EMMA'S POINT OF VIEW

I am not jealous of Izzy. I am not jealous of her beautiful eyes, or her effortless talent. I'm not jealous of the way she contracts everyone's attention when she walks in the room, without so much as an idea of the way me and my brothers adore her. I am not jealous of the way she is quiet and sweet and pretty, and everything else I wish I was. I am not jealous of those things.

But I am jealous of the way she walked into school and immediately made friends. Of the way she was accepted without the rigorous weeks of in-and-out that I went through with my own friend groups. I was jealous of the way she didn't seem to panic with every sentence, thinking it would be the one that ruined her life like I did. Her friends, the ones she had so effortlessly made on the very first day of school, weren't ready to cast her off with one wrong move like mine were. It was unfair, unprecedented, and wrong, and yet I couldn't help the flare of jealousy I felt when I saw her sitting with Lainey Hendrix and the rest of her group.

It's why I laughed at the stupid jokes my friends made. A bitter, uncalled for jealousy took over me just as it had the second time and that night at dinner. None of it was true. Not what my friends said, and not what I said. Izzy is not the walmart version of me. That's just stupid and I should have defended her. But I didn't. I didn't, I sat there and I let them say those awful things about my sister who didn't deserve them.

And what I said, oh god, what I said makes me sick to my stomach. Mostly because it's so far from the truth. Izzy is my family. God, she is as much my family as anyone else who witnessed my horrible words two days ago. And yet again my jealous and defensive nature took over me. It was no excuse. I had no excuse. And now I had no way to apologize. They would be back in less than an hour, and I still couldn't think of a way to make things better with my sister.

I had already apologized profusely to my brothers, who graciously accepted it. They knew how I was. They knew I didn't mean what I said. I had always been angry and impulsive. Me and Henry were very similar in that way, though I try to hide it more than he does. My brothers always try to give me the benefit of the doubt, even when I don't deserve it, but Izzy wouldn't be able to do that. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I had ruined things permanently with my sister before I even got the chance to really know her.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. "Hey bubba." Liam poked his head in, a sliver of light hitting my tear stained face. I hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. I always preferred the dark anyway. The silence of it helped me think. I wiped my cheek, ghating him seeing me cry and looked up.

"Hey." I whispered pathetically.

Liam frowned and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. "Em, honey, don't cry. Everything's gonna be okay." I shook my head, turning away from him. Liam's hand gently landed on my back. He and I had always been the closest of my brothers. It was ironic really. We were polar opposites, and yet he always knew me better than I knew myself. Liam pulled me into his side but I didn't fight it. I needed the comfort right now. I was usually not the hugging type, and actually hated being touched most of the time, but it felt good just to be held for a moment.

"Emmie, please don't be sad. You made a mistake, everyone does." He whispered in my ear. I closed my teary eyes and laid my head against his chest like I had been doing since I was a baby. There was something comforting just to hear my brother's heartbeat. It was a steady rhythm that kept me grounded in my time of panic.

"The important thing is that you own up to your mistake and fix it as best you can." But how the hell am I supposed to do that? I asked myself bitterly. I was never good at fixing anything. I was better at breaking things. "I'm here for you Emmie. Just like all of us are. We all know that you are an amazing person, and no ones mad anymore. We just want to help you feel better and help make things right with Izzy."

I sniffled but didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to make things right with Izzy, god the idea of not being able to had kept me awake for nights now. But if someone had said to me what I said to Izzy, I wouldn't be able to forgive them, or at least without full knowledge that they would be willing to change. Which I was. For things to get better with me and Izzy, I knew I had to change. And my first change came about earlier today at lunch.

I had marched into the cafeteria with more confidence than I had possessed in a very long time and went right up to my table, full of people who had been making those awful comments about my sister even when she wasn't there. Specifically Max, the boy who had made the remark about road kill on Friday. I gulped when their eyes all fell on me. It felt like I was on trial for something I was certainly guilty of doing.

"Hey Emma, what's going on?" Jade asked. She was the one who had made fun of Izzys accent. I thought her accent was cool, but of course my 'friends' found a way to make fun of it.

"Yeah, you've been avoiding us all day." Deirdre, the girl who had called Izzy the uglier version of me, bit into a sandwich not seeming to be very concerned with my apparent absence today. They didn't really care about me. I knew that, but the little reminders I got every once and awhile were still painful.

"You guys need to apologize." I said quickly. They looked at me with wide, confused eyes.

"To who?" Max asked. He had been an asshole since kindergarten. I should have cut things off with him when he made fun of me for eating pizza in the first grade. But he liked me.

As nothing more than a companion in the lonely world of popularity, but still, he gave me what I craved from my classmates and really anyone. Acceptance. With him and the rest of this group, as long as I did what I was supposed to do, I could keep my top spot in middle school popularity. But now I was questioning if losing my sister was worth this.

