I am nothing special. I've been told that all my life. There is nothing about me that is unique or noteworthy, nothing that makes me stick out from anyone else. I was taught from a young age to blend in. To conform. To assimilate. To hide.

I was taught that there was nothing about me worth remembering. And certainly, there was never anything about me worth celebrating. Birthdays have never meant much to me. Other peoples' or my own. My birthday has always been a solemn affair. A yearly reminder of how alone I was in the world. Of how little much life truly mattered.

There had been years where it hadn't been that way, like when Marley and I went to the beach, or the last year my mom and I celebrated together, but mostly, the day I was born has only ever served miserable reminders of the things I couldn't have. And for better or for worse, my distaste for my birthday had never bothered me too much.

Not until now anyway. Before now, everyone I knew had accepted my reluctance to celebrate myself without complaint. Most years, the day had been spent messing around with my friends, doing everything we could to pretend it was just another day, which I guess it was, despite it also being Christmas eve. Brayden used to joke that Christmas meant as much about us as groundhog day; holidays like that didn't matter to kids like us.

They couldn't. Holidays and birthdays alike, all just reminded us of what we didn't have. It may seem sad, and maybe it was, but it was just how things are. Or were. I supposed things here would be different. I jumped out of my skin when a hand waved in front of my eyes, snapping me harshly out of the steady stream of thoughts I'd emerged myself in almost an hour ago when I ventured out onto the screened-in porch in the back of the house.

It was barely 7 in the morning, but I'd woken up an hour and a half ago on the couch since I'd pretended to fall asleep there last night so I wouldn't have to contend with the idea of sharing a bed with Finley. No one had mentioned our sleeping arrangements since yesterday afternoon, but I didn't want to take any chances.-and decided to explore the house while it was quiet since I hadn't had much of a chance during the chaos yesterday.

The house was even more beautiful when it was quiet. It was like a scene from a movie. Clean white walls, with artwork and photographs, fluttery thin drapes covering big, beautiful windows all across the living room and the kitchen, letting the early morning light reflect off the snow outside and casting an angelic glow across the whole lower floor of the house.

It was perfect. In those few minutes, while I wandered around the house basking in the silence and glow, I felt better than I had in a long time. I felt almost normal.

But then, I saw the shadow of one door upstairs opening, and I'd immediately been brought down from my cloud nine and returned into the depths of reality. But only for a moment. Only until I was alone again.

I internally sighed before I forced myself to look up at who was trying to get my attention. When I did, a messy-looking Kasey stood over me, with a small grin on her face and relief in her eyes.

"There you are!" She signed to my utter shock.
I had no idea she could sing. She hadn't at all yesterday, but then again, I hardly spoke to her yesterday and there wouldn't have been much sense in her signing to me given that I had worn my hearing aids all day.

"We were looking for you!" She mouthed the words as she signed, seeming comfortable and familiar with the gestures like she'd been doing this for years.

"You sign?" I asked quickly. I saw her shoulders shake with a small laugh, I assume at the shocked expression I could feel pulling at my features.
"Yeah, my best friend growing up was deaf so I know sign language." Her grin was warm and gentle, but I could tell it wasn't forced or unnatural. She wasn't smiling for my sake. She was smiling for hers.

"I had no idea," I signed, sitting up on the couch, the blanket I'd wrapped around myself pooling at my waist haphazardly.

"No? Maybe I should have said something. I would have if I knew it would make you this excited." My cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, but she didn't seem to notice as she plopped down on the couch beside me, a satisfied grin plastered on her face. She leaned back on her elbow, her eyes tracing me up and down as I positioned myself more comfortably in front of her.

"What're you doing out here?" She asked, face twisting in curiosity.

"It's nice out here." I shrugged. The answer was uninformative and likely not what Kasey was looking for, but it was the best I could come up with. As usual, it was too muddled in my brain to try and untangle a better answer from the mess of thoughts and emotions. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. It's like trying to find a worm in dirt.

