My world is silence. The deep, sweet sort of silence that sinks into your soul and makes you feel heavy as led in the best way. The sort of cannot be helped, but you never quite mind. Silence that makes you feel so small and so safe in this world. The kind of silence that allows a person to bleed like ink into the background of the painting.

That is my silence. The kind I craved for so long, and the kind I found in a twisted way. They don't understand my silence. Anyone. They can't comprehend why I would choose to be nothing. I am nothing. I try my best everyday to be nothing. To be empty, to be light. I try to not let the heavy feeling weigh me down. I try to float away. I float away so often these days. Away from everything, including myself.

It feels nice to float away now. I don't fear it like I used to. They do. The rest of them fear when I float away. Eyes drowning in worry, lips asking questions. It's always the same. Never do I float away for long like I would like. Floating feels nice. Empty feels nice. Silence feels nice. But nothing nice ever lasts, for a person like me.

She tapped my leg. I tried to ignore her. She tapped again, waving her hand on my face. I looked up at the woman sitting across the room from me. She smiled at the eye contact and pointed to her ear. I knew what she was asking me for, but I didn't want to end my silence yet. I shook my head, and she frowned, grabbing her note book from beside her.

"Why don't you want to wear your hearing aid?" She wrote in black pen.

I had only gotten them a few weeks ago, at the start of December, and I wasn't used to them yet. They made my head hurt, and my ears ring. The doctor said that would happen, but I still didn't like it. Tyler kept saying I had to give it some time to get used to them. He doesn't understand. It's about more than just the physical discomfort that wearing the hearing aids brought. I had come to enjoy the silence of my world over the last two months, and to give that up, would mean I may have to give up other things.

"You don't know?" Daphne pressed. I shook my head at the therapist. I saw her chest rise and fall with a sigh, but she didn't write anything else down.

"How are you feeling?" She signed to me. I'd started learning while I was in the hospital. I was almost fluent by now. I practiced everyday. It was a good distraction from everything else in my life. A good way to occupy my blazing mine.

"Fine," I signed back. "Tired. But fine." She nodded, and I saw her suck in a breath. I've gotten good at noticing things like that. I've learned how to read people in the last 2 months. Their physical language, and their emotions. Teo taught me some stuff about that too. He learned sign language for me while he was also in the hospital. He did a lot of things for me while I was in the hospital.

"How are things at home? Still tense?"

I thought for a moment. Home was a story I'd rather not talk about. I rather not think about either, but only one of those can be helped. "Fine," I signed again. "Everyone's fine."

Daphne looked like she didn't quite believe me, but she didn't press. Daphne never pressed. I guess it was her job to take my lies in stride, instead of calling me out. I've been seeing her for a month now. She was nice. I liked her, and it didn't hurt that she had come highly recommended by Teo. I wanted him to be my therapist if I was being forced at all, but Logan said that was a conflict of interest or something like that.

"School? How's that going?"

"Still at home." I hadn't gone back after the accident. I wasn't physically or mentally well enough to contend with school, or any of its many problems that went with it.

"I heard Liams not a very good teacher."

I tried to smile at the good natured teasing of my brother, but smiling wasn't something I did often. Even fake ones were hard to muster these days. I shrugged. "He's okay. He's trying his best." He'd taken time off work to home school me the last few months. I couldn't complain about someone who'd made such a sacrifice for me.

Daphne smiled. "I'm sure he is Izzy. Everything else okay?"

I tried for the next 20 minutes to think of things to tell her, that would only keep us at the surface of what we needed to talk about. She wanted me to open up. I wanted to clam shut for the rest of my life. It was a silent battle of wills between us, that I knew I would win. If there was one thing I was good at, it was hiding within myself. It wasn't long before Daphne told me my session was over.

"You should wear your hearing aids next time. Might help you get more used to them."

I shrugged again, shaving the case into my pocket. Tyler wouldn't be happy when he saw that I didn't have my hearing aids in. He'd tell me I was only making it harder by avoiding it. I suppose he isn't wrong, but still, sometimes avoiding pain is the only way to deal with it. And this was a very avoidable pain.

Tyler stood up when he saw us walk in. He and Daphne shared a smile, and started talking. I tried to read their lips, but they talked too fast for me to keep up. It had been an increasingly frustrating battle the last few months to get my family to remember my new limits and challenges when it came to communication. They keep forgetting that when they call my name, I can't hear them, and conversation in any way besides sign and writing it down, are virtually impossible for me. None of them did it on purpose, but it was taking all of them a lot longer to adjust to my new condition than it did for me.

