There are moments in a person's life when they know in their gut that their survival depends on immediate action. Their mind is screaming the signals to them. Say for example, when you are crossing the road and a car is speeding towards you. In that obvious moment, the natural reflex would be to step away as quickly as possible.

However, I was well aware that I fell in to the minor category of population who in that crucial deciding moment, became frozen on their spot. As if, waiting to be run over.

Such was this situation to me. I was asking to be wrecked.

Thinking about it now, I might've realised it when I caught the look in his eyes change; when he stalked towards me with the eyes of a predator. Or maybe, even before that, I had unconsciously started to piece together what I desperately wished to conceal. The truth which constantly pricked at my conscience but I pretended it didn't exist.

For, if I were to acknowledge that he did treat me gently and his eyes had turned soft for me; then I would also have to admit to my fears, which I wished more than anything to only be a misunderstanding on my part. About the truth, that Rayyan might feel towards me more than simple kindness or responsibility.

But I didn't dare admit it, because if I were to do that—I knew for a surety that I would break and let him swallow me whole, willingly—because that's how much I realised I wanted him.

Yet, I would prefer dying than surrendering to my love for him. The love that I myself didn't believe in, nor him—

However, when I saw him inching towards me—my heart thumped painfully in anticipation. The right thing to do was to bolt. Yet, my body as if suddenly had got a mind of it's own—became rooted on the spot.

I couldn't tear away my eyes from the desire and hunger burning in his hazel green orbs, as he towered over me.

And before I could think any further, he jerked me towards himself. His one hand cupping the side of my face, roughly pulling me to him and his other hand wrapped around my waist, pressing me against his hard chest.

I hardly had a moment to react before he slammed his lips to mine, nearly knocking all the wind from my lungs. I couldn't pull away even if I wished to. His mouth moved against mine, with an urgency and a thirst that he was desperate to quench.

I couldn't form any thoughts except the feel of his soft warm lips against my own, as he plunged in deeper. My heart pounded hard against my chest and my lungs screamed for air. Yet, I was betrayed by my own body that couldn't help but crave more of him and the taste of him on my lips. I could only but melt into his touch as he let out a groan of pleasure against my lips.

But it couldn't last. Soon, I could feel tears stinging the corner of my eyes and I reached a hand to free his hold on me. In desperation, I made a pathetic attempt to push against his chest but his grip on the back of my head only tightened and I was pulled against him cruelly, until, there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my own. His mouth never leaving mine, devouring me in a breathless, demanding kiss. His hand tracing down, exploring the hollow of my neck and sending shivers throughout my body.

Unable to take it anymore, I groaned against his mouth. My hand was still helplessly pressed against his chest when my limp body began to tremble uncontrollably. I urged myself to push away, but couldn't.

And then, he finally pulled away.

Until his hold loosened on me, I hadn't realised that my eyes were shut closed but even as I pried my eyes open, wheezing loudly; I found his eyes boring into mine glazed with vulnerability and a million emotions that I didn't recognise.

Just then, my legs gave out from under me and I slipped against him to the floor, when he caught me in his lap.

I looked up at him through quivering lips and tears pooling in my eyes while he continued to hold my gaze with an unnamed emotion burning in his eyes. Both of our breaths coming out in raspy gasps and mingling into one.

Slowly, he leaned in closer; touching his forehead to mine. I sucked in a sharp breath, still heaving from the shock of it all when he closed his eyes. His one hand resting below my ear while his thumb softly caressed my cheek.

Moments passed as we sat there breathless; trembling in each other's embrace, in silence. With a sigh, I closed my eyes against his; taking in the feel of his breath grazing my heated skin. For one moment only, I let myself soak in the heat radiating from the spot where his lips touched mine and the slowly spreading warmth through the rest of me.

And then the moment was over.

I wrenched free from his hold and got up with a jerk. Tears of anger and shock burning my eyes and dripping down my chin. My lips trembled in preparation to scream. Instead, a shaky sob exploded in the back of my throat before I sprinted for my room on shaky legs.

~•~•~••~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

I messed up. I knew that. The worst part was that I didn't feel remorse for reasons I should've had. I knew I had broken my promise. She already had plenty of reasons to hate me and I had just given her one of the worst.