"You're right about that," Kasey looked away from me, focusing on the winter scene in front of the two of us. A wisp of wonderment faced over her face as she took it all in. Her expression reminded me of a child seeing snow for the first time. Like what I must have looked like a few weeks ago when I'd encountered the powdery white substance for the first time. It may not have been my favorite thing, but it was undoubtedly magical, nonetheless.

"The snow up here is so beautiful. It takes my breath away every time." She signed after a moment. She turned back to me with a smaller, sadder smile. "We don't get much snow in California, so when I come home, I fall in love all over again."

I nodded, digesting her words slowly as I picked at the corner of the blanket mindlessly. "I don't like the cold much." A cold gust from somewhere in the insulated room brushed over me, making my fingers and toes curl into themselves for warmth. Even with all the layers, I had on, the cold still managed to get at me like a fly at honey. I wondered if I would ever get used to it. My siblings seemed resigned to the cold. Some of them even claimed to enjoy it. But I guess that was just another way I didn't quite fit in.

"I could tell," Kasey's shoulders shook with another laugh. "You didn't look like you were liking it too much yesterday either."

My first time skiing had gone about as well as I had expected to. To say I was terrible was an understatement. Though I wouldn't call myself unathletic, my coordination was nowhere near what it needed to be for this particular sport, which meant I had spent more time in the snow than on my feet. Logan assured me I would get the hang of it when we tried again today, but somehow, I doubted that would be the case. I had quit after an hour yesterday, after my 10th time falling flat on my back had left me breathless and sore. Logan hadn't argued when I said I was done, and thankfully, no one else did either.

Jace was the one who ended up taking me back down to the ski lodge. We'd spent a while there, sitting in silence, drinking hot chocolate and watching some soccer game that was on TV. So far, I would say that has been the highlight of my vacation. That, and this morning of course.

"I'm not very good at skiing." I signed with another shrug.

Kasey shrugged back. "Neither am I. If Tyler and Nolan didn't make me, I would never do it."

"They force you?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. She was an adult, older than both of them, how could they force her to do what they wanted? I did what I was told because that was expected of me, but I couldn't imagine the same rules applied to Kasey as well. She didn't strike me as someone who did what was expected of her anyway. But of course, that was purely speculation. It wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about someone.

"Well, force might be a strong word. They firmly suggest that I come skiing with them so that I can be part of the family, but really, I think it's just so that they can force me to race them like the children they are."

The image of my adult brothers, Tyler in particular racing our aunt down the mountain, like a little boy in need of an ego boost made me smile and laugh quietly to myself.

Kasey noticed and I saw a sudden spark of joy light up in her pale green eyes. They looked like greener versions of my mothers' eyes. Except, Kasey's eyes had light in them. Kasey's eyes had life in them. And I could never remember a time when my mothers' eyes had either of those things. Studying her more closely, I tried to pick out all the ways she looked like my mother. It had been almost three and a half months since she'd been gone.

I thought about her a lot. Probably not the way most people think about their mothers, but still, I think it would have made her happy to know she still occupied a part of my brain. She always liked to know that she had left her mark. That she would be remembered for something. It never mattered much to her what she would be remembered for.

Kasey didn't look much like my mom. It was hard to believe that they were sisters. I don't think I would have if it weren't for her eyes, and a smattering of freckles in all the same place my mom and I had them.

"Your brothers were looking for you." Kasey signed after another beat of quiet between us. The small smile slipped off my face, my lips setting into a hard line.

"Are they?" I could imagine they wouldn't be happy with me for sneaking off without permission. Especially since I hadn't put my hearing aids in before coming out here.

"Yeah, but don't worry, I told them I would find you. And I'm very glad I did." I'm glad you did too. I thought to myself. If it were any of my brothers to have found me, I'm sure I wouldn't be enjoying my conversation quite so much. I surely wouldn't have been allowed to stay outside for as long as I had. Kasey tilted her head, still smiling at me sweetly. "You look a lot like your mom, you know. And your mom was a very beautiful woman." She signed slowly.

I touched a hand to my face as if I would be able to tell just by the texture of my skin, but blushed profusely and shrugged. "I guess so," If you could mutter in sign language, I certainly would have, just so she wouldn't quite hear my lame response.
"Don't guess, kiddo. You are very beautiful. You and your sister both."

