I've always known trust is so hard to give, and so easy to break. But what happens when that trust never recovers? When I have none left to give? Is that when I begin to give up?

I can remember when Marley gave up. Or at least, when I noticed she had. A slow decline most would call it. It started off as small things. Pale complection, dull eyes. I would ask her if she was alright, she would lie and tell me she was. I had learned that from her. Lie when they ask, lie until you mean it. Then Marley stopped coming to school. She had been in her last year. She always wanted to be a nurse. She would have been an amazing nurse.

It really hit rock bottom when I saw her cry for the first time. In all my years of knowing my sweet Marley, she had never shed a tear. It was hard to believe seeing how hard her life was and how many reasons she would have to cry, but now I believe she had just spared me until then.

Sometimes I'm glad she did. Seeing my lifeline breakdown hurt so much more than I could have imagined. It was a good two months of just hollow submission after that. She barely spoke and when she did you could hear in her voice how clearly she had given up. Given in. Decided she was done before it was over. But then he came along. Those brown eyes that twinkled with danger and charm. He made everything better for Marley. When he came into the picture, her smile came back. Her cheeks turned rosey and her eyes lit up. I thought she was back. I thought I had my best friend back.

But now I see, I didn't. Because she was still broken even when he wrapped her in love. And she trusted him. God, she had trusted him so easily. She had given up so long before that she simply would hand over what little she had left, and prayed he wouldn't break it. I didn't see at the time but that was her downfall. Trust. In him, or anyone else.

And I was determined not to make the same mistake. I had been talking myself up all day long. I had been trying to find as much resilience and confidence as I could inside my meager, fearful soul. I had exactly 16 minutes until I would meet Brayden in Art club. 16 minutes until I would be forced to confront him and all the hatred I harboured for him. Or all that I should, anyway. I wasn't sure how I felt. Panicky as always, but there was something else too. Something sadder than I was used to. Heavier, perhaps. I was eager to, in a cautious way.

I was anxious to talk to him. I wasn't sure what I was looking for in this conversation. I knew he was looking for closure of some sort. I suppose I was looking for answers. Truths amongst lies. All day I had been thinking about what I would say to him, and how I would say it. Mr.Fitz told me this morning that he would be sending us off in pairs to do some photography work around the school grounds. That meant me and Brayden would be alone. That meant there was no excuse to avoid all of this. Tyler had agreed almost immediately when I asked him about Art club last night at dinner.

He had launched into some speech about the importance of extracurriculars, and being social and a whole bunch of other stuff I didn't listen too after I got my yes. After I heard that simple word of agreement, my mind had spiraled into an unruly panic about what that meant. It was now the very end of last period, which today was History. I had been spaced out most of the class, and it wasn't until I felt someone poke my arm that I realized we had moved on to independent work.

"Are you okay Iz?" Emma whispered. I snapped my head to her. She had moved her seat to be beside mine yesterday, claiming she could see better from the back row. I had noticed both today and yesterday that Emma seemed secluded from her usual friend group. I had also seen some rather dirty looks exchanged between her and some of the girls she was so friendly with just a few days before. I had made a mental note to ask her about it after school yesterday, but it had slipped my mind with all that I was dealing with. Sometimes, when things get too crowded, we have to make priorities. And sometimes, our subconscious does that for us. Whether we like it or not.

"Yeah," I muttered softly. "Mrs.Harold is just boring is all." I smiled at my sister, trying to seem far calmer than I was. It was better that she didn't know anything about Brayden or any of the thousands of other things that plagued my mind. It wouldn't be fair to put all of that on her. I could never explain, and she could never understand. It's the truth of the matter that I was a complicated person, and from what I can see, Emma is not. She's so simple in ways I wish I was. And I would not be the one to invade her simple little world with the war I faced every day.

"Yeah, you're right." She was unconvinced. That much I could tell. But I would have to allow her to be so for now. It simply made no sense to explain myself to her. She didn't know who I once was. She didn't know about the whole life I had that was destroyed. She didn't know, and she didn't need to. I kept trying to reason with myself, trying to avoid the pinch of guilt inside me. I could see the concern in Emma's eyes, and it made me sick to think that I could ease that with a tiny bit of information. Information that required explanation, and explanation that required digging in those godforsaken depths of my subconscious.

