The heart is the stupidest muscle. It blinds you, and takes away all rationality. The heart beats solely for the purpose of the next person to break it. It slams against your ribcage, desperately looking for love that isn't there. That's why people like me keep their hearts in cages. We seal them off, and keep them from their search for something or someone to love them. It's a survival tactic in my eyes. It's the reason I haven't gone completely mad in this world of heartbreak. But what happens when your heart breaks inside that cage of safety?

It then becomes shattered pieces that cut you like glass, as if it's punishing you for ever trying to keep it at bay. My heart was not yet shattered, but that may not be for long. I have managed to keep that stupid muscle in tact, but it is only a matter of time until I cannot do that. So, I have to do something to keep what is left of my heart. I have to lock it off, keep it so tightly away from everyone else that they'll never get the chance to break it. I have to shut myself off, from everything I could have ever hoped to love.

The silence in the car wasn't suffocating. It wasn't tense or awkward. It just happened. It was like most things in this world. An outcome of circumstance. Finn was staring out the window, watching trees go by. Logan was asleep in the passenger, having dozed off only an hour into our trip. Tyler was driving and glancing nervously at me in the rear view mirror. I had occupied myself with my own thoughts as always.

I remember Marley once telling me that it amazed her how much I could think. It was after she had explained to me why my Mom was acting so weird. The drugs had just recently become a common occurrence and at six years old, I didn't understand. Marley, who had been my neighbor at the time, had explained to me what they were and what they did to a person. I realized now how much information she spared me, and having been only 12 herself, I imagine she didn't know so much then either. Marley had similar problems to me. She had lived with her mom, who was also an addict, and deemed herself the authority on all things drug related.

She had taught me all she knew about living with an addict, and even at 16 when she moved into an apartment down the street, she would always come and help when I called. Sometimes at three in the morning, she would heroically come through the door, and save me from the monsters. It became our dynamic in passing years. She was the hero and I was the sidekick. Until the hero fell, and the sidekick was left to pick up the pieces. The car screeched to a stop at a gas station, making me lurch forward slightly.

"I'm gonna run in and get some food. Want anything?" Tyler asked, turning around in his seat. I shook my head and he frowned. "You didn't finish lunch so you're gonna eat something." He said, giving me a nononses look. "Is there something in particular you would like to?" I sighed and shrugged, not in the mood to talk. Tyler nodded and listened to whatever Finn was saying before walking away. It was silent again, other than Logans soft snoring. I wanted it to stay that way, but I should have known it wouldn't.

"She isn't a bad person." Finley said. He is looking out the window, like he was embarrassed for her. "Look, she was just doing what we all do. Trying to fit in. And I'm not saying at all that what she did was right, but Emma isn't a bad person." I didn't respond, not for lack of words but lack of confidence that they were the right words. I wanted to scream that she was a bad person and he was wrong, but I kept my lips sealed and my eyes trained on the woman smoking outside the gas station. I wondered if she was waiting for someone inside, or if she was all on her own wherever she may be heading. "I know you didn't grow up with, and god we wish you did, but in our house family is the most important thing in the world."

I ignored the pit in my stomach. "And I'm not part of that." Clearly, I was simply an outsider to their click, like the girl who doesn't have a seat at the lunch table.

"No, Izzy that's what I'm saying. You are part of it. What Emma said was an irrational statement that is so far from the truth. We share the same blood, you're our family through and through." He looked so sad, so hurt.

I was tempted to give in and agree, but I couldn't lie. "Blood makes relatives not family." My family, the one that had since gone away, didn't share a drop of blood with me. My family were my best friends who loved me like a sister, from the very moment we met. Brayden and Marley were my family. Past tense, but still, they still are the closest to family I would ever have. Finley looked at me with a forlorn expression, that made my stomach clench. But I had to remind myself to tighten up, keep my heart at bay. Lock it up, before it's tempted to let anyone in.

"I'm sorry Izzy. I wish I could change your mind."

