I have never been the type to attach myself to other people. I have always been too cynical, too worldly to allow myself to ever get too close to anyone who I couldn't be sure would stay. And I could never be sure anyone would stay. No one could.

It's a tragic thing when you realize how dangerous attachment can be. It's a losing game. An inevitable source of pain that most of us will never be able to avoid. The smartest of us will try. We will close ourselves off, not allow ourselves or others to ever get too close to the depths of the shallow hearts we all fight so hard to protect. I like to think I am among the smartest of us, if for no other reason than my self-inflicted isolation. I am detached. I am isolated. I am solitary. Even on the days, I wish I wasn't.

There are days when my seclusion weighs heavy on my soul. Days when I wish I could be as naive and optimistic as everyone else. Days when I wish I could be like everyone else. That feeling, though far from unfamiliar, has always been a particularly bitter one. The feeling of being unlike everyone else. Being the opposite of what I should be. Attachment is like forbidden fruit for someone like me. A sweet feeling I'll always crave. Until bitter reality takes over. And sooner or later, it always does.

"We're here!" A shrill voice overtook the silence of the car, making me snap my eyes open in surprise and slight panic. Dragging me, hook line and sinker, back to reality. My sisters bouncing from crowded my line of vision as I reoriented myself with my surroundings for the second time today. I had almost fallen asleep. Almost. After an 8-hour car ride, of which me and whoever the driver may have been at any given point were the only ones still awake, I had finally managed to get my anxiety-filled brian quiet enough to potentially make up for the last of rest I'd gotten over the last several weeks, but true to the pattern of my existence, I had no such luck. Emma squealed again, like a little kid on Christmas. My head throbbed in protest of the high-pitched noise.

Migraines were nothing out of the ordinary these days. Between sleep deprivation and my hearing aids, they had become an inevitable part of my existence. A painful one too. I had gotten used to a lot of discomforts in my life, but the stabbing pain in my head was one I had yet to adjust to. But give it time, I kept telling myself. You'll get used to this pain. Just like you did all the rest of them.

"Izzy!" Emma's head popped up over the seat in front of me. My eyes widened a tinge at the almost crazed look on my sister's face. I had never seen her so excited. But then again, these were a lot of parts of my sister I had never seen. And some I had seen too much. "Izzy, we're here!" She grabbed onto my wrist in a vice grip. She didn't seem to notice when I pushed her off.

Finley's head popped up beside Emmas, seeming equal as giddy. "Iz, are you excited?" My brother asked. I forced a small smile and nodded. Far from it, to be truthful. But I knew better than to think that's what Finley was looking to hear from me. It wouldn't fit his, or anyone else's ideas of how I should feel. And I was never one to go against ideals.

"Is she awake back there?" I made out the sound of Jaces voice from the driver's seat. I guess sometimes while I was dozing off, he and Nolan must have switched. One would think between the chaos my brothers caused with everything they did and the pestering buzz of hearing aids, I would have picked up on the changes within the car. I haven't taken my hearing aids out since this morning. I hadn't dared. There are few things I detest more than conflict and few things that I care about less than my comfort. I would always do what I had to avoid strife, even at the cost of my well-being.

"Yup!" Emma sat back down with a thud.

I took a slow breath and looked up, meeting Liams sleep-filled eyes. If I had to guess I would say he had just woken up as well. I had noticed earlier in the trip that he looked almost as tired as I did. I wondered if he hadn't slept for the same reason I hadn't. A brain so overcharged with thoughts and worries it had no room for the rest we craved so badly. Or maybe, he had just stayed up too late last night. Not everyone has an existential crisis every time they close their eyes. Not everyone drives themselves mad with thoughts like I do.

My knee bounced rapidly against the soft flooring of the car. The crunch of gravel underneath our tires filled my ears, and a new wave of discomfort and anxiety surged through my body. Buzzing energy suffocated the air between me and my siblings. It felt like there was a wall between us. A disconnect, somewhere along the line. Something that was keeping me from feeling the same joy and excitement as they did.

I felt like a freak. But with how often I felt like that, maybe that's just what I am. A freak. The car pulled to a stop. I cautiously followed my siblings out into the frigid December air. It was so cold here. Somehow even colder than Harlan, if that was even possible. I consider myself as someone with a fair amount of physical resilience-After all, I did survive a car crash a few months ago, one that I had overheard more than one person saying should have been fatal-But for some reason, the cold was something I just couldn't seem to deal with.