"Is that all?" She was unknowingly making it worse. I couldn't blame her though. Her worry would have been sweet concerning any of my other troubles, but this one, this trouble beyond comparison was too delicate for her concern.

"Yeah Em, I'm okay." Sometimes I wonder if my face will get stuck like this. In the tight, forced smile I paint on far too often. Mom always used to tell me my face would freeze if I twisted it in silly, forced shapes for too long. If only she knew how far I would test that. By the time the bell rang, and the chaos of dismissal ensued, I was a nervous wreck on the inside. I prayed I was put together and calm externally. I had to be strong for this to go well. I had to keep up a facade of being completely okay, just for a little while longer. I wasn't sure why even. Brayden has truly seen me at my worst. He has held me while I broke, and wiped away painful tears. But things are different now. And I had to remind myself of that. Now, is not what it was then. Now, is so much darker than then.

"Iz, I think Nolans gonna pick you up after school if that's okay. " Finley grabbed my arm as I went to go upstairs to join Mr.Fitz for Art club "Jace has to take Em to a doctors appointment and I'm catching a ride from a team mate, so we'll be home later on." I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. He gave me an odd look, and held onto my arm.

"Are you okay Iz? You seem a little out of it." It was hard to keep up this charade. Everyday I grew a little more tired of pretending. Everyday I drew a little closer to the edge. I didn't want to imagine what would happen when I reached the end of my tether. What I would become when I could no longer hide behind my mask of composure. That was the scariest idea of them all. That I would someday, in the not very distant future, break completely.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I answered Finley with a tiny smile that was weak even for me. He frowned and pulled me into a gentle hug.

"If you need to talk I'm always here." I sighed and suppressed the urge to push him away. This goes to show how little he knows me. I don't like being touched. I've never liked being held in place like this. I tolerated it from Logan given how consistently kind he was, and when I had no energy to fight it, I accepted it from the others, but I didn't like it. And if Finley knew me even a little he would know that. But he didn't. And he couldn't. When he finally let me go, he was still sporting a small frown.

"Well, I'm gonna go, let me know if you need anything." He took off down the hall and I gulped nervously. It was time to head up stairs. It was time to face Brayden. I walked as slowly as I could, each step being deliberate and careful. I feared I would tumble backwards if I went any other way. I was unsteady inside and out.

By the time I reached the room, I was practically shaking. I had never done something like this. Initiated a talk like this. It was in my nature to want to run away from Brayden and all our issues. But I was doing this for Marley. I was doing this for my best friend. Both of them. Brayden was already there when I walked in. He was sitting at one of the art tables, tapping his foot nervously. He seemed anxious. I found myself wondering why. Was he worried that I wouldn't have the answers he was looking for? Or did he think he wouldn't be able to give me what I was looking for? What was I looking for? Answers, but of what sort? He looked up at me when I came up but didn't say anything nor smile. I didn't either. Sliding down in the chair across from Brayden, I turned my attention to Mr.Fitz who was standing at the front of the class calling for our attention at the front. I barely listened when he explained the assignment. I was too focused on the looks I kept catching from Brayden.

He was studying me fiercely, as if planning what he would do. Or maybe how he would attack. I couldn't trust him. I will not make that mistake. No matter how close to the edge I was, I would not give up what I had left. I would not make the same mistake Marley did.

Trust will not blind my broken eyes.

"Okay, everyone pick a partner and take off. Remember to grab a camera and stay on the school grounds." I felt like a zombie as I stood up and grabbed a camera, motioning with my head for Brayden to follow me out the door. Neither of us spoke until we were outside the building. It was cold. I shivered a bit but didn't say anything.

"Closure huh?" I said softly. "What kind of closure?" I didn't look at him. I just couldn't.