I do too. I wish I could change my mind. But I couldn't. There was no other option that would end well for me. Like I said, this was a survival tactic. It was all that was keeping me from completely losing all sanity.

The rest of the drive was uneventful. After a short lived attempt at persuasion to let me off the hook, I gave up and ate the chips and iced tea Tyler had gotten me. I was used to Georgia sweet tea, and was surprised and slightly disappointed with the lack of sugar. I didn't miss much from Brinley, but good sweet tea was something I certainly wouldn't mind having while we were there. I wondered what we would do in Brinley. I wasn't exactly looking to play tour guide, and I would personally prefer to spend my time away from where I could accidentally bump into anyone. I had no emotional energy to deal with old demos when I could barely manage the new ones. We listened to music when Logan woke up, played some mindless car games, but mostly me and the other three remained silent, each lost in our own thoughts.

I wondered if Finley was nervous. This would be the closest to our mom he had ever been, even if it was just an engraved stone with her name on it. I imagined that he may be upset that he would never meet her. I wish I could tell him not to be. She wasn't worth being upset over. But he would never know that. There was no reason. Finley, Emma, and any of the others who didn't remember mom would never know what she was like as long as I had anything to do with it. It would only create unnecessary upset for them.

When we arrived at the hotel we would be staying at, in the heart of Brinley, it was nearly two AM. I was exhausted and I knew my brothers were too. It had been a long night of driving, even if Logan and Tyler had switched a few times. It didn't take long for all of us to haul ourselves up to the hotel room, and crash onto the two queen beds. I was sharing with Tyler, which quite honestly made me a little uncomfortable, but I didn't make a fuss about it. It was too late at night, and I wasn't nearly brass enough to say something.

Ghost like, I slid into the bed and closed my eyes.

I didn't fall asleep until I was sure he had. It felt like the safest way.

I didn't trust him. Not yet, if ever.

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

My eyes opened when I felt the bed shift. The sun light was not shining, telling me it was early if morning at all. My body felt stiff and sore. I had barely slept all night long, partly because I was anxious and partly because I was thinking. I couldn't seem to shut my mind off, no matter how hard I tried. It was reeling with images of things I would rather not remember. I hadn't even been into the town, and yet I was already panicking about what I might see. The looks I would get, the questions I would be asked. I felt like a sheep headed to slaughter. I would be the talk of the town, and I could imagine it would not be all that kind. It was rare for anyone to leave, and my story surely had made the front pages. In a small town like this, everyone knew everything about everyone else, and I would be no exception.

When I sat up in bed, I saw Tyler standing at the small wood table, thumbing through THE WILLOW CREEK TIMES, the newspaper that we shared with the bigger town to the left of us. We were too small to have our own legitimate paper, and by that I mean one that discussed anything other than town gossip. When he heard me moving behind him, Tyler turned around with a guilty look on his face.

"Sorry Iz, didn't mean to wake you up." He whispered, evidently being courteous of our other two brothers who were snoring peacefully.

I shrugged. "It's alright." It wasn't like I was going to get much more sleep anyway. My mind simply wouldn't allow it.

"Okay, well I was going to go look for somewhere to get coffee and breakfast. Know anywhere good?" He smiled softly as he sat down on the bed, making it dip slightly.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I do." It wouldn't do any harm to have some distraction for a while. If nothing else it may help me feel less uneasy about being here.

"Well c'mon. Get some clothes one and me and you can go." He smiled wider this time, and I couldn't help but give him a small one back. It was nice to have someone this excited about being with me. Once I had pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Tyler followed me down the street until we reached Daisy's.The little diner, I had considered my second home.

When I pushed the glass door open, the smell of baking bread and coffee wafted into my nose. It was warm and comforting and oddly heart wrenching. I hadn't been here in six months. Me, Marley, and Brayden used to come here after school. Marley was a waitress and the other two of us would come and bug her for food and attention. We found it hilarious when she would get in trouble for talking for too long, or giving us free food.

