I think the worst part about being sad, is when you're not. Those few, sweet moments when you don't feel so empty and hurt. Because you allow yourself for those few short moments to think it will last forever. And when it doesn't it's so painful. It's like your heart being ripped out of your chest. And even worse, you'll do it again. Inevitably, you will do it all again, and put yourself through that pain over and over.

I did that last night. After my undeserved forgiveness towards Emma, I sat with my whole family and watched a movie, and for a second, I thought maybe everything would be alright. Maybe this was a new beginning for me. I had forgiven, but unfortunately not forgotten.

And that became all too clear when I went back to my room. The solitary silence of those four gray walls that forced me to think. That's when it hit me. Well, hit me again. All the sadness and aching that still remained inside me. It existed for my mother, and for Marley, and for Brayden and still for Emma. I thought forgiving her would take some of that away, but it hadn't. I still felt a dull throb in my heart when our eyes met. Her words still stung each time they crossed my mind. I suppose I had to give it time, but truthfully, I'm tired of waiting. For things to get better, for me to get better.

I tried to hide my feelings. I plastered on a fake smile, answered her pointless questions, and when I walked into the kitchen this morning before school, I accepted her small hug and tried not to flinch. I wasn't sure who I was doing it for. It wasn't for me. Ghosts don't do things to please themselves. I wasn't sure if it was for Emma either. Her feelings, though important to me, were not the motivator behind my fake happiness. I think it may have been more of an effort to deceive myself and everyone around me that I truly was as okay as I kept claiming to be.

"You feeling okay Izzy? I mean about school and stuff?" Liam set a bowl of cereal in front of me and leaned on the counter, looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

Everyone else had seemed to forget about the whole ordeal within minutes of me accepting Emma's apology. They were acting like everything was normal again. Liam had gone back to that sweet concerned brother he played so well. It made me wonder which was the real him. The unwavering loyalist, or the concerned doctor. I couldn't lie and say there wasn't an underlying anger towards him for how quick he had been to defend Emma and go against me. But again, I couldn't expect otherwise. Emma had lived with them all her life. I was just an outsider looking in on their perfect lives.

"I'm okay."

But when? When would I really be okay. I could say it until I was blue in the face but still, it wouldn't be true. No part of me was okay. And not so slowly, I was realizing just how not okay I truly was. I found myself wondering if this was forever. If I would ever be okay. I couldn't help but think not.

"You sure? You seem a little down this morning."

I bit my tongue harshly. Did he really not know why I was 'a little down'. I mean, other than the fact that my sister flat out told me I wasn't her family just a few days ago, I also just got back from my mothers funeral and one of the most traumatic weekends of my life. I believe I was more than 'a little down'. But I didn't say that. Intead, I shrugged and forced a tiny smile.

"Just a little tired is all. I had a long weekend."

He hummed and leaned back, giving me a long look. I felt a pang of disappointment that he had believed me. It proved that he would believe any answer as long as it was one that he wanted to hear. "You've been eating right? I know Tyler was probably on top of it, if you weren't, but I just want to check on you."

A part of me hated that we had moved on to small talk. I still felt like there were so many important things we still needed to discuss. "I've been eating." I said softly, taking a bite of the cheerios. Emma, Finley and Jace had already eaten and were upstairs getting ready. Logan had an early class, and Tyler and Nolan had left for work.

I still hadn't seen Henry. I hadn't asked, but I was curious. I remember Tyler telling me he was unemployed when we had our chat on my first day here, but Jace had said he was at work. If my mind wasn't already so busy and full, I probably would have cared a bit more. But right now I had more prominent issues to deal with. Namely, how Emma would act when we were at school. There, there were no brothers to keep her from saying whatever she wanted again. I was scared she and her minions would take advantage of that, and I would find myself in the same bleak position once again.

"Almost ready for school?" Jace walked into the kitchen, his bag slung over his shoulders and a smile gracing his features. Of all my brothers, I had noticed him, Nolan, and as always Logan, being the only ones who threw me worried glances now and then. Truthfully, those three are the only ones who have yet to do anything against me so far. Nolan barely speaks and when he does it's kind, and Jace is very patient and sweet. And Logan is just my Mother Teresa. The thought of that always made me feel a little better. I think Logan would look pretty great in a nun outfit. But those three, seem to be the only ones who had ever the slightest idea of how I was feeling. They seemed to be the only ones willing to see beyond the tempered glass of emotion I put up for myself.