I shrugged again, casting my gaze down at the blanket, my fingers working through the soft material as I focused my attention on trying to rid my face of the redness coating my cheeks. I was never good at taking compliments. It always made me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, even if it was a good thing.

Kasey reached over and gently pulled the blanket out of their hands, standing up and offering one of her hands to me. "We should go in," She signed, her smile wider than before. "There's a pile of presents inside and I believe that at least half of them have your name on it, little miss sunshine."

I exhaled and forced a small smile onto my face, as I stood up, ignoring Kasey's outstretched hand in the least rude way possible, and allowed her to lead the way to the kitchen. The first thing to catch my eye when I walked in, was the bundle of blue and pink balloons tied to the backs of two dining room chairs, an I-shaped balloon tangled in the blue ones, and an E-shaped one tangled in the pink.

On the table in front of the chairs were two piles of presents, each wrapped in paper the same color of the corresponding balloons, scattered pieces of blue and pink confetti littering the table almost expertly along with the wood. My mouth hung, half hinged as I took in the scene, admiring both the beauty and the detail of the setup, wondering who had taken so much time and patience to set this up for something as seamless as a birthday.

"There you are!" Tyler signed excitedly as he walked into the kitchen, a grin on his face wider than I'd ever seen before. He had a box, wrapped in blue, tucked under one arm, a plate of food balanced in one hand, and his phone in the other. I smiled back meekly and nodded.

"I was outside. Didn't mean to be gone for so long." I signed back slowly, unsure of how to act when he was so outwardly cheery. While Tyler didn't tend to be a particularly sour person, he was usually much more stern and serious than my other siblings, rarely showing his excitement or happiness so openly. It was off-putting to see him so chipper and unbothered. Off-putting, but not unwelcome.

"That's okay, Iz, no worries, I'm just happy we found you so we can get started on birthday fun!" I felt two hands grip my shoulders from behind and turned around quickly to see Kasey shaking her head in amusement as she grinned almost as widely as my oldest brother.

"Just so you know, Tyler loves birthdays. Like way too much," She signed with a smirk.
Tyler shrugged, clearly not ashamed of this admission. "I love celebrating the important people in my life. A birthday is just an excellent excuse to do so."

"Did you set all this up?" I asked, turning my attention back to the awe-inspiring table display I'd been admiring a moment ago.

His grin grew even wider. "Yes, I did. I and Liam did. You like it?"

"It's beautiful."

"Yeah, we've gotten pretty good over the years, if I do say so myself." A nostalgic glint passed over his gray sheeted eyes like he was remembering all the years past, which he likely was. I of course didn't have any past years to remember.

My last birthday had been spent in the bed of Thomas Calders pick up truck, me and my two best friends covered in dirty old blankets stuffing ham sandwiches into our mouths like it was the only food we'd seen in days, mostly because with winter vacation off from school, for me it was. It had been intended as a distraction from all the bad things happening around us, but really, it had only made me feel worse. I hadn't told Marley that though. She was trying for me. And for Marley to try for anyone at the end was something to be treasured.

"Where is Emma?" Kasey signed beside me, snapping me back to reality.

"Jace went to wake her up a few minutes ago. They should be down here any minute." Tyler shrugged. As if on cue, my sister walked into the kitchen with a sour look on her face, Logan and Jace trailing behind her with mischievous grins on their faces.

"I hate them," Emma grumbled, rubbing one eye with the back of her hand. Tyler smirked and turned towards our two brothers who were still visibly snickering with one another.

"What did you two do?" He spoke and signed at the same time, thankfully allowing me to be a part of the conversation even when I couldn't hear it. Logan's grin stretched from ear to ear, a clear sign of his amusement.

"We just woke our dear baby sister up with a birthday hug, that's all." His face feigned innocence, but the sly stretch of his lips betrayed the idea, making even my smile in weak amusement.

"They attacked me while I was asleep!" Emma protested, quite loudly if the way Kasey cringed beside me was anything to go off of.