I yanked on Tylers sleeve, making him look down at me. "Can you sign please? I want to know what you're saying." I signed quickly. Tyler turned back to Daphne and said something else, before thankfully, signing the rest of whatever he was saying. "I was just telling Daphne about our plans for Christmas. Sorry Izzy." He signed clumsily. Tyler had been trying really hard to learn sign for me. He wasn't very good, and still prefered writing things down, but it was the thought that counts. He was trying. And I could never be mad at him for that.

"You're going skiing! How fun is that!" Daphne was very good at signing. She was hard of hearing, so she understood a lot better than most people do.

I smiled softly. "I'm excited," I responded truthfully.

"You ever been skiing?"

I shook my head at her. "Not a lot of snow in Georgia."

She laughed a little and looked back at Tyler. "Do either of you have any questions about our session today or future sessions?" Me and my brother shook our heads quickly, and the therapist smiled. "Good. I'll see you both in a few weeks."

We said our goodbyes and walked out into the cold December morning. Tyler immediately grabbed my hand, and pulled me close to him. My brothers have become increasing protective since I left the hospital. It was like they thought I would shatter into a million pieces if they didn't keep me by their sides. I guess I had. I felt like I was shattered. Even now, almost three months after the accident, I still felt like my soul was in a million sharp little pieces. Slicing up my aching heart, and reminding me with each breath that I was still alive. I was still here. And in pain. I never stopped being in pain, even if my concussion got better, and the cuts healed.

Physically, I was much better than I was two months ago. But emotionally, I had never felt so incapacitated. I don't know how to explain this to anyone else, but it seems these days, I don't know how to explain anything to anyone else.

"Why did you not wear your hearing aid?" Tyler signed slowly when we get into the car.

I shrugged. "They don't feel good." Makes me feel like I'm crawling out of skin, with the distorted hearing my aids provide for me. Part of me didn't want the artificial sound, simply because it reminded me of what I could never get back. It would never be the same, and that was a hard pill to swallow. One I prefered to avoid as much as possible.

"Why?" Tyler asked. Well, actually he used the sign for the letter y, but I could figure out what he meant.

"They're sore. And they make my ears ring." We've had this conversation more than once in the last three weeks. It was a constant battle within myself. I felt sick to my stomach, guilty, that I was not only making it harder on my already mal-adjusted family, but also wasting the money that Tyler had to spend on them for me. It was a battle between my own comfort and happiness, and the satisfaction of the people around me. And eventually, we all knew what I would choose.

"They'll never feel better if you don't wear them, Izzy."

I sighed. "I know."

He didn't try and mention anything else on the drive home. I chalked it up to that he was driving, and couldn't sign, but I think it may have been more about not wanting to argue with me. When we got home, we both slid out of the car without much more communication, and I walked inside, only to find it completely empty.

That wasn't that surprising considering it was 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. But even still, the house felt empty even when it was full now. Logan had moved out shortly after I came home. He and Liam couldn't resolve their issues, even after Liam apologized a million times and I assured both him and Logan that Liam was long forgiven. Logan didn't want to hear it. He thought I shouldn't forgive Liam so soon. The two of them fought everyday for a month. And finally, Tyler put his foot down. He claimed that all the fighting was making our house an unhappy place-which was true, but the only reason-so they needed to end the feud. So they did. In a way that broke my heart into a million pieces. Logan moved in with Teo three weeks ago.

It's weird here without him. I still see him and Teo all the time, and although I don't say anything in fear I would make him feel guilty, I miss Logan so much. He really had become my rock through these last months, and these three weeks have felt like three years without seeing him every morning when I get up, and night before I go to sleep. Everyone else seems afraid to speak now. Or maybe they just don't know what to say.

Tyler puts a hand on my back. I tense up a bit, but don't flinch. I've been getting better about that. When I first came home, the idea of being touched made me physically sick, especially since I couldn't hear it coming. But slowly, I've gotten more used to it, and trained myself not to react so much, even when it made me uncomfortable. It wasn't about my comfort. It was about avoiding those tensed up, sad looks my family gave me, everytime I jumped away from a gentle touch.

