"And he loves her and all that junk and now I don't know what to do," I mumbled, almost ashamed of the way I felt, fidgeting nervously with my hands as I sat on the end of my older brothers bed.

Bear squinted, but hung his head slightly to the side. Giving me that 'older siblings know best' look, before injecting his input. "I think you're exaggerating with the word love Night,"

"Maybe I am." I admitted, letting a heavy sigh out. Yet I knew how I felt about this, it did feel as dramatic as I was making it. "But he likes her. His only problem is she's too perfect. Imagine you're only flaw being that you're so perfect you make other people insecure about their faults?"

Maybe I was just angry. Angry at myself and trying to pick fault out of another girl. Jealousy was a horrid thing to stomach, I'd never dealt with feelings like these too well.

"Sound like you really envy her," He mumbled listening. Slouched with bad posture in his desk chair that was rotated to face me.

"Maybe I do," I shrugged. My eyes led back up to see Bear, my brother, before shrugging. "Would that be bad? If I did?"

Bear squinted slightly, he seemed to pick his nexts words carefully. "It depends... how much,"

"Well... y'know? Just a little. Not a lot. Just a little bit,"

"Because Billie likes her?" He questioned. "Or because she's 'perfect'?"

"See- I don't know," I breathed out. I flexed my hands, stopping with fidgeting, letting them rest still in my lap. "I've never cared about being perfect. Or being at that high beauty standard. I mean- I still don't. But- I never even realised that Billie may have used to like me. And now right in front of my eyes I'm watching him move away to this better girl,"

Bears lips had the trace of a small smile across them. "Everyone could tell Billie liked you Nightlyn,"

"Everyone but me," I grumbled.

"You really didn't see it?" He asked sceptically. "Not at all?"

"Not at all! I mean- I just always thought he was a really caring friend. And I thought that's all we was. And would ever be. I never realised I had these feelings that could come out of no where for him. It was so weird. Because he was just my best friend and that was it- up until now anyway,"

Bear shrugged. "I always told you he liked you,"

Involuntary, my eyes rolled. There it was. That 'I'm older, therefor I'm wiser and I told you so.' "I thought that was just a thing all big brothers say when they're sisters have friends,"

"Dad would say it too," He reminded.

As if I didn't have enough regret. Now I could practically kick myself. "I thought you guys were just trying to annoy me!"

I bit my bottom lip in frustration. I felt like an idiot for never have realising anything.

Billie was my best friend. And now? He's still my best friend- but I can't help but admire him. Which is so extremely odd.

"What's this Nova like anyway?" Bear spoke up after a few seconds.

Of course bear would want to know what Nova looks like, I've been sat grumbling about how perfect she is for the past ten minutes.

I hummed for a second. Thinking. "She's everything I'm not,"

Bear cringed. "That's depressing,"

"No- I mean. She's everything I'm not- she's way different to me. Nothing alike. She's got blonde hair and blue eyes. Your typical Barbie,"

"Barbie huh?"

"She's always making sure her hair is still nice and not messy. Re applying her make up." I began. But then I remembered how nice she'd been. "But she's so sweet to Billie I just can't hate her,"

"Cause then you'd be a bad friend?"

"Exactly,"

Bear and I had always grown up close. Despite the sibling rivalries and spats.

My mom had died years ago from a rare form of cancer. Which I never took well.

My mom was the person who I ran to with my troubles. Who I sat and complained to. She always knew what to say, what to do, she was smart like that.

My mom was the kind of woman that seemed to have a solution to everything. When something seemed like it wasn't going well, my mom would sit back and calmly brain storm.

We were all crushed when it happened. Home wasn't home for a while. Dad wasn't dad, Bear wasn't Bear, and I was nothing more but a body hiding under the covers for weeks.

So when she died, my dad took on more hours at his work place. He works all day and sometimes nights. Bear and I grew up pretty close, after my moms death I like to think we've grown closer.

"What do I do Bear?" I sighed out, looking up at him. I was willing to take any advice, feeling like this wasn't something I was willing to get used to.

Bear rolled his shoulders straightening his posture up. "I'm gonna tell you the same thing I always tell ya,"

Any advice apart from Bears cliches, shall I say.

"Don't." I grimaced. "I hate when you say-"

"-Be honest-"

"-Agh!" I groaned. Covering my face. Before mumbling. "That!"

"It's all you can do Nightlyn! You just gotta be honest and hope it's enough,"

I moved my hands back down. Looking at him serious. "What if it's too late?"

"Too late?" He questioned.

"What if this really is it and I missed my chance? What if this is the universe showing me what I showed Billie for all those years? What if I just slowly watch him fall in love with this pristine, self absorbed doll? And I'm just gonna forever live in the past. What goods honesty then Bear?"