"To my sister. To Izzy." I took a deep breath looking at the shocked and annoyed faces of my 'friends'. I wasn't sure they would call themselves that after today. "What you guys said was not okay, a-and you need to apologize to Izzy." My heart was beating out of my chest like a drum cheering me on. I reminded myself that I was doing this for my sister. She deserved this much after all I put her through.

"When she comes to school tomorrow, I-" I took another deep, steadying breath. "I ex-expect you all to apologize to Izzy for what you said."

They all scoffed. "Why the hell are sticking up for that dweeb Emma?" Jade asked with a smirk.

"Because she's my sister and deserves it." I said louder. It was like I was convincing myself that she was worth this. The price I would pay by the end of lunch period, was worth having my sister by my side. If she even forgives me that is.

"Em, c'mon, that hick is not worth shit. Just sit down and eat with us." Max said it in a way that sounded almost like a warning.

"No. Agree to apologize, and I'll sit down and we can move on."

They exchanged looks. "Look Emma," Deirdre said patronizingly. "We're not gonna apologize for something that she deserved in the first place. Now either sit with us or go away."

I crossed my arms over my chest and furrowed my eyebrows. "Why can't you just say sorry?" Why couldn't I just say sorry when Izzy confronted me?

"Because, we don't have to." Jade said indignantly.

I scoffed. "But you do." They exchanged looks once again, having a secret, and no doubt vicious, conversation without saying a word. Then the worst happened.

Max stood up, his thermos of soup in hand, and poursed the hot liquid right onto my shirt. I shrieked, making anyone who wasn't already watching the scene look over. Tears sprung to my eyes, and my heart beat at an irregular painful pace.

"We gave you a chance Emma. This is your fault."

I breathed heavily, the hot soups burning my skin. I didn't move. I couldn't. I was frozen in place in pure horror and shock. Though I shouldn't have been shocked. None of this was I couldn't have predicted. I had been the one pouring soup on 'losers' last week. Now, I was the loser. I felt a hand grab mine and pull me away as I struggled to breath. I was dragged into a girls bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror by someone I could barely recognize through my tears.

"Are you alright Emma? I have an extra shirt and some gym shorts if you'd like." Lainey Hendrix began pulling things out of backpack and handing them to me. "Are you burned? That soup seemed pretty hot."

I didn't say anything. What was there to say? I had been bullying Lainey and her friends since second grade, and here she was helping me like we were best friends. It didn't make any sense, but it seemed nothing ever did these days.

"Here, take this off before it irritates your skin." She tugged on the hem of my t-shirt, and pushed a clean one into my arms. I sniffled, tears running down my face a mile a minute. I was crying for my new found loneliness, I was crying for the undeserved kindness, and I was crying for the old me that I knew would soon be nothing more than a figure in the distance. I was changing, and I really hoped it was for the better. I took the shirt gently, and looked up at the blonde haired girl I had only ever been awful to.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked shakily.

Lainey shrugged. "You needed help. Why shouldn't I help you?"

I sighed. "I've always been so awful to you though."

She shrugged again. "Sometimes it's best just to move on."

I nodded, and turned to go into the bathroom stall. "Thank you." I said quickly.

"Don't mention it. That's what friends are for." She smiled, and I couldn't help but hope it was genuine. I could really use a friend right now. Once I was dressed, I came out of the stall and looked awkwardly at Lainey. I didn't know what to say.

"Here." She pulled out a bottle of perfume and twix bar. "If you're up for it, come sit with us when you're done. I promise we won't pour soup one you." She smirked, and I laughed quietly. And that's what I did. When I was done getting myself feeling better, I went and I sat down next to Lainey and accepted into their group so quickly, it made my heart flutter.

Now, as I was sitting next to Liam on my bed, tears streaming down my face, my heart wasn't fluttering. I could reform all I wanted and it didn't mean Izzy would ever forgive me. My skin was raw and burned from the soup, but I think I liked the pain just a little. I think I deserved it.

"Emma? You okay?" Liam asked me. I hadn't told him or anyone else what happened. There really was no need. I did what I felt I had to, and I paid the price in a way that I felt needed to happen. Flowers don't grow when they get stuck on other plants. Sometimes it takes cutting a tie or two for a plant or person to prosper. And I would certainly cut those ties if it meant being in the same garden as my sister.

"Yeah," I answered, wiping my face. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'll be okay." I would be okay. Eventually, I will be okay.

"Alright, well I'm gonna go down stairs and heat up some food for Izzy. Logan just texted that they'll be here in about 10 minutes." I nodded and untwined my body from his. "Do you want anything? You didn't eat much at dinner." I shook my head, with a small smile at my brother's sweet concern.

"I'm okay." I still had to figure out what the hell I was going to say to Izzy. I suppose I could hide up here until I thought of something. Or for the rest of my life. Either way.

"Okay bub. If you need anything we're all down stairs." Liam bent down and kissed my head. "I love you Emma."