Even in Harlan, I had been wrapped up in a blanket almost every second since the temperatures dropped into the sixties and below. When I told him, Liam said it was because I was too skinny and didn't eat enough. I think he may have assumed that saying that would make me more inclined to eat consistently. But really, all it did was make me look a little longer in the mirror. Shivering through my layers of clothes, I walked to the back of the car where the rest of my family has huddled around, waiting for their respective pieces of luggage. Jace smiled when he saw me.

I didn't even try to smile back. "Enjoying the cold, Iz?" He asked with a sympathetic spark in his eyes. I sighed and shrugged, shoving my hands deeper into my pockets.

"Aww, don't worry kid, you'll get used to it." Finley slung his arms around my shoulders. For once, I reveled in the contact, hoping it would at the very least unfreeze my icy limbs.

"Yeah, Iz, and when you see all the fun stuff we do here, you forget all about being cold." Emma chimed, slinging her duffle bag over one shoulder and dropping Finleys at his feet.

"Oh, Belle, I can't wait to teach you how to ski. I think you'll love it." Family members seemed to be coming from all directions as Logan too joined in on our conversation. He handed me my bag-which was practically filled to the brim with warm clothes and the extra layers I was now certain I would be needing-and smiled gently at me with a glint of something in his eyes I made a mental note to decipher later on. It was almost like a game for me at this point. Except, there were only ever two right answers; sadness, or any variation of pity you can think of. At least I could say they were consistent.

"You're gonna be a natural, Iz." Liam cut in from somewhere I couldn't see. I assumed he was behind Tyler's car, with our oldest brother, taking the rest of the bags out of there. I shrugged again, though I knew he couldn't see me. A gust of wind sliced through my thin skin. I tensed up and leaned further into Finley who just laughed a little and ran a hand up and down my jacket-clad arm.

Tyler sighed loudly as he walked over to the rest of us, two heavy-looking bags slung over each of his shoulders. "Kacey's gonna be here in a little while. We should probably pick rooms and stuff before she does."

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at Logan, hoping he would understand my question without me having to sign it. I didn't want to have to pull my hands out of the cocoons I'd created for them in my jacket pockets. Luckily, Logan easily understood and gave me an almost mischievous smile.

"Kacey's, our aunt. She lives in California but she always comes down to see us during the holidays." I nodded slowly, feeling a familiar kind of bitterness rise in my throat. I, of course, had never met or even heard of any aunt or extended family of any sort. It made me wonder how many families I had still yet to meet. How many relatives I'd been kept from by my mother's selfish actions. It should have made me angry. I had every right to be angry with my mother. But really, all it did was make me sad. So, unendingly sad.

"Is she bringing her boyfriend?" Emma asked in a bit of a whining tone.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Yes, Emma, she's bringing her boyfriend," He then fixed her with a serious expression and stepped a little closer. "And I fully expect you to be your kindest self towards him, Emma."

"All week?"

"All week."

I glanced around at all of them, thoroughly confused by the conversation, but I assumed someone would either explain it to me later or I would figure it out on my own. I had a feeling, it would be the latter. I closed my eyes tightly as one more gust of slicing wind hit against my flush cheeks and any skin that remained uncovered.

"We should get inside," Tyler said slowly. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see him exchanging a look with Logan and Finley who was watching me with those same eyes, filled with concern and worry for the well-being I cared so little about.

"It's only getting colder out here." He finished, sending an apologetic glance my way. I wondered if Tyler felt bad for getting upset with me this morning. I didn't blame him for being mad at me. He had made his expectations plenty clear before we went inside. I was the one who didn't follow them.

I knew Tyler saw it that way, at the very least.

But I also knew Tyler saw me like glass. So fragile, that he feared he would break with one wrong word. And I couldn't even say he was wrong. No matter how badly I wished I could. Just as the group began to turn in the direction of the beautiful log cabin we'd pulled in front of, the sound of a sputtering motorcycle made us all stop and look in the direction of the sound. The motorcycle itself came into view a moment later, someone hiding behind a shielded helmet and dark clothes driving it.

"Henry, you came!" Emma cheered, the second the motor died down. A wave of realization washed over me. Selfishly, I hadn't given much thought to whether or not my more often than a not absentee brother would come on vacation with us. I guess subconsciously, I had assumed he wouldn't. After all, I hadn't seen Henry for more than a few hours at a time since the day I moved in with this family. But clearly, I still had a lot to learn. Henry pulled off his helmet and smiled at my twin sister.

"Of course I came, Em. I said I would." He teased, walking over to Jace and doing one of those 'guy hugs' my brothers often did with one another.