"Cross that bridge when you reach it,"

"I'm half way fucking there!"

"So be honest," He smiled.

I grunted slightly. "You're useless." I mumbled standing up before leaving his room.

"Oh- and Nightlyn!" He shouted, just before I managed to shut his door.

I paused, looking back at him in to his room. Waiting for him to say what he last had to say about how honesty is always best. Or how I should think about how I really feel. How I should use patience and try to understand the situation more.

But what he said instead was a little more painful than all of the above.

He gave me a small smile, before reminding me. "Mom would say it too,"

The topic of mom brought a dampening feeling above my chest. "Huh?"

"Mom always said he must like you. Y'know she wanted it to be him you got with in the end,"

I gave him a small, bittersweet smile before finally walking out. The words replaying in my head.

I guess sometimes, moms are right?

I made my way down the stairs to sulk in the empty living room.

Did I really need to be honest? Would that really do me well here? Was there anything more I could even do?

I'd manage to of successfully sulk for as much as five minutes before Tre and Mike had walked straight through my front door causally into my house like they lived here.

"Oh-" Mike came to a quick halt as he looked over at me. "She's there,"

My eyes rolled involuntary, thanks to my bad mood. "In my own house,"

Tres face pinched with a question as he shut the door behind the two or them "What's with the sad face?"

"There is no sad face," I mumbled, crossing my arms as Tre sat in front of me on the low coffee table.

Mike plopped himself beside me, as I felt the couch sink to my left. "Well there clearly is," He was only trying to lighten up my mood, this I knew. But the playful shoulder barge that accompanied his comment seemed to be what pissed me off most.

I slouched further into the back of the couch, eyes narrowed over to Mike . "Watch it,"

Tre prodded at my knees softly. "Come on Night, cheer up,"

I completely ignored Tre's comment, because I didn't plan on cheering up. "Where's your third member?"

"You mean Billie?" Mike snorted, leaning back into the couch. "Take a guess,"

"With Nova?"

"Bingo,"

I sighed. "So you guys came to piss me off for some entertainment then?"

Tre shrugged honestly. "Originally. But you already look pissed enough,"

"I'm not! I'm just-" I sucked a breath in. I didn't even know what I was. "I'm- I'm confused. That's all,"

"About what NJ?" Mike asked beside me.

"It's complicated. Don't worry about it," I shrugged pushing it aside.

I've been best friends with these two guys for years. And if there was one thing I knew, it was that they were not trusted to know how I felt about Beej.

Don't get me wrong, they can keep a secret, but they'd never shut up about it. They'd throw hints around like basketballs on a court. They'd want Billie to know that I like him, Which wouldn't benefit me since it's my secret, they'd want something to come out of it.

There was really no one else but Bear I could tell something like this to. His advice was ultimately useless to me. Which was absolutely great. Not.

"In other words- it's a secret," Tre tormented pointing a finger at an attempt to poke my face.

I swatted his hand away annoyed. "Fuck off Tre,"

"So it is a secret?" Mike leaned in intrigued.

"What? No!"

"But you just-"

"-Theres no secret! It doesn't even matter, now what did you nimrod's come over for?"

Tre looked over at Mike worried to ask. I looked over at Mike, who rolled his eyes before turning his body a little more to face me. "Tre's throwing a party tonight,"

"Tre threw a party just last week,"

"That was last week Jersey, this is this week," Tre sighed dramatically. "Keep up,"

I tighten my crossed arms. "Well if you're asking me to help you set up the answer is no,"

Mike chuckled. "-No no- that isn't what we're asking,"

"And I'm not helping clean up after,"

"That's not what we're asking either,"

"Yet," Tre whispered.

I ignored Tre's comment and so did Mike.

"Well- we're asking if you'd come of course," Mike smiled, a smile that wasn't full of torment. A nice, Mike smile.

I gave Mike a slight cringe. "Y'know I'm not great at party's,"

Tre sniggered slightly. "Yeah- cause you always pass out,"

Mike rolled his eyes at Tre, ignoring his comment before his face softened focusing back to me. "You'll be absolutely fine. Billie's coming too,"

"Is he bringing Nova?" I caught the words the moment they came out of my mouth, automatically sitting up. Maybe I shouldn't of asked that, or maybe I shouldn't of let my tone of been so sour.

Mike looked at me a little taken back. "Well... I'm not sure, you'd have to ask. Why?"

"He's been so close to her recently." I sighed leaning back into the sofa cushions again. "I feel so redundant,"

Tre squinted at me. "Aren't you happy for him?"

"No- no no of course I am- it's just- just never mind." I narrowed my eyes away from the boys, in paranoia they'd ask about my reaction. "I'll be at the party," I moved subjects quickly.