I heard him sigh softly. "Do you remember a few days before Marley died? All three of us at my place." Four of us. It had been all four of us. Me, Marley, Brayden, and him. Thomas Calder. The man with those angry brown eyes that captured Marley's trust so easily. "D-do you remember she had been upset with me. I can't remember over what now. Something stupid I'd guess. But, I didn't see her after that day. Then she...well, you know, and I never got a chance to apologize. I was going to when we met at the diner tha afternoon. And I figure if anyone would know you would, so I ask, was she angry with me? Did Marley die being mad at me?"

I couldn't say I was surprised by his question. He had asked me the same thing while we sat at Marley's grave the first time six months ago. I had refused to answer then. He didn't deserve to know. I wasn't sure if he did now or not.

"You had lost her book," I said quietly. "That's why she was so mad at you. You had stolen one of her favorite books and lost it." Marley didn't read much. A Tree Grows In Brooklyn was the one thing she could ever pay attention too for more than a moment. I had saved up enough pennies and such to buy her a copy a few months before. She had been pissed when Brayden misplaced it. She wanted him to feel bad for a few days before she would forgive him. Marley could be like that sometimes. Hold a grudge for a while. Just long enough to make you sorry.

"Was she mad?" He asked again softly. She had been madder than usual at something so small. Her and Thomas' relationship hadn't been going very well in those previous weeks and she was more than on edge.

"For a while she was yes. At the end, no." My voice didn't reach beyond a whisper. I barely registered where I was walking. I was lost inside my head. I was lost.

"She wasn't angry with me? She didn't die being angry with me?" I could hear the relief in his voice. I shook my head slowly.

"No. I had talked to her before school that day. She was not angry with you, Brayden."

I could feel some of the tension dissolve from his body. "I was so worried that she was. I don't think I could handle it if Marley had been upset with me over something so...pointless." He let out an airy laugh and a sad smile settled on his face. Then he turned to me with a more sullen look. I knew he was waiting for me to ask what I wanted to. But I wasn't even sure what that was. So, I settled for the question I had asked a million times over.

"Did you know what Thomas was going to do?'"

Brayden sighed and hung his head. He was thinking about it. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. Thinking only meant one thing. A choice. He was deciding whether or not to tell me the truth. "He was very angry with her." He said slowly. "He had been saying for days she had been cheating on him-"

"She wasn't." I said quickly. Marley was no saint but she was no cheater either. Brayden sighed. We both stopped walking and turned to look at one another. We were a good bit away from the school now. It was quiet. And sad. The air was thick with pure sadness.

"I know she didn't Iz. I tried to tell Thomas that but he was convinced."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. I knew what came of Thomas' doubt. I knew what came next. "Did Thomas ever tell you what he was going to do?" His face changed. Brayden didn't say anything for a moment. He was thinking. God, I wished he would stop thinking. It would only hurt that much worse when the truth came to light.

"He was really really angry Izzy. He said a lot of things in passing, I didn't take any of them seriously."

My heart sank to my stomach. "So he did say he was going to. You did know." Tears stung my eyes but I tried to blink them away before they could fall. I wouldn't let him see my cry. I wouldn't let him see me break. "You lied."

He shook his head and came to stand in front of me. "I-I didn't lie, I didn't know what he was going to do Iz. He thought she cheated, he was angry, I thought he would get over it before he did anything serious."

I turned my head so our eyes didn't meet. I would have shattered right then and there if I caught sight of those goddamn eyes one more time. It just reminded me of him. The ones that belonged to monsters, liars, and my best friend. Used to be my best friend. I wasn't sure who stood in front of me now. I didn't know him that's for sure. I didn't know who he was anymore and I think that kills me the most. He was the last piece of my old life and now, I could never trust him again. A part of me had still trusted him going into this. I had stupidly believed Brayden was actually telling the truth, but I should have known better. I should have been smarter than to trust him or anyone else in this world. Trust gets you hurt, and once again this world has proved that theory.

"Izzy, I swear if I thought he was serious I would have done something to stop him. I swear." I shook my head again. More than one tear slipped down my face. I should have used my better sense than to even come here today. I should have continued to avoid him. I shouldn't have let my senses once again be clouded by my heart. "Isabell, I swear." He was sounding desperate now. I couldn't do anything but shake my head once again.

