No matter how much I told myself I would stop lying, I always seemed to need just one more lie.

If I told my mom I had a boyfriend, she'd call me and demand to meet him before they allowed me to even do something innocent like going out for dinner with him. She must have noticed I came home giddy and unable to wipe a grin off my face a few times when Jem and I had just started hanging out. She had to know something was going on at school, but she waited for me to tell her. She trusted me to tell her, because I never used to keep secrets.

I would eventually tell Mom and Dad about Jem, just... not right now. I wasn't in the mood for answering a volley of questions when I already had so many myself. So, I'd texted Mom I was eating with Farah and a few classmates. She replied it was okay, though, I'd half-hoped she would've said no and made me go home. Maybe if I'd asked Dad; he didn't like sudden changes to plans.

It was too late now, anyway. There was no way I could cancel less than half an hour ahead of time. I'd already told Jem yes, and there was no good reason I wouldn't be able to make it. Jem was all enthusiastic, too. He already texted me he'd found a cute new restaurant he knew I'd like while I was still sitting on the bench in front of our school.

Jem had gone through all this trouble, and I could barely bring myself to smile as I spotted him waiting in the parking lot of the mall where we'd agreed to meet.

"Hi Cel!" Jem immediately opened his arms for a big hug.

"Hi," I replied, letting him hug me and press a kiss to my lips.

I couldn't bring myself to return the affectionate gestures entirely. I just stood there letting him do his thing, but Jem didn't seem to notice my lack of enthusiasm. He left his arm around my shoulder, and started guiding me off the parking lot towards the city.

"You're going to love this new Italian place," Jem promised me with a wink that would've made me swoon a week ago. "I went there with my mom, dad and brother, and they have the best pizzas I ever had."

"That sounds great!" I said.

I only managed to sound half-heartedly interested, and this time, I knew Jem noticed. The sparkle in his eye dampened slightly, and I instantly felt bad. Even more when Jem gently squeezed my shoulder and was all nice about it.

"Is everything alright? You seem out of it."

No. No, everything certainly wasn't alright. This was supposed to be one of the happiest evenings of my life thus far, going out with my first boyfriend who also happened to be one of the hottest guys in school. Girls, and some guys too probably, would kill to be in my place right now.

And all I could think about was a blunt ex-prom queen, who'd even sounded curt and brusque when confessing her feelings. Her feelings for me. The hidden camera crew could jump out at any moment now, telling me this was all a big elaborate prank. Nobody liked me, not Autumn and not Jem, and everything would go back to the way it was before.

I shook my head at Jem.

"No, I'm just a little tired and hungry, I guess," I lied. "I'm sure I'll be better once I get some food in my system."

Jem perked up again, seemingly believing me. "Of course!" he said. "We'll order an extra serving of bread when we get there. Can't have you fainting on me before my surprise after dinner."

"Ooh, nice," I replied automatically.

I forced a smile on my face though I wanted to grimace. As if dinner wasn't enough, now Jem had also arranged a surprise for afterward? My gut twisted, because all I could think about was quickly eating dinner and getting away from Jem so I could think. Just think and process through what I was feeling because I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it.

I could not fake enthusiasm for Jem's surprise, and he was definitely going to notice I wasn't just 'hungry and tired.' Everything was going to shit, and it was all because Autumn had to tell me she had feelings to me.

I was doing fine before she had to go and treat me all weird and then rendered me incapable to think of anything but her. She didn't want me with Jem, and Jem's arm felt heavy on my shoulder now. I wanted to shrug it off, but that made little sense.

Jem was my boyfriend now. He had planned a dinner for me and he wanted to surprise me. Maybe he didn't always read my body language correctly, and maybe he could be a little judgemental, but he wasn't a bad person.

But Autumn was... Autumn made my heart pound more than anyone. She confused me, she amazed me, and all this time I'd just wanted her to like me most of all. Even more than I wanted Jasmine and the other girls, Jem, and the football guys to like me.

I couldn't think. I couldn't think with Jem's stupid arm wrapped around me, and him starting a story, chatting on about something that happened during football practice like usual. I nodded and answered on automatic pilot, but I wasn't there with my head.

I couldn't to this right now.

I couldn't sit in an Italian restaurant with Jem and pretend everything was peachy keen.

Promptly, I stopped walking. Jem stopped with me, shooting me a questioning look.

"Why are we stopping?" he asked.

I bit my lip, knowing I had to break off this evening even if that was difficult and really shitty of me. But if I stayed, I'd only make things even worse by being unable to act like a good girlfriend should.

"Sorry, Jem," I said, suddenly unable to keep tears of frustration and god knows what other feelings from welling up in my eyes. "I don't think I'm able to do this."

Jem's eyes were wide now as he looked at the tears rolling down my cheeks. "Celia, are you sure you're okay?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now."

I averted my gaze to the ground, but I still felt Jem's eyes on me. He was quiet while I sniffed.

"Is it something I did?" he then broke the silence. His arm slipped off my shoulder. "What's going on?"

It wasn't something he did, but it kind of was something he did. He didn't notice I wasn't into him as much, but I could hardly blame him for not being able to read my mind.

Autumn never seemed to have any issues understanding how I felt, however. In fact, she probably understood a little too well, so she could make me feel horrible or wonderful the entire day with a few words.

I stayed quiet too long. Jem shifted.

"Celia," he said. "Do you mean you can't do dinner tonight, or that you can't do... everything?"

Maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for. He hit the nail on the head this time. I swallowed thickly, as my throat had gone dry. My heart pounded in my chest. I hated having to do this, but Jem had given me the exit I needed.

"Everything," I muttered, keeping my teary eyes trained on the ground. Jem deserved at least being looked at, but I couldn't make myself do it.

"I can't do everything. I'm sorry, I have to go."

I turned and started walking. Jem didn't stop me or call after me, and I hurried down the street, tears streaming freely down my face.