"Are you hungry?" Tyler asked, pulling me to his side and walking us both into the kitchen. Emma, Finley, and Jace would be home from school soon. I had skipped my afternoon classes with Liam for my session with Daphne, but I still had some work to do for him. Although, I doubt Liam would give me a hard time if I didn't do it. He was pretty lenient about deadlines. I could just say I had a headache, and he wouldn't blink an eye before telling me to just forget the assignment existed at all.

I didn't answer Tyler's question, but I didn't need to. No matter what I would have told him, he would still be where he was, making me and himself a slice of toast I hoped I would be able to stomach this time. I threw up my breakfast this morning. I didn't mean to, and I wasn't sure why it happened, but I hadn't told anyone because I don't want to worry my family. And besides, I was sure it was just a fluke thing. I didn't feel sick otherwise. So I would ignore it. Just to make everyone else happy.

I was still taking slow bites of the toast when I saw Tyler's head perk up, at something in the doorway. I didn't have to turn around to know it was my siblings coming home from school. Emma sat down at the counter beside me, a grin and some unexplained glitter covering her face.

"Winter break is here!" She signed quickly. Emma was definitely the best at sign. She, Logan, Nolan, and Jace all devoted their time while I was in the hospital to learning as much as they could for me. Emma was almost fluent, just like I was. She'd been amazing the last few months. Supportive, kind, and sometimes the only person keeping me sane around here. She didn't treat me like glass, like the rest of our family. She and I had become very close the last few months. Like sisters. Of all of my family, Emma and Logan treated me the most like one of them. Like I've always been here. Like I was more than just a thorn in our family's side. I smiled at her, quietly thankful for the attention my siblings' arrival took away from the toast I had no intention of finishing.

"And that means we leave for Vermont in two days." Finley signed sloppily. He and Tyler were alike in that way. Terrible at sign, but trying their best.

"Yes, which means you should all get packing." Tyler said with a stern glance at the three of us. Apparently our family went skiing in Vermont every Christmas. I had never really seen snow before the start of this month. Frost, sure, but never snow like this. I felt like an alien seeing it for the first time. I had never been so cold in my life. Jace had teased that it was because I was dressed like I was still in Georgia, but in my defense, I had no idea how to prepare for the 20 degree weather they got in Maryland. And Emma told me Vermont was even colder, which made me a little nervous for our trip. I was not fond of the cold. Maybe it was the southerner in me, but I would always prefer Georgia's 65 degree winters.

"I already am, Tyler." Emma said with an eye roll. Tyler seemed unimpressed with her attitude, but didn't say anything about it.

"Do you both still want to go out tomorrow night for your birthday dinner?" He asked instead.

"I already made reservations at Birmans if you do?" Jace intervened, leaning on the counter beside Tyler. Mine and Emma's birthday was Christmas eve in three days. We were leaving in two days, so Tyler suggested we have a party for the both of us the Saturday before we left. Emma said we should have it at a restaurant because it was more grown up than a party, and I would admit I was rather relieved that she decided that. I of course had gone right along with whatever she suggested, but I felt a little better knowing I wouldn't have to be stuck in the middle of a party meant for me, that I didn't want. The idea of a party made me panic. Loud, chaotic, and very, very lonely. A restaurant I could deal with.

Emma nodded. "I already invited Jamie to come with us," Emma had stopped hanging out with Lainey and the others soon after I stopped coming to school. I guess she found other friends. I wasn't inviting anyone. I had no one I wanted to see in that sense. I hadn't spoken to any school friends since the last day I was there. The day I had my break down after talking to Brayden. Some may say the lack of human interaction seemed lonely, but I was used to it by now. I couldn't face my friends. Not like this. A battered version of the already broken person I was. It was better for me to hide. To pretend none of it was real, even after 2 months of reality setting in.

Jace had been the one most concerned about my lack of friends. He was always telling me that no one would look at me different, or judge me for my new set of challenges, but I didn't believe him. Everyone judges everyone, whether you know you're doing it or not.

"What about you Izzy? Anyone you want to invite? Maybe Lainey, or someone else you used to hang out with?" Jace pressed with worried eyes.

I shrugged and shook my head. "No. I'm okay."

He nodded slowly, sharing his concerned expression with Tyler, who was studying me intently. They did that a lot now. As if staring at me would give them all the answers they wanted. But they didn't know any more about how I felt than Daphne did.

And I was determined to keep it that way.

For their happiness, I had to.