I had no words. Nothing to say. Nothing to do. Nothing to think. I had my answer. I knew the truth. And the truth is an ugly, ugly thing. A poison in this world. The truth did nothing but hurt me. I knew so many truths. About the world, about my life, and none of them were worth the prices I've paid. Not one.

"Izzy, I never lied to you. I didn't know what he was going to do to her." I looked up at Brayden and this time I didn't see my childhood friend. This time I saw him for what he was. A liar. And not just in his eyes but his face, both older and sadder than I remembered. Now I was sure of it. He didn't deserve to be sad. He did not deserve to mourn her. He didn't deserve the closure that I had blindly given him.

"Fuck you." I said so quietly I didn't think he even heard. "Fuck you." He held onto my shoulders gently.

"Isabelle, I'm sorry."

"Fuck you." My voice was so weak. My heart was even weaker. I could feel it breaking inside me. Like a shattered mirror, the shards of my heart sliced my insides to shreds and made me bleed. I took in a shaky breath as I checked the watch Mr.Fitz had given us.

We had three minutes before we had to be back in the class. I wiped my face roughly and walked past him, not saying a word more. There was nothing to be said that I hadn't already. I had managed to stop crying by the time I made it up to the room. I was sure my face was red and puffy, but no one said anything. Mr.Fitz quietly asked me if I was okay, and I gave him a short nod that wouldn't convince the blind. He asked if we had gotten any pictures. I muttered a no and a sorry. He didn't say anything after that.

I felt like a ghost again as I walked outside to look for Nolans car. I felt out of body. Like I wasn't really there. I couldn't feel anything. Not even the cold air against my skin. I didn't feel anything even as I slid down in the front seat, I didn't even feel it when Nolan put a hand on my arm to try and get me to snap out of the harrowing trance I seemed to be in.

It wasn't until he pulled away from the school that I finally felt something. I was hit with a wave of pain and anger and sadness and so many other horrible feelings that I was desperate not to feel.

"Izzy, are you okay?" And that was all it took for me to break down in sobs in the front seat of my brother's car, the weight of the world crushing me like never before. I cried like never before. Everything in me was breaking. I had nothing left to hold onto. I felt like I was falling into a black hole of nothingness. This time I couldn't pretend. This time I couldn't keep it together. This time I was breaking. I felt arms wrap around me but I pushed them away.

"Izzy," I could hear his voice. It sounded like it was underwater. "Izzy, honey, please look at me." He begged. "Isabell, what is going on?"

I sobbed harder. I didn't even know what was going on. I couldn't explain it even to myself. It was too much. It was too damn much.

"Isabelle, please!" I could faintly hear the panic in his voice. For once I let someone else panic. I was so tired of being the only one who ever felt any burden. Any weight. His arms wrapped around me again.

This time I let him. I needed someone to hold me right now. I needed someone to keep me from breaking into a million pieces right now. We had pulled off to the side of the road and Nolan was leaning over the center console and holding me as tight as he could as I sobbed into his chest. And we stayed there for a while.

We stayed there and waited. For nothing. For everything.

Because this world is all about waiting. Waiting for truth, waiting for relief, waiting for an end. We are all waiting for something.

But I'm sick and tired of waiting to be okay.

A/N-I cried writing this. Izzy broke. Externally she broke and I'll tell ya, it broke me a little to think about her breaking down. But it had to happen. And for anyone who wants Izzy to be happy, I gotta be honest it will be while if at all that she will be 'happy'. My poor baby though. She really needs a hug, but thankfully Nolan is there :(

School is kicking my ass to say the least. I suck at time management and it's really killing me at the moment. I'm trying my best to balance everything out, so I'm very sorry if updates and such are inconsistent. Edit: I will not be putting the face claims up here but if you want to see them, they are up on my instagram (evam224wattpad). I have a question, do you guys want an aesthetic for Brayden as well? I have considered making him one but I wanted your opinions on it before I made one.

Also, pretty please go check out my new story Flick. I think if you like this one you'll love that one so please go check it out!

Thank you guys for almost 160k reads. This is still insane to me how many people actually enjoy my writing. Thank you all for being patient and I will see you soon. But knowing me not too soon lol :)