i'm just a cloud in the crowd of others, moving across the sky. i don't even make a special shape like everyone else.

no one looks at me and thinks, "this looks like a lobster," or "this looks like a princess,"

i'm just one large blob.

i have always been alone. i cannot bring myself to believe other people relate to this feeling. i am sure that you have someone. i am sure that you have a best friend that also considers you first. i am sure you have a sibling or close cousin. i am sure you have a scattered or naturally formed group of friends that genuinely want to talk to you.

i am not trying to assume how your life is, it is just difficult when you're clouded by your own. in fact, i probably envy your life.

i had to switch lunch groups 3 times because i felt left out. i contemplated sitting in the bathroom at one point. i sure do have "friends" i hang out with and text, but where do i really stand with them? i've never been anyone's first choice. i know that i do not hold a special place in anyone's heart.

i can't help but scoff when people complain about their love life. you have someone. whether you're "talking" or in a relationship with that person. if that were me, i would be at least grateful for that. i can't tell you how many times things have failed for me when they didn't even get a chance to start.

i have always been alone. i still struggle to find someone to sit with in a club meeting for a short 30 minutes or so. in those 30 minutes, i still feel alone as ever. i struggle to find someone for the simplest tasks.

i see everyone else with a wide group of scattered friends. i see everyone else with naturally formed groups. i see everyone else with a first choice friend. i see everyone else with equal friendships.

i am alone. ever since the day my real father left this earth, i've felt more empty than ever. the pain in my heart only pierces deeper, and it does not make me any stronger.