think i know kind of insults he's gonna Do it.

The Scene cuts to an abandoned hospital in Ireland with Seras sitting outside as Your Inside Shooting All the Ghouls In Sight.

(Y/n):Hey, Police Girl!Police Girl!This is awesome!You should totally join in!Seriously,There's like…Forty zombies in here!Just one shot to the head and they explode!

A gunshot is heard is heard and you spoke again.

(Y/n):This is like House of the Dead,Only like…a hundred times more awesome!

(B/n):I Love That Game.

Asia bursts through the door with her gun and does this...

Asia:Fine! I'll shoot some of the rotten bastards! Can't be that much fun.

She shoots a ghoul and her eyes glows red as she says....

Asia:Oh,Fuck the hell Yes.

She Starts to kill all the Ghouls while "Feel so Numb" by Rob Zombie plays

Akeno:Oh My,I have A feeling me And this Asia would Get Along Great and Have A Good Time~

Zoey jumps on your lap and Pushes herself into your chest as she is Scared from this but Annabelle Is a little peeved that Someone is touching her Boyfriend.

(Y/n):Sweet Black fucking Sabbath!If I wasn't holding out for that beast of a woman Najenda,I'd fuck the red right out of those eyes.

(T/n):EW!

(F/n):Let's Pretend we didn't Hear that.

Summer:I'm With Ya.

Asia gets stabbed by holy sacred bayonets in the back.

(Y/n):Well…kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina.

He suddenly sniffs around as he smells something.

(Y/n):Huh?Suddenly it reeks of hypocrisy in here.

Freed walks in Menacingly as (Y/n) Just Taunts Him.

(Y/n)Oh,If it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this?No little Timmy glued to your crotch?Progress! 

Azazel:HA!The Classic Rapist Priest And That's Actually True!

Michael:Those People Are Just Pedophiles!

Qrow:Awkward.

Freed:Ah, and look at what we have here?A bloody heathen!

(Y/n):Excuse me, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire!I've killed a lot of people to get this title!I deserve to be called such!

Katsuki:The Phrase Is Mother Fucking!

Will:Not In The (Y/n) Multiverse As Mother Fucking Is Actually A way Of Doing it.

Everyone:EW!

Summer:Gross.

Freed:Well then,Mind if I ask you your name?

(Y/n):Only if you give yours first,papist.

Freed:Fine,I'll give you the courtesy,The name's… 

It cuts to the Hellsing mansion to show the Ozpin and najenda Speaking.

Ozpin:Freed Sellzen.

Najenda is Mildly Surprised but than Looked Annoyed as this Happened.

Najenda:.....Oh, fuck all kinds of duck!

It Cuts back to Ireland and Shows Freed With Two Swords as He Speaks

Freed:You have been chosen to reveal my existence to the world. You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later… except you won't...'cause I'll kills 'ya!Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Sam:Wait...isn't That From...?

(Y/n):Oh,my,brilliant Speech…And unoriginal...That's totally from Boondock Saints.

Stella:Oh,I Remember When I used to watch that with (Y/n)!

Freed:What?!No,it isn't! I came up with it a week ago.

(Y/n):Whatever. We're here for the vampire.

Anderson: The only one left here is your sorry pale ass.

Asia[recovering from her attack]:Ghhhhhh…

(Y/n):Yeah Yeah,Give me A Minute.

ORC:HELP ASIA,YOU ASSHOLE!! 

You look at freed And Continue your Conversation With him. 

(Y/n):So, what do you want, anyways? The nearest elementary school is at least ten kilometers away.

Freed:It is your corrupt I claim. It is your evil that will be sought by me with every breath…

Freed started before getting interrupted by (Y/n).

(Y/n):Boondock...Saints!Seriously,you must watch that movie religiously. 

Yang:*Laughs at Joke*

The Vampire Laughs at His own Joke.

(Y/n):get it?

Freed:OK, you know what? Fuck it. Knife.

(Y/n):Knife?

You asked before getting stabbed by Freed.

those From The Real World:(Y/N)!!!

Asia:MASTER!

You pointed your Gun at freed and Did one simple thing....

(Y/n):Boom.

You shot him in the Fucking Head and spoke to asia.

(Y/n):Headshot...Well, now that that's over, how about we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal,Count Cho- 

You started before getting decapitated while an audio clip of Jack Black in Brutal Legend yelling "Decapitation"

Everyone:(Y/N)!! 

Asia:Master....

Freed gets Up and Is Completely Fine and tries to make conversation.

Freed:Well, now that that's over, how about we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal Frankenbe…

He Notices that Asia Left while he was Talking.