"Yeah, almost." I said, offering him a tiny grin. He gently hooked a finger under my chin, turning my head to meet his eyes. He glanced at a now distracted Liam, and leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"If Emma says anything, you come get me okay?" My eyes widened in shock. "I mean Iz, if she says anything I'll take care of it."

I glanced at Liam again. He was reading over some paper, not caring what was going on around him. "Why?" I whispered in Jaces ear.

He huffed a quiet laugh. "Because you're my sister, and no one, not even my other sister, gets to be mean to you like that."

A warmth bloomed in my chest, and smiled spread across my face. It was, for once in my life, genuine. It felt like it had been years since anyone cared for me, and now I had at least two people in this house who truly did. Who wouldn't throw me out like trash the second things got complicated.

"Thank you Jace."

He pulled away, and ruffled my hair. "No problem honey."

I whined quietly, having just fixed my hair. Jace laughed and planted a gentle kiss on my temple. It made me reel back slightly, but not in disgust. No, in fact it was nice. It was an act of admiration that reminded me of a life before all of this. A life with Marley and Brayden.

"Okay Iz, we leave in a few minutes."

I muttered an 'okay', and sighed, leaning back in my chair. I had two out of seven brothers that were well on their way to earning my trust. One, who was just a sweet stranger at this point. And four more brothers and one sister who would hurt me a million more times and never even know what they were doing. Though, if they did, I wasn't sure they would care.

After all, how can you care for someone who barely exists?

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

"Izzy, I missed you!" Lainey wrapped me in a gentle hug when I walked through the doors. I didn't like hugging her. I didn't like hugging really anyone. But as a ghost I was expected of me that I would take whatever was given, and never say a word about it. "Are you alright? I heard you were at a funeral." She looked at me sympathetically. I was sure I should be more upset about it. But I didn't feel anything but pleasure that she cared about me. Even if that caring came out of pity.

I forced a smile. "Yeah Lain, I'm okay." She gave me a once over, clearly not convinced, but when the bell rang, she nodded with a small smile of her own and looped her arm with mine. This physical contact, all of it

"Hey Izzy," I was pulled into another embarace when I stepped into spanish class. I was a little wary and uncomfortable with Gavins arms around me, but I accepted the gesture nonetheless. It was out of nothing but compassion, and I was in no position to refuse any kindness. Not with how little I usually received. "Hey Gav," When he pulled away he took my hands in his own.

"Are you okay?"

How was I gonna get through this day with everyone asking me the same question? My answer would only get less truthful as the day wore on. After all, I can't remember the last time things got better with time like everyone claimed it did. I was waiting for some quick fix to make it all better. I was waiting to feel better. And it never happened. It was harrowing to say the least. To wait for something that would never happen.

"I like your nail polish." I mumbled instead of answering his question. He smiled at me.

"Thanks. I like them too." They were pretty blue with one yellow nail on each of his ring fingers. I had always liked the look of painted nails. It made a person seem more complete, more put together. Marley used to tell me that. She would paint my nails every Sunday the night before school. Any color I wanted. I couldn't do it on myself. Yet another small, insignificant thing that I missed about Marley.

"I can't paint my nails to save my life." I chuckled, trying to move the conversation away from my emotional state. It was fragile to say the least. And no one likes fragile people. When they know how easily I may break they're afraid to get to close.

"Maybe we can hang out one day and I can paint them for you. I paint Lainey, Quinn, and Naomi's as it is."

I huffed a laugh and smiled weakly. "I'd like that."

When the bell rang, we took our seats and officially began another day we would spend wishing it all would be done with. I was still as hopeless at spanish as I was the day I walked in here. Most days, I felt like I was still mastering english for god's sake. It was frustrating in the best way. The only kind of frustration I should be experiencing at 12 years old. Thankfully, that class as well as the next few were fairly painless.