"Who, us? We would never!" Jace wore a similar faux innocent look on his face to Logan, who looked like he was about to burst at the seams from the laugh he was holding in.

"Aren't you two supposed to be adults?" Kasey raised one eyebrow at the pair, a smirk playing on her lips. I was making myself dizzy, turning my head back and forth to catch all parts of the conversation, but still, I was glad not to have to guess what was going on like I usually did.

"Supposed to be, yes." Tyler shook his head, turning his attention towards Emma who was still glaring at Jace and Logan, holding his arms out for her.

My sister's face softened at the gesture and launched herself into the arms of our oldest brother without a second of hesitation. He whispered something in her ear, squeezing her to his chest tightly. She grinned at whatever he said, and leaned into his body, whispering something back to him that made Tyler grin just as widely as she had. I folded into myself, suddenly feeling out of place and uncomfortable. Like I was intruding on a moment between a brother and sister that wasn't meant for me to see.

They stayed in the embrace for a while, the rest of the family beginning to move around them as they continued to set things up on the table and the counter. After a moment, Tyler released Emma, smiling down at my sister and saying something else in a voice too soft and undefined for me to understand or read from his lips.

Emma beamed up at him, nodding at whatever he said, and then turned towards me with the same bright smile. "Happy birthday!" She signed, practically lunging towards me in a sudden embrace. I almost fell backward at the force of our bodies colliding, her arms wrapping around my waist in a tight hug, which I slowly reciprocated once I was sure I would be stable on my feet. I felt her breath against my ear, but only caught a faint mumbling sound instead of any actual words.

My hearing was subjective, and sometimes I could hear bits and pieces of close, concentrated sounds, but more often than not, I couldn't hear anything at all, which at times like this, made me feel a distinct sense of loneliness and sadness. It made me feel isolated from those around me like even when I was wrapped in the arms of someone who cared for me, I still wasn't a part of their world. She pulled away after a minute, holding my hands out in front of her as she smiled much more weakly than before.

"Thirteen." She mouthed slowly.

I matched her smile and nodded.

Thirteen. Thirteen years old. It didn't feel any different, just as I'd expected, but it was a nice idea that I was now officially a teenager rather than an overly grown-up child. Maybe I wouldn't feel so out of place with all my worries and fears.
Emma let go of my hands after a second, but I remained still, watching as she effortlessly allowed herself to be pulled into a tight hug by Logan and then Jace. Maybe thirteen would bring on more change from me than I knew.

Maybe thirteen would let me feel like a normal person. Maybe 13 would finally let me be like everyone else.

Liam and Henry found their way into the kitchen next, the chaos and noise overtaking the room in a matter of seconds as my family moved with vigor around the kitchen, speaking as quickly as they moved, shoving each other out of the way, laughing, yelling. I stood in the middle of it, twiddling my fingers nervously, a small smile on my face as I watched them in slight amusement, for once, almost glad I couldn't hear the noise filling the room.

I jumped a little when something blue was stuck in front of my face. Nolan grinned down at me, waving the hearing aids case in his hand theatrically. I forced my small smile back onto my face from where it had fallen when he'd scared me a second ago and slowly reached out to take the case from his hands to mine.

"You don't have to wear them," He signed quickly.

"I just thought it might be easier if you could hear what's going on. No pressure doesn't have to," He seemed to catch onto the sudden drop in my mood, and I could see a new spark of guilt swimming in his silver-gray eyes. I shook my head slowly, hoping to reassure him that he hadn't upset me, even if it wasn't true. The remainder of the mere existence of my hearing aids was upsetting, even though I knew that it shouldn't.

"I'll put them in," I said to appease him. "You're probably right, it'll be easier if I can hear everyone."

Nolan's expression relaxed and he nodded. I sighed heavily as I put them in, the room roaring to life in a matter of a few, piercing seconds as I pressed the cold metal into my ear. I smiled weakly up at Nolan after I was finished.