I was thankful Mike and Tre didn't bother to ask me anymore on the subject. Instead, they did a celebration between them, though they knew I'd come regardless.

"So when is the party?"

"Tonight Jersey," Tre grins wide.

"Tonight!?"

Tre nodded with a large smile.

I rolled my eyes a tiny bit, before grunting. "Mike, pick me up around nine,"

~

"You're here?" There was a smile on my face automatically, a wide one I tried to pull back when Billie spun his head from the front seat of Mikes truck to look over at me.

He grinned over. "Course I am. I never miss a party," I could tell from his wonky smile he'd already had a few beers.

Tre's party's were pretty frequent. Hectic enough to drain you of all your energy. Tre was right, normally I did pass out like an hour into the party on Tre's bed or sofa. Which ever one was closest at the time.

One of the reasons why Tre's party's were the only party's I would go to. Were because they were Tre's. So when I passed out, I knew with out a doubt in my mind I was safe enough to sleep until this morning.

Theres faint memories, of me being half asleep and still wasted, hearing Tre warn people about leaving me be.

My only real worry was waking up with marker on my face.

"I'm surprised you're here, never mind me," Billie chuckled lightly, spinning back round to face the front window once again.

My smiles still there for some reason, despite his comment. "Very funny Billie Joe," I rolled my eyes playfully, before reality caught me up. I had to ask. "Where's Nova? Did you not ask her to come to over to Tre's party?"

It wasn't that I cared. I don't. I just couldn't seem to help myself from asking questions.

Mike began to start the truck up, as I caught a glance of Billies face from the rear view mirror.

"Well..." His face scrunched slightly, before he rolled his shoulders. "I did. She said she wasn't really interested in coming tonight,"

"Why's that?"

"She told me she's not really the party type,"

Mike snorted, interrupting the conversation. "How can you not be a party type?"

I forced out an obvious fake cough. "Ehem!"

"Yeah- sure you're not the party type Nighty," Mike laugh. "That's exactly why I'm giving you a ride to the party,"

"I'm only here because you and Tre!"

"We didn't force you! You obviously wanted to come!"

Yeah, maybe I did. I guess a little part of me just wanted to be around Billie. Even if it was at a party, with many other drunk people. Even if I would end up passed out soon. I'd felt like I'd missed so much time with him recently because of him and Nova. But at the same time, I had to try to be happy for him. Enough fake happy for no one to catch on to the way I was feeling right now.

Tres side of the street was slowly beginning to fill up with parked cars, my eyes skimmed over them all, imagining people shamefully walking back to their vehicle tomorrow morning.

When Mike finally found a free spot to slot his truck in, I began to feel anxious.

Not about the party, or the people or the drinking. More for how I would manage to interact with Billie tonight. Things felt so much different now, for me anyway. Almost like my world had been flipped straight upside with out warning. 

The three of us all climbed out the truck already hearing the noise of the party.

God forgive Tre's neighbours.

"I can taste the hangover already," I grunted slightly, standing still as I looked at the few people scattered on Tre's garden with their alcohol and shitty high school friends.

"You'll enjoy yourself Nightlyn, don't be a bummer," Billie laughed as he stood beside me, nudging me playfully with his shoulder.

"I'm not being a bummer," I told him watching Mike walk up Tre's garden. "I'm just- I'm tired," I lied.

"You'll be passed out soon anyway," He teased, before walking away and over to Tre's house. His hands in his jean pockets.

"Hopefully," I whispered.

Catching up to Billie, the both of us walked into the house party together. People enjoying drinks sloppily almost everywhere you could see. As extroverted as I may be, house party's are another thing.

We went and found Tre is his kitchen, him and Mike talking to two other dudes I wasn't sure if I knew. Before Tre recognized Billie behind the guy.

"Finally! Where were you both?" Tre smiled, as the two dudes walked away.

"We've only just arrived Tre." Billie rolled his eyes with a smile, getting pulled into a hug.

Tre was already hugging people, which only meant one thing.

Billie quickly pulled away from Tre, his hands firmly on his shoulders. Looking forward at Tre. "Dude- you're already buzzed,"

Mike shrugged with a laugh from behind Tre. "Thats what I said,"

Tre rolled his eyes jokingly pushing Billie away, looking over at me. "Never mind how I look. You look ill,"

I forgot Tre's forwardness when he's drinking. I pressed my lips together firmly, not sure how to take his comment. "Thanks Tre,"

Billie narrowed his eyes to Tre. "What a lovely greeting to give,"

"Alright- well not ill." Tre waved his hand dramatically: "Wrong word. Well what I meant was... what's the word?" He stared into the air for a moment. Pausing. Pondering.