I was truthfully surprised how well it all went. I mean, things going well was not usual for me. But then again, when things were at their best, the world always whips around and bites me in the ass. It wasn't until I locked eyes with those brown orbs of sadness and regret that things resumed their usual complexity.

I had been trying all day not to think about him, or anything else I didn't want to deal with. If school was good for one thing, it would be that I could distract myself with busy work for a few hours. I could pretend I was like every other kid who walked up and down these halls. I could forget who I was, just for a second. But somehow, some way, I was always reminded of what of I forgot. And rarely by my own will.

"Izzy," I heard him call my name softly. I was tempted to ignore him. To keep walking. I just don't have the capacity to deal with everything at once. I was still in the midst of making things right with my sister. My mind was too full, too dense to take in anymore turmoil at the moment. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"We've done this too many times Brayden." I said softly. Too many times, too many confrontations, too many unresolved issues. Too many, too much.

"Izzy, can we talk?"

I sighed heavily. I didn't want to talk. Or at least I didn't think I did. But there was a piece of me, a sad, reminiscent piece that wanted to at the very least see what excuse he could come up with. "When?" I needed someone by my side. Someone who knew me. All of me. And as much I didn't want to deal with him right now, Brayden was the only living person who could be what I needed.

"Lunch. Outside."

I shook my head. "Not today And not during lunch period." I didn't need to give my brothers anymore reasons to ask questions I didn't want to answer.

"You tell me when Iz. I can wait as long as you need." He was always so good to me. Why do the good people always end up hurting me? Sometimes I wonder if genuinely good people exist. They always seem to have another, dark, true persona, hiding beneath. I assume I wasn't one to talk. My own persona was far darker than anyone would ever know.

"I'll let you know by the end of the day. Come to my locker after last period." He nodded but didn't let go of my arm.

"Iz, about Saturday, I-" He cut himself off, his features having darkened slightly. "I just want to know if I did what I said I would do." I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure what he was talking about.

"What did you say you would do again?" I asked softly.

"Remind you why we're friends. Do you remember now?"

Did I? I hadn't had time to give it much thought as of late. So much had happened between Saturday and now. What I felt then was a blur now. Everything was a blur now. There was so much, it was getting muddled in my mind.

"Come talk to me this afternoon. Okay?" He frowned but gave a curt nod.

"See you later then." I watched as he walked away, headed towards the lunch room. Lainey had told me to meet her there. I didn't want to. I didn't want to add external chaos to my internal insanity. My brain was so loud. It buzzed like a swarm of angry bees, never letting up even for a second. It was terrifying. To feel so helpless against my own senses was utterly terrifying. But, like I always do, I took a deep breath and shoved it down so far I hoped I could hide it, just for a while longer.

I walked into the cafeteria and tried to remember to breathe as I walked to our usual table. I didn't notice Emma wasn't with her usual group. I didn't notice anything for the most part. But when I sat down next to Naomi and saw my sister across from me, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Hi Izzy." She said smiling at me. I took in another shaky breath.

"Hi Emma." I said slowly. "You're sitting with us today?" I tried to ask the question without being rude.

"Yeah, I am."

I nodded. "Can I ask how come?"  I saw her and Lainey exchange a look.

"Figured it was the least I could do for you Iz. And besides, these guys are pretty cool." She smiled at the rest of our table, but there was something sad about it. Something off.

"Did something happen?" I asked the table. Everyone shook their head and exchanged looks I couldn't decipher.

"Nope. Nothing happened." Lainey said with a smile. "Hey, wanna trade your carrot sticks for my fruit snacks?" I knew she was changing the subject. But I didn't care enough to call her out on it.

I had so many things to worry about. I could figure out what my friends were hiding later on.

"Yeah, I'll trade you my carrot sticks for fruit snacks."

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

"Today we will be drawing our favorite celebrity," Mr.Fitz said looking around at the class. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. "And as you can see, I have decided to dress up as mine." He strutted around the room, showing off the flowered skirt and pink blouse. "Any guesses who I might be?" He struck a pose as he stood in front of the chalkboard, putting on hand on the back of his white curly wig. No one said a thing. Mr.Fitz stood up straight. "Really? Not one guess?"