"Happy birthday kiddo," He said softly, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "We're so happy to celebrate it with you." Soon enough, I was ushered to sit down in front of the stack of blue wrapped presents on the table, my sister sitting beside me in front of the pink ones. All of our brothers and Kasey gathered in front of us, huge smiles on their faces as they watched the two of us. Tyler arranged a few of the presents so they were in neater piles in front of us then stepped back so he was in the front of the crowd.

"Okay, before you start let me get a picture," He instructed loudly, holding his phone up at an angle like old men do when they can't see their screens. "3, 2, 1, say cheese," He hummed.

I laughed a little to myself and smiled as widely as I could, as he took at least 20 pictures of the two of us before lowering his phone and nodding approval.

"And let the birthday commence."

I felt like a monkey in a zoo as I opened all my gifts, utterly shocked every time at the thoughtfulness and the quantity of what I'd received. Never in my life, even in our best years had I been given so many gifts, or so much attention.

It seemed like too much, and after the third gift, I had half a mind to say that, and make them keep the rest to give to someone else who deserved it more than I ever possibly could.

In the end, I'd received a new drawing notebook, drawing pencils and markers, quite a few new books, including a few marvel comics Finley insisted I needed to read, an album of classic rock songs, and a stack of new sweatshirts and jeans I couldn't wait to wear.

After we opened our presents, and I thanked every person in my family for the amazing gifts, we ate a breakfast of pastries and scrambled eggs, everyone telling stories and making jokes as we sat around the table and ate. The attention of my brothers and Kasey was on me and Emma almost the whole time, and for once in my life, I began to feel special.

But only for a moment. Only until I remember who I was. Who I was taught to be. Until I remember where I came from, and who wasn't here. This was my first birthday without Marley and Brayden in nearly 9 years.

They'd been there with me through everything. And now, they're gone, both of them. One more so than others, but both equally as permanently in my eyes. It seemed awful that I should enjoy a birthday that marked such a sad realization; that those who used to love me weren't here anymore. But even though I wasn't alone this year, it still didn't make me feel any less lonely than any birthday ever had, even when they were here.
I was selfish for feeling this way. I was selfish for thinking of those I didn't have when there were so many here that I did. Even today of all days, I didn't have it in me to be happy or to feel special. And for that, I truly hated myself.

While we were eating, Logan informed me that we would be going skiing again, and although I didn't want to, I still agreed and afterward began to follow after Emma, but I stopped when I heard Tyler calling my name.

"Izzy, come back I want to talk to you," He said, rushing over to the doorway of the kitchen to catch my attention before I went upstairs. I narrowed my eyes in curiosity and suspicion as I turned around to face my brother. He smiled at me and nodded towards the living room.

"Let's go sit down for a minute. I have something else to give you before you go outside." I nodded slowly and followed him, sinking into the cushions nervously as he held something behind his back with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Izzy, I can't tell you how happy we are to have you with us this year. This is the first birthday we've ever gotten to celebrate with you, you know," I had forgotten about that. I was only 6 months old when Mom took me away. "And I wanted to make sure your first birthday with the family was special, because we missed so many, and we've never gotten to do this for you and- and-..." He seemed to run out of words as he got lost deeper in his sadness. I frowned softly, feeling almost guilty for being the root of his poor feelings, even if they weren't my fault. "And what I'm trying to say is that we missed you, and we thought about you every year when we celebrated yours and Emma's birthday." He shook his head as if to gain composure and softened his face once more from where it had fallen into a deep concentration a moment ago when he'd found himself at a loss for words.

"So I have two more gifts for you, Izzy. One isn't very personal but it's something you'll like, and the other is something that means a lot to me and the rest of our family." He pulled two boxes from behind his back, one small and one larger, both square in shape and wrapped in the same paper as my other gifts.

"You didn't have to get anything else it's too much," I signed quickly, feeling sorry for how much money must have been wasted on me.

Tyler shook his head. "Izzy you deserve some spoiling after all you've gone through in the last few months. And all the years we didn't get to spoil you."

I blushed with a small smile, looking down at my hands intertwined in my lap. Tyler put a gentle hand on my knee, making me look back at his, and placed the bigger box in my lap.

