This is a world for the tough. There is no room for anyone who couldn't handle the jarring truths it has to offer. The faint hearted did not fare well amongst the cold souls that walk this planet. I made that mistake once. I allowed myself to break. I ignored the truths, instead convincing myself of a paradox that didn't exist. And when that false reality came crashing down smashing into shards of what I once held, my heart shattered right along with it. After that, I toughened up. Put on a permanent suit of armor that no one could penetrate. That way no one could break my heart. Not again. I would never allow myself to break like that again.

It was colder in Maryland. The September air held minimal resemblance to the summer like weather in Georgia. The sun was setting, creating a blanket of pink and orange light that peeked through the trees. Grass tickled my neck and ears as I laid on the ground in the backyard. We had gotten back from the clinic a few hours ago, and after dinner I had decided to get some fresh air, as a way of keeping me close to home.

One of my most prominent memories of my childhood was my 8th birthday. My mom had forgotten about it entirely. It was the first year that happened. If only it was the last. Marley had come over just as she did everyday and was upset to see me so dreary and miserable. She was 14 at the time, yet still a motherly figure in my life. Upon seeing my state, Marley decided I needed a distraction as well as a celebration. But, neither of us had any money nor a form of transportation which made for limited options, but Marley was stubborn and determined to give me the best birthday she could.

So she had the idea to go to the beach and watch the sunset. I remembered leaning against my best friend, watching the colors in the sky bleed together, until the sun was replaced with tiny flickering stars. It was a nice end to a sad day, and I owed it all to Marley just as I did so many other memories.

I wish I wasn't watching the sunset alone. I wish Marley was here. I wish I didn't have to miss her. But that was all those were. Wishes.

I sat up in the grass, brushing blades off my shirt and pulling a twig out of my hair.

It seemed I couldn't do anything without Marley on my mind. I tried to find it in myself to be mad at the world for being so cruel to take her away but I couldn't. In this life we are given two options. Hate the world for all of its flaws. Or accept how it is and move on. I chose the latter. I chose to not allow the evils of the world to dictate my life. While I am aware of how dark it can be, I have chosen to use my knowledge of the world to my advantage. Use it to survive. To live even.

The lump in my throat was dense and thick, hard to swallow. It was from sadness, but more so exhaustion. I was so tired. I shouldn't be this kind of tired at my age. It was yet another misfortune I was burdened with in this flawed world.

Walking into the kitchen it was empty. I was aware that only two of my siblings were home tonight so I wasn't surprised that the lower level of the house was void of any life. Tyler and Logan were the only two here, since everyone else was out with friends or at work.

Liam and Nolan both had events for their respective lines of work, and they invited me to join, but I declined with the excuse of getting ready for school the next day. Emma had also asked if I wanted to go to the movies with her and some friends but I said no, because I thought it may be awkward for me to tag along with my sister.

So, here I was in a mostly empty house, trying not to drown in my thoughts. Collapsing on the couch, I debated whether or not to watch a movie. It was quiet, but this quiet was unintentional. It was forced and lonely. It was the quiet I was used to, but that didn't mean I enjoyed it. In fact, I found it quite smothering at the moment.

Sighing, I stood up from the couch. I needed company. I had promised myself I wouldn't be a shadow here and I was determined to keep my promise. So up the stairs I went, in search of my brothers. My fist raised to Logan's door but stopped in mid air. All I needed was a wave of confidence. One moment of self assurance to bring my knuckles against the wood and dive into self initiated social contact.

"3, 2, 1." I whispered to myself. My fist rapped against the door, and within seconds, a faint voice could be heard telling me to come in. Logan was laying on his bed, with a candy bar in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He looked up and his face turned into a warm smile.

"Hey Belle, what's up?" I scrunch my nose up at the nickname.

"Belle?" I repeat hoping my tone showed my distaste.

"Yeah, it's your new nickname." He shrugged.

"Okay..." No one had ever called me anything but Izzy or Isabelle and I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I suppose it could be much worse than just Belle.

"Um, I was wondering if you would maybe wanna watch a movie or something?" My lip found its way between my teeth as I awaited his answer. I was sure he was going to laugh in my face and tell me to leave, but a huge smile graced my brother's features as he pushed himself off the bed.

"I'd love to watch something with you Belle." A wave of relief washed over me and I allowed a soft smile to fall on my lips.