I sighed. "I love you too Liam." When he left, I layed back on my bed, looking at the ceiling. I was never the type to think too much. Maybe if I was I wouldn't screw up so often. My mind was always pretty black and white. I did what I was told, I did what was expected. But what happens when there are no directions or expectations? What happens when it's up to me to know what's right? It's just hitting me now how little I've thoughts for myself in my life. Between my brothers and my friends, someone has always been there telling me what I should do. And now that I'm the sole decision maker for this situation, I don't even know where to begin.

There was another knock on my door. "Come in." I said, not moving my head from where it was buried in my pillow.

"Not even gonna look at me?" I looked up at the teasing voice, wiping my teary eyes.

"Tyler." I sighed in relief as my brother came to my side of the bed and embraced me.

"Hi Emmie bear." He said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. I think he was surprised I didn't push him away, but if he was, he didn't show it.

"I missed you bub." He muttered into my hair. This was the first time any time any of my brothers had left for more than a day. I would never admit it, because I would sound like a baby, but I really hated not having them here this weekend.

"Missed you too." I muttered, allowing him to shift us so that he was sitting on the bed.

"You okay bubba?" Tyler asked, using the nickname my brothers had given me as a baby. I hummed.

"I'm okay." Sad, confused, in pain, and nervous, but okay.

"You sure? Liam said you haven't been feeling all that well this weekend." Of course Liam was the one to report my well being to my brothers. It was the doctor in him that worried so much.

I sighed, gently pulling away. "I'm fine." I debated whether or not to tell him what I was worried about. "Is Izzy okay?" I asked instead.

Tyler shrugged. "Yeah, I think she'll be alright. Hey, why didn't you want to come? You'd been so interested in Mom earlier." After Izzy had sort of shot me down when I began to ask questions, I went to my brothers who unfortunately didn't have much more information than I did. Initially, I had been planning on coming, but the more guilt I felt towards my sister, the more the idea of going to Georgia made me sick.

Besides, going to the funeral of a mother I never knew just seemed wrong in some way. Like it wasn't a place meant for me. I hadn't known her, and it only seemed fair that I gave Izzy the privacy to mourn her mother without a million of us watching her. I had explained my point of view to Finn, but he still went for 'moral support'. I think it was more of a morbid curiosity, but I didn't say anything. He could do what he wanted, and I could do what I wanted.

"Yeah. Just didn't want to." I shrugged. Tyler studied me for a second, an annoying habit of his when it came to me. I was typically an emotionless person. I wasn't good at being anything but neutral and angry.

"You're worried about if Izzy will accept your apology." He said out of the blue. He was always so good at reading me, even when no one else could.

"Well yeah." I admitted quietly. "I mean, I was pretty awful to her."

Tyler hummed. "Yeah, you were." Geez thanks for the reassurance Ty. I glared at him but he shook his head.

"But that doesn't mean you can't make it right. Listen, I know and you know that what you said was in a moment of anger and frustration. It's not an excuse, and it's by no means okay, but I know that you didn't mean it." I nodded, resting my head against his chest. Again, the sound of his heart beat made me feel safe.

"Emmie, baby, you messed up okay?" I nodded fighting more tears. "But something I learned just today even, is that Izzy is very forgiving." He stroked my hair gently like he used to when I was small. "And I'm sure she will forgive you if you apologize."

I sighed. "You think so?"

He nodded. "Of course Emma. And I know that you'll figure out how to make this right. You are an amazing person." He paused, a small smile creeping up on his face. "I did raise you after all." I hummed and wrapped my arms around him again. I hope they don't expect this much hugging after I'm done being sad. "Now c'mon, I think it's time to make things right."

Make things right. It was time to make things right.

Whatever right may be in this world of wrong.

It seemed I was figuring that out, one mistake at a time.

A/N-can you guys stop hating on Emma now? I promise she's not that bad. Well actually, what are you guys think about her now? Still hate her? She's really just misunderstood.
Also sorry I'm late on my update schools just been a lot and honestly on Sunday when I was supposed to write this chapter I was super tired and just did not have any motivation and if I had written it would be very good I hope you all enjoy this and Hope y'all have a good day. Go eat some thing go drink some water and make sure you get your homework done you doing great in Christmas is almost here (oh and happy Hanukkah if you're Jewish like me)

Edit:I want you all to remember that this is from Emma's point of view, meaning the way she sees things. Does she deserve sympathy or forgiveness? No, not really. Her excuses are subpar at best but that was my intention. In Emma's eyes, what she's gone through is enough to repent for what she put Izzy through. Remember, she has no idea about her mom or Marley or Brayden or anything else. As far as Emma knows, Izzy grew up in a similar and possibly even better way than she did. Okay, that's all I wanted to say thank you lovelies for 100k reads and all the love and support. It means the world to me. Also, go follow me on instagram ( evam224wattpad) Have a good day!