Freed:SON OF A PROTESTANT WHORE!Well, you know what time it is! 

He draws two bayonets while the word "RAPE" appears on the screen in uppercase white letters

(Y/n):Does Anyone Have a Gun that I can use to murder This Bastard!

Asia:I guess you can be Kind When you Wish.

(Y/n):I'm Always Kind but You Just Can't Trust Everyone.

Asia Is Walking Away while Carrying your Severed Head.

Asia:This kind of shit Is why i stopped Going to Church.

(Y/n)[Mind]:Police girl…Poli-i-i-ice Girl,you are reading your master's mind,Put my head between your boobs!

Issei:WHAT!?

(Y/n):I Would NEVER Do That but You Would Do That,Issei.

Issei:HEY!At least,Treat Me Nicely Instead Of Badly Because I'm A Perv.

(Y/n):

Asia Holds the head to her chest and Continues to speak...

(Y/n)[Mind]:Very good! Now the next thing I want you to do is...Put me between your legs!

Issei:THAT'S IT,I DON'T CARE HOW STRONG YOU ARE!I WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!

You punch Him and Send him Flying And Embedded into a Wall and You look at everyone Else.

(Y/n):Who else Wants Some?

A bayonet suddenly is wailed at Your head To which impales it into a wall.

(Y/n)[Mind]:God damn it!

Freed:It's a shame for you lost your head,A careless vampire who wound up dead As You wore your sin like it was some kind of prize. Too many lies… too many lies.

Asia Looked on at him with fear as she had no idea what to do and Begin to think..

Asia:'What do I do? What do I do?! I… I could try seducing him… wait, no! I'm not an eight-year old boy! SHIT!' 

Gasper:Well.....That's Something.

Freed:Say your prayers,Wee lass!

Gunshots suddenly are fired and destroy Anderson's bayonets And They were revealed to be fired by Sir Najenda.

Lubbock:Talk About Great Timing.

Najenda:That Girl Belongs To Me. 

Freed:Well, aren't You The naughty one?

Najenda:Don't make me shoot you in the fucking head!

Freed:What the hell do you want, you crazy protestant bastard? 

Najenda(Stern):I'm a woman.

Najenda:What is it with everyone Thinking I'm A Man?! 

Jaune:Um....Because You could pass for One? 

Najenda went over to Jaune's Seat and Proceeds To beat the SHIT OUT OF HIM and once She Finished,She went back to her Seat.

Najenda:You do know this is a grave violation of our agreement.

Freed:And what part would that be?

Najenda:The part where you're here…killing my men!

Freed Did Exactly that As Soon As She finished Talking and...

Escort 1: Hua!

Escort 2: Walgh!

Freed kills Najenda's escorts before attacking her.

Freed:I Have No idea what chou're on about. I'm just here doin' my job! Killin' vampires 'n' werewolves an' leprechauns,never actually found one but do you think if I cut one open with my knife,It would spill out Lucky Charms?

Najenda:Just shut up!Where the hell is Alucard?!

Freed:Oh,him?I killed him! 

Najenda:Killed him? 

(Y/n):'Wait For It'

Freed:Cut off his bloody head!

Najenda:Oh!Well, that's step one… what about two through ten?

Freed:Ah,Christ!

He turns around to see (Y/n) Regenerating himself in A Unique And Awesome Way.

(Y/n):You done Goofed.

Freed:How the blood-soaked protestant hell did you do that?! 

(Y/n):Fuck you, that's how!

Goku:Burn.

Momonga:'Maybe I Should Say that Myself Sometime'

Freed Pulls Out a Bible And Opens it as he Says....

Freed:You know what?I've had enough of this. To hell with all you dirty heathens!

He Disappears Via Teleportation And With,(Y/n) Still An Asshole Says This... 

(Y/n):Eat me! Don't forget to write!

(Y/n):HA!

(S/n):Classic (Y/n).

Asia:Oh…oh, my God…We survived!

(Y/n):Sooo…

Najenda:What?

(Y/n):Do I get to go after him?

Najenda:No.

(Y/n)Aw, come on!

Najenda:No, and that's final!We've got bigger things to worry about. Whoever's behind these vampire attacks...It has to be some kind of large organized group.

(Y/n):Like the Nazis?

Najenda:That would be retarded.

Will:And We're Done.

Everyone:Already?

Rias:It felt So long.

Viven:It Was Amazing Seeing (Y/n) As A Vampire.

Shalltear:I Have Some.....Questions About Those Types of Vampires.

Ram:Well,It Was interesting.

Subaru:You can say that again.

(Y/n):Let's Keep this Train Moving!

Everyone:YEAH!