"Great," I sighed. "Let's do it."

Logan slung an arm over my shoulders and together we walked down stairs.

And just like that, the silence became a little less lonely.

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

Soft sobs echoed through the quiet house. I knew where they were coming from, and that I couldn't in good conscious ignore them. It had been a few hours since I finished the movie with Logan, and now I was sitting against the window in my bedroom, listening to the whimpering sounds coming from my sisters room next door.

She had been quiet when she got back from the movies, although I didn't question it. Emma was not a secretive person like I was. She hid things for herself as opposed to for others. And I assumed whatever the cause of her uncharacteristic silence, was something that she didn't care to discuss with me or anyone else.

Standing up from my position, my feet moved gingerly across the wood floor, cautious of waking anyone up. I didn't knock when I reached her room, instead opting to go in and join her. She looked up, as a beam of light stretched across the floor, illuminating the dark room, that concealed what I imagined to be a tear stained face.

Emma's wrist came up to her cheeks as she roughly wiped her tears away. "Everything okay Izzy?" Her voice was raw and weak, evidence that she had been crying only seconds earlier. I didn't respond to her question, but instead walked around the bed frame and crawled next to her, putting my arm around her body. She didn't resist and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"He's been gone for so long but it still hurts sometimes." She whispered. I could tell she was talking about our father. "I watch my friends with their dads and I wish I had mine still."

I did to. But I never had that.

My one encounter with him was when I was 4 and I barely remember it. I do remember him seeming sad, almost regretful, but I couldn't create a clear picture of the man in my mind.

"Tell me about him." My voice was soft but urging, a sudden desire to know the parent I never got the chance too. Emma sighed and wiped a tear off the tip of her chin.

"Well, he was a very selfless man. I remember him taking me and Fin out for dinner every day he had off work." I could hear the smile in her voice. She paused, lost in the fond memory. "He was goofy and made fun of himself a lot," Emma laughed lightly, "He used to make fun of Tyler just because it made me laugh." It was obvious that Emma and our father had a close bond, despite him dying when we were merely 6 years old. "He tucked me in every night, called me princess, cuddled and kissed me, made me feel special." Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. I shifted so my cheek rested against the top of her head.

"He sounds amazing." I said gently, trying to bring her back from the reminiscent trance she had fallen into.

"He was." Emma confirmed absently. "Tell me about Mom."

I tensed slightly at the mention of my mother. How would one describe my mother? A selfish, angry, junkie, who could barely remember I existed most of the time and when she did, you would think I was her arch enemy. She wasn't a mother to me. Just someone I was obligated to take care of and live with.

"She was okay I guess, nothing special." I decided that was the best way to answer that question. Painting a bad picture of my mother for Emma would do nothing but crush her. I did not want to be the cause of that.

"How come?" My sister asked confusedly.

"She was just...absent."

"Oh," She said after a moment. "Okay." We sat there in silence for a moment, both lost in our own trains of thought. Mine consisted of imagining what it would have been like to grow up like this. To have your memory filled with things like your dad taking you to dinner or tucking you in at night.

My resentment towards my mother was from her neglect and disregard for me as a person, but my resentment towards my father was for the fact that he knew exactly where I was and yet he never did anything to bring me back to the family I had been taken from.

The same family that included my twin who was called princess her whole life and made to feel special at every turn. Perhaps he didn't know what he was doing to me by leaving me with my mother. But that was once again wishful.

And the world had no room for wishful thinking. Reality is too clear for that. If you pay close attention, it leaves little to the imagination. Little space for pointless wishes.

The world is a place of harsh truths and crushed dreams.

And no wish can fix that.

A/N-I rewrote this chapter a grand total of ✨5✨ times. I hate my brain because no matter how many times I wrote this, I still didn't like it. And if I don't like it, there is no way I can post it. I hope you all like this because I put ALOT of effort into it.

The first time I wrote this, it was way more dramatic and less fillerish but I felt that I needed a chapter between important events as well as introduce Izzys feelings towards her father.

How do you feel about Emma? She is a big contrast to Izzy and a lot of character I have written in the past but I am enjoying writing a more lighthearted character, along with the parts of Emma that maybe aren't so peppy and happy all the time. There will be a lot more of Emma in upcoming chapters so I hope that's a good thing for everyone :)

Izzy starts school next chapter. What do you think will happen? Theories in the comments?

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