The rest of us watched him in silence. Waiting.

He snapped his fingers. "Nervous!" He shouted. "Y'know... like... you look pale,"

"Thanks-"

"-Want a beer?"

"Please,"

He gave me a smile before walking over to the kitchen counter and pulling a beer out the six pack. Tossing one over to me and Billie. A beer seemed to of already found its way into Mikes hand.

I suppose I did feel a little light headed. I squinted slightly at the can, cracking it open. But not exactly rushing to take a sip.

"Seriously Night," billie leaned over, close to my ear. Too close for me to really handle right now. Close enough to feel his breath down my neck. "Are you okay?" He mumbled, sounding concerned.

I turned to look at him, mistaking how really close he leaned In. The both of us pulled back a little in surprise. Before I dared to ask him. "What are you on about?"

"You do look... a little pale,"

Why did I look pale?

"I do?"

"Here." He extended a hand out to me, before deciding to grab my spare hand anyway once seeing my hesitation to follow. He pulled me out of Tre's kitchen, almost having to dodge the amount of people who were in Tre's dining and living room. Along with the stair case and his landing. Billie knocked on the closed bathroom door, it was empty, before pulling me in there with him.

He shut the door behind us, pulling me over in front of the bathroom sink in front of the large square Mirror.

I looked at myself confused, before realising Tre and Billie were mostly right. "Oh God," I whispered. Surprising myself.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing?"

"So why do you look so... sick?"

My eyes clasped on to billies in the reflection of the mirror. He looked as confused as I did. "I don't know...?"

"Do you feel okay?"

I had to think about that one. I felt a little floaty, but I assumed that was from the party. Apart from that I was fine. I didn't feel nauseous. I didn't feel any headaches, I didn't feel achey. I felt nearly fine. And I was sober, for now.

"A little light?" I said questionably.

"Is that it?"

"I think so?"

Billie placed his beer can on the rim of the sink, balancing it. I faced away from the mirror and over at him as he slightly looked down at me.

"Sure you're feeling good? I can take you back home if you're not."

"Billie Joe,"

The worry seemed to stick to his face. "Yeah?"

"I'm okay," I smiled slightly, placing my beer can next to his. Taking his hands as I squeezed them slightly. "Promise,"

"I know but, maybe you're ill and you don't know yet,"

"Billie, you're worrying,"

"Are you sure?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

It was so hard to look at him whilst he was this concerned and still try and convince myself I didn't love him.

I could sit in the mirror and argue with myself all I wanted, but I don't think theres any getting out of this.

"I'm sure,"

He let go off my hands nodding. Grabbing his beer can back off from the sink. "Alright, let's go back down then. Get drunk,"

"Sounds like a plan,"

"But promise me if you start feeling ill or bad you'll come find me?"

"And what?"

"I'll take you to mine or something. Ditch the party,"

I smiled at him. "Alright Beej. I promise you,"

"Good,"

We left the bathroom, turns out while Billie Joe and I were having a moment there was some drunk dude close to pissing on Tre's hallway carpet. We made our way backdown stairs soberly, different to nearly mostly everyone else at this party.

"Where was you!" I heard someone shout over the music, feeling a hand yank on my arm nearly making me trip up.

I tripped up, not falling as I felt a tight grip yank my arm keeping me balanced, the hand belonged to billie. And then there was that 'are you sure you're fine?' Look again. I looked to Luella, but there was the same expression on her face too.

"Sorry Nightlyn- I didn't know I pulled you that hard,"

Billie gave me another side eye, suggesting back to our conversation earlier. I tried to ignore it laughing over it. "It's alright Lou, you took me by surprise,"

"I've been looking everywhere at this party for you,"

I noticed Billie walk away as I turned to her. "I was in the bathroom,"

"With Billie Joe?"

"Not like that," I giggled, giddy at the thought she could even mistake that. "He just wanted to talk to me in private," I rolled my eyes. "What are you doing here anyway? You don't seem drunk,"

"Cause I'm not silly,"

"I thought you didn't like party's?"

"I don't." She shrugged, grinning widely. "I thought you didn't like party's,"

"I dont,"

"So why are we here?"

My only reason was to be around Billie Joe, so course I had to lie. "I had nothing better to do, beats rotting at home in my room. why are you?"

"I got roped into cleaning up after the party,"

I let out a loud laugh. ""Sucks to be you,"

Lou crossed her arms, her smile dropped. "Very funny. Stay sober with me? Please?"

I looked down at the beer can. That floaty feeling running through my body, that shake in my hands, the jelly feeling my legs had. "I didn't feel like having a hangover anyway,"

A/N: I'm baaack