Therapy, suicidal hotlines, constant ranting to close friends, support from family members... These all sound like helpful solutions, don't they? They are. Just not forever.

That's the thing with depression. It never leaves you. Sure there are those who recover, and that's great for them. But in most cases, depression is a mental illness that checks in and never out.

I've texted the suicidal hotline plenty of times, which is known as CTL. But later on, they kept getting less helpful. I did not find myself in such dire situations everyday. In the occasions that I did however, I would turn to them. It takes about 38 minutes to get someone on the phone with you now. They don't even help, or make you feel better. At least for me, they don't. I've also tried calling the hotline, but no one picks up.

Now for friends and family support, they're great. I love my dear friends and family to death. They are incredible for understanding me. But I know that I'm a burden. I can't even help it. Sometimes, I just fake a smile so they don't need to hear how crappy my life usually is. I honestly can't wait till the day I tell them good news.

In my experience, therapy was the same everyday. I went to talk to my therapist every week. We would discuss coping methods and what was going on in my life. After awhile, I just quit. Even though sharing my thoughts with a professional relieved me temporarily, it wasn't enough.

Nothing was ever enough. I've come to accept that depression is a part of me.