Not once, but twice I had broken her trust and in comparison to now, I knew I had gotten lucky before. There was no coming back from this. I didn't wish for this—No, actually, I did. I wished for this and a lot more since, well—since a long while now.

It was true that I had married her to please my grandparents. That and the debt, I owed. But it was a lie which I kept telling myself that this was the sole reason for it. Even without realising it myself, I had been in love with her, for a long while now. And a lot longer before that, I had known that the only emotion I could ever inspire within her for me was hatred.

That was before.

When I found out she will be marrying Harris, I didn't know why I felt this unfamiliar angst in my heart. I thought I didn't care about her. Yet, when Nanna and Gramps asked me to marry her instead of Harris. I couldn't help but feel a hidden sense of excitement, which I had tried to brush away repeatedly.

I decided then, that no matter what my reason for agreeing to it was, it was an opportunity for me to redeem myself. However, all my expectations came to a standstill when I found out that Zaira never cared to marry me—It was all a lie.

I had realised her real intentions for this marriage when we first met in the cafe, which were later confirmed when she had tried to run away, that night. And when she told me that she did wish to go through with this marriage, I knew that it was only because she was left with no other option.

Despite all that, before signing those Nikah papers, I had already made a promise to give her protection and happiness, in every conceivable way. I had vowed to uphold the sacredness of this marriage pact and fulfil my duties to it's fullest extent.

But, what I could never have had expected was, Zaira asking me for a divorce. It had left me shocked and at a loss. I didn't know how to proceed from there on. Yet, I knew whatever my intentions were, Zaira didn't need to be bound to them. If she didn't wish to be with me then I would never force her in any way to uphold this act of marriage.

So, after all that—what right did I get to be angry now, if she didn't wish for me? I had vowed to let her go after a year. That's what I had promised her, atleast.

But today, I had broken my oath. I betrayed her trust in the worst way possible. The house that I had promised to give her security in, will now be the least secure place for her. And for making her feel this way, there wasn't enough remorse in the entire universe for me to feel.

———————————

I didn't know how I would face her, anymore. I thought I would apologise to her and if she forgave me or even if she didn't, we'll come up with a solution. Even if that meant for me to leave her.

However, I never got a chance to apologise to her. The next few weeks, I didn't see her. I knew she was still there behind the locked door to her room. But besides that, the only signs that gave away her presence in the house was the cold dinner left on the table, which she had prepared for me or the breakfast I would find on coming back from my jog.

I would never return home until after midnight, when I was sure that she would be in bed. After getting off of work, I would go to a late night cafe and get my work done. I had heaps of cases to go through anyways, so it was easy to bury myself in my work on weekdays. Weekends were spent in library.

But I knew this couldn't go on forever. We needed to work out a solution. So one day, I got home right after work. I knew she wouldn't have had expected me to get home at this time, so I could catch her before she had a chance to flee. I hoped by now, both of us would have had enough time to calm down and think things through.

And true to my expectations, she tried to run away.

I walked into the house and found her sitting on the couch, immersed in the books infront of her; clueless of my presence. I had to cough to let her know of my existence.

Immediately her eyes shot up to mine, with surprise and something else mixed. I couldn't place it for fear but before I got a chance to say something, she turned away sharply and begin to collect her books to leave in a frenzy.

"Zaira—" I called out when she turned to leave. Startled by my voice, the books she was carrying in a haphazard manner dropped from her hands.

I watched her pick them up with trembling hands and felt a pang in my chest. At that moment, I hated myself more than she hated me.

With a sigh, I bent down to pick her books when she backed away with a jolt—as if, I had burned her. I gaped at her stunned and saw a flicker of guilt in her eyes before she averted her gaze.

Turning my head down in shame, I returned to collecting her books.

"I know my apologies don't mean anything—but still I have to say it—" I continued quietly before pausing to look up at her. Her eyes were glazing with unshed tears and her lips quivered as she watched me.

"I am sorry, Zaira." The tears finally escaped the confines of her eyes and dropped down her chin, disappearing into the material of her shirt. Turning away, I stood up with her books in my hands.

"I'll move out by the end of this week. You can continue to stay here for as long as you wish. I'll take care of your expenses and everything else—" I didn't dare look at her as I said all this because then she would be able to see the tears that I desperately wished to hide. And with that I placed the books on the coffee table and left.

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