"I realized the other day that we'd never gotten you one of these, and I figured every teenager needs one, so I hope you like it," He seemed a little nervous, which was more than uncharacteristic or how he usually acted. I tried not to let it show, but his anxiety put me on edge and made me suspicious of what it was he was giving to me.

After a moment of hesitation, I peeled the paper away from the box, my eyes immediately going wide when I saw what it was. "I'll help you set it up, and I'm sure Emma and Finn will help too if you need it," I barely registered what Tyler was saying, too busy admiring the purple-colored cell phone now sitting in my lap. I had never had a phone. I'd never had any electronics of my own. It was never even an option for me.

"You can open it, you know," Tyler teased, nudging my elbow with his. I immediately tightened my grip on the box, scared to death I would drop it from the slightest motion from either side of me. I had never held anything this expensive before. A wave of fear and anxiety rushed through me as I cradled the box in my hands, almost desperate to ensure I didn't break it by accident in the first five minutes I owned it.

Tyler chuckled beside me, before gently taking the box of my hands and replacing it with the smaller one. "So, this- this is something that means a lot to me and the rest of your brothers and sister," He said slowly, his voice dropping an octave. He gingerly lifted the box from my lap, cupping my hands in his own so that it hovered in the air between us. "We all got one for our fifth birthday. It was a tradition. But- but we didn't get to do that for you, so- so now-" He sighed, cutting himself off, shaking his head. "But we didn't get to do that. So when we thought of what we should get you for your birthday, we decided that it was time for you to be a part of our tradition. Even if it is a few years late."

He slowly lifted the box into my hands, a sad smile glued to his lips. I waited until he nodded in approval before I cautiously peeled away the paper, revealing a small blue velvet-covered jewelry box. I looked up at Tyler in question but he just nodded and released my hands so I could open the box the rest of the way. I closed my eyes for a second until I felt the smooth silk against my fingers. I gasped softly when I opened my eyes, the breath vacating my lungs as I took in the sight of the beautiful necklace inside.

"It's your birthstone," Tyler told me. "Emma has the same one. Our dad did too." He whispered the last part, his eyes solely on the piece of jewelry I too was gaping at. It was an icy blue stone in a teardrop shape on a thin silver chain. Tyler lifted his hand, showing me a ring on his left finger with a green stone and a silver band.

"Mine's an Emerald. I had it made into a ring several years ago." He explained softly.
I looked back down at the box in my hands, running my fingers cautiously over the gem in pure awe. "It's beautiful." I signed slowly, feeling almost dizzy with how overwhelmed and happy I was. It was without a doubt the most lavish thing I had ever held in my hands.

It was beautiful. It was breathtaking.

It was meant for someone much more beautiful than I could ever be.

But when Tyler reached down and pulled the necklace gingerly from its box, I didn't hesitate to allow him to clasp it around my neck and let the beautiful gem I didn't deserve fall gently against my skin. And for a moment, I pretended it was made just for me. Because in this world, pretending is a means of survival.

This world is one of cold, harsh realities. It is one of the truths, bitter and unjust, and knowledge sour to the ears and the brain. This world is filled with people pretending to be what they are not. People believe they are deserving, they are beautiful, they are enough, even if they know these things can never be true.

This world is made for pretenders and frauds because it knows that in the end, the truths will catch up anyway.

A/N-New Aesthetics are up in the character page please go check them outing tell me what you think!!

Omg can you believe I'm actually updating with 30 days of my last chapter? No? Me neither. This chapter was pretty fun to write not gonna lie. I felt that we were overdue for a fluffy, happy chapter and the twins birthday was the perfect time to give you just that :)) I thought you guys would appreciate an Izzy/Kasey moment as well as an Izzy/Tyler moment. What did we think about all this? Is Kasey how you expected her to be? Does Tyler have any redeeming qualities yet?

I have something very good planned for the next few chapters and I cannot wait until we finally manage to get there (which we will very soon I promise) and I have some surprises up my sleeve for all of you lovely people and I have no idea if you're going to love it or hate it. Either way it's happening and I am so excited for it:))