Slowly, I raised my hand, feeling a familiar blush creep up on my cheeks when the class's eyes turned to me. I haven't raised my hand on this class or any other the entire time I've been here. In fact, I usually go out of my way to make myself as small as possible when a teacher asked a question.

Mr.Fitz grinned at me. "Izzy? Any guesses?"

I sighed, wringing my hands anxiously. "Betty White?" I said quietly.

Mr.Fitz threw his arms up and let out a loud cheer. "Isabelle Cane, you are the first person to get that right all day long."

I giggled softly, and looked down, feeling all too embarrassed right now. The class all clapped, and Reid patted me on the back. It was an absorbent amount of positive attention for something so small. I think most of them were just shocked to hear me speak. I was so accustomed to being ridiculed and picked on for every word that left my mouth. I suppose a part of me still expected everyone here to treat me as they did in Brinley. Like the scum of the earth that they claimed I was. But so far, that hasn't been the case here. With the exception of my sister and her friends, most everyone here was nice, or at the very least civil. It was an odd thing for someone like me. I was still nothing. They didn't know who I was, and I didn't expect them to. I was still nothing but I was not dirt under their feet either.

Class went by quickly. I chose to draw a picture of Freddie Mercury for my project. I liked his music well enough, and he was interesting looking enough for me to think of him for this. Trutfully, I didn't know many celebrities. I didn't listen to much music, or watch many movies. I didn't even read many books. I find entertainment in my own self, or at least, I'm usually too distracted to care for things outside my head in that sense. When the bell rang for us to leave, I heard Mr.Fitz call my name.

"Izzy, c'mere, I want to talk to you." I nodded and walked over to his desk, trying not to be nervous. "I just wanted to ask if you've given any thought to joining the art club. We have a meeting tomorrow if you're interested?"

I had forgotten about that. In the wake of that chaotic day, I hadn't remembered to ask Tyler if I could join. "Well, I kind of forgot to ask." I admitted shamefully. I felt guilty, though I wasn't sure why. I knew that had a choice been presented, I would never have gone through any of that. Yet, still I felt as if I had done something wrong in one way or another. "I'm really sorry, it's just that-"

"Izzy, there's no need to be sorry." Mr.Fitz said with a genuine smile. "Ask tonight and if you can come we'll be happy to have you, and if not then don't feel bad okay?"

I nodded slowly, none of the guilt or panic evaporating from my system.

"Oh, and since you were the only kid all day to guess my costume correctly, I have this for you." He stuck a shiny gold star sticker right between my eyes, and handed me a lollipop. "Now off you go my little cherub. To the world of chaos we call, the hallway."

I laughed softly and thanked him. As I entered the hallway, for once I didn't let the noise and insanity get to me. I had a problem to solve. And right now, that problem was standing by my locker seeming anxious. I stopped for a moment, looking at him. He was a problem. He had been since the day his brown eyes met mine in the parking lot. But he was a problem I had to deal with.

"Come to art club tomorrow. We can talk there." I said, not even glancing at him.

"Okay Izzy. I'll be there." I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, and I couldn't help that it made me feel good.

Because in this world, there are so many ways to hurt someone. It's so easy to pick at the most fragile parts of a person and break them little by little. But sometimes, you find a person who is willing to wait. Wait for things to get better, and wait for the hurt to go away.

And those people are the best kind.

A/N-I just published a new story! It's called Flick and I would love it if you guys could please go check it out. If you like this book, I'm sure you'll like that one as well. Here's the synopsis : Felicity-Flick as most call her-Carter, has learned a thing or two in her 12 years of life. How to deal with drunk parents without waking the neighbors, how to smoke a cigarette without burning your fingers, and how to be abandoned by your siblings without losing your mind. All skills acquired through heartbreak and survival. Cigarette smoke filled lungs, late night talks on rooftops, make up most of who Flick is. But when her fractured family begins to mend itself, Flick is faced with a new chapter in her life that involves the very people she never wanted to see again.

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled program. I'm not a fan of this chapter, but it's very much a filler. Izzy is very very overwhelmed even after she forgave Emma. What do you think about her brothers basically brushing it off? Or Jace promising to defend her against Emma? I personally love Jace and Nolan too and I wanted to give them both a little more depth as characters.