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

There were certain noise fillers that I could appreciate. The uncomplicated, easy sort of fillers that made me feel a little less twisted and alien like. Music had become the only thing I cared to hear in the last several weeks. The only time I willingly wore my hearing aids was when I was alone in my bedroom trying to block out all the dangerous thoughts that filled my vulnerable mind. They had a bluetooth setting that connected an old Ipod of Logans to my hearing aids, so I could hear the melody and some lyrics of the music.

It wasn't the same as before, but it was similar enough that it kept me going. Kept me sane, kept me present. Today, the music of choice, while I practiced strokes with the paints and brushes Teo had bought for me, was a Frank Sinatra playlist that made me feel light and peaceful. There was something about classics like We'll Meet Again and My Way that could make a person feel so at peace with yourself and your surroundings. I was so lost in the music and in my art, which was quickly becoming a sketch of a sky with clouds that were as smooth as Frank Sinatra's voice, that I didn't notice the lights flickering on and off until I felt a hand land gently on my shoulder.

I sucked in a sharp breath, and jumped a little, whirling around to see Tyler standing behind me with a wide eyed expression. "I tried the lights. You must not have seen them."

I sighed and shook my head. The lights were supposed to get my attention when someone came in the room, but I guess that only worked when I was paying attention. I still couldn't hear anything when my hearing aids were connected to bluetooth, so between that and getting lost in my head again, there was no way for anyone to reach me without physical contact.

"Sorry. I was painting." I signed back.

Tyler nodded and looked over my shoulder with a smile. "That's really cool Izzy. Impressive."

I blushed wildly, coiling into myself a bit. "Thanks." He ran a through my hair quickly, before sitting down on the bean bag chair beside my desk. It was a little comical watching him try to lower himself down without falling, but I didn't laugh. I didn't want to upset him. I never wanted to upset anyone.

"I was just coming to ask what you wanted for your birthday," He signed slowly. "I know it's only a few days away, but honestly, I have no idea what to get for you," I saw his chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh. I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. "Izzy, this is the first birthday we've ever had together," He signed slower than before, as if ensuring he was using the right words. "We've missed all of them. Even the very first one. So I want to make sure that your first birthday with us is special." I could see the reminiscent glow in his eyes, regret and sadness seizing any positive emotion he had once held. Like an army of bad memories taking over the good ones in an instant. I knew the feeling well. We all have memories that turn the sweetest sour moments sour, and I couldn't help but wonder what his might have been.

I thought about his words for a moment. There was something I wanted desperately, but had been terrified to ask for. Something that would lighten my heavy soul even just for a short while. "Brinley." I spelled out the word with my fingers. "I want to go to Brinley."

Tyler nodded slowly. "To see Mom?"

To see Marley. That's who I wanted to visit. Mom didn't deserve to have me there, but Marley deserved it. Marley deserved the world, in my eyes. But Tyler didn't know Marley. None of them did. I still saw no reason to tell them about Marley. Her memory belonged to me, and me alone. It was something too fragile to share with share, and too heavy to hold.

I nodded at Tyler. "To see Mom." I confirmed. A little white lie that wouldn't matter in the end.

"We can  do that," He signed quickly. "I'll book a flight for the day after we get back from Vermont. How does that sound?"

A weight on my chest lifted a little, and I allowed a tiny smile to rest on my lips. "Great. It sounds great."

Tyler grinned, and his eyes turned light and cheery again. "Can I hug you?" He asked. I hesitantly nodded. For his happiness. He didn't seem to notice, ro care about my hesitation, as he leaned over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest. When he pulled away, his face was an unreadable mix of emotions. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head, lingering there for a moment, as if trying to remind himself that I was still here. That I wasn't going anywhere.

"Goodnight Izzy," He signed, as he walked away. "Sleep well."

I said it back, just as the door shut, and my silence was truly restored. I turned back to my painting, and looked at the soft clouds and the easy sky. It was so simple.

But nothing in this world was ever truly simple. Even the smallest of things require complexity and strength.

The smallest brush strokes make the biggest pictures.

In in this world, the big picture is never simple.

A/N-Part two! What did we think about all this? Izzy is officially deaf, and seems content to stay that way, even if Tyler isn't happy about it. What do you think about Daphne? We'll be seeing her a lot in this part, and hopefully, she'll help Izzy start to feel better soon. Now, I know a lot of people will be upset about Logan moving out, but you'll still see plenty of him I promise. Any other thoughts? Predictions? Words in general? 

Don't forget to vote, comment, eat something, drink some water, and remember to take care of yourself today. Love you all, thank you for your continued support. Have a good day!