LIAMS POINT OF VIEW

I remember the first time I saw Finley have a panic attack when he was 10. He had gotten in trouble at school for throwing something in class and one of us had to go in and talk to the principal. I was 19 at the time, and the older two were at work so I had to leave my college class to go pick him up. I remember he was crying when I got there. I now realize just how hard he was crying. More than a child should be even in those circumstances. I didn't think much of it at the time. Until he began to hyperventilate so rapidly it was a wonder he didn't pass out on the spot. I can still picture the look of pure terror on my little brother's face as he tried and failed to get some air into his lungs. I managed to get him calmed down after a few minutes.

That was the second scariest thing I had ever been through with my siblings.

Until Logan called and told us about the car accident. I've never felt so scared as I did while I drove to the hospital, my brothers and sister dispersed in separate cars as we made a mad dash to the hospital. Logan was crying on the phone. His boyfriend was in the car too. He said no one would tell him anything at the hospital about either of them. I knew he was panicking. We all were too. I may not be Izzy's favorite person but the idea of losing her made me sick to my stomach.

We just got her back. Well sort of. We got her physically back, but the girl I thought would come to Harlan, never did. She was a shell of a child. And that's what made me the angriest. It was clear to the dullest of people that Izzy had never been a child. Just the way she carried herself I could see she was wise beyond her years. It made me sad, but more than that, it made me angry. I had never been close with my Mom, not even as a kid, but after she took Izzy away at only 6 months old, I couldn't help but hate her more than I ever would have if she had just left. It wasn't right. The way she treated us and the way she treated Izzy. I think about it all the time.

When Izzy flinches away from one of our touches, cowers into herself when things get too loud, or even when she bites her lip until it bleeds. All habits that are all too consistent with kids who've been through trauma.

My arms were practically shaking from how tight I was gripping the steering wheel. I'm not the type to panic, but this was a new level of stress and anxiety I haven't experienced in a long time. I knew Jace was feeling it too. He had jumped in next to me as soon as I had climbed into the car, claiming that the other one was too full. I just think he wanted some quiet, and he knew I wouldn't force conversation on him.

"Do you think she's okay?" He asked quietly.

I gulped. "I have no idea J," I answered honestly. Logan had been crying too hard to tell us exactly what happened, and Tyler didn't push. We all knew how much Logan loved Izzy and Teo. It would kill him to lose either one of them. It would kill us all to lose Izzy.

"She has to be okay," He whispered to himself. I could see a tear roll down his cheek. Jace was never an emotional person. In fact, we always used to make fun of him for not showing any feelings. He was caring and kind, but a polite smile or stone face was all you could get out of him most of the time. But this was new territory for all of us. We've managed to keep all of our family out of harm's way for as long as we could, but with Izzy, we had failed long ago and now we had failed her once more. "I can't lose her again,"

I sighed. "We won't lose her again, Jace. It won't happen again." We had lost her once but had been lucky enough to get the chance to get her back, but this time, I fear our luck may have run out.

"You were so awful to her, Liam."

I kept my eyes glued to the road ahead of me. I couldn't let him see the tears in my eyes. "I know Jace."

He sniffled. It kills me to see him like this. It's uncharacteristic of him, and it only made everything feel so much worse. Like somehow seeing him upset made it all so real. I'm not very good at real things. Feelings make me panic. They always have. I'm good at my work, but I was told even in medical school that I lacked the emotional skills to be a doctor. I took that as a sign to prove them wrong. But the first time I had a patient die under my care, two months after I started my residency, I realized how much emotional baggage came with my career. I had no idea how to tell the family, let alone console them.

Emotionally inept. That was what Georgia, one of my work friends always called me. She was joking when she said it, but we both knew it was the harsh truth of the way I am.

"Why the fuck did you do that yesterday?" Jace asked.

"Jace now is not the time for this," I grunted. I can't deal with that now. I couldn't handle all that right now. Not until I knew she was okay. She had to be. She had to be okay. I'm not ready to lose anyone else yet. Especially not one of my siblings.

"And dinner wasn't the time for all the shit you said either. But you did. You fucking did. Oh god," He put a hand to his mouth like he just realized something and I could see him trying to stifle a sob. "Oh god, Liam, what the fuck did you do?"

I felt a tear run down my face. "I don't know Jace. I don't know what I did." We drove the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. There was nothing either of us could to make this better. Make this go away. Arguing now wouldn't help anyone. The rest of them were already there by the time I and Jace jumped out of the car and ran into the hospital.