"And yet, I'm still in shock to see you here." Logan gave him a weird look, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes at Henry. The latter smirked, clearly unbothered by Logan's unprecedented scrutiny. I had only seen the two of them interact a few times in the last few months. Mostly, Henry kept to himself, or if he talked to anyone it was usually only Jace. But I was starting to wonder if there was a reason for that.

"Nice to see you too, little brother." Henry teased. I watched their interaction carefully, both intrigued and confused by the odd dynamic. I watched the various reactions of my other siblings as well. Some of them seemed just as confused as me, while others seemed almost amused with the two of them. "But you shouldn't be shocked, Logan. I always keep my promises." Henry's smirk grew, just a little, and I saw Logan's shoulders tense up. He glared at Henry but didn't say anything else as he reached towards me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm gonna take Izzy inside before the poor kid freezes to death. You guys come in when you're ready." He didn't spare another second in the group before walking away with me involuntarily in tow. Not that I was complaining. I think I may have lost a finger if I had stayed out there much longer. I looked up at Logan as we walked.

"Are you mad at Henry?" I signed once we were further away from the rest of our family. He glanced at me with a furrowed expression.

"No," He sighed back. "Why do you think that?" It never ceased to amaze me how oblivious people were to themselves and their surroundings. Like they forgot they weren't invisible. Most of us aren't anyway. I of course was the exception to that rule. I shrugged, allowing Logan's arm to pull me a little tighter against his side as we approached the front door. "Well, I'm not mad at him." Logan declared, barely convincingly even through sign. "Not yet anyway." He muttered the last part to himself, clearly forgetting that I had my hearing aids in. I turned to him with a questioning expression, but he didn't seem to notice my stare, or if he did, he didn't acknowledge it.

I, of course, didn't press the matter. I figured Logan would tell me what I needed to know. That, or I would figure it out soon enough. But, when a wave of warm air hit me in the face as the cabin door was pushed open, I forgot about my suspicion for a moment and allowed myself to revel in the sudden comfort that surrounded my shivering body. Logan gently pushed me inside as he grabbed hold of both mine and his bags, and smiled at me as I took in the utter beauty of the cabin.

It looked nothing like I thought it would. The sheer size of it left me in awe. It wasn't the quaint little log cabin that I'd been picturing for the last few weeks. It looked like something out of a magazine or a movie. Nothing I ever imagined I would be staying in. Our family wasn't rich by any means. In Harland, we lived in a small, comfortable little house that just managed to fit all of us inside. It never crossed my mind that we would be able to afford a house this size, in a place this nice.

"Do you like it?" Logan asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. My eyes glued themselves to the magnificent view outside the bay window. A real-life winter wonderland. I felt like Dorthy, so far away from Kansas, it was scary. Although, I couldn't say Oz felt any closer.

"Yeah." I sighed back, too enthralled with the view to focus on him. Logan squeezed my shoulder, laughed a little, and walked away, muttering something about bringing the bags upstairs so we could decide bedrooms in a little while. I only nodded, as I slipped out of my layers of jackets gracelessly, never once taking my eyes off the snow. It seemed ironic, something I'd been so desperate to get away from just a moment ago, was so beautiful and inviting behind a sheet of glass. Like somehow, being protected from the bad made it seem so much better. The door creaked open behind me, and a second later, the commotion of my family drifted into the quiet serenity of the once empty cabin.

"Izzy, come pick rooms!" Someone called from behind me when I didn't turn around. I waited until their voices faded further into the house before I turned around with a deep sigh, and made my way to join them, leaving behind what I assumed would be my last peaceful moment from now until I set foot in Brinley. Only a few more days. Then I could go home. Then I could be with her.

In this world, a home is something rare and puzzling. It is something most of us assume we have, and something most of us never will. Home is not just four walls and a roof. And it's not just where your bloodlines run together.

A home is somewhere no one else can find, somewhere safe and warm.

Home is a red-haired teenager waiting patiently for me to come back to her. 

And I will. One way or another.

A/N-Well, here we are, three months later with an update. Sorry it took so long if you read my other stories you would know that I had a pretty hard time this summer with some mental health stuff and didn't really have the motivation for anything for a while there. But I'm back and I hope everyones glad :) 

Anyway, I know this chapter is a little rushed but I honestly couldn't work on it anymore without losing my mind so this is what you get. What do we think about all this? This chapter was meant as a filler anyway so I'm not too mad about how it turned out. Any predictions for next chapter? What about their aunt? Or Logan and Henry? Leave all your thoughts for me to laugh at in the comments :)

Go eat some food, go drink some water and have a wonderful day my loves!