Her aunt owned the diner so she was never afraid of getting fired. I don't think Marley was ever afraid of anything. After she died, I had stopped coming. I couldn't stand the forlorn looks her aunt gave me. I couldn't look at the counter and not see Marley laughing at some stupid joke. I couldn't not think of her. And that's what I needed to do. Not think. Of her, or anything else.

"You used to come here a lot?" In my nostalgic blur I had forgotten Tyler was next to me.

"Yeah." I said, trying to push down the ever growing emotion in my chest.

"You could say that." I heard a faint shuffling in the back room, and saw a head of gray streaked red hair bobbing in the kitchen window. I stepped back anxiously, as I saw a small woman come around the corner. She had brown eyes that didn't sparkle with anything but hurt. She looked just like her niece without the mischief and fire.

"Isabelle." Sadie Jacobs stood in the doorway to the kitchen and looked at me in shock.

"Hi Sadie." I whispered. She was beautiful as ever, but more tired than she had been. Sadie looked between me and Tyler, likely trying to figure out what was going on. I wouldn't be surprised if Sadie knew nothing about my new living situation. She was never one for gossip. Just like Marley. Sadie wiped her hands on the apron.

"I-I didn't know you were back in town. Becca told me about you moving and all." Becca was her daughter, who I never knew well. She was a quiet girl who hid in the shadows. You would think we would have met there.

"Yeah um-yeah there's a memorial for my mom and-"

"Oh I heard about that-"

"Yeah so I'm just here for the weekend." It was an awkward, forced conversation. The kind that she and I had engaged in more than once.

"Well, have a seat. I'll get some menus." I nodded curtly, and tugged Tylers arm, leading him far away from the booth me and Brayden had claimed as our own.

"Do you know her?" Tyler asked once we were sitting.

"A little." I mumbled absently. That interaction had gone more or less how I expected. Sadie and I had never known each other well, the only link being Marley. Sadie was very young, only a few years older than her niece and they frequently were together, and by default I was with them more often than not.

"So, I wanted to talk to you. See how you're feeling and stuff." Tyler broke into my thoughts when he spoke.

"I'm okay." I muttered, not really meaning it. I shouldn't have come here. I should have taken him anywhere else, but the nostalgic pull was strong and had blinded me to the reality of what I was doing for a moment. My heart had blurred my vision, as it so often does.

"I don't believe that." Tyler said slowly. Only now did I notice the sad look he was giving me. I was so sick of sad looks. So sick of having something to be upset over.

"I wanna talk about what Emma said. Fin told me you two talked yesterday." I looked down at the plastic menu in my hands. I had so much to deal with right now, and I couldn't do it all. I had to remain in the moment. Deal with here and now. But unfortunately Tyler did not share my view. I forget that not everyone has to mind so many issues at once. Some were lucky enough to have only one at a time.

"Izzy, I am so sorry she said that. It was wrong, and so untrue." It was basically what Finley had said.

They all said the same thing. 'It's wrong' 'it's not true' 'I'm sorry'. But they didn't mean it. They felt an obligation to me because that's all blood was. Obligation.

"I want you to know that me and your brothers and even Emma, care about you so much and the last thing any of us would want to do is make you feel bad. What Emma did was out of anger, and frustration. No truth whatsoever." I still didn't meet his eyes.

"Then why did she say it?" I whispered. "She didn't think of it that second, she got it from somewhere." She had been thinking of it for a long time. They say drunk words are sober thoughts, and I think the same applies to anger. It takes over you and makes you say things that would otherwise stay internal. Take it from me. I told Brayden to F off, which is so far out of character for me. But I was angry.

"Izzy, she was mad. That's all."

In this world everyone was angry. Everyone has a reason to be pissed as all hell in this god awful world. But that never justifies anything. You cannot justify your words with anger. You cannot justify anything with anger.

Because in this world, anger is universal and no one gets a pass.

A/N-This was a filler because I felt like I needed something between the memorial and this, but I kind of like it. It gives a lot more insight into Izzy's life and Marley. The next chapter will be the memorial and you'll see if Brayden shows up or not.

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