Part of me expected angry phone calls from my mom in the middle of my next class, or the class after that. I assumed Bailey would cry to her mother about me going to another party, and her mother would for sure tell my mom what I was up to.

It seemed like she didn't put the rumour mill in motion. The only texts I received were from Jem, asking if I wanted to hang out after school. I wasn't in the mood to meet anyone after school, but because I'd accepted being his girlfriend this very morning I felt obligated to say yes to dinner and a movie to celebrate being a couple. 

Who knew, maybe it'd put me in a better mood.

I definitely needed a better mood after sitting through an hour of Farah glaring at me every time our eyes accidentally met, and Bailey dipping her head and using her hair as a curtain so she didn't need to look at me at all. 

Since they left the room incredibly fast after the lesson ended, I tried texting them both an apology. So far, as expected, no response.

There was one other person who'd sent me a chilly text, but at least I felt like I still had a chance of talking it out with her. Autumn. 

I was scared to do it, but I didn't feel like I had much of a choice. I could talk to my mom, but if I wanted to explain why Bailey and Farah no longer wanted to talk to me, I'd also have to tell her about the club. She would ground me for a month, and I didn't want to see the disappointment at my 'bad decisions' in her eyes. 

Autumn already seemed to think most decisions I'd taken the past few weeks were poor, and I was inclined to agree. With a deep breath, I pushed my pride aside and texted Autumn.

Me: Hey, can we meet after school? Won't take long

Autumn jumped online. 

Autumn: Sure.

And she was gone again.

Sure? What the heck was I supposed to do with sure? We hadn't agreed on a time or a place, and Autumn was making zero effort to set it up. 

With a sigh and a knot in my stomach, I texted her again. 

Me: Thanks, I'll wait for you in the parking lot at the entrance. 

There were no more replies after that, and I could only assume Autumn had seen my message and would be there after school. 

After the bell for my last class finally rang, I hurried to get to the parking lot early, so Autumn wouldn't have to wait for me, but she beat me to our meeting spot anyway. 

My heart was pounding and I felt my face go red as I approached Autumn. I couldn't stand the thought that Autumn was angry at me for some reason, and I didn't know why.

"Hey, you're early," I tried to greet her casually, but the words didn't come out of my mouth in a casual manner at all. 

Autumn crossed her arms. "I got off an hour ago." 

Crap. I'd figured Autumn had as many hours as I did today. I attempted a smile, but I didn't get further than a grimacing.

"Sorry, I just..." 

"Assumed, yes, you're good at that," Autumn bit. 

Autumn was back to the way she treated me when she was still with Jem. No... she was actually worse. I hadn't done anything wrong to her, and yet, she was treating me like I had insulted her. 

It made it even harder to ask her what was going on. Why she was so pissed at me all of a sudden. Unfortunately, that was exactly the reason why I asked Autumn to come, and I doubted she'd let me waste her time too much if she was like this already. 

"Uh, let's take a seat," I offered, gesturing at a nearby bench. 

Autumn didn't move. "We don't need to sit. You said this wouldn't take long." 

"Uh," I stammered. 

I really didn't know how to act anymore. Autumn was throwing me off so much I was shocked into silence. A few seconds later, she finally had some mercy on me. Her frown eased up slightly and she sighed, gesturing at the bench. 

She took a seat, and I almost didn't dare to take a seat. I lowered myself very carefully, anxiously waiting if Autumn was going to snap at me to not sit next to her. She didn't. 

I swallowed thickly. 

"I, uh, I'm really sorry if I did anything," I murmured. "You seem mad at me, and I don't really understand why." 

Autumn breathed out audibly. "You did nothing wrong," she curtly replied. 

I'd wanted to talk to Autumn to get some clarity on where we stood, but instead I was even more confused now. 

"But," I hesitantly spoke up. "Then why are you so cold to me? I don't understand." 

Autumn muttered something incoherent under her breath, I guessed a few swear words. "Of course you don't understand," she then said. "That would be too easy." 

I stared at Autumn, again, no idea how I was supposed to react to that. She pressed her full lips to a thin line, and looked away from me. 

"It's not you," she finally pressed out. "It's... fuck." 

"What?" I asked. "I really don't understand." 

"I don't expect you to."  Autumn shook her head and snorted. "Hell, I don't understand how this happened myself. I was only planning on using you to be left alone for the last year I'll be attending this school. You wanted in, I wanted out. It made sense." 

"That was the deal, yes?" I stated, though, it came out more as a question. 

"And," Autumn continued, "You were the perfect replacement. Really pretty, curious about my friends, and eager to have Jem as your boyfriend." 

I glanced down at my hands in my lap. I'd gotten all the things I wanted. The new friends, the boyfriend. 

"We got everything we set out to do," I said. "I'll be able to tell Jem to tell the others to leave you alone now." 

Autumn's face scrunched up. "You really don't get it: you weren't the only one who started hesitating whether this plan of ours was a good idea after all."

I shook my head. I knew my reasons for hesitating whether this was a good idea, but they couldn't be Autumn's reasons. 

"Why?" I asked. 

Autumn tilted her head back, looking up at the sky for a moment. I noticed she was playing with the rim of her jacket, and then she turned to me. 

"Okay," she said. "I'll just spill it. Celia." 

Autumn paused, and I held my breath. Her gaze was so intense it made my heart pound. I realised she was about to say something very important. 

"Yeah?" I breathed. 

"For some stupid reason... somehow along the way..." Autumn paused, her gaze darting away from me. 

Then, she steeled herself, crossed her arms, and turned back to me.

I like you," Autumn stated, blunt as was her signature. "And I don't want you to be with Jem. I don't expect you to do anything with this information. But, just so you know."

I stared at Autumn. I just, stared. I couldn't get my brain to register what she was telling me, because it was laughing at the notion that Autumn meant that. There was no way she could like me. She was so much prettier, smarter, wittier, better than I was. 

I was just the stupid screw-up who thought she wanted popularity and when she got it, didn't. The screw-up who'd lost all her friends over something she didn't even want. 

Then again, I supposed Autumn and I weren't that different in that aspect. Autumn had also lost all her former friends in school to do what she wanted. 

"I—" I brought out, feeling like I had to say something to that confession, though, I didn't know what.

I'd spent this entire talk with Autumn not knowing what to say, but the feeling was even worse now. 

"You don't have to say anything," Autumn cut me off. She frowned and averted her gaze.  

"Pretend like I said nothing if you want. I'm gonna go." 

"No, wait!" I called out as Autumn moved to stand up. 

She stopped, but I didn't have any words to follow it up with. I was still reeling from the sudden confession, one that I definitely never saw coming. My hands trembled and I was sure my face was beet-red. Butterflies flitted in my stomach, but I was wary of them. 

The thought that Autumn liked me was bizarre in the best kind of way. I was incredibly flattered, and even more confused. At the way I felt, and why on earth Autumn liked me. 

"Why me?" I blurted out. "You could have anyone." 

Autumn smiled wryly. "You want me to give you a list of reasons why now?" 

"No, I—" I sputtered. "I just..." 

I couldn't get a sentence out of my parched  throat. Autumn sighed, a hint of the wry, humourless smile still playing on her lips. She stood. 

"I was mad at you because you like Jem. It doesn't matter that I can get anyone, if anyone doesn't include the girls I like." 

With those words, Autumn turned away and started walking, leaving me sitting stunned on the bench. 

I didn't know what to do, what I wanted, before today.

Now, I really didn't know.