Tyler was standing at the desk yelling, the rest of them were scattered around the room, teary-eyed and nervous. Emma was sitting beside Nolan, her face pressed into the side of his sweatshirt. Finley was leaned against a wall, biting his nails. Henry was nowhere to be found, and neither was Logan. Henry hadn't been at home when we got the call. No one knew where Henry was, but I could guarantee if he already knew, he wouldn't become. He was the only person in our family worse at dealing with emotions.

"I need to know what is going on with Isabelle Cane. She was brought to this emergency room 10 minutes ago, I'm her legal guardian, please just tell me what is going on." It was clear to the entire waiting room that Tyler was struggling to keep his cool with the receptionist at the front desk.

"Sir, a doctor will be out to talk to you as soon as possible. Please have a seat." She was being incredibly patient with him. More than most people would. I would guess she was used to seeing people in distress.

"No, I can't wait for a doctor to come and talk to me, I need to know if Isabelle Cane is alright!" He yelled. Jace, who was still standing beside me, walked over to him and tried to get him to calm down.

My stomach was in knots as I walked over and sat down beside Nolan. He gave me a sad look but didn't say anything. I could see tear streaks on Emma's cheeks, but she didn't even look up at me. She'd been ignoring me since last night. Not that I blame her. Izzy was, after all, her twin, and I could see she had grown protective of her. We all realized yesterday what a bad state Izzy is in. We all reacted to it differently, but I would say Emma reacted the best. We all saw her take on a new, protective role yesterday with Izzy. One that I hope wasn't limited to just then. Because evidently, none of the rest of us were capable of protecting her. Maybe Emma could do what the rest of us couldn't.

"Did you hear anything?" Finley asked Tyler. I didn't look up at them.

"No. They won't tell me shit." He sounded aggravated. Understandably so too.

"Where's Logan?"

Tyler sighed, sitting down roughly in the chair next to me. "I don't know, Finn. I don't know."

"He was here when we came in, but was taking off down the hall before we could talk to him," Nolan said. We all nodded solemnly.

"Do you think she's okay?" Emma's squeaky voice sounded in the painfully quiet lobby.

Nolan held her a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. "Of course, Em. Of course, she'll be okay." He was lying of course. He had no idea if she was okay. None of us did. For all we know, she's already gone and they're just waiting to tell us. I think that's the worst part. The not knowing. I hate waiting. I've never been patient. I guess that's why I did what I did last night. I wanted to ask Izzy about everything, but I could wait until after, so I just blurted it out. And once it was out, there was no taking it back. So I did what I do best. Fucked everything up even more.

10 minutes later, Logan came into the waiting room, looking like he had been the one in the car wreck. His hair was a mess, his face was streaked with tears, and his eyes were bloodshot from crying. He looked at all of us, but when his eyes locked on me, they turned dark and hostile. "Logan did you-" Tyler didn't finish his question before Logan lunged at me, thankfully being caught just in time by Jace and Nolan.

"Let me fucking punch him!" He yelled, trying desperately to get away from the two of them. I stood up slowly and watched him in this savage state with wide eyes. "Let me fucking kill him!" He yelled. I didn't move. I couldn't. "This is your fucking fault, Liam! Your fault!" He was thrashing so harshly, it was a wonder the other two could hang on. "Our sister could be dead because of you!" All the eyes in the waiting room were turned to us, but no one seemed to care. "Fuck you, Liam! Fuck you!" His anger was quickly replaced with soul-crushing sobs as he fell to the floor, Nolan falling with him gently.

My heart was seizing out of my chest. I felt beyond sick. He blamed me. He blamed me for all of this. My heart was in my throat as I stumbled away from the scene and back through the front doors of the hospital. I fell to my knees on the damp grass. Bile rose from my stomach. I had never felt so violently ill. Never in my life had I felt like this. This was too much. I coughed as I tried to return some air to my lungs.

More illness. More violence. More guilt.

It felt like acid in my throat and on my tongue. After a few minutes, I managed to pick myself back up off the ground and make it to the stairs, falling back on the concrete with a heaving breath. Of all our family has been through, we've always managed to stick together. We've had our differences, but never anything like this. No one ever blamed each other. We trusted each other to the ends of the earth. But this was so different. This wasn't anything our family has been through before. This was so much worse. I heard the glass door squeak behind me. Finley sat down and handed me a few napkins.

"I think you need these," I muttered a thank you and took them, wiping the residue from around my mouth and the sweat from off my clammy forehead. The mid-October air felt nice against my face and arms. "I would say it's not your fault, but it kind of is," Finley muttered. I looked at him but didn't say anything. What was there to say? I either admit to this all being my fault or I pointlessly argue. I didn't want to do either one. "If you hadn't said that shit to Izzy last night, Logan wouldn't have taken her, and Teo and Izzy wouldn't have been in the car," I'm not sure if Finley was talking to me or not. All I knew was he was saying what I didn't want to hear. But I had no choice but to listen.

"So what do I do now, Finn?" I whispered. He moved a little closer so our shoulders were touching. "I have no idea, Li. But you fucked up. Bad. And I think the best thing you can do right now, is nothing. Go in there, sit down, and don't say a word." The stars looked wonderful tonight. They reminded me of the nights Tyler would drag me and Nolan camping in high school. I remember Logan begging to come when he was a little kid. He would sit by the fire and watch the stars for hours, without a care in the world. What I would do to go back to those days. The ones where my only problem was my nine-year-old brother tagging along on a camping trip that was just supposed to be the older kids. It seemed so silly now. So unimportant and stupid. Now, those days were gone. And so was the little brother I used to know.

"Logan will never forgive me if one of them..." I stopped myself. I couldn't say the words out loud. I couldn't associate that word with my baby sister.

"I can't speak for Logan, Li. But I can speak for myself that if you do the right thing now, I won't hold a grudge in the future. But if you don't, then I can't promise I will be so forgiving." He stood up, but I didn't move. He clapped me on the shoulder gently. "Do the right thing, Liam." He muttered. I hummed and listened until I heard the glass door shut once more.

I leaned back and looked up at the stars. Nostalgic, beautiful, inconsiderate stars. They always left when you needed to see the most. I didn't need anyone to tell me I fucked up. I knew that. I needed someone to tell me how the fuck to make it right, but no one seemed to have that answer. They all told me what I did wrong but never how to do right. And maybe I should already know how to do that, but I don't, and now I don't fucking know what to do.

I don't know how to make Logan not hate me or how to take back my words. I don't know how to make sure Izzy is okay, and erase everything I did from her broken little mind. I don't know how to make myself a better person for any of them. I didn't know how not to fuck up. It seems to be all I'm good at these days. God, everything was so damn complicated now. It was so simple before, and it would be so easy to blame Izzy for all of this, but it isn't her fault. She didn't ask to be a part of this any more than she asked for any of the other shit she dealt with.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" I heard Henry's frantic voice before I saw him. "Why are you not in there with them?" He didn't look like a mess like the rest of us. He never did. Jace was stone-faced but he didn't even begin to compare to Henry. He only has two modes. Nothing or everything. He's either so neutral it's painful, or he's so angry it's terrifying. There's no in-between with him.

"No one wants me here," I chuckled sadly, no humor in my voice.

He gave me a look. "Is this about last night?"

I nodded. "Logan hates me."

"Shut the fuck up, Liam," He deadpanned. "You fucked up last night, so what? I've fucked up a million times and everyone and this shitty family still loves me."

"You've never killed our sister," I muttered.

He scoffed. "First off, she's not dead, dickwad. Second off, I've killed a family member before. Tried to at least."

I knew what he was referring to. The pills in sophomore year. He was right. He had tried to kill a family member. "Not something to joke about, Henry." I reminded my younger brother. I had caught him with them. Luckily, he hadn't taken any yet, but still, before today, that was the scariest thing I had ever experienced with one of my siblings.

"Hey, it's my trauma, I can joke about it," He kicked me gently in the shin and I looked up at him with a glare. "Get the fuck up, Liam, sitting out here avoiding them won't help."

I sighed deeply and pushed myself off the stairs. "Why are you here? I thought for sure you wouldn't come."

Henry's eyes softened. "I wanted to see her. She deserves that much. For all of us to be here."

I nodded. "She does, doesn't she?"

She deserved so much more than that.

And so much better than we gave her.

A/N-Not one person in this family is emotionally stable. None of them. There's a theme here people if you haven't noticed. Logan is losing it, Liam is losing it, Henry never had it to begin with, and everyone else is also losing it. This family is a mess and certainly not the beautiful kind.

But yeah, that's what I have to say for that. This chapter was honestly insanely hard to write. I'm so unsure what direction I want to head with Liam. I wanted to get some input before I made the final decision but I think I know how its going to play out.

Also, I wanted to let you know that this is the second to last chapter of part one. After that, part two will begin and new leg of the Cane family story will start.

Thank you guys for 225k! Don